[So I took a small hiatus. And by small I mean a couple of months. I had to. Writing it all down…I became increasingly nervous someone would find out. And nothing is more endangered on a small campus than a secret you want to keep. If you’re new to all of this, check back at everything here.]

Mood: a little antsy

Currently listening to: Black Cat by Janet Jackson

“Have you come up with anything?” Rebecca walked into our …

Days as a Freshman: 194

Mood: Protective

“what’d you do this weekend?” Naima, Rebecca and I were walking back from the science building, each of us weighed down by the heavy books of our respective classes. For the first time all week, the sun was out, and it was more than twenty degrees. We could walk slowly, pull our scarves away from our faces and actually talk, instead of running from one class to another.

“I didn’t do much…” Heaving …

Days as a Freshman: 186

Mood: Trapped

I sat in the oncoming darkness, my feet resting against the wooden pew in front of me. I loved the chapel at dusk; it was always empty, always silent, and provided the best view of the setting sun anywhere on campus.

For the past week, I had been coming here almost every night. I’d eat dinner in the dining hall with Rebecca or Naima or Crystal, and then slip away with an excuse …

Days as a Freshman: 180

Mood: Scared

“Look, if we go out there, are you ready to deal with him?”

Justin still held the doorknob, his mouth tightening as Sasha’s knocking and yelling got louder.

“Deal with him?” I checked my watch and saw that it was close to 1 A.M. I didn’t know much about parties and drinking, but from what little I did know, I knew that past midnight, things got strange. Got out of control.

“He’s …

Days as a Freshman: 174

Mood: Weirded out

“I’ve been wanting to tell you everything for a while, Grace.” Justin leaned against the sink and ran his hands through his hair a few times, trying to keep his eyes on my face but only succeeding in keeping his gaze there for a few seconds before staring at the floor.

“Well, now’s your chance.” I shifted the best I could on the edge of the bathtub. The bathroom was definitely a …

Days as a Freshman: 167

Mood: frozen

“Grace, you’re soaked” Rebecca tugged on my shirt and spoke into my ear, keeping her eyes on Justin and Sasha. The tension between them was palpable; I knew she could feel it too. “Why don’t you at least change your shirt? You can wear one of mine.”

I didn’t want to leave the living room. I didn’t want to leave Justin alone with Sasha. But Rebecca was right. I was practically dripping alcohol…

Days as a Freshman: 163

Mood: Nervous

“Hey man, didn’t see you come in”

Sasha’s mouth moved in the direction of a smile, but stopped right before completing it. Justin didn’t move anything. Just stood and stared.

“Yeah. I got back from the library a while ago. Crowded here. Maybe you just didn’t see me.” Next to me, Justin’s fist clenched.

The music, which had been screaming from the speakers only moments before, suddenly cut out, and the party …

Days as a Freshman: 152

Mood: trying to remember

“Grace, you came.”

Justin managed to push himself into our little encased corner, his eyes falling to the plastic cups in our hands.

“I was invited, wasn’t I?” I smiled up at him, trying to loosen the stern expression that had taken over his features. “Want a sip?”

“What’s in that?” Justin’s eyes flickered from my glass to Rebecca’s. “Did you make that yourself?”

“Sasha made it for us.” Rachel …

Days as a Freshman: 148

Mood: Unsteady

“I can’t believe I actually came with you!”

Rebecca slammed the front door behind us and yelled, doing her best to be heard over the loud, pumping music coming from the living room.

“I’m glad you did!” I screamed, “I would never have come by myself!”

The soccer house was already crammed full of people, everyone who was on campus during January break, it seemed, so it took us a few minutes …

Days as a Freshman: 143

Mood: Weirded out

“So you know what I was thinking?” Sasha pushed his empty coffee cup across the table. “I was thinking you should come to a party we’re having this weekend.”

Sasha, Justin and I had spent the last 20 twenty minutes making more small talk than I had ever made in my entire life. Sports, weather, school, assignments, the holidays, favorite cookie flavor; anything small and miniscule, we covered it. Or rather, Sasha …