Oh October Cosmo, how you make me lust for the crisp weather and Fall fashions you print on each page (that I won’t get to experience until mid-October down here in good ol’ humid-ass Florida). I can’t wait to make Katie Lee Joel’s ridiculously scrumptious looking bread pudding, and I found your expose on why Audrina is the new Heidi intellectually stimulating.

It’s no secret that much of the college social life revolves around drinking. We drink to celebrate, mourn, express loyalty to our football teams, to ease boredom, hell, some people drink to make homework a little more interesting. Well, all that super fun drinking sometimes results in not-so-fun consequences, like the raging, horrific hangover trying to escape your brain by splitting it open.

Ah, the Freshman 15. This popular legend has spawned books on prevention, magazine articles in every Back-to-School issue of any teen magazine, and whispered reminders to your BFF as she’s eyeing that 3rd helping of French toast in the dining hall.

Mondays suck, we know this. The harsh reality of the work/school week are a slap in the face after innocent, lazy (but completely misleading) Sunday. When you come home exhausted and hungry on a Monday evening, you crave warm fuzzy comfort food, but your body is angrily demanding that you go to sleep as soon as Gossip Girl is over.

There it is, the golden rule. Liquor before beer and you’re in the clear! The thing is, I know this isn’t true, I knew on my 16th birthday that this “rule” was BS. The amount of alcohol you drink—not the type and not the order in which you drink it—determines how drunk you get.

This month, Cosmo’s Guy Report includes some of the usual brilliant suggestions from staffers, as well as expert opinion (read: random dudes interns found on the street) on everything from tatted up ladies to the little signals he’s allegedly sending us.

While sliding down frozen mountainsides is somewhat adventurous, nothing compares to the college Ice Luge. 6 feet tall, carved into the shape of your school mascot, fraternity letters, or just a giant wedge, the ice luge will leave you liquored up and slightly frostbitten around your mouth and nose.

Living in the dorms is one of the most essential college experiences. Years from now, you’ll tell your friends and family of all your adventures and mishaps. You’ll never forget those obnoxious fire-drills at 3 am, the industrial blue carpeting, how hard it was for you to climb up into your bed…whilst drunk.

I’ll let you in on a not-so-small secret: I love pie. Like borderline-unhealthy-obsession-with-pie syndrome. Like if a recipe looks delicious and simple I will think to myself “Hmm, Kari, how can this translate into pie form?” (Which, I should warn you, doesn’t work with everything…like margaritas.)

As college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).