By now, everyone is looking forward to the summer. Thoughts of a pool, a raft and a cold beer are about the only things getting us through the hell that is finals week. But while I love me some summer sundresses and the prospect of a steamy summer fling, summer isn’t all rainbows and butterflies for me. Yes, this whiny girl with a Jew-fro has a bit of a bone to pick with summer.

Does watching this make anyone else feel slightly uncomfortable?

Um. Wow. I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes and I have no idea what the eff just happened on The Hills. And I watched it twice. All I know is I am enraged, so I’m gonna do like Heidi says (which is actually the only thing robot Heidi says) and take a breath.

For some reason, I was under the impression that last night’s Gossip Girl was the season finale. Imagine my horror, then, when the show ended and I thought I’d have to wait a whole 4 months to find out if Blair met Chuck at the top of the Empire State Building, if Nate and Jenny got. it. onnnnnn., and if Jenny then decided to pack up her extensions and haul ass out of New York.

After a four-mile walk and a giant falafel sandwich (thus negating said four-mile walk), I grabbed my laptop and settled in on my couch for another riveting episode of The Hills. Like every time the show is on, I took notes on the ridiculous things that were happening so I could write this very recap.

Before I get into the real meat of last night’s Gossip Girl episode, I have one thing to say: WHO TELLS A 19-YEAR-OLD GIRL THAT HER STEP-DAD IS CHEATING ON HER MOM WHO IS SICK WITH CANCER (or at least thinks she is) WHILE GRABBING HER COAT FROM THE COAT CHECK GUY???

When it comes to dumb career moves, we thought Lindsay Lohan’s gun-to-the-face photo shoot was the worst. But, alas, Chris Brown has beaten someone once again (sorry, bad joke).

Some people say Ryan Seacrest the hardest worker in entertainment, but after last night I disagree. My DVR definitely works harder. Between The Biggest Loser, Glee, The Hills and The City, that little guy was on overdrive last night. I don’t know how he does it. I was stressed all day trying to figure out which show I’d watch first and which ones would have to wait for today.

Let’s just reflect. Lily gets cancer, doesn’t tell her husband, runs into the arms of her ex-husband and stays in a hotel with him “getting treatment” for months at a time, all the while lying to her waffle-making house-husband back home.

Rumor has it John Mayer has threatened to quit oversharing and saying really douchy things via Twitter. Much like the many times my friends promised to never drink again if God let them make it through the night alive, I don’t buy it. But it would be nice. We know John has a few problems thinking before he speaks and his compulsive Tweeting has gotten him in trouble many a time.