My best friend and I have a lot in common. We both love baked ziti, shoes, Robin Williams movies and playing with makeup. But as much as we can talk for hours and hours about the beauty of a designer stiletto or the genius that is Mrs. Doubtfire, there’s one thing we can’t seem to agree on: Oral sex.

Single and maybe not quite ready to mingle Ryan Reynolds recently opened up to Details Magazine. When asked about his very public divorce he said, “I have not interest in dating right now. It just seems so kind of alien to me at this point … I don’t think I want to get married again.”

OK, I’m about to get deep. About The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I know. It seems ridiculous, but just stay with me, OK?

And that’s when I learned that the biggest difference between men and women is not how often they masturbate or what they talk about with their friends, it’s birthday parties. As in, guys don’t really have them. At least not in any special sort of way.

And the future of New Jersey housewife/sex tape star/crazy ass, Danielle Staub? Well, this isn’t surprising at all.

I can vividly remember buying my first thong. I was at the mall with my BFFs and they were going on and on about how much guys love them and “OMG, they are SO comfortable!” I started thinking about my crush Joey (aren’t all high school crushes named Joey?) and how he’d fall madly in love with me once he saw me bend over and my hot pink thong peek out over the top of my low-rise jeans.

What’s a political campaign without sex? A McCain campaign ad once accused Obama of trying to pass a bill incorporating sex ed into kindergarten classrooms. Of course, Obama doesn’t even need to utter the “s” word when McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin, has the poster family for the need for sex education.

So last week I listed off the 7 things about guys I really don’t understand. At all. Like male genitalia…. why does it always look so….alien-like? The purpose wasn’t so much to have someone explain them to me as it was to get a few virtual high fives from all my fellow confused ladies.

Benjamin Franklin once said (I know, I can’t believe I’m quoting Benjamin Franklin either) “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” B. Frank was a smart man and he made a good point, but I’d like to add one more certainty to that list: confusion from the male gender.

So, last night was crazy, right? Here I am, sitting on my couch enjoying a bag of Pop Chips (yes, an entire bag. So much for portion control) watching NeNe Leakes flip her sh*t on Celebrity Apprentice when suddenly the news breaks in.