Ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree with me: one of the most important aspects in any serious relationship is the sex. There’s no denying the physical and emotional needs for it, so what happens when you’re not getting any?  I had never anticipated being in a sexless relationship, so it came as a shock when my guy had a confession: he valued love and intimacy over the physical act of sex.

Right.

Naturally, it was a blow to my self-esteem. Was it me? Was I not sexy enough? Did the thought of me naked make his manhood shrivel with disgust?

This is where the ever-important “honesty” came in. I expressed my self-doubt to him, and he explained how he’d come out of a really bad long-term relationship and he wanted commitment, not just wild nights. Being the amazing, understanding girlfriend I am (yeah right), I supported his needs for an emotional connection.

It drove me crazy. I had no idea how to handle this situation. We were ridiculously into each other… just not literally. And after a while, it started to suck. Again…not in the way I wanted. What’s a girl to do? Well, buy a battery-operated buddy, to start.

After a while, though, I realized maybe we were (gasp!) better off sex free! How could I ever think that? For one, we had no need to worry about condoms or me missing my period. And we were really enjoying one another in a way I had never really known before. I even began to think that maybe sex was overrated.

Yes, I too thought I was losing my mind.

But as we spent more and more time together – without all the physical stuff – I realized that this was the real thing. There are so many more important aspects to our relationship. We have 6-year age gap, so we’re learning how to manage a real relationship outside of college, which I’ve found to be harder than dating someone on campus. It also taught me that intimacy doesn’t come from sex, it comes from being happy with what you have.

Would I recommend a sexless relationship? They’re not for everybody. Am I happy? Absolutely. What about you? Have any of you been in sex-free relationships?

I ended up buying 5 pounds of apples.

When I got home, I decided it was time to put all my energy to good use and bake a pie. I turned up loud, energetic music and started up the oven. As a semi-professional cook, making delicious things was always a kind of therapy, and was a way to channel my emotions. I asked one of my male friends if baking a pie was an appropriate response to a breakup, and I was told, “Only if you’re planning on throwing it at his face while it’s still steaming hot.” Aah, right to the point.

So now I present the:

I’m-Too-Good-For-Him-Anyway Apple Pie:

8 cups of peeled, sliced apples (Approx 1- 1 1/2 lbs)

1/3 cup sugar

2-3 teaspoons of cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

2 pie crusts (Store bought. You can find them in the refrigerator section) ‘

Vanilla ice cream or whipped cream

1.) Heat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit

2.) Peel, core and slice your apples. Slices can be thick, thin, whatever you want. Word of caution: thick apples will stay kind of firm, whereas thin apples will bake into kind of a mush.

3.) Toss the apples with the lemon juice, then mix in the sugar and cinnamon

4.) Add vanilla and give it a last stir.

5.) Unfold your pie crust into your tin or baking dish. Make sure there’s a little crust overhanging your pie pan.

6.) Pour or layer your apples into the crust

7.) Unfold and lay the top crust over your apples. Using a fork, seal the edges of the pie by making fork indentations along the outside.

8.) Using the tip of your knife, mark the top. Draw a picture, make an X, do whatever you want. This will allow steam from your pie to escape to prevent it exploding all over your oven.

9.) If you want a pretty finish on your pie, brush a little egg white over the top crust, and sprinkle with a little bit of sugar.

10.) Put your pie in the oven. Set a kitchen timer, your watch, or your cell phone to about 30 minutes. Check your pie when the timer goes off and if your pie isn’t dark enough, add 10 more minutes to the bake time.

[scrumptious photo from lickyourownbowl.files.wordpress.com]

1.) Booze – While not exactly an aphrodisiac, alcohol is responsible for more than it’s fair share of one-night stands and awkward mornings. Booze lowers your inhibitions and makes you more likely to make spontaneous decisions.

2.) Chocolate – On top of the sensuality of chocolate syrup or boxed candy, chocolate contains theobromine, similar to caffeine, to keep that fire burning longer.

3.) Pineapple - Although pineapple isn’t a the sexiest food, it’s been used as a natural treatment for impotence, and eating enough of it can sweeten your guy’s “taste.” Why? Fruits like pineapple and citrus have both natural sugar and are acidic, which alters your body’s pH, changing your man’s alkaline-based juices (alkaline gives it it’s salty flavor) to something more neutral. And you thought chemistry was boring!

4.) Fennel - Fennel is a source of plant estrogen, and extracts of it has been used as ingredients in natural libido-enhancing remedies. It’s licorice-y flavor is yummy both raw and cooked, so this veggie is almost as versatile as…well, you know.

5.) Pumpkin Pie – Pumpkin pie is loaded with sex-drive enhancing ingredients. Cinnamon can increase your man’s blood flow down there up to 40%, and the scent of pumpkin pie can be a comforting and homey. Bonus: Pumpkin seeds are a great source of zinc, and aid in potency and preventing prostate issues later in life.

Honorable Mention: Oysters – Oysters have been considered one of the biggest aphrodisiacs of all time, but they don’t contain any chemicals that actually contribute to your sex drive. A lot of it lies in the belief that it looks like ladyparts, but I for one don’t see the resemblance.

Bon appetit!