We’ve all done it. Whether it was “I’m too hungover to go to class” semester, or the easy freshman mistake of loving the lack of attendance policy way too much, at one time our GPA has clicked down point-by-point faster than the funds in our checking account after drunkenly opening a tab at the bar.

I may be only a freshman, but I’ve pretty much already declared my major in GPA Sabotage, with a concentration on Accidental Stupidity. Having been such an idiot my first semester of college, I speak from partial experience on the five unfailing ways to destroy your GPA like a Category 5 earthquake.

1. Racking up a big streak of absences for your class. It’s pretty obvi, almost to the point where it seems ridiculous to bring up, but it’s the most effective method for watching your GPA drop like an axe. Keeping up the good fight in your classes is all about resisting the incredibly tempting ability to skip class. Even if there is no attendance policy, chances are extremely good that you don’t want to miss what’s going on. Plus, catching up after a missed class is a massive headache for anyone with a decent course load.

2. Not participating in class. This is kind of a gray area, but for the most part it can be really destructive to your grade in a class if you just waste your time there. Classes are only worth the money they cost if you’re retaining the information presented, and the professor is there to make sure you do just that. Communicating with your professor and participating in class is definitely the way to get the most out of it, and it can make even a 9 AM lecture more enjoyable. Plus, if you make a big mistake in your class, your professor will likely be extremely helpful in getting you back on track knowing that you are invested in the course.

3. Sleeping through class sessions. This is a biggie. It can be actually painful to try and stay awake in class, especially when it’s one of the soulless 8 AM courses. It risks being mind-numbingly dull to stay awake, but if you sleep through class, you’re wasting your time even being there at all. I have definitely used classtime to catch up on some Zs and learned pretty quickly that it’s one mistake you absolutely don’t want to to make.

4. Blowing off studying for exams, or just the exams in general. The best saying I’ve heard about exams is the Murphy’s Law of College Exams: they are always based on the one class session you didn’t attend, and the chapter in the textbook you didn’t read. There is nothing like a screwed college exam to sink you about two letter grades, if not more. Studying is all-important, as is keeping track of your exam schedule so you don’t accidentally miss one. These two things can mean the difference between doing well in a class and scraping to pass.

5. Cheating/ Plagiarizing. It may be incredibly tempting, but as is largely well-known, either of those offenses are automatic one-way streets to being blacklisted from every college, and having your future resume incredibly tainted. Not only will your test or paper be an automatic zero if you’re caught, but your entire college career will be seriously affected by a brief lack of judgment. No test grade is worth the colossal slap on the hand resulting from cheating, and a paper that’s written with someone else’s words isn’t worth the ink you print it with. If you’re tempted to make either of these serious mistakes, resist them. Academic Dishonesty is one phrase you never, ever want associated with your transcripts.

Everyone has learning experiences freshman year of college. We learn to stay away from the Jungle Juice if we want to keep our heads out of toilets and trash cans, we learn that skipping class can only lead to slipping GPAs, and most importantly, we hope to learn what we want to do with our lives. Some of us go into college with our careers already laid out, and every step of the way planned. Those lucky few dash through advisor meetings in less than five minutes, their transcript following their 4 year plan to a tee.

And then there is me.

My transcript veers through the course catalog like a tiny geriatric attempting to ferry her car through a Wal-Mart parking lot. My long-suffering advisor looks at my transcript and schedules another thirty minutes for our meeting. My major first changed at Orientation after I took one look at the sample Political Science schedule and saw “Microeconomics” shamelessly emblazoned upon it. I’m a flake when it comes to big decisions like this, and it shows in my spotty track record with trying to pick a major. If there was a Indecisive Majors Anonymous, I’d be a repeat attender.

I’m commitment phobic when it comes to my major. By the time the honeymoon is over, usually after two or three months, I’m flirting shamelessly with unrelated courses. Already, I’ve split with Political Science and Biology. I was with Undecided for an extremely brief period, namely the two minutes it took to leave my Biology advisor’s bizarrely elephant-themed office and walk to the Undecided office, at which point I begged Poli Sci to take me back.

Now, four or five months later, I’m a Political Science major with a wandering eye. I like to blame my friend K., whose switching majors to become an event planner catalyzed the current indecision I’m mired in. Like any habitual flake, I see greener grass everywhere else, and now I’m caught in the place where “Fun” meets “Functional.”  A fun major is something like journalism, which I’d really love to do. I still daydream about a journalistic future in the land of “what if” (which is a neighboring land to the land of joblessness). A functional major is Political Science, which actually has jobs available after graduation. Plus, with the economy where it is now, people no longer say “You should study what appeals to you” when you mention your tentative major. Nobody can afford to anymore.

So I’ve decided to at least wait another semester before I decide to make another switch in majors. Political Science is the safe bet, and the introductory classes are rumored to be designed to weed out the flaky (i.e. me in Biology). A little extra time will allow me the chance to find out if I’m truly afraid of “major” commitment, or if this major decision is actually right for me.

What do you think? Is your major for love, or money?

Wrong. All wrong. Wrong movie, wrong time, wrong situation. In all fairness, I kinda knew what was coming, having heard about the book well before the movie was even in the works. I didn’t like the idea of it then, but somehow between two weeks ago and last Friday, I decided that I needed to see the movie with the bestie as a girls’ night out scenario. Here’s why I advise that everyone without ironclad self-esteem skip the movie, at least until you can see it in the comfort of your home.

1. If you’re into escapism through upbeat movies, this is not the one for you. After two hours of ‘He Just Not That Into You’, not a single one of the main characters’ plot-lines even resembled positive. I was literally crawling out of my seat trying to salvage the remainder of a happy evening as commitments combusted, relationships crumbled, and ruthless reality checks conspired to sink the Girls’ Night. The only reason I made it through is because I had to see if the writers would actually throw the audience a bone and make a happy ending.

2. The movie is ruthless in its portrayal of female stereotypes. “He’s Just Not That Into You” isn’t just a depressing chick flick, it’s the anti-chick flick. Throughout the entire movie, I kept asking myself, “Do I actually do that? Am I that crazy?” The answer, according to “He’s Just Not That Into You,” is yes. We are all clingy, insane, insecure, naive, trusting idiots, who drive away our boyfriends and potential bfs by being like that. I don’t know about you, but movies that continuously reiterate that I’m completely psycho and clingy tend to turn me off at about the 60 minute mark.

3. Your faith in committed relationships will die a horrible death in the two hour and fifteen minute love massacre. After two hours of infidelity, dating disasters, and misguided love, there was not a girl in the theater who had faith in her relationship, or ability to secure one. Those of us who were single experienced what almost came off as anti-relationship propaganda (“If you do this, this, or this, your ovaries can kiss their chance at motherhood goodbye!”), and were left doubting every simple sentence we had ever spoken to the male gender. My friend, who has been in a committed relationship for the better part of a year and a half, had started to wonder if her boyfriend could have been cheating on her. The movie had a sinister talent for slipping insecurity into our minds, and then mocking us for being insecure.

4. There are better things to do on weeknights than going to a movie that strips down your character and makes fun of what it finds there. The movie seriously killed the happy, estrogen-filled mood of the evening, and left the two of us as quaking, emotional maniacs. I can honestly say that except for when I saw “Lord of the Rings” as a twelve year old, and was terrified by the Orcs, I have never wanted to leave a movie so fast (30 minutes in). Save your seven bucks for dollar pitchers downtown, not “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

5. The movie is more suitable as a look into Gender Studies than a romantic dramedy. I’ve had more laughs in my College Algebra class than this movie. If you do go, look at it as a gender wars type of thing, not something that will make you feel cheery and secure by the last minute happy ending. (It was a happy ending, it was just a too little-too late type of thing.) The movie is accurate in its portrayal of how men and women want different things out of life, and the plot turnaround towards the end was satisfying, but ultimately not enough to recover from the first two hours. It had the effect of a doctor suddenly giving you anaesthesia after your surgery already happened, with a “Look what I just found!” air.

Though chick lit catches flak for being notoriously breezy and light reading, there’s nothing better to pick you up after a bad day than a book about absolutely nothing. I will personally testify to the amazing power of chick lit, being that it saved me from waxing romantic about a “misunderstood, underestimated” ex-boyfriend who fits neither of those descriptions. As February 14th approaches, there is no better time to read chick lit, even if just to take a break from the steady downhill slide of The City.

1) Chick Lit inspires us to get off our couches, stop obsessing about our boyfriends (or lack thereof), and get going with life. When I finished reading The Devil Wears Prada, I felt like re-enacting the motivational montage where the main character of the movie starts turning her life around with self-help books (that actually work) and incredibly effective gym workouts (I want to go to whatever gym gets results that fast).

2) There is always a reliable disaster that will give us that ‘well at least that didn’t happen to me’ feeling. I had a hard time pitying myself for another single Valentine’s Day when the main character was suffering a spectacular firing, a nightmarish boss, or even worse man trouble than I had. Combined with my two favorite men, Ben & Jerry, chick lit is a proven mood lifter when things suck in life.

3) Chick Lit has deeper lessons involved than the glammed out covers hint at. Even though chick lit is starting to get the stigma that Harlequin romance novels have (completely worthless and shallow, according to some), chick lit has lessons in it that classical literature doesn’t. I can’t remember a single time when I was reading Wuthering Heights in high school that I didn’t feel like going outside and having a car back over my face from the twisted depression that every single character in the book suffered from. Chick Lit instills in us the sense that we can succeed at what we want, and make ourselves happy regardless of what our happiness is based upon. Also, although a romance is usually part of a chick lit novel, it’s definitely not required, reminding us that we don’t need a man just to make us happy; they’re usually just icing on the cake.

4) It’s Valentine’s Day, a day that’s obvi entirely centered love and happiness. Loving yourself is included in the description, so why not enjoy a book with empowered women, fashion, and a guaranteed happy ending? Whenever I watch a movie, a happy ending is usually a must; books are no different. Sad endings that seem to be cop-outs always leave me irritated and unfulfilled, like the way I feel around dinner time after a giant Thanksgiving feast.

5) Chick Lit is a nice break from the serious, grave literature we have to read for classes. Somewhere, there are conspiring professors compiling reading lists, chuckling darkly to themselves as they add yet another dreary book about death and destruction (because, you know, there’s not a lot of that in real life). And who wants to only read about that?

Sometimes reading is like ice cream: you know you should get the low-cal stuff, but you really just want a tub of Brownie Batter and the happy feeling that comes with not denying yourself. Chick lit is my Brownie Batter, and this V-Day I am not going to deny it.

Personally, while I don’t agree with all of her views, I am a fan of Ann Coulter. I admire her courage to speak her mind without fear of consequence, and her strength to continue putting forth her opinion boldly even when a vast majority of Americans absolutely cannot stand her. I disagree with her on some of her stances, and my views tend to be less extreme than hers, but overall I support her whole-heartedly. So, with that in mind, I’m putting forth an opposing argument to the accusation that Ann Coulter is the anti-feminist.

In the early 1900s, when suffragettes were working tirelessly to grant women the right to vote, they were often treated horrendously by the male-dominated world around them. They were jailed for their protests, and force-fed when they went on hunger strikes to protest their treatment. The suffragettes were treated as deviants by society, and derided as being radical lunatics trying to usurp male authority. While they had a base of support from women, they were despised by male authority figures, and other women turned against them.

Ann Coulter would not want to be called a feminist, as Gloria Steinem would define it. She does not support abortion, has never burned a bra, and will never use affirmative action as a weapon to suit her own ends. She is not, however a force detrimental to women. If a political slant was removed from her writing, she would be hailed as a woman breaking the somehow ever-present glass ceiling, and her satirical tone would be portrayed as “edgy” and “revolutionary,” not “antagonistic” or “condemning.” But because she uses an “edgy” tone that goes against the grain of a sizeable portion of politically conscious citizens, she is demonized and slandered by her critics. In a liberal-slanted media, the negative focus is fixated on Ann Coulter’s blunt conservatism, and similar liberal pundits, such as the charming and soft spoken Arianna Huffington, are spared a harsh public eye and actual criticism of shallow, vacuous writing.

You may not like what Ann Coulter says, or writes, or thinks. But it is undeniable that in the formerly male-dominated world of politics, she is a force of nature. She speaks her mind without concern for popularity, without padding her words with compromises and concessions, and has never allowed a man to get the best of her in a debate. She even earnestly supported Hillary Clinton in the 2008 presidential campaign, turning against the Republican nominee to support a fellow “glass-ceiling demolitionist.”

You may call her series of books irrelevant, but the mere fact that she has authored six New York Times Best-Sellers is an indication that her opinion is far from irrelevant, and especially not in the area of American politics. Labeling her as batsh*t insane is a baseless act, and one that demeans politics from a mature playing field to childhood playground taunts. It is also a violently anti-feminist act, because it supports the idea that bold, vocal women should be stifled in their opinions and labeled as insane, social deviants incapable of independent thought. To criticize her for how she dresses and portrays herself, when she is styled more conservatively than the vast majority of our society, is wrong. It is in fact, a one- way ticket back to the 1950s.

Is she good for women, or bad?

Ann Coulter is good for women because she proves that a woman can succeed in a male dominated world without compromising her femininity in order to gain respect. She is strong, beautiful, and very intelligent, all traits that should be valued by women, and certainly meet the requirements of a female role model. She is not a twisted, bitter, and man-hating drone of Third Wave Feminism. Instead, she is a bold, vivacious, and well-educated woman who represents traits modern women should strive to achieve. Whatever opinions other pundits have about her, they still value her opinion enough to continually invite her on their shows to have intelligent, and, at times, loud debates with her. Her arguments are intelligently constructed and witty, which are received as abrasive and “crazy” to those on the receiving end of her opinions.

I am a conservative, Christian Republican, and I am very proud of Ann Coulter.

It marks the end of an era when American politics were plagued with apathetic citizens, who found nothing in the candidates inspiring enough to take a passionate interest in.

It marks the end of an era when race was an invisible barrier over politics, the end of affirmative action being a weapon against the status quo, and the end of divisions in America over race. Barack Obama has attained the highest office of the American political system, and to some people, the free world. There is no reason anymore why any good citizen of America should not be able to succeed in their goals and dreams through diligence and perseverance, because it has been proven that the highest goal can be accomplished by normal people.

Finally, it marks the end of an era when the media was an impartial observer in the American Political system, and when committed voters were educated properly about their candidates. During the 2008 election, there was an enthusiasm towards our democracy that has not been seen in years. There was also, however, a vast prevalence of ignorance on both sides, and it was spurred by a media that displayed ruthless bias not seen in years. Mainstream news magazine Newsweek published six issues with covers devoted exclusively to Barack Obama, five of them issues in this year alone. 2008 was a year in which public opinion was ruled by media portrayal of political affairs.

The wedding is overshadowing the marriage. The Inauguration has magnified into something bordering on a spectacle, with commemorative trinkets being hawked in every possible commercial medium, and huge celebrations being planned across the country. Happiness and joy at an inauguration are not bad things. Blind euphoria and an unwillingness to accept shortcomings in the president-elect are.

As a conservative and a Republican, I don’t have high expectations for the next four, and possibly the next eight, years. Seeing Obama’s face doesn’t fill me with pride and hope, but a nervous concern for our country’s well-being with an untested president. I could be wrong. With Hillary Clinton as his very intelligent, very acquainted with international diplomacy Secretary of State, we could finally help the world see us as more than a distant and isolated giant. Hillary’s participation in his cabinet gives me hope that America will at least remain stable in international affairs, if not find diplomatic success.

I don’t believe Obama is a terrorist foreigner, but I don’t have much faith in the presiding ability of a man whose career rises from the infamous political machines of Chicago, Illinois. He remains untested, having been nearly completely cushioned from criticism by a media that remains vastly doting upon him. Without having faced adversity against his policies from a large portion of America, I believe he lacks the realistic gravity taken on by politicians who must fiercely defend their policies from a critical media.

I’m happy that a majority of American citizens are bonding together in what must be a very happy time. I’m glad that patriotism is at a recent-years high, as well as pride in our country. But at the same time, I wonder in the back of my mind if such limitless support will blind Americans to the shortcomings of their chosen leader, and draw them heedlessly into the cult of personality maintained by the media and faithful supporters. I take the optimism and euphoria of the inauguration with a grain of salt, because such unified support and utter faith in national leaders has taken a very grim turn in several times in history. If we are going to serve a president with whom we are not well acquainted, we must be willing to call him on the mistakes he makes, and not cushion his errors to maintain high approval.

I applaud America for a historic decision in the elections, but I caution America against turning a blind eye towards the new President’s novice mistakes.

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The Pregnant Man – Thomas Beattie became the sensation of the world in April when he appeared on Oprah to defend his choice to have a child as a transgendered man. Sticking up for your beliefs? Awesome, and definitely commendable. Eventually turning into a fame slut and marketing out your second pregnancy? Not cool. Now pregnant with his second child, Beattie has already cemented a book deal on his experience and been interviewed a second time as a ‘Barbara Walters Exclusive.’ One child is a miracle. A second one immediately afterwards is a marketing scheme.

Batsh** Insane Celebrities Across The Media - Britney, Lindsey, and others: we’re talking to you. 2008 was the year of the mental millionaire, with the world playing a captive audience to the tragic, bizarre, and sometimes just eerie behavior of celebrities. We watched Britney Spears struggle to put her life back together after divorce, Lindsey Lohan battling various addictions, and Scarlett Johansson crossing the borderline into stalker-ish about Barack Obama. Here’s the real scoop: an estimated 57.7 million adults are suffering from a diagnosable mental illness in the United States alone. What makes these celebrities any different from these people who are suffering in private besides their income and the paparazzi that shadow them? Watching people suffer is definitely a trend that shouldn’t cross over into ’09.

“Reality” Dating Shows - Now that Flavor Flav has finally hung up his clock and gone off the air, there are about thirty shows taking his place, and they’re spreading like cockroaches. Tila Tequila, the ‘Ikki Twins,’ and others are taking over Vh1 and MTV mercilessly, swamping our televisions with drunken fights (actually funny to watch), and pointless drama. Who makes their boyfriends/girlfriends eat nasty pig parts and do bizarre things in the name of love? These loveless actors do. Some dating shows range from the creepy (Date My Mom) to the outright postmortem (The Bachelor), but either way, they all need to go.

Political Ignorance/Apathy – In the year of the historical election, political action was awesome and political apathy was absolutely the anti-cool. The worst of the worse were the nonpartisans who were both apathetic and uneducated about the election. Their “why should I bother to vote” statements were both inhibiting to the democratic tradition and simply irritating. Guaranteed to piss off people who were voting, the ‘Not Voting’ demographic drew on fallacies and the platforms that they didn’t really understand to prove why they weren’t going to vote. The election was basically a two horse race, but there were still other entries available as an alternate, so not voting at all was just not cool.

Guys in Girl Jeans – It’s creepy. It’s weird. It’s a guy shopping in the same section as you in PacSun. As you put down the pair of sunglasses you were looking at and openly stare, you realize he’s not just shopping for a shirt to give to his girlfriend. He’s holding three pairs of jeans in his hand, and there’s no girlfriend in sight. As you watch, he takes the jeans and starts walking to the dressing rooms. You are not witnessing a confused shopper. You’re witnessing the Girl Jean Phenomenon, a plague of 2008 pop culture, and a trend that needs to die on December 31st. Guys wearing our jeans is not cool or edgy. It’s just lame and, now, overplayed.

Saturday Night Live – Is it still going? It’s been in the process of becoming painfully unfunny in the years since Will Ferrell left, and now with the exit of Amy Poehler, we just need to euthanize it. A classic sketch show that began in 1975 with genuinely funny people, SNL has run over six hundred episodes of pure comedic bliss continuously for thirty-three years. As with all great series, though, the time has come to put SNL out of its misery before it becomes the kind of joke it used to make.

Churning Out Tween Pop Stars By The Dozen – If child enslavement was defined as being manufactured on a kids’ show and being shoved on the masses, Disney and Nickelodeon would be doing massive amounts of time in jail. The list of sugary sweet music artists includes, but definitely is not limited to The Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, Demi What’s-Her-Name, That Miranda Kid, and a host of others, few if any of whom have actual talent. But you wouldn’t know, because should you approach any method of media that is playing a song by them, you’ll be deafened instantly and hopelessly by the cacophony of shrieking that erupts. The Original Disney Channel Star, Hilary Duff, unfortunately started it all when she split from Disney in 2004 to pursue a solo career (which caused a big fuss, if I remember right). She was an original, at least for the Disney Channel. These cookie cutter kids? About as generic as it gets.

Agree or disagree? Think something else should have made the list? Voice your opinions below, and tell us what you think about the worst pop culture in 2008!

We’ve all been subjected to them, but which of the most widely known Freshman Year stereotypes are false?

#1 The Freshman Fifteen- This is the alligators-in-the-sewers equivalent of college urban legends. Paranoia runs wild in freshman dorms in front of the mirrors, as we wonder if That Dessert just contributed to the infamous Fifteen. The truth is, if you don’t stuff your face at the all-you-can-eat cafeteria, and make some effort at aerobic activity, it’s not going to happen to you. With the stress of being in a completely new situation, I actually lost weight, and went through a phase where I couldn’t eat. With a trip to the gym a couple times a week, or simply knowing when to push back from the table, you’ll be absolutely safe from the mythical menace. The Freshman Fifteen, like most urban legends, is what you make it.

#2 You’ll be broke and living on Ramen Noodles- Absolutely false. Most colleges have an amazing setup of places on campus where you can eat using your meal plan, no extra money necessary. While Ramen Noodles are absolutely tasty, eating them is absolutely your choice. If by chance you do end up wanting spare cash, your college should offer a variety of part-time jobs you can work, often in more than one place. Ironically, despite their price tag, colleges understand that college students want money, and there are continuous jobs available for students. Be careful, though:work too many hours, and your grades may suffer.

#3 The dorms are full of constant parties, and nobody gets any studying done- This varies from dorm to dorm, but generally in freshman dorms, this is false. Nobody’s legal age, yet, and most of us are finding out that college classes are a lot harder than high school classes. While there are wild moments (fire trucks consistently show up with sirens blazing at the all-male dorm next to mine), and wild people (like the person who keeps setting trashcan fires in the Business building), you tend to have to seek out parties, rather than evade them. In the event that you are in the party dorm, you still have two options: the library is open almost all night, or you can join in.

#4 You Shouldn’t Be In A Relationship Freshman Year- Obvi, this depends entirely on you and whether you want an exclusive relationship. Personally, I chose to date my first semester, and while it was the right choice for me, I handled it badly. There’s a lot of responsibility associated with having a boyfriend your first semester of college (not skipping class to sleep in with him, or going out every night with him and blowing off assigned reading), and it can be fun to play the field a bit as a single lady. In the end though, like college itself, it’s all on you and what you choose to do.

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1) Stay away from shopping centers – Unless you specifically wish to be run down in the parking lot of your local Target or mall, stay away from every shopping location with more than 50 parking spaces until at least the third week of January. Why? Pre-Christmas Sales, Last Minute Shopping Runs, Post-Christmas Sales, and It’s-January-There’s-No-Reason-For-Sales Sales. You have better chances of surviving a brisk swim through Bull shark infested waters than making it from your car (parked in the next zip code) to the very first pair of sliding glass doors of some venerable shopping institution.

If by chance you do make it into the store, the crush of people going in every possible direction is certain to disorient you, resulting in an unintentional detour to the Hardware section when you really just wanted to pick up a card.

2) Don’t OD on Christmas music – With the commercials looping constantly, a certain famous Mariah Carey song on thirteen stations at a time, and your little sister playing her Disney Christmas CD around the clock at a level just loud enough to be audible in your room, but not loud enough to get her in trouble, you are bound to go crazy. Decompress from the assault of seasonal media by either moving to Northern Greenland, or simply playing normal CDs instead of listening to the radio. Leave the room temporarily when that irritating holiday car dealership commercial comes on, or if driven to extremes, pitch the television out of your living room window.

3) Don’t be caught in your little brother’s rush to the Christmas tree – The one place in the world that nobody wants to be is between little kids and Christmas trees. Should you be blocking that rush to the wrapped Wii beneath the tree, you’ll find yourself knocked accidentally into the next county as your eyeballs hang in place in the air, like Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes. Instead, wait out the stampede; it’ll only take about three seconds.

4) Know which relatives to avoid – They lay in wait like something off the National Geographic channel, some of them stealthier than others as they seek out captive audiences for their “funny” jokes, “quick” stories about the fun effects of Mexican food on their digestive systems, or rants about what’s wrong with “you young kids today.” While much of your relatives will give you harmless advice about life, this special group of family members are almost calculating in their ability to sap your energy and tempt you to drive to the closest bar down the road.

5) Like you do with your pets, watch what you eat – While the feasting and gift-exchanging is going on, take care not to overindulge at the dinner table. While (mostly) everyone loves Christmas dinner, it’s no fun to forget what happened the rest of the day because you fell under the influence of the turkey and collapsed on the couch to sleep until 2 AM (I speak from past experience: a five hour nap at Thanksgiving when I was thirteen).

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