Although we all seem so programmed to want double D’s that spill out of some overly priced bra that will only add to their bodacious size, I am perfectly okay with my boobs and the size that they are today. Really, I don’t see what the big deal is when it comes to being an A or B cup. In fact, I only see the pros instead of cons.

Thanks to my smaller cup size, I never have to worry about shopping. My well-endowed friends always complain about never finding bras in their size, never having the styles they want made for their boob type, or they feel like lingerie and undergarment shopping isn’t aimed for those with a larger bust. Based on my personal experience, I always find the size I need, the style I want, and leaving with what I want or need happens more often than not. Same with shopping for tops and dress — while my D cup friends have a difficult time finding dresses that fit them well in the bust, I feel like my small boobs don’t determine what I can and cannot wear. Yes, of course, sometimes I don’t fill out a dress completely, but I sure rather slap on a padded push up to do the job instead of wearing something else.

Not only do my small tatas make it easy to shop, but they keep things simple. Women with larger breasts often complain of having stretch marks, sore boobs, and of course, a sore back. A few of my friends find running painful without the right bra support because their boobs are so heavy. I, on the other hand, have never experienced what that could possibly feel like. With so many back problems occurring for women with fuller cup sizes opting for breast reductions, I can’t help but feel lucky that my small boobs have never held me back or caused me pain.

While some women with smaller boobs often feel insecure about how men will react to them, I just say … whatever. If a man doesn’t want to talk to me, date me, or get frisky in the sheets because I have tangerines instead of watermelons – I don’t want to know him in the first place. Obviously, my breast size does not define me and if that is somehow a deal breaker, then let me say NEXT and move right along. And just because I have clementines instead of cantaloupes, it doesn’t mean I can’t have fun. My boobs still function the same way as big ones. In fact – they are perfectly palm sized, and the last time I checked – their size (or lack thereof) changes nothing between the sheets. Imagine if women decided what men they were interested in completely based on penis size before ever talking to them – how would that go over? But really, my small boobs are mine – and no guy is going to make me feel badly about them.

Although I will admit that sometimes I wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, I can’t help but just embrace what I’ve been given – even if it’s nothing more than a handful. My boobs work for me, and as a woman with the body I have — I don’t think I could ask for more.

I wear push-up bras and high heels. I go gaga for lip gloss and lipstick, nail polish, and heavy eye-make up . And I’m not even going to lie, I’m a sucker for pouty boys that call me ma’am. But besides my affinity for sundresses, pearls, and men in ties, I’m a feminist. In fact, I’ve always considered myself to be one. But despite my own declaration in the fight for gender equality, this doesn’t seem possible to people.

“How can you be a feminist?” I’m asked all the time. “Do you even know what that means?”

While feminism can mean different things to different people, I’ve often felt like I didn’t fit the mold — like I wasn’t the ideal. Like I couldn’t claim it. And then it hit me: Feminism can be whatever you need it to be. And sometimes, what you need it to be will change from time to time.

This powerful realization hit me as an 18-year-old young woman sitting in on my first Women’s Studies class at a small, private, all-women university. This moment of feminist clarity has always stuck with me, and now as a 23-year-old post-grad, I am constantly revisiting feminism and its applicability in my ever changing life. Although feminism, even in 2011, often still sounds like a dirty word with a negative connotation, I’m constantly surprised at the way feminism finds itself in my day to day life — it really does come in all shapes, sizes, issues, prospects, and in all kinds of different people. And despite being so diverse and so varying from time to time, I’m still relieved that I can make feminism something all my own.

I like to think that I’ve been a feminist from the beginning. When I was seven years old, wearing overalls and pigtails, I remember raising my hand over and over again in class to answer the questions being asked by my teacher. I’d sit up as straight as possible and inch my hand higher and higher into the sky. I had something to say. I wanted to be heard. But instead, the boys in my class would always be the first called on. I would often come home and cry. “My teacher doesn’t like the girls, she doesn’t listen to us like she does the boys.” At the time, I didn’t have the words for it, but I knew it wasn’t fair. Instead of sitting back and taking it, though, I went with my parents to the annual parent-teacher conference and asked my teacher, “Why do you only call on the boys?” She didn’t have an answer, but from that point on she never overlooked my eager hand. This made me realize that sometimes speaking up can make a world of difference, and I like to think of this as my first moment of personal activism.

In high school, I refused to participate in the abstinence only sex-education program. I may have been sixteen, but I couldn’t sit there without throwing up my hand. “What about condoms? What about STDS? What about things that will actually prevent pregnancy and keep us safe?” I was silenced and shushed, but it lit the fire in me — a fire that came alive the minute I stepped foot onto my college campus. In college, I was always changing as a feminist — always.

There was the year I spent reading nothing but feminist literature; everything from Helen Cixous to Katha Pollit, Gloria Steinem to Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, and Bell Hooks to Ingrid Musico. There was the summer I spent interning for two of my favorite feminist authors in New York City. There was the year I ran the speakers’ bureau chair on campus and hosted the transgendered performance artist Kate Bornstein and the quick-witted blogger and author Jessica Valenti. There was the year I rejected all Women’s Studies classes — after I was told that I didn’t look feminist enough — and just spent time focusing on defining my gender and social beliefs through my own lens, even if that means sparkly pink nail polish and writing letters to my congressman by myself.

There were so many feminist discoveries throughout the last few years. Like the time I posed nude as Miss January 2009 for a feminist charity calendar. And there was the time I sold carrot cake cupcakes for a Wage Gap bake sale that charged men $1 and women only 72 cents. There were times when I was tired of talking about feminism and women’s issues, but at a women’s college it was inevitable. And then there were times when I couldn’t get enough and I didn’t understand why there wasn’t room for discussion about this in a quantitative reasoning class. Sometimes I would feel like a super feminist, and other times, not so much. Some days, feminism would be on my mind. And of course, some days, it won’t even cross my thoughts.

And while this fickle romance of always trying to work towards what I believe in isn’t perfect, it’s my journey. It’s ever-changing, but it’s exactly what I need it to be — when I need it to be. Feminism fascinates me in the way it’s solid but fleeting in my life. For example, my beliefs on abortion, breaking the glass ceiling, sexual assault, women’s education, contraceptives and abstinence-only education haven’t changed throughout the years, but how I apply feminism into my day-to-day life, whether it’s a job or in a romantic relationship, is constantly changing and evolving.

I’m not a perfect feminist (is anyone, really?), and I’m never claiming to be, but this is how it works for me. Some days, I’m ready with an iron-fist to protest and shout…in my heels and lipstick. And some days, I’m quiet and passive and just want to think about what Bell Hooks truly meant in Communion. But I personally want this feminist juxtaposition; the constant reminder that feminism is here, it’s mine, and it’s something I can always make my own just clicks for me, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

[Check out the Feminist Portrait Blog Carnival to read other women's inspiring stories of their feminist "click" moments.]

In honor of Women’s History Month, CollegeCandy has decided to spotlight some of the world’s most influential women. First, naturally, we focused on the women from our generation. Then, we highlighted some fierce females in their 30s. After that we celebrated the phenomenal women in their 40s. And now we’re cheering on the women who inspire us to be our best selves every single day.  Anything can happen, and just like these women have done in their 50s and beyond, we can make a difference in the world at any age.

In honor of Women’s History Month, CollegeCandy has decided to spotlight some of the world’s most influential women. First, naturally, we focused on the women from our generation. Then, we highlighted some fierce females in their 30s.This week, we pay attention to some of the most amazing forty-somethings. These are the women that show us life really does get better as you age, whether you’re a famous movie star or activist. Anything can happen, and just like these women have done in their 40s, we can make a difference in the world at any age.

In honor of Women’s History Month, CollegeCandy has decided to spotlight some of the world’s most influential women. Last week we focused on the women from our generation and this week, we pay attention to some of the most spectacular thirty-somethings. These are the women that show us life really does get interesting in your 30s, whether you’re a famous movie star or activist. Anything can happen, and just like these women have done in their 30s, we can make a difference in the world at any age.

What other twenty-something women inspire you? Share your thoughts below!

Looking back, though, much has happened in the past year. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Ke$ha put a dollar sign in her name and started brushing her teeth with a “bottle of Jack,” John Mayer proclaimed that he is on the search for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.

So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 21. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:

1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them. They also should not steal your alcohol on your 21^st birthday and make out with the fraternity guy, all while puking as your boyfriend helps take care of them.

2. Raincoats are amazing: They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable, really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the summer in London. And I think it actually kept me going to class this past semester. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Lands End or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!

3. Go to the gym: Surprisingly enough, it is worth your time. Who knew? I sure didn’t, until I started going religiously with my boyfriend back in September. If you actually go to the gym and do more than hang out on the treadmill and elliptical for thirty minutes, you can see results. Plus, it teaches you patience on so many different levels.

4. Do not drink MD 20/20: Even if the frat-mixed mojitos are watered down and tasting a bit like a dirty dance floor, stay away from the MD.

5. Do experience a Pimms with Lemonade: Although you probably have never heard of this drink before, Pimms with Lemonade is a London pub staple. The Pimms is to Wimbledon, as the mint julep is to the Kentucky Derby. This fresh tasting, fruity cocktail will may be enough to convince you to study abroad for a semester. It’s to die for.

6. Puppy Love = True Love: Dogs truly give the most unconditional love. Even though my boyfriend got a dog back in September and it has been a ton of work, I can’t help but keep falling in love with the little darling. You can’t have a bad day whenever a puppy is around. However, at the same time, the realization that having a puppy is a huge responsibility is constant and serves as amazing birth control for many, many years to come.

7. The VS Miraculous Push Up Bra is a miracle: The Victoria’s Secret new Miraculous Push Up bra is the greatest and latest thing to come into the world of retail. With a level 5 design to push up and lift, this push up bra is not playing around – it increases your breast size by two full cups. Unlike a lot of push up bras, this bra actually makes your boob size look believable, all while supplying comfort.

8. Hell No to the Snow: I can never live where it snows on a daily basis during the winter. After what I deemed the Great Snow of ’09 in Virginia (in which 24 inches of snow fell in two days), this has re-arranged my life geographically for good. Those applications to Illinois for graduate school?  Out the window. My dream of always visiting Maine? Only if it’s summer.  Multiple inches of snow at a time? No thanks.

9. Reading is magical: Taking the time to read for pleasure in between reading for class is one of the best ways to relax. This past year, I have rediscovered my love for reading, all while falling in love with some great stories. Need something to restart your love of reading? Read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon or Train to Trieste by Domnica Radulescu.

10. “That’s So You!” It’s important to have your signature piece, be it clothing, music or opinion. This has made my life simpler and more defined.

11.  Meeting the Parents: Meeting the parents is scary. However, whether they like you or not is out of your hands. You can be the sweetest girl they have ever met, but if they don’t like the idea of their kid being with someone without the qualifications they are looking for (i.e.: money, a professional school degree), it doesn’t matter how amazing you are or how much you have going on for yourself. Just accept it and try not to take it to heart … too much.

12.  Post-Grad is intimidating: Graduate, law, and business school applications are a lot more comprehensive than they lead you to believe on first glance. Those statements of intent and optional essays are really unlike anything you have written in the past, unless you are a professional graduate school applicant. Starting early is the only way to preserve your sanity as senior year rolls around. And taking the GRE or LSAT, well those should have occurred a year ago. Oops!

13.  “Welcome to the real world, she said to me…:” Although the quarter-life crisis often seems inevitable, I have learned that I definitely do not want to go down the John Mayer permanent-existential-life-crisis road. While his never-ending misery will supply good music for more and more years to come (without a doubt), I choose to not dwell. It’s much healthier this way, even if I do enjoy indulging in his misery sometimes.

14.  Stop reading beauty magazines: I’ve stopped buying magazines and I feel much more enlightened.  Instead, I have stopped giving my $3.99 to advice on how to make a man moan and enjoy the in-depth features in the feminist friendly Bust magazine, and the musically progressive Paste.

15.  Give a Little Bit: Helping others is amazing and it makes you feel better than anything else can.

16.  It’s Overrated: Being a senior is overrated. I have had more work and more responsibility than ever before and I feel like with every passing day, more and more obligations come my way. While it seems that a lot of seniors are spending their nights partying and hanging out, I am writing 20-page papers and doing graduate school rain dances to promote a surplus of acceptance letters.

17.  To Thine Own Self, Be True: To be a writer, you need to have extremely thick skin. Regardless of what your stance is, someone is always going to go against it and you have to be true to yourself and the piece you are writing. The same goes for all facets of life; you gotta be you and that’s that.

18.  Big birthday parties don’t prove anything: Big birthday parties aren’t all that they are cracked up to be. After years of over-the-top Disney birthday,  the whole high school teenage hang-out-birthday scene, and the exuberantly drunk and pretentiously planned college birthday, I will take the quiet and intimate birthday dinner over anything else.  It’s better to celebrate with those that actually matter.

19.  Lady Gaga is a goddess: She’s given us greatness, i.e.: “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin,” disco-bras, “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roman-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!,” and perhaps the greatest line of them, “I’m a free bitch, baby!” Her stage presence is to die for, and her genuine, authentic, down-to-Earth personality (come on, didn’t you see her on Oprah?) is addictive. Plus, I’ve seen a slew of live performances and I have to say, Gaga outperforms the rest with her Monster Ball.

20.  Say No to Parent Drama: If your parents are magnificent – great. If they aren’t, it is time to accept it and move on, instead of constantly wishing for your mother to be someone she is not.

21.  The Little Things Count: It’s important to relish the little things. In college, so much happens at once, it feels like the world can pass you by – especially once you turn 21 and the end of college seems very near. The most important lesson I’ve learned is to take time doing something you enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you want to get crazy drunk on a Friday night or take an extra art class, but do what gives you the most pleasure. Make time for more sex. Make time to cook dinner with your roommates. Just make time! As each year goes by, it is also important to look back to see what you’ve learned (whether it’s good, bad, ugly, or silly).

[This post is a favorite of CollegeCandy fan, Rose...and also of The Huffington Post. So Yay Charlsie...and thanks Rose for picking out one of the best!]

Rihanna’s latest video for her song “S&M” hasn’t even been out for a week, but it’s stirring up a controversy.  Due to the sexual nature of the video and its subject, “S&M” has been banned in 11 countries, restricted on YouTube (it’s only available if you log-in with an account that proves you’re over 18), and pulled from play on some radio-stations until after 7pm.  Some radio stations have even changed the name from “S&M” to “Come On.” (Read all about the scandal and watch the full video here.)

But seriously, come on! While some critics and fans are outraged by her sexual lyrics and fetish-filled video, I can’t help but wonder where the boundaries of entertainment actually stand.

Women are seen as sexual beings, but when they express that sexuality in any way that would make someone uncomfortable, it’s not okay. Even recently, the indie film Blue Valentine with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling came under fire for the scene where Ryan’s character performs oral sex on Michelle. We live in a world where it’s OK to fellate a man in a movie, but it’s not accepted for a woman to receive cunnilingus. Although the NC-17 rating was eventually dropped (thanks to Ryan Gosling fighting for it in the press), it shows that double standards still exist in movies and in music. This isn’t 1950!

Rihanna’s “S&M” video plays with two concepts: Rihanna’s public/private life being slung through the mud (thanks to the press) and Rihanna exploring her playful, sexual side that is turned on by sadomasochism (also known as S&M).  Scenes include members of the press with ball-gags in their mouth, Rihanna walking celebrity blogger Perez Hilton on a leash, Rihanna wearing latex while holding a riding crop, and a Japanese bondage scene where Rihanna is tied up. It’s a fluffy world of pop art — sexually inspired. The video is colorful and jam-packed with jaw-dropping entertainment.

But that’s exactly it … just shocking entertainment. In fact, there are no whips, chains, and no sex scenes. It seems that because Rihanna is singing about possible fetishes and sexual interests, it’s enough to get America in a tizzy. However, rock and roll videos and rap videos have featured sex scenes for years and years, but they aren’t banned. While some of the topics may be taboo, I don’t think any of them are too taboo to be mainstream in today’s society, especially when men can get away with these things all the time.

Think about it — if Justin Timberlake released “S&M” with a video that featured women bound, gagged, and coated in latex — I highly doubt it would get banned or struck with an 18+ rating. It would be considered “hot,” “envelope pushing,” and the radio would play it all day, every day, on every station, until we couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. Music produced and put out by men often focuses on women in degrading ways (violence and sexualization of women, mostly). However, the degrees of degradation rarely calls for  censorship in the male entertainment culture, which is why we seem immune to it when Usher, Eminem, or other popular artists produce songs that would be considered controversial if a woman sang them. We are even immune to it when Charlie Sheen breaks the law and goes to rehab, but not when Lindsay Lohan is in court or at the Betty Ford clinic.

It’s interesting to me how no one seemed to mind when Rihanna and Eminem released “Love The Way You Lie.” The video received a lot of talk about domestic violence, but it was used as a conversation starter. There was no age restriction placed on the song/video and it wasn’t banned. MTV and VH1 ate it up. The radio played it constantly (they still do). It didn’t matter that the subject was ‘adult’ or that the end of the video features Eminem rapping “I’m gonna tie her to the bed and set this house on fire” as the house goes up in flames. That was okay, but singing about pleasure during sex — not so much. It’s weird when society uses “Love the Way You Lie” as a way to talk about domestic abuse when it features a violent, abusive ending. Since when is abuse OK, but consensual sex isn’t?

“S&M” could open a great dialogue about sex, but instead, it’s being used as a way to slut-shame and bash Rihanna. While people cheered her on for breaking the silence of abuse for “Love The Way You Lie” (hello people — the song actually highlighted abuse), they are now calling her a terrible role model who had no business pressing charges against Chris Brown when he physically beat her because she sings “Sticks and bones may break my bones/ But chains and whips excite me.”

No. No. No!

There is a huge difference between wanting a spanking in the bedroom and getting your face bashed in when your boyfriend is mad. A HUGE difference. Permission and consent are just the beginning of what makes it different for her to want something in a sexual context, nevermind what Chris Brown did to her was unexcusable and wrong, not consensual, and not pleasurable. It wasn’t what she wanted — especially from her boyfriend. But yet, we are comparing it like it’s apples to apples.

Perhaps as a society we can’t handle Rihanna expressing herself sexually, especially in lieu of what happened with Chris Brown. But it’s not up to us to discriminate on a case by case basis. The standards need to be set for everyone. If Buck Cherry can release a song called “Crazy Bitch” with lyrics like “You’re a crazy bitch/But you f*ck so good I’m on top of it” and a video that is equally as vulgar (no censorship for it), then top-40 divas like Rihanna, Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Pink should be able to release songs expressing their sexual fantasies or exploitations.

Why are we okay with Usher wanting to “make love in the club” (in front of people) but not okay with Miley Cyrus dancing inside of a cage for everyone to see (remember how shocked people were about “Can’t Be Tamed”)? But even more, why are we okay with the blurry set of standards, the slut-bashing of women, and the double standards pitted against each other time and time again?

It’s 2011 and it’s time to stop. And whether or not you like Rihanna, I sure am glad that she is not afraid to entertain people by pushing the envelope that forces us to take a look at what’s making us uncomfortable and what’s not.

What do you think about Rihanna and “S&M”? Should the entertainment industry make their censorship clear or should it be a case by case basis? Let us know what you think!

[This post is a favorite of CollegeCandy fan, Carmen....Thanks for reading, girl!]

A lot is happening in the world right now. Egypt said no more to their President, and since then, other countries such as Bahrain, Libya, Yemen, Iran, Kuwait, Algeria, and Dijbouti have actively started seeking change from their governments. Tons of stuff is happening back in the United States too. There are the Wisconsin protests rising up against the newly elected governor’s budget, the House voting to ban federal funding to Planned Parenthood, possible threats to cut funding for programs like Americorps, and of course, we’re still in a terrible economic recession.

As college students and young women, we should be aware of what’s going on around us. For example, the federal funding to Planned Parenthood could hurt women across the country and prevent us from having affordable birth control options (such as the Pill and IUDs) and annual health screenings. Sometimes sitting around doesn’t seem good enough, but people often say “I’d get involved, but I don’t know how.” Consider this your friendly college guide to activism so you can get involved:

Utilize Facebook and other social media platforms: The world of social media is meant to be an extension of your personality, so why not use it to share what you believe in? Passionate about animal rights — don’t be afraid to ‘Like’ PETA or post a video about puppy mills. Are you upset that funding was cut in your home state for education? Post an article about it on your blog — use it to start a dialogue. Tweet about what’s on your mind. Send out Facebook event invites for club meetings about campus fundraising or for the Gay/Straight alliance you just joined.

Register to vote: This is straightforward and simple. By registering to vote, even if elections are right around the corner, you are taking a proactive step to say, “Hey, I want to voice my opinion.” You can register to vote here.

Write to your representatives: If you want your concerns to be sent directly to those in office, write a letter. It may feel like they aren’t read or acknowledged, but letter writing is one of the most effective ways to say “I’m a constituent and this is what I believe in.” Share a personal anecdote about why them voting against a bill will change your life or list the concerns you have as a citizen in your jurisdiction. Not sure what to write or who to send your letters to? Everything you need to get started is right here.

Hold a coffee hour: Use your on campus coffee shop to hold a meeting where students can get together and talk about what’s going on. As an organizer, you simply have to get the word out there and open up the floor for people to discuss what’s on their minds about an issue. You can even get your school’s staff involved. For example, if you want to talk about what’s going on in countries like Libya, ask a professor from the Political Science department to join in on the conversation. If you can get professors behind you, more students are likely to come. Plus, who doesn’t love an excuse to get a cup of coffee?

Petition: If you are concerned that your campus isn’t going to carry Plan-B anymore, don’t expect someone else to do something. Start a petition; it’s the quickest way to get people to put their name to something. Reserve a table in your school’s dining hall or go around to all the fraternities and sororities on campus and ask them for support. All you have to do is dedicate some time, get others to help out, and send the petition (make sure to make copies of it) to the right people. Everything you need to know about petitions can be found here!

Start a club: If your campus doesn’t have an Amnesty International branch and you wish it did, start one. Just because your school doesn’t have a Black Student Alliance doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Generally, it’s easy to start a club — especially if the student activity board feels like you are passionate enough to run it. Find people to help you show preliminary interest in the group, and go through the proper procedure to be an active club. Through a club, you can increase activism and meet a ton of people with similar interests!

Contact those in charge: E-mail the dean of student life if you want to see something changed. Contact the president of your school if you have a problem that hasn’t been solved by anyone else. Get in touch with the department head and see if you can get their backing to sponsor a student-lead discussion on the topic of your choice. Write to the person in charge of guest speakers and say “I want someone to come speak about AIDS!” If you don’t tell those in charge what you want, you can’t expect them to read your mind. And if they don’t listen, well … figure out how you can get involved with the student government or sit on a board with the Dean.

Search for people like you: Clubs offer a great way to meet people with similar interests, but sometimes if a certain type of club isn’t on campus it can seem impossible. If you are interested in environmental groups in your area, ask your environmental science professor if they can direct you to possible outlets. Go online and search for feminist or democratic women’s groups in your area. Pay attention to what people say in class; the girl you haven’t talked to all year in your science class could have interned for the senator you want to get in touch with. Meeting people like you is also a great way to network, so don’t be afraid to engage with others.

Hold a rally or protest: If you have enough people believing in your cause, don’t be afraid to cause a ruckus. As long as you aren’t being violent, showing power in numbers can be incredibly brave and attention-grabbing. During college, hundreds of students from my school got together for a major march in Washington D.C. about the war in Iraq. It brought us together for a cause we all believed in, and we were able to use our united voices to make a statement. Protests and rallies don’t have to be on a large scale. You can do it outside on the quad or in the downtown area of your local city. Make t-shirts, carry signs, and walk for a cause you believe in! For more information on how to successfully plan a rally, check here.

Stay educated: If feminism is something you believe in, go after books that highlight women’s issues. If you believe in helping the needy, research online the best outlets for you to get involved in throughout your community. Read the news and stay up to date with current events. (We make it easy!) When you’re in class and your professor talks about something you aren’t familiar with, ask for more information on the topic and ask why it’s important to them. Staying current and interested will keep the passion alive for being an activist.

You have to start somewhere in order to get your voice heard, so don’t be afraid to stand up and speak out. You never know who is listening or what change you could bring about. Like Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Rihanna’s latest video for her song “S&M” hasn’t even been out for a week, but it’s stirring up a controversy.  Due to the sexual nature of the video and its subject, “S&M” has been banned in 11 countries, restricted on YouTube (it’s only available if you log-in with an account that proves you’re over 18), and pulled from play on some radio-stations until after 7pm.  Some radio stations have even changed the name from “S&M” to “Come On.” (Read all about the scandal and watch the full video here.)

But seriously, come on! While some critics and fans are outraged by her sexual lyrics and fetish-filled video, I can’t help but wonder where the boundaries of entertainment actually stand.

Women are seen as sexual beings, but when they express that sexuality in any way that would make someone uncomfortable, it’s not okay. Even recently, the indie film Blue Valentine with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling came under fire for the scene where Ryan’s character performs oral sex on Michelle. We live in a world where it’s OK to fellate a man in a movie, but it’s not accepted for a woman to receive cunnilingus. Although the NC-17 rating was eventually dropped (thanks to Ryan Gosling fighting for it in the press), it shows that double standards still exist in movies and in music. This isn’t 1950!

Rihanna’s “S&M” video plays with two concepts: Rihanna’s public/private life being slung through the mud (thanks to the press) and Rihanna exploring her playful, sexual side that is turned on by sadomasochism (also known as S&M).  Scenes include members of the press with ball-gags in their mouth, Rihanna walking celebrity blogger Perez Hilton on a leash, Rihanna wearing latex while holding a riding crop, and a Japanese bondage scene where Rihanna is tied up. It’s a fluffy world of pop art — sexually inspired. The video is colorful and jam-packed with jaw-dropping entertainment.

But that’s exactly it … just shocking entertainment. In fact, there are no whips, chains, and no sex scenes. It seems that because Rihanna is singing about possible fetishes and sexual interests, it’s enough to get America in a tizzy. However, rock and roll videos and rap videos have featured sex scenes for years and years, but they aren’t banned. While some of the topics may be taboo, I don’t think any of them are too taboo to be mainstream in today’s society, especially when men can get away with these things all the time.

Think about it — if Justin Timberlake released “S&M” with a video that featured women bound, gagged, and coated in latex — I highly doubt it would get banned or struck with an 18+ rating. It would be considered “hot,” “envelope pushing,” and the radio would play it all day, every day, on every station, until we couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. Music produced and put out by men often focuses on women in degrading ways (violence and sexualization of women, mostly). However, the degrees of degradation rarely calls for  censorship in the male entertainment culture, which is why we seem immune to it when Usher, Eminem, or other popular artists produce songs that would be considered controversial if a woman sang them. We are even immune to it when Charlie Sheen breaks the law and goes to rehab, but not when Lindsay Lohan is in court or at the Betty Ford clinic.

It’s interesting to me how no one seemed to mind when Rihanna and Eminem released “Love The Way You Lie.” The video received a lot of talk about domestic violence, but it was used as a conversation starter. There was no age restriction placed on the song/video and it wasn’t banned. MTV and VH1 ate it up. The radio played it constantly (they still do). It didn’t matter that the subject was ‘adult’ or that the end of the video features Eminem rapping “I’m gonna tie her to the bed and set this house on fire” as the house goes up in flames. That was okay, but singing about pleasure during sex — not so much. It’s weird when society uses “Love the Way You Lie” as a way to talk about domestic abuse when it features a violent, abusive ending. Since when is abuse OK, but consensual sex isn’t?

“S&M” could open a great dialogue about sex, but instead, it’s being used as a way to slut-shame and bash Rihanna. While people cheered her on for breaking the silence of abuse for “Love The Way You Lie” (hello people — the song actually highlighted abuse), they are now calling her a terrible role model who had no business pressing charges against Chris Brown when he physically beat her because she sings “Sticks and bones may break my bones/ But chains and whips excite me.”

No. No. No!

There is a huge difference between wanting a spanking in the bedroom and getting your face bashed in when your boyfriend is mad. A HUGE difference. Permission and consent are just the beginning of what makes it different for her to want something in a sexual context, nevermind what Chris Brown did to her was unexcusable and wrong, not consensual, and not pleasurable. It wasn’t what she wanted — especially from her boyfriend. But yet, we are comparing it like it’s apples to apples.

Perhaps as a society we can’t handle Rihanna expressing herself sexually, especially in lieu of what happened with Chris Brown. But it’s not up to us to discriminate on a case by case basis. The standards need to be set for everyone. If Buck Cherry can release a song called “Crazy Bitch” with lyrics like “You’re a crazy bitch/But you f*ck so good I’m on top of it” and a video that is equally as vulgar (no censorship for it), then top-40 divas like Rihanna, Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Pink should be able to release songs expressing their sexual fantasies or exploitations.

Why are we okay with Usher wanting to “make love in the club” (in front of people) but not okay with Miley Cyrus dancing inside of a cage for everyone to see (remember how shocked people were about “Can’t Be Tamed”)? But even more, why are we okay with the blurry set of standards, the slut-bashing of women, and the double standards pitted against each other time and time again?

It’s 2011 and it’s time to stop. And whether or not you like Rihanna, I sure am glad that she is not afraid to entertain people by pushing the envelope that forces us to take a look at what’s making us uncomfortable and what’s not.

What do you think about Rihanna and “S&M”? Should the entertainment industry make their censorship clear or should it be a case by case basis? Let us know what you think!