[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

October is finally almost over, and while I am frantically scrambling to come up with another costume for tonight, I am also thrilled that I am only one day away from being done with my meatless month. I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last beefy indulgence. I am really surprised by how well I did and the fact that I didn’t have even a morsel of meat during this whole time.

Being meatless has been a great way to shake things up and make sure that I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. A bunch of my girlfriends were talking at dinner the other night about how one girl had been vegetarian for a while, and she actually GAINED weight because all she ate was carbs. That has definitely not been my experience at all. October has been an insanely busy week with academics, and I haven’t had enough time to work out as often as I regularly do. Yet not only have I not gained weight, I lost some! I don’t own a scale, but I can feel it in my clothes. Losing weight was in no way my goal in going meatless, but it’s not a bad side effect at all!

While I might not ever learn to like tofu, I have definitely expanded the variety of foods that I eat. Morningstar Farms Chik’n Nuggets (SO GOOD!) are something that will definitely stay on my regular grocery shopping list, as will the mass amounts of fruits and vegetables I’ve been buying.

This month has also provided me with sympathy and mad respect for vegetarians. It is interesting to see how often there isn’t a real vegetarian option offered at big events, especially because vegetarianism is not exactly rare in our world today. Just last night, I was at my sorority’s progressive dinner, and while everything was delicious, there were no real vegetarian main courses. (There was, however, a delicious looking home made chicken pot pie, and it took all of my willpower to refrain. I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard at anything.) But I survived anyway, just like I’m sure real vegetarians must have to do all the time. So props to them!

I have always been an avid meat lover, one of those people who says that I could never be a vegetarian or understand why people are. This experience has definitely changed my mind, because although I still love meat, I have gotten to see first hand the benefits that vegetarianism offers. I never, ever thought that I would say this, but I am considering becoming a real full-time vegetarian. Weird, huh? I do really crave meat, but I’m intrigued by the way my body and my tastes have changed this month and am tempted to see how embracing this lifestyle full-time could impact my health.

I guess we’ll just have to see how I feel after my first piece of meat on Monday. Will it be so amazing I’ll never want to part with it again, or will it make me feel so full and heavy that I’ll be craving hummus and carrot sticks instead? Not sure, but I do know one thing: this challenge has taught me a lot and while the month is up, I’ll definitely be taking these lessons with me (to some extent) in the long term.

Ready or not, Chipotle, here I come!

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

Okay, so it’s been kind of a busy fall season so far, and I haven’t had a ton of time (read: any time where I wasn’t either studying or drinking) to call home (delinquent daughter… whoops!). Anyway, my family had no idea that I was going meatless for a month, and I just mentioned it in passing to my mom on the phone, and she laughed. She thought I was joking.

To be fair, my mom knows that I LOVE meat, and so she was really concerned that something was wrong because there was no other plausible explanation in her mind as to why else I would stop eating it. So after some intense mother calming (during which I was chowing down on some delicious hummus), and multiple reassurances that I was still getting plenty of protein and not about to pass out at any moment, my mom finally let up on the whole issue.

To be honest, hearing other people’s reactions when they realize that I’m not eating meat for a month has been one of the most interesting parts of this meatless commitment. It seems like eighty percent of people that I encounter respond with something along the lines of, “Oh my gosh, I could NEVER do that, why in the world are you doing that?” I’m not even a full-time vegetarian, and I’m still rather offended by the way people speak to me about it. I mean, honestly, I say more power to vegetarians; it is so much healthier for you and your body, and there are countless environmental, humanitarian, not to mention nutritional reasons to make the choice to be a vegetarian or even a vegan. While, yes, obviously I will be the first person to admit that meat is incredibly delicious… it still doesn’t seem appropriate for strangers to insult or question someone’s life choices, even if it isn’t meant in an intentionally harmful way.

Vegetarians out there, is this something that bothers you, or something that you’re just used to by now?

On other vegetarian related issues, everyone told me that not having as much protein would make me feel more tired and lagging (that was one of my mom’s main concerns), but I haven’t noticed it at all. On the contrary, despite the fact that October has been an insanely busy month for me  (a ridiculous amount of midterms, our sorority’s new members preparing for initiation, health and safety checks that I have to perform as an RA, and a general lack of sleep), I am not any more tired than I was when I was eating meat. That makes me wonder if I’d have even more energy if I maintained this diet during a more normal month.

Finally, just during this past week, a huge group of my friends went out to Flat Top (a stir fry restaurant), and I tried cooked tofu there. It was a considerable improvement from my attempt at cooking it, but I’m still not particularly crazy about the texture. There’s just something a little off there for me, but the taste is not nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be and I didn’t feel as overstuffed and lethargic as I normally do when I fill my bowl with meat, meat and more meat.

Looking back on my challenge so far, I’m honestly a little shocked that I have made it 23 days without meat! There are only eight days left until I can chow down on beef once again and while I am seriously considering limiting my meat consumption once October is over, I know I’m going to end this whole thing about 12 hours early. Why? Uh, free burritos at Chipotle on Halloween, that’s why. Yes, they do have lots of veggie options, but the steak there just calls out to me. Loud and clear. It’s been hard enough to turn it down when I have to pay for it, but it’s FREE!

What can I say? I’m only human.

So, only eight days to go. I just hope that, after 30 days sans meat, indulging in it won’t make me feel icky (as I’ve heard it does). But at the end of the day, that’s a risk I’m willing to take. I mean, it’s FREE CHIPOTLE. If there’s one thing that’s worth a little pain, that would be it.

Dear Residents,

Now that your boxes are unpacked and you’ve begun sneakily drinking and smoking illegal substances in your rooms, I feel it is time we had a little chat. There are a few things that we need to get clear right now so that we can all happily coexist for the remainder of the year.

I’d discuss all this in a hall meeting but it seems damn near impossible to find a time that works for everyone (even though we all agreed to that one time and then only 9 of you showed…awesome), so I’ll do it here instead. Lord knows you spend most of your day reading online anyway….

So here goes:

1.  I am NOT out to get you in trouble. In fact, I do everything I can to help you not get in trouble, because it makes my life easier. Every single time that I have to write somebody up for quiet hours violations, drinking in the dorms, or whatever stupid rule is being broken, that instantly translates to extra paperwork that I have to do. Plus, let’s face it (for the most part) I like my residents, and I don’t want to make your life any harder either. Not to mention that I don’t agree with these rules any more than you do. Seriously, why in the world should someone be sent to judicial for playing their music a little too loudly at night?! That’s bulls**t in my opinion, but I’m not the one who made the rules – I just got stuck enforcing them as part of my job.

2. I am not stupid. When I see you with a huge group of girlfriends, all wearing sequined tops & heels and walking out of the building at 11pm on a Saturday night, I know that you’re not going to the library or for a late night snack. Girl, please.

3. I am not your mom. I love you. Really, I do. But I am not your mom. Cut me a little bit of slack and realize that there are a lot more things in my life than (all 70 of) you. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, it just means that I don’t have time to tell you how to get a sangria stain out of your shirt or help you find your cell phone.

4. I am not going to date you. Come on, boys. Regardless of how adorable and funny you are (and trust me, it seems like there are somehow more attractive new men in this freshman class than in the rest of our university as a whole), you’re still not worth me losing my job (and housing!). If you’re REALLY that in love with me, Facebook me next year.

5. Even though I sometimes wish I could, I am not going to party with you. Even if you have a bottle of Grey Goose hidden in your closet.

Look, at the end of the day I am here for you. I am happy to be your resource, whether you need someone to vent to about your roommate who doesn’t shower (I REALLY wish that that wasn’t a real life situation I’ve dealt with), if you need help with your Humanities homework, or you just need some chocolate and a shoulder to cry on when your boyfriend decides that long distance isn’t working anymore. That’s why I’m here, so use me. Just don’t abuse me.

XOXO,
You R.A.

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

I can’t believe that I have made it through two weeks as a vegetarian! Honestly, I am a little surprised – I haven’t cheated at all! Not a single piece of meat. Not even chicken broth, because I was worried that would count.

Not that’s it’s been a total breeze…

By far the most difficult vegetarian moment for me this week was when one of the clubs I’m in had a group dinner… at Chipotle. Now, I know a lot of people like Chipotle, but I love Chipotle. LOVE. Their meat is one of my FAVORITE things in the whole wide world. I don’t even need a burrito; I could be totally content just eating their meat plain… straight out of those silver serving buckets.

So to say it was a wee bit challenging to go in there and not get my favorite Steak Burrito doesn’t really do my feelings justice. I thought about getting a vegetarian burrito, but I’m not a big fan of their beans and  thought it would be too empty without meat. So I went with a veggie quesadilla instead. Not exactly the world’s healthiest option, but it kept me perfectly satisfied while everyone else chowed down on their delicious and meaty burritos.

Point: Emmy.
And things only got better from there.

While the meatless Chipotle run wasn’t easy, by far the highlight of my week was discovering all of the awesome vegetarian substitutes out there. Who knew all this stuff existed?! While I wasn’t able to find the chicken substitute called Quorn in either of our local grocery stores, I was able to track down some of the MorningStar Farms Chik’n Nuggets and Chik’n Patties that everyone commented about last week. And wow, they are DELICIOUS! I’ve actually eaten their Chik’n Nuggets with kids I nanny for before, and I had no idea that they weren’t actually meat! I also tried their Spicy Black Bean Burgers, and I was surprised how much I liked those too!

I also tried cooking tofu this week…which wasn’t quite as successful as the MorningStar Farms situations. Not that I’m blaming tofu, though; I have a feeling this was probably just a failure on my cooking skills. Dinner was still alright because the pad thai noodles I made were delicious enough to stand on their own, but the tofu…disaster.

I’m not giving up on tofu, though. I’m definitely going to try again next week (but maybe I’ll get it from a restaurant this time…). Boca Burgers are also on my list to try, and that’s a big one. For some reason, I’m a bit more skeptical of those than of the Chik’n Patties and I don’t know exactly why. With the breading around the Chik’n things, it’s easier to camouflage the slight difference in taste and texture from real meat.

I’m so…..scared.

But I’m also super proud of how far I’ve come. And surprised by how much I’m liking it.  Maybe I can do this for more than a month! It’s not that hard and I feel great. Though I’d better hold out to see how these next two weeks go before I make any commitments!

[Check out the other One Month Challenges we've taken on! And if you've got a challenge you want to tackle, email us and we could feature you next month!]

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

So, I’ve successfully made it through my first week without meat… and it hasn’t been too bad!

I’ve really liked that not eating things with meat has really forced me to try different foods and eat a more balanced diet, which is exactly what I was hoping would happen through this experiment. I’ve discovered that my school’s market actually has AMAZING hummus and vegetable plates that I’d never tried before. Like really, I don’t know what they put in the hummus, but it is madly addicting! I’ve also found a great vegetarian pad thai, a yummy Mediterranean veggie salad, and an amazing pesto tortellini all in just one of the campus markets! Who knew veggies could taste so good?

But I’m not taking any of this for granted. I’m lucky that my university offers so many Vegan/Vegetarian options and I know that not every school is quite as accommodating. If I had to exist on salads and plain noodles all month, I think I’d go crazy. Thank god I’ve got a variety of interesting and tasty options to choose from.

The only really difficult thing this week has been when I’m eating dinner with people who are eating meat. I never realized how good that stuff smells. Like the kind of smell that makes my mouth water and belly rumble. I feel like a Pavlovian dog… or maybe that dog in the Beggin’ Strips commercial; the minute I smell it I can’t get the craving for a burger or chicken or pepperoni out of my head.

For instance, last night, my friend was trying out a new recipe for Chicken Parmesan and it looked delicious. Obviously, I had to refrain from diving head first into the oven partaking in the yumminess because, as much as I wanted to pretend chicken wasn’t meat, it most certainly is.  It wasn’t that big of a deal because I still had some delicious pasta and salad for dinner, but I definitely had a hard time refraining from taking even the smallest bite of that breaded chickeny goodness. I also felt really bad turning down a meal my friend had so graciously cooked. She knows about my challenge, but still…. I wonder if actual vegetarians ever feel that way.

Or if they ever miss chicken parmesan as much as I do. For real, I can’t stop thinking about it. I already know what I’ll be cooking come November 1st.

[Check out the other One Month Challenges we've taken on! And if you've got a challenge you want to tackle, email us and we could feature you next month!]

Nom nom nom.

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month we followed Meredith on her quest to give up junk food. This month, Emmy's going 31 days without beef. Or chicken. Or turkey. Or....you get the idea.]

Let me start off by saying that I love meat. Like a lot. If I could eat a steak for every meal, I would. And if it weren’t gross to bathe in burger meat, I’d probably do that too. (Don’t judge.)

So why on earth would I give it up for a month? Surprisingly, I have loads of reasons. First, I was inspired by the Vegan/Vegetarian club here at Loyola and their participation in Meatless Mondays, the idea being that we can all improve our health by just giving up meat one day a week. That got me thinking: if I could get healthier by trading out meat just once a week, imagine what I could do if I cut back even more? And seeing that it might not be that hard, I thought I’d go full throttle.

I want to go meatless to see what it’s like, how it makes me feel, and how it makes me look. I am also hoping it will inspire me to stop eating ice cream and chips for meals and actually do some real cooking.

For me, going meatless for a month is a drastic change, but one that I’m excited to try.

The benefits of not eating meat seem to be endless, not to mention that the less animal products you eat, the more the health benefits increase. As I’ve had it explained to me by real, full-time vegetarians, vegetarianism is not eating meat (obvi), fish, or eggs. Some (AKA vegans) even give up all dairy and anything that might have an animal product in it. To just give it a try though, they recommended that I start slow by just eliminating meat.

So that’s the plan. For the next 31 days, I’ll be a meatless carnivore (well, technically a Pescetarian – who knew there was a word for it?!), and keeping you all updated on what it’s like and how I do.

Hopefully going meatless will force me to eat more vegetables and try new foods. And, finger’s crossed, it won’t totally backfire with me replacing healthy dinners with bags of meat-free Doritos.

So, all you vegetarians out there, was it a hard transition for you to go meatless?
Have any advice or good recipes for me?

[Check out the other One Month Challenges we've taken on! And if you've got a challenge you want to tackle, email us and we could feature you next month!]

Lazy Sunday mornings. They might be one of the most wonderful things in the world. It was noon, and I was enjoying one such relaxing, completely unproductive Sunday morning this past week. It was my turn to cook, so I was making waffles (chocolate chip, of course) for our girls brunch. We had all congregated, still in our pajamas and more than a little worn out from the previous night’s festivities, to exchange stories.

We gushed about one of my friend’s newest crushes who had FINALLY kissed her the night before, laughed at some of the ridiculous things that various drunk boys had said, dissected who had danced with whom (“Ew against the wall?!”), and dished on all the important gossip of the weekend. Typical girls’ sesh, Sex and the City style. Except our outfits weren’t $2,000. And we were sitting on the floor of our living room.

My one friend, K, wasn’t saying much, though. I wasn’t sure if she was simply still too hung over to process anything or if there was something on her mind. Finally, when we were back to talking about my friend’s exciting smooch, K chimed in.

“Ah I’m so jealous! That’s the best place to be. I miss being single.”

K has been with her boyfriend Mitch for a long, LONG time. They are one of those perfect couples; totally in sync, totally in love, totally awesome. Every single single girl I know wants what they have. It never occurred to me that she might want what we have.

But I get it. I remember missing the excitement of being single when I was tied down for so long. Like K said, it really is fun to be single, especially in college. There are always new crushes and mistakes, drunken hookups that make for hilarious stories, and the freedom to do what (and whom) you want. But the funny thing about all this is that, as a single girl, I want what K has.  I mean, the whole reason a new crush is exciting is because we’re thinking of the potential for it to turn into a real relationship. One like K’s.

We all want what we don’t have.
Actually, we all want what we think we don’t have.

K misses the excitement that comes with being single, but she doesn’t see all the other stuff: the boys with potential who disappeared without a trace, the awkwardness of those accidental drunken mistakes,  the nights spent alone. With junk food. K only sees a small part of what it’s like to be single and, from the comforts of her perfect relationship, totally misses the reality.

And I’m sure, when I look longingly at her and every other blissfully happy couple holding hands on campus, I’m not getting the whole picture either.

Obviously, there are good and bad things about being both singled and coupled. It’s easy to envy whichever one you don’t have from afar – coveting the excitement of a single girl’s life, or the stability of a coupled girl’s relationship. It’s that whole “grass is greener” syndrome. We all just need to remember that when you get closer, you’ll see that both sides have some brown spots that the sprinkler could never reach.

At the end of the day, we all need to remember to be content with what wehave. The grass might look greener on the other side, but look down and you’ll see that your own grass is pretty damn green already.

Okay so, remember that awesome boy who I contemplated asking out? Well, let’s face it, I had pretty much given up on him. I hadn’t run into him around campus, and I’ve been so busy with the craziness of school starting that I hadn’t even thought of him for a few weeks.

Well, as it always seems to happen, I had completely forgotten about him when I ran into him in our student union yesterday. I was just leaving an afternoon meeting and being filled in on my sorority’s most recent drama, when he was trying to get my attention.

“Hey, hey, Emmy!”

He was calling after us from basically across from the student union, and I was so surprised to see him. I introduced my friend to him, and we all talked for a few minutes. He asked what we had going on that night, and we told him that we weren’t sure, probably going out yadda yadda…

Then he goes on to tell us about how his friend (who we also know) is having people over and we should stop by… “Hey Emmy, I don’t think I have your number… What is it? Here, put it in and I’ll text you what time we’re starting to rage.”

So, whatever, I give him my number. Which should not that big of a deal, it’s not exactly an out of the ordinary event. Yeah, I mean, it happens pretty much every day that a boy that I have the world’s BIGGEST crush on asks for my number…(Slash okay, I was pretty excited, but I managed to contain my silly excitement ). So I play it cool, and say something along the lines of “Okay, I gotta go, but let us know what’s going on!”.

So, to make a long story short, I had a normal night, got some dinner, did some homework, got ready to go out, yadda yadda yadda… So we had a few different apartments that my friends wanted to stop by, so we’re out and whatever. But awesome boy, the one who had just asked for my number a few hours before, never texted me.

It’s not like I’m heart broken or anything of that nature, I mean, it’s not like anything even happened between us. More than anything else, I’m just confused. I don’t understand why he would go out of his way to get my number and then not use it. Those are my confusions for this week.

One of our girlfriends has started dating this boy that nobody else approves of. He’s smart, but he doesn’t try hard in school. He lost his scholarship this year because he barely went to class last year, and it seems like he is always either drunk, high, or a some messed up combination of the two. Okay, so you get the point… he’s less than perfect. But our friend B is the opposite. She has her life planned out, is the only person I know to make it through honors with a perfect GPA, and would never dream of touching illegal drugs, let alone selling them.

So why is she with this guy? The girl has plenty (and I mean plenty) of other options, but she still chooses him…

It’s one of life’s eternal mysteries that we might never solve – why the good girls always like the bad boys, and why opposites really do attract. But oddly enough, the whole Miss Perfect/Mr. Stoner pairing is not my biggest issue with this whole scenario (even if I’ll never understand what she sees in this deadbeat).

After hearing B gush about her new beau, I was shocked to hear her talk about how casual it was, and how she liked it a billion times better than any serious relationship she’s ever had. B came out of a long-term, serious high school relationship just like I did, except they tried to make it work for part of their freshman year. Obviously, it didn’t go so well and she spent the rest of the year totally single. And now with this new boy, her attitude has completely changed.

“Hey, it’s not like I have to marry the guy. He’s just fun to hang out with for now!”

It’s funny because that is hard for me to process. Aside from summer flings (which, let’s face it, don’t really count for anything but the necessary life experience/obligatory sex on the beach story), I’ve never been in a relationship where I know for sure that it isn’t going anywhere in particular. Not even in middle school! It’s not like I’m looking to get married anytime soon (at ALL), but I can’t picture dating someone for a long time knowing at the beginning that nothing long term is going to happen between the two of you.

I mean, is that even possible? How can you make such a statement when there are emotions and feelings involved?

Even though I’m young and in college, I’m not settling for Mr. Good Enough for right now. I don’t want to waste my time (and his time) with someone that I know I’m ultimately going to break up with. I understand why people do it – trust me, I’ve been single for a LONG time – but it just won’t work for me. I take relationships seriously and I don’t want to put my time and effort into something that is not.

As far as my friend B, I’m happy that she’s happy; that’s what is most important to me and all our girlfriends.  If this situation works for her for the short term, I’m behind it 100%. (And if she wants to take it long term, well, then we’ll have to sit down for a bad boy intervention.) But for me this whole thing is just a reminder that while everyone else around me may be focused on the here and now, when it comes to relationships, I’m willing to wait for something with more long-term potential.

Should I call him?

I have never understood how some girls get so nervous around boys they’re crushing on. I’d never experienced it personally… until not. And wow, I really don’t like this feeling!

Some back story is needed here: OK so, there was this boy (we’ll call him Matt) who I kind of had the tiniest crush on during the school year, but he had a girlfriend at the time. He was in student government with me, and in one of the fraternities on campus. We were definitely acquaintances, but it’s not like we were old pals. I hadn’t thought about him in ages.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. I’m running errands around campus when I see that one of the Indian restaurants nearby is doing a 50% off deal for the rest of the summer. Awesome, right? So I stop in to grab some food to go, and while I’m trying to remember which kind of Indian vegetables I like (for some reason I can NEVER remember), Matt comes out from the back of the restaurant. I hadn’t seen him almost all summer, and he was so happy to see me. We end up talking pleasantly for a few minutes. Not a big deal, I didn’t think twice about it.

Well, this past weekend, I had a really big meeting I had to present at and I was going to go to Starbucks to sit outside and go over my notes before my presentation. On the way, though, I passed the Indian food place and I realized that I hadn’t eaten yet! And I mean, really, how can I turn down delicious Indian food for 50% off? Answer: I couldn’t. So I walked back in there, and I’m once again mulling over my vegetable choices while the guy at the register makes fun of me. And, once again, Matt comes out from the back of the restaurant to talk to me.

Another customer needed Matt’s attention, so I go sat on the patio outside to go over my notes. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice when Matt sat down to keep me company. We ended up talking for another half hour, until I realized that I had to leave right away to make it to my meeting on time.

I left a little confused and, despite my rational mind telling me to prepare for my presentation, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened. On one hand, it was really fun to talk to him; I don’t think I’ve ever talked to him so much in the whole time I’ve vaguely known him. And he came to sit with me. That’s a pretty big deal, especially since he was at work and could have gotten in trouble, right? He was also really nice to me… but he does have the reputation of being one of the nicest guys around campus. In fact, word on the street is that his ex thought he was TOO nice and is now dating more of a bad boy. But for me, a nice guy is exactly what I want right now…

And with that (and all during my big meeting), my little crush on Matt was definitely back in full force.

So imagine my surprise (and total girly excitement) when I ran into him today at the campus bookstore. It was good to see him, we talked briefly, but I froze. Like really, completely froze. OK, so it’s not like a random stranger would have noticed that I was acting weird, but I was getting books with my best friend and I don’t think she’s ever seen me so quiet and shy.

WTF?

I left the bookstore SO mad at myself because I had really hoped that the next time we talked we could casually set up a time to hang out, or at least exchange numbers. But instead, I froze like Heidi Montag’s facial features. I had never had it happen to me before, and I’ve always thought other people were being so silly and scared when this happened to them! But now I get it. And I hate myself for it.  It’ll probably be a while before I run into him again, and I am mad that I choked. I don’t have the slightest clue what came over me!

I tend to be pretty safe in my love life – probably too safe if you ask most of my friends. I don’t want to get hurt again, and I know that at some point I’m going to have to get over that fear. I’m also a little bit old fashioned in that I think the boy should  make the first move most of the time (honestly, I would prefer all the time) because I think that if a boy likes me, then he will make the effort to date me.

But my best friend made a really good point when she said that he might have no idea that I like him, because just like how he is friendly to everyone, so am I. And as an outsider, he might’ve attributed my quiet attitude to me being not being interested. Part of me really, really, REALLY wants to casually ask him to hang out sometime soon, but I don’t even know how to do that! I’ve always envied the girls who have the guts to make the first move. I don’t think I’m one of those brave souls, but just for this week I’d like to be. I’m fed up with being shy, and I’m still mad at myself for not asking out mystery ATM boy.

I know that a part of me wants to ask him out for sure, but the other part of me is WAY too scared to do anything about it. And it’s that uncertainty (and the fact that it’s all I can think about) that I hate most about being a single girl. The not knowing whether or not he’s even slightly interested is throwing me for a loop. I feel like I’m back in middle school where I just want to find out from his friends (by passing them a note) if he’s been talking about me.

Clearly, that isn’t an option. And my current status of sitting around overanalyzing everything doesn’t seem to be such a stellar route either. But what is?!