If there’s one thing I love more than gorging myself on turkey (and stuffing, and cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie… mmm… wait, what was I talking about again?), it’s loafing on the living room couch before and after Thanksgiving dinner and taking in some fine Thanksgiving television.

As I was browsing Jezebel yesterday, I came across this post, which links to a weird article in Britain’s Sunday Times called “What is your fashion sex?” Intrigued, I clicked on the link and was immediately transported to a strange world where phrases like “aggro frog move” and “bodycon dresses” apparently mean something.

If teen magazines are to be believed, from January to June, there’s exactly one thing on every female high school student’s mind: prom. Or should I say: ~~*OMG PROM!!@! Only writing out the word like that can give it the respect it deserves.

Yes, even though ladymags believe any female who isn’t constantly attached to or trying to become attached to a man is kind of sad at best and totally pathetic at worst, now Women’s Health is also saying that boyfriends are any body-conscious chica’s worst enemy.

Let me take you way back to yesterday afternoon, when after a punishing Pilates class, I decided to treat myself to something delicious and sugary (the calories don’t count if you stuff yourself right after working out, right?). So I headed over to the Wafels and Dinges truck, an amazing mobile Belgian waffle vendor that usually parks itself near my school on Mondays.

Everyone knows that sometimes it’s nice to forget fashion and wear whatever’s comfortable—especially if you’re just out running errands. Well, everyone but Suze Yalof Schwartz of Glamour Magazine.

I can’t speak for every school, of course, but at Columbia, it’s hard out there for a single girl. According to statistics I made up just now, approximately half the guys at this place are gay, thirty percent of them are in long-term relationships, and the remaining twenty are generally kinda weird. (Many in a cute way, but some in a… not so cute way.)

Meet Lori Gottlieb. She’s a 40-year-old single mother—she got artificially inseminated because she wanted to have a baby but didn’t have a boyfriend—who has discovered the secret to why more women aren’t married: their standards aren’t low enough.

Because I spent kindergarten through 8th grade at a single-sex school, I didn’t have too many interactions with guys until I was about 14. That means that for much of my life, most of the stuff I “knew” about people with Y-chromosomes came from poring over the pages of mags like Seventeen and Glamour.

When it comes to beauty, I’m pretty low-maintenance. I never really learned how to put on eyeliner because I’m afraid I’ll poke myself in the cornea, I can’t get the knack of painting the nails on my right hand, and I’m too impatient to slap on anything more than Chapstick and maybe mascara, if I’m feeling fancy, in the morning.