Jakey! Say it isn’t so!

According to the one and only gossip blog Perezhilton.com, Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are “100% dating”.

I’m seriously going to cry.

I love that boy, and every day he’s single is another day we could possibly bump into each other on the streets of New York and fall instantly, deliriously in love.

Have you seen this boy’s lips? His eyes?!

If I was just a tiny bit crazier I’d dedicate my life to …

I’m sure you’ve all heard about her. Lisa Nowak. The Crazy Astronaut. The chick who drove all those miles with a diaper on and maced another woman who was supposedly sleeping with her man. These days, according to People.com, she’s pleading ‘not guilty’ to those attempted kidnapping charges.Honestly, it doesn’t even matter what she pleads. Her life is O.V.E.R. Her husband? Her kids? Good god, I can’t imagine.

But here’s the thing. You know who I think should share …

I’ll admit it. I’m a huge wimp when it comes to scary movies. I get nightmares, have to sleep with the light on, run my foot underneath my bed just in case… all generally embarrassing stuff. I know my tolerance is lower than most people—this was proven when I was very young and my entire family watched E.T and loved it, while I sat on a rocking chair with a blanket over my head the entire time—and I fully accept …

You know, I’m beginning to think freaks really do have more fun.

And apparently, have an easier time finding someone to marry.

This guy recently tied the knot. And his wife isn’t half bad. And apparently he did the choosing.

Is he rich? No (they call him a ‘herdsman’, and while I’m not up on my pastoral occupations, I’m gonna to take a flying leap and guess ‘herdsmen’ aren’t rollin’ in the Benjamins). Can he dunk? The article didn’t mention …

Um…does anyone have a barf bag? And an answer for why one of the ugliest, whiniest dudes in music might be the newest squeeze of Ms. Lohan?

According to this story, Lindsay Lohan and James Blunt were recently seen getting all touchy feely in a club and then leaving together. The article says everyone’s favorite AAer was seen “trying to hide from onlookers under her coat” as she exited the club with the skinny weirdo. Hell, I’d want to hide …

Alright girls, we all do it. Strangely enough, I think less of us will admit to this than masturbation. More hands will rise when asked if they watch chick on chick porn than when asked if they do this. This is the sort of thing we really don’t want anyone to know about.

What’s this?

Soundtracking our sadness.

Yup. I’ve playlisted my pain more than I want to admit, and have walked in on friends doing it often. No matter …

We’ve all had the 8:30 AM class. Or the 9:00 AM class. Hell, even 10:00 AM is early when you were up until 3:00 the night before, squinting over notes that no longer made any sense.

At that time of morning, even the vainest girl barely has enough energy to pull on something resembling clothing and make sure her face is free of pimple-freezing cream. Besides, you’re just gonna be sitting in some classroom for two hours, and it’s guaranteed …

Ugh. Yet another reason for me to want to punch everyone involved with MTV.

According to this article from USA Today, the network has started taping TRL (that’s Total Request Live, for those of you not native to this planet) two days a week “in an effort to save money.”

MTV needs to save cash? All that network does these days is come up with vapid reality show after reality show, therefore completely side-stepping any need for actors or …

You know, the strangest thing happened to me a few years ago. Although it was never perfect, I had always had pretty good skin. My pores are giant, but besides that, it had always been pretty clear. Then, a few years ago, my face flipped out. I mean, flipped out.

I couldn’t figure out the reason. Sure, there was a lot of stress whirling around me at the time, but can stress really give you acne? Because like, I basically …

Why, hello there.

Consider me your newest best friend. The kind of friend who always tells it to you straight (that new hair color? Kinda makes your eyebrows stick out like giant wooly caterpillars. That skirt? Fabulous. Legs up to here, mama!) has your best intentions at heart, believes in your smarts so much she’ll copy your homework, and always has an extra condom…should you need it, you vixen, you!

I got sex on the brain. But there’s tons of …