I really like watching people dance. I think maybe I could even say that I love watching people dance. This probably stems from my complete inability to dance (with the excepting of the convulsing I’ll do at concerts). Baby wants what he cannot have, I guess.

Anyway, I am particularly impressed/enamored with ‘dance crews.’  Watching people break dancing, pop-locking, and doing all kinds of sweet athletic sh*t in unison makes me wanna buy a full length mirror. I can’t help …

I hate Halloween. I have always hated Halloween. One of the first pictures anyone ever took of me is in a pumpkin costume at age 4, crying my eyes out. I don’t hate other people who like Halloween, but the holiday itself makes me so pissed that when prompted to write a Halloween article I refused to write a positive one.

So if you want to hear about why Halloween rocks you should go somewhere else because I f*cking hate …

The country is getting ready for a terrible recession. Banks are folding and getting bailed out by loans from the FED (which has federal in the name but is private). Scientists are trying to rip open space and time using the Large Hadron Collider. Someone like Sarah Palin is officially close to being involved in a presidency.

The signs are there: the world is going to end. And while I’m sure no one can get a godd*mn job …

“What Rachel Ray does to food, Hitler did to Poland…she’s like a hypnotist; ‘everything’s okay, you’re eating just fine, throw some cheese on it and you’ll be fine’” — Anthony Bourdain.

[Initially, we thought today was Rachel Ray's birthday.  Obviously, one of us was taking drugs or something, because her birthday was actually August 25.  In any case, we still stand behind this article, because birthday or not, she's still probably tied SOMEHOW to Beelzebub]

In case you’re not familiar …

1) English is as hard for them as Algebra is for you.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level …

Whenever you tell someone you’re going back to college, or going for the first time, they are full of useful info. Bring sandals for the shower, get a baggie for the shower stuff you’re planning on bringing, grab a foreman grill, whatever. Unfortunately, with all their good advice, it seems most people don’t really tell you what NOT to bring to school. Good thing I’m here.

Stuff you should not bring to the dorms.

1 – Your $20,000 stereo system.…

School is approaching, and as returning sophomores, juniors and seniors, many already know what that means. But you incoming freshmen, giddy with excitement, you probably can’t stop thinking about what adventures there are to be had on the quad, throwing Frisbees and crap. You probably don’t know what to do with yourselves during your last week in your ‘stupid, boring town.’

Let me help.

I don’t want to make college sound like incarceration, and indeed the possibilities for fun are …

Thanks to satirical cartoons and recorded history, it’s pretty common knowledge that Walt Disney was a nut bag. Besides being obsessed with cryogenically freezing his own head, the guy was an anti-Semite and hired Nazi rocket scientists to design his rides.

Then there’s the racism and sexism in all of the cartoons his company has produced.

But I guess we’d all thought, with the advent of the first ever black female lead in a Disney cartoon, that the company …

Remember when you were in High School and you saw your teacher in the supermarket, buying milk or some crap, and it was all “Ms. Jones, you drink milk!??“

Suddenly in the dairy aisle you had the realization that teachers are people and all of sudden you stopped being such a godd*mn prick in your classes.

These days, it seems that there is equal amount of shock when teachers, GASP, use the Internet. Now I know most students probably already …

So there have been some pictures released of Jake Gyllenhaal on the set of his new movie, Prince of Persia.

Alright, I’m not gonna be the dude who writes about Jake G. on the website for women and hates on him. I think Gyllenhaal is a great actor. He throws down pretty hard regardless of part, whether it’s a marine or a gay cowboy or a teen who keeps seeing a rabbit.

I also won’t be the guy who says …