Is your laptop running at the same speed your grandma’s motor scooter at Wal-mart?
Or do you have one that’s about as heavy as carrying your BFF to class in your messenger bag?

I think it’s time for a new laptop, lady.

Too bad your bank account is about as full as your stomach after surveying the slop in the dorm cafeteria, right?

Not so fast. Our BFFs at HP are offering huge savings on a new laptop bundle!

From August 13th to August 15th, receive $500 when you purchase a bundle of a new HP HDX 18T Premium laptop + HP mini 110 XP netbook.

Why would you ever want a bundle? Um, why not? This little duo (probably the only pairing I prefer to vodka and soda) lets you have the ease of carrying a super small laptop with you to class/work/your friend’s house so you can stalk people on Facebook while hanging out with her, and a regular laptop with a big screen/lots of memory for when you’re back home and need to crank out a paper.

Oh, and they come with a sweet little program that lets everything sync together in perfect harmony.
It’s genius, I tell you.

The only thing better than this couple is the fact that you can get it now for over 30% off. Aaaand, I’m drooling. I haven’t gotten this excited about technology since I discovered my coffee maker could be programmed the night before.

Click to save on an HP HDX 18T Premium laptop + HP mini 110 XP netbook!

Ah…the smell of new pencils, my Dawson’s Creek trapper keeper and my trusty Paula Abdul lunch box – going back to school in September didn’t get much better than that! Until now of course…

These days, Paula is tired (Straight up now, lemme tell you!) and Dawson has been replaced by the newest and fastest laptops you can find. If you are like me, once you get over the MAC/PC thing, the choices on the PC side become truly dizzying.

Truth is, it comes down to what’s inside (at least that is what Oprah says). But as a computer shopper, I want to pick what’s inside! If I can’t do it with men, then I sure as hell want to have control over my electronics. And while I may not know much about all that stuff inside the computer, I know want small and fast (er…uh…don’t quote me on that) !

Companies like Dell have made their fortune off of allowing customers to choose exactly what they want in their computers. Amazingly, it took a while for it to catch on, but now ALL the best computers out there are fully configurable through online stores. Case in point, and one of our faves, HP. The HP Pavilion dv6z series, which you can build to your own unique specifications, is the bomb.com. AND, even better, it’s on sale for the next 48 hours. Yes, you can get your own sick laptop starting at $579.99.

The option to make something all your own (especially if you can make it all your own on the cheap) doesn’t come along often, so don’t miss this opportunity. Just think of all that money you’ll have left over come the fall….

You may not use your computer for memory-eating gaming or need it for its high-power computing capabilities, so when it comes to watching videos on our computers, chances are, we don’t put much thought into just how powerful our laptop is. But, we’re in college! You can’t say you don’t use YouTube, play an online game here or there…or at the very least, appreciate some good graphics.

Like many of us,  your computer was probably your graduation present so it won’t be you forking over your hard-earned cash (lucky!) for an upgrade. But if a brand new PC wasn’t waiting for you on graduation day or you just need something a little smaller/faster/better, it’s time to start thinking about what you need in a laptop. (There is more to them than Facebook and AIM.)

When you watch videos you probably take for granted what it takes to get them there so allow us to break it down for you:

Every computer has a video card which determines the quality and capabilities the machine has to display images. So, why should you care? Because even if you’re not editing feature-length films on your PC, you’re going to want a decent video card to do the regular stuff (like a DVD or YouTube or Hulu…)

Take the Dell Mini 10v Notebook, for instance. It’s low price ($349!), portability (it’s so little and cute!), and color options (almost any color of the rainbow) make it a definite contender if you’re looking to upgrade for next semester. The graphics card is an Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950 which is standard and fine if you’re looking for the basics…and I mean BASIC.

Not a PC gal? The 80 GB Macbook Air is SUPER portable (.76 inches thick!), but at $1799, it’s expensive for what it is. It boasts an 80 gig hard drive and the same integrated Intel graphics card as the Dell mini (meh)…but only one USB port and no FireWire, Ethernet, or mobile broadband connection, which may not work well for a collegiate user or anyone who uses a mouse…or a keyboard…or a thumbdrive…

The Fujitsu LifeBook U810 starts at $999, which is a deal for its 40GB hard drive and ultra-portable 5.6 inch screen. But, it’s diminutive size sometimes works against itself, as some have said it’s controls are, at times, difficult to use compared to larger computers. With a laptop this size you can’t argue with 1GB of memory, but in terms of graphics, its integrated Mobile Intel Express 945GM is only okay. This is designed for if you want to be the quirky one with the 5 inch laptop – it looks cute and will fit in your purse, but not extremely practical.

The Asus Eee PC 1000 has the largest screen you can get in a netbook at 10 inches and since it’s a totally reasonable $599, it won’t break the bank. Like the other options, it’s 1GB of memory and 40GB hard drive seems to be standard, but what may throw you off is its use of Linux instead of Windows. Its integrated Intel 915GM graphics card is decent as well.

Finally, after checking out these other netbooks, the HP dv2 is definitely your best bet, especially if you’re looking to get the most for your money. It’s 12 inch screen is large enough to not give you a migraine if you’re writing a term paper and it’s 320GB hard drive blows it’s competitors out of the water. And at the end of the day, we ARE talking about graphics here, right?

Well the dv2 totally delivers with an ATI Mobility Radeon HD 3410 graphics card, which, in non geeky tech terms, means you can watch blu-ray movies and play games in amazing quality. It runs Windows Vista (has gotten a bum rap and I never have problems) and has a 6-cell battery which is awesome because, with a computer this size, the life of the battery will last longer than ever. The dv2 is really walking the line between ultra-compact, portable and powerful. And with a price tag of $799 you really won’t find a better deal.

We have all complained, at one time or another, on the quick spiralling freefall that is this season’s Grey’s Anatomy. Between the ghost sex and the impromptu training operations that would have no doubt been a felony in any other show, it all gives this writer pause. If these are the story lines that we saw, what are the plotlines that got turned down?

1. Having a ghost friend is a great idea. It worked for Ghost Whisperer, and Jennifer Love Hewitt is nowhere near as hot as Katherine Heigl. It only makes more sense that a hot ghost with a hot star = ratings galore. I think they missed out on an even bigger opportunity: Izzy is a ghost orgy with Denny and all the patients that ever died at Seattle Grace.

2. McDreamy is just perfect in every way: he’s sexy, he’s funny, and he’s the most talented surgeon ever to grace this planet. Too good to be true, right? Exactly. We never knew anything about Derek’s life before he came to Seattle Grace…until now. Turns out Derek used to be Dayna, a talented female surgeon in New York who was getting nowhere in her career thanks to the Glass Ceiling. Dayna was sick of being picked over in favor of male surgeons, so she decided to take matters into her own hands by performing gender reassignment surgery…on herself. Yes, she’s just that good. You didn’t think a man could have hair that good, did you?

3.  TV dramas love guest stars and Heidi Montag is a media whore – a match made in heaven. Speidi heads to Seattle for another posed photo shoot when Spencer decides that Heidi’s 92 pound frame is just too large. He can’t handle the ounce of fat on her thighs, so he convinces her to get lipo. While in recovery, the hospital is bombed and Heidi is responsible to perform life-saving surgury on all of the doctors at Seattle Grace. In a bikini. Which she then turns into a music video.

4. You’ve heard of Iron Chef – now check out Iron Doctors. The staff at Seattle Grace invite the doctors of County General (ER) for a test to see just which hospital is better. Tonight’s ingredient predicament: a bus full of geriatric S&M enthusiasts crashes into an airplane that had to make an emergency landing on the highway on their way to a convention. We’ll have to wait and see who can remove all the spikes, chains, gags and melted leather chaps and save the most people in 60 minutes.

5. Dr. Yang heads outside to wait for the next big case when an icicle falls off of the roof and stabs her in the side. Oh wait….

Heba Salama (a female Jaba the hut), Brady Vilcan and Vicky Vilcan (die bitch!) are three of the meanest, most evil fatties I have ever seen in my life. I would be pissy too if that was my name was Vicky Vilcan – sound like a bad WWE wrestling name. Season after season, week after week, I have watched this show and there has always been a commeradery among participants. Of course it is a game and there will always be some animosity, but I never imagined it would turn into this. Literally, other people on the show were driven to tears by the Terrible Three. But then it came to me, they are not bitter and angry because they are fat – they are fat because they are bitter and angry.

To make matters worse, Ed Salama coming back into the game makes them now the Fat Foursome. As if the shows ratings weren’t suffering enough from the evil alliance, they have just lost one more.

The Biggest Loser – you have lost me. I am done. Please accept my resignation. Some producer thought it would be a great idea to posture the mean fatties against the desparate-to-lose-weight fatties, and it has back fired. Not sure whether NBC thought the Jerry Springer demographic was one that they needed to tap into, but I am a part of about 30 girls at UPENN who are revolting. The show is no longer a motivation, but another trashy, bitter, reality TV show.

Brady was eliminated, which was nice – but too little too late. So sad.

Ego and rock’n'roll usually go hand in hand, but there are certain artists who defy expectations in the douchebag department. Certain rockers who just can’t keep their mouths shut — whether there’s a stage mic or a report’s mic in front of them. Certain dudes who make our top 5 Cockiest Rocker Dbags.

5) Noel Gallagher

Remember this douche? Yah. Not many people do. For some reason Oasis is still making music, but the only thing we ever heard when we looked at them were the words “ugly” and “all-our-songs-sound-the-same“

4) Gene Simmons

A few months ago, Simmons recorded a sex tape that made just about everyone I know puke up their lunch. Sure, KISS was a good band, but saying things like “every other band should be wiping my ass” is just pure Dbag material — especially if you look like your face is made of wax that’s melting.

3) Little Richard

Little Richard and his tiny moustache made some good music in his day, but you wouldn’t exactly consider him “the architect of rock ‘n’ roll,” would you? The architect of tacky sequined jackets? Sure! The architect of upper lip hair? Yup! Well, it doesn’t matter what you’d consider, because Little Richard knows.

2) Kanye

No lie, Kanye knows music — or at least his kind of music. He’s got a certain genre pretty much covered, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the most popular rocker of all time. I mean, if he was, my mom would know who he is…and I’m pretty sure if I said Kanye to to my mom, she’d asked if that was a type of take-out I can only get in NYC.

1) John Lennon

He has to be #1. Because he tried to take on Jesus. And look…you just don’t take on Jesus. I mean, can you walk on water, buddy? I don’t think so. That guy is totally in the popular clique of the Cosmos.

Any other rocker Dbags we should know about?

Once thought a longshot, Republican Alaskan Senator Sarah Palin is now on a plane to potentially stand at McCain’s side. Also leavin’ on a jetplane is Mass’s Mormon Mitt Romney. Ohhhhhhh the tension is killing me, but we have received some great insights from interns that we know who work at some real publications.

If Obama had tapped (politically speaking) Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney would be the VP bid to try and match her fund-raising firepower. Since Joe Biden is in, the Republicans can now pick a female VP and look (and this is a direct quote), “progressive in the ever-changing political landscape where all citizens have equal representation and a global voice.” Gosh, I wish I could write pretty like that.

Who do you want (politically speaking of course)?

Either way, at about noon, we should be hearing who is on the ‘Straight Talk Express’ and who is flying home in coach. I can only wonder where Bill Richardson disappeared to in all of this clamor, but I guess his work in Homeland Security and the fact that 85% of Americans don’t feel any safer kinda’ worked against him. Sorry Bill.

HP Mini has an Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950 offering up to 128MB of total shared graphics memory.

The Mini can store up to 31 hours of HD video on its 160 GB Hard Drive; Boasting an Integrated Webcam and microphone for easy video chatting or multimedia creation.

For versatility, the Mini has built-in Wi-Fi abilities, allowing internet access on the go or a LAN port for hardwire internet access.

The 10.1″ diagonal LED widescreen display provides an expansive viewing
area compared to other mobile devices, with a VGA port for optional monitor use.

Also, the Mini has 3 USB 2.0 ports, headphone-out, Microphone-in combo jack, along with a 5-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader for Secure Digital cards and a 6-Cell Lithium-Ion battery offering up to 6 hours of Battery Life.

HP Pavilion has an ATI Mobility Radeon™ HD 4650 with 1024MB stand-only memory with up to 2815MB total shared graphics memory easily running multiple demanding applications or games simultaneously.

Offering space for over 90 hours of HD video on its 500 GB Hard Drive, the Pavilion also offers a built-in HP Webcam with integrated digital microphone allows for easy video chatting or multimedia creation.

Along with an HP Mobile Remote Control, Pavilion offers 16.0″ Diagonal High Definition display along with built in Blu-Ray player with DVD±R/RW to watch Blu-Ray movies or burn DVDs and CDs. Offering both a HDMI and VGA for optional monitor use.

HP Pavilion offers 4 USB 2.0 ports or 1 Firewire (4-pin port) for direct connection to various devices to printers, MP3 players, or video cameras and 5-in-1 integrated Digital Media Reader.

Weighing in at around 6 lbs, The Pavilion offers a full keyboard along with integrated numeric keypad and an integrated Fingerprint Reader along with a 6-Cell Lithium-Ion battery providing hours of usage.

Oh hells to the no!

Not sure if you have heard or seen, but Gene Simmons is the next in a long line of celebrity sex-tape stars. The video, which I watched segments of, could be THE most awkward piece of video I have seen since Zack Efron started kissing girls on film.

I will set the scene for you (why? Because I’m evil like that):

Imagine some aspiring 20 year old blonde model wearing a bustier. Now, give her big sloppy boobs and have her wear the bustier incorrectly – ok…done. As for Gene, have him wear a t-shirt and jeans. Now, make his d**k shorter than his tongue, put his pants around his ankles and leave the t-shirt on. Alrighty, the characters are in place.

I am not a tiger in the sack by any stretch of the imagination, but if I were video taping it – I would put on a show. Gene and his little gene have come up with the most boring sexual escapade imaginable.

At certain points, I thought the dude was going to pass out from the minimal exertion he was doing. There are a couple of points where the young lady “performer” is on top, maneuvering herself so she is putting no weight on him at all. Look Gene, if a girl is going to give you the ego boost to jump in bed with you, the least you can do is let her rest some weight on your tired ass! I mean really, this poor chick was working at making this happen, and Grandpa Kiss was just there to watch.

The whole thing made me wonder – when will this whole sex tape fad end? At the very least, when can we get some A-listers to start joining in? When Brad and Angelina decide to make a tape, I will buy a ticket, popcorn and some sour patch kids because that will be a show. Two of the most beautiful people on the planet getting it on; I am in.

If you want to watch two no-names have sex, that’s easy enough to find on almost any website or porn shop, but if you are a D-list actor/actress grasping onto your obscurity – why in the hell would you go through the sex tape process?

(If you are still morbidly curious, you can check out the Gene Simmons Sex Tape here- Caution NSFW)