I hate that I can’t control them, which is hypocritical because I used to be one, but every time I see one I just think of how messy and sticky they are.

I waste, like, a lot of time on the internet. I don’t know what I would be doing if I didn’t spend hours obsessively refreshing my Twitter, Facebook, or Pinterest. But out of all of those sites, I could quite literally spend days on Tumblr. So whether you’ve been in the midst of your Spring semester for a few weeks or a few days, I think it’s safe to say we’re all ready for a little procrastination.

We all have those “friends” from high school we feel obligated to keep on Facebook or follow on Twitter so we don’t offend them, but every time they update their status or post a new tweet we can’t help but roll our eyes. I have this friend. She always posts the most depressing, emo, kill-herself, tweets and status’ whining about how she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Uhm, honey – THAT’S WHY!!

In Megan Fox’s piece, she gushes about how wonderful it is to be married. I can’t help but wonder – how did that happen? I thought she was going to be a single vixen forever – a la Angelina Jolie (because her and Brad aren’t technically married). But she does call herself out in the Cosmo Quiz by saying, “I’m not as vapid/bitchy or fit as I look.” Well, that’s good.

Maybe I’m just cynical because it was just Valentine’s Day, but Michelle Williams is practically nude on the cover of February’s GQ. I’m totally aware this is a magazine for men, but jeez-a-lou, she’s literally only wearing a bra and panties.

Oh, Maxim. You make it so easy to laugh at you. Today, when purchasing this month’s Maxim, I was charged like six dollars. I paid six freaking dollars for a 30-page magazine full of naked women. In tiny print beneath the cover model’s legs reads the tagline “This issue is 75% pants-free.” Well, good…because who likes pants? I don’t.

I like to pretend Selena doesn’t know what an orgasm is, and I do think Cosmo is naïve if they are expecting that little girls won’t bypass the raunchy cover stories just to get their hands on some more Selena memorabilia. But besides 12 year olds learning how to have their best orgasm, readers can also hope to discover “Why Guys Love It When You Bite Your Lip,” the “3 Things He Doesn’t Have to Know” and more!

February is National Condom Month, which is something we at CollegeCandy take pretty seriously. For real, the best kind of sex is safe sex, for a number of different reasons, and making the conscious decision to use condoms or other contraceptives is taking charge of your sex life in a really positive way. Even the porn industry seems to be taking notice!

My favorite headlines are, and no I’m not joking, “Is Everything Better With a Monkey?” “We Go Camping at Occupy Wall Street!” and “Women Who Want to Use You For Sex (and Where to Meet Them).” February is also a bonus month for our favorite men’s magazine, it comes with a “Hometown Hotties” insert in Maxim Lingerie talking about their favorite things to wear during sexy time.

As my last relationship was long distance, we came to enjoy a dirty text every once in a while since we couldn’t always bone when we wanted to. Whatever you chose to sext there are some simple rules one should follow so their name doesn’t end up on the front of some lame tabloid.