I should probably point out that I am crappy Jew and, even in not eating chametz (leavened bread), I’m not actually keeping Kosher for Passover. There are lots of rules that I suck at and am therefore not doing. Think of me as a Secular Jew. That’s probably the nicest possible term.

Anyway, Day 3. I woke up hungry. I ate leftover lox (with nothing else because I am super gross) and drank coffee. Then I went about my daily …

And oh, what a Day 2 it was.

Well, first of all, last night I went to my parents’ house for a Seder. We went through our Maxwell House Haggadahs like I go through a fresh, steaming cup of Maxwell House coffee.

…Anyway.

I asked my father what the correct pronunciation of “Haggadah” was, because a friend of mine says it “ha-GAH-dah” whereas I have always heard it as “huh-GUH-duh.” I was told that the first way is Hebrew, the …

Every year for Passover, I give up bread, grains, etc. for 8 days. Why? Because this is how we do.

My mother told me she used to bring tuna sandwiches on matzoh every year every day for all of Passover. I can’t imagine how she did this. Tuna on matzoh is basically disgusting.

But I digress. This morning my Chinese-American-Non-Jew boyfriend walked into our living room, took one look at me eating buttered matzoh, and said, “Hey, Matzoh Girl.”

That …

So, the other day, while at work and totally bored, I came across a surprisingly good article, especially since it’s from Marie Claire, which is generally totally vapid.

The author of the article had a strange family (read: possible incest? he’s not sure) and he’d lost touch with his sister, who only called his mother once in a while to report that she had some fabulous job.

And then…he saw his sister’s picture in a porn magazine.

It …

Passover. Great holiday. Eternal source of existential agony.

I’m Jewish, yes? Well, ethnically, for sure. My family is made up of Jews from Belarus and Romania/Transylvania (suck your blood, blah, blah, vampire joke) who take the culture seriously but the religion…well, not so much.

Supposedly, all sets of my parents’ grandparents were Orthodox, and then their parents (my grandparents) were all Conservative, but my parents, as first and second generation Americans, kind of let that all go. They …

The crazyass cult the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (that we first wrote about HERE), a polygamist group that split off from the Mormons, apparently had a bed in their freaking temple.

This bed was used to eff girls under 17 immediately after their marriage to middle-aged men.

The temple in question was on the Eldorado (note: they pronounce it “el-dor-AY-do,” which I find hysterical in that very sad, scary kind of way) Compound …

Dear Tuffy Luv:

I’m trying to decide if I am suffering from “Dumper’s Remorse or if I have truly made a mistake. This SHOULD be obvious, but for many reasons, it isn’’t. Allow me to elaborate:

After 3 years of dating, I broke up with my last boyfriend about 3 months ago (in January). We had been together for a long time, but I’’d been having doubts for at least six months and possibly more, depending on which friend you …

Cute, yellow, cheap. In other words, perfect.

I like this dress because it looks so easy. It’s so put-together without any mess.

And, again. Mustard yellow. Need I say more?…

So we’ve been looking at Craigslist Missed Connection posts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And now I’d like to address an animal of a different color:

THE POEM.

Oh my yes, the Missed Connection poem. Some poor guy gets it into his head that writing a creepy-ass poem about the object of his affection (emphasis on object–it’s all about what he saw on her the one time he saw her, obscured by the drool creeping up from …

Good news, everybody! Now you can get a free sample of a really creepy vaginal contraceptive product!

It’s a piece of spermicidized film that “is manually inserted high into the vagina” to prevent pregnancy. However, not only do you have to really get that shiz up in there (and I mean REALLY up in there–check the little illustration), it’s not even as effective as a condom.

According to Planned Parenthood, the spermicide used in this product is not …