Whether you’re furiously shopping online for the perfect shoes for your NYE outfit (Zappos has overnight shipping, right?!), or simply catching up on old episodes of How I Met Your Mother (while I sit here working…), it’s time to take a break and play a little game of “Would You Rather?” Because there is no better way to round out 2009 than by pondering life’s strangest situations.

Would you rather date a guy who makes normal noises during sex but sounds like Chewbacca when he orgasms, OR date a guy who is completely silent every single time you have sex?

Would you rather have to go about college life normally for a day except that you’re naked or retake all of the tests you took in your worst class (without having any time to study) because your Prof lost the grades?

When I read He’s Just Not That Into You, I loved it except for one thing: so many of the scenarios aren’t applicable to college girls. I mean, just because a guy isn’t asking to marry us right now does not necessarily mean he has no interest in us!

Since I don’t plan on teaching swimming or working with kids in the future, I didn’t anticipate learning anything super important through this job. I figured I’d get a tan, make some money, and get really pruney fingers now and then. But while I was teaching these little kids how to stay afloat in a large body of water, they were teaching me a much bigger lesson.

Give me a boy, any boy, and I’ll find something I love about him. This is why even I wondered if I was slightly insane when I decided to completely abstain from boys this summer.

I was sitting on the bike at the gym yesterday, sweating out my stress to some Drake, when a cute boy sits on the bike next to me. I was so excited and in luuuurve, but instead of focusing on engaging in witty banter and knocking the socks off this kid, I was wondering if my eye makeup from the day had made its way down my face yet, and if sweat could ever be remotely flattering.

While most people begin planning their birthday celebrations months in advance and turn the entire birthday month into a party all about them, the thought of my November birthday is making me ill. Instead of spending my back-to-school days partying with my friends at football tailgates and planning my Halloween costume, I’m having near-panic attacks about my impending b-day.

My friend called me her favorite Oreo.
“You know,” she said, “black on the outside, white on the inside.”
I gaped at her, trying to figure out what I could possibly say to that. She thought she was genuinely complimenting me. I mean, I don’t even like Oreos.