Problems with this cookie:

1. It is not a fortune cookie. It is an obvious statement cookie.
2. You can’t add “in bed” to the end of it and chuckle to yourself.
3. It is grammatically incorrect.

WTF? If they wanted to be so literal they should have gone with: “You will be hungry in 20 minutes.” At least that’s the future.

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Celebrity couples are hideous beasts born of the 24-hour news and gossip cycles and there are none more powerful than Brangelina and TomKat.  But which one is worse?  Which one makes you want to throw your TV out the window, turn off your computer, and hide your iPhone just so you never have to hear what ridiculous name they’re giving to their 17th adopted baby?  Such a difficult decision, but we can work through it. Read More »

Last week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their biggest piece of advice for dudes. Then I passive aggressively sent that link to every guy I know. What can I say? I’m a philanthropist.

This week I asked the writers to dole out the advice again. This time, though, we’re dishing it to the ladies. Not because we hate, but because we want to stop our fellow females from making huge life mistakes. YOu know, like wearing full makeup to the gym or starving themselves to fit some unrealistic standard of beauty.

Share your own nuggets of wisdom and advice with your sistas in the comments section.

Kiki – University of Missouri: Friends don’t let friends date Justin Bobbys. Also, you can probably get that top for $24.80 at Forever 21.

Gemma – NYU: Cliche but true: chicks before dicks. Men can be awesome, but you’ll have more fun if you spend less time thinking about ‘em, do what makes you happy, enjoy your kick-ass friends, and then let a lucky fella or two come along for the ride.

Alex – Lakehead University: Don’t compromise yourself for a boy. You won’t have to change anything about yourself when someone loves you.

Leah – Ryerson University: If you have to think about whether a piece of clothing is too short or too tight, it probably is. Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site.  We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

It’s one of those debates that has raged for… well, for as long as human beings have done the date and break-up thing. Is fooling around with an ex strictly off limits or a little habit that’s OK to indulge in?

As much as we all wish that our exes would be magically transported to some remote island in the Pacific (ok, maybe the Arctic – why should they get a tropical vacation?),  just like a bad penny, they have a bad habit of turning up again, usually when you’re not wearing makeup. If you have the same friends or go to the same school, odds are good that you are going to run into that old flame somewhere and you know how it is with old flames; they tend to catch fire all over again.

It’s easy to fall back into things with an ex; after all, there was a reason you were together in the first place, right? Plus, you know each other, you know the likes and dislikes and there’s none of the awkward “just starting out” stuff. You get to enjoy all of the heat and passion of doing something taboo, with someone who knows how to “do” you right. Read More »

Stupid grads. Now they’re gonna be bored.

Amy Sedaris teaches women how to clean downtown.

Albino animals are so cute!

We need this dress. Now.

Eminem is a really good actor!

Worried about your teeth? Worry no more…

It’s been about 5 months since I got any booty so, naturally, I’ve got sex on the brain today. Like every day.

Instead of turning to sweets (bad for the weight) or vibrators (bad when you’re in an office), I did a little online research. On sex. Here are some tres interesting tidbits about the most talked about subject in the universe (thanks to breathetheoxygen):

1. According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches.

2. The most common fantasy is oral sex.

3. 8% of us have regular anal sex.

4. 60% of men and 54% of women have had a 1-night stand.

5. Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.

6. In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.

7. Men say the average erect penis is 10″. Women say it’s 4″.

8. A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

9. 56% of men have had sex at work.

10. Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night, until their thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.

11. 1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair. Read More »

[Most guys we know stay up late dreaming of the day they might end up in a giant orgy with beautiful women. We, however, lie awake at night dreaming of a closet full of beautiful clothes. To the left, a wall of shoes. To the right, shelf upon shelf of delicately handcrafted bags organized by color and size.

Sigh.
We all have our fantasies.

Since guys can turn to the interwebs to get their daily fantasy fix, we thought you should, too! So, we’re bringing you some fashion porn. The best of the best in all things fashionable. Sure, it may be out of your price range, but it’s a fantasy, so live it up in all its delicious glory.]

Nothing screams summer like a pair of sunglasses. (Ok, maybe a margarita on the beach, but that wouldn’t be complete without a pair of sunnies.) Sunglasses are the ultimate fashion accessory. These multipurpose beauties protect your retinas from the sun, add an element of fabulosity to any outfit, allow you to inconspicuously check out shirtless guys at the park and cover up raccoon eyes for the walk of shame home. No matter what your face shape, there is a pair (or many pairs) out there for you.  There are lots of different styles and colors at all price points, meaning you can either splurge on that perfect pair, or have a pair of inexpensive sunnies for every outfit this summer. Read More »

Living off campus is amazing.  You have more space, freedom to have a random flip-cup party any day of the week without an R.A. on your case, and an escape from cafeteria food.  However, for all these great perks, there are some things about living off campus that I just can’t help but miss.

Proximity to your friends.

Even if you choose to live with a friend (or friends, depending on the size of your apartment or house you’re renting), you’ll never have the same access to your friends as you did when you lived on campus.  They were either in the next dorm, just down the hall, or sleeping in the bed that was two feet away from yours (or, if they were a really good friend, they were just in your bed).  When you live off campus, you have to make plans to see people, work around conflicting schedules, and any chance of a spontaneous night of debauchery pretty much goes right out the window.  What’s easier than sneaking down the hallway at 2am and waking up your friends with a fifth of Popov and some orange juice? Nothing says “friendship” like a rousing game of Popov Pong. Read More »

Anyone who knows me know that I have a weak spot for funny people. Like, really, really ridiculously funny people. If you can’t make me laugh, then I want nothing to do with you. On the flipside, if you can make me ROFL, there’s a place in my bed heart for you.

And if your name is Amy Poehler, I’ll even share dessert with you (and I don’t share dessert with anyone).

I’ve been crushing on Amy hardcore since her early days on SNL. Amy’s quick wit and perfect timing proved once and for all that women don’t have to be ugly or lesbians to be successful comedians, and I tuned in every Saturday night to get my weekly dose of Poehler. She made a name for herself almost immediately, and was probably the only cast member who could fill Tina Fey’s shoes…er…chair on Weekend Update.

But Amy Poehler isn’t just an improv genius; the woman can act and has found herself in some of the best comedies everrr. Remember her infamous role in Mean Girls? How could you not? What about Wet Hot American Summer? Or Deuce Bigalow?  Amy stole the show and put those movies on the top of my “Best Movies to Watch While Stoned” list.  Needless to say, I was ecstatic when I found out about her NBC show, Parks and Recreation. And she didn’t disappoint.

Part of me wants to hate Amy Poehler for stealing my Hollywood boyfriend, Will Arnett, but I can’t. In fact, if I was gonna lose my future hubbie to anyone, I’m glad it was someone as talented, beautiful and effing hilarious as her. I just hope that one day I can get in on that shiz. A threesome with Poehler and Arnett? Probably the only thing better than an Arrested Development marathon.

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

After so many of you wrote in to ask Dr. Lissa Rankin questions during CollegeCandy’s STD Awareness Day, we thought we’d bring her back more regularly. So, every Thursday she will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I am on the birth control pill and I want to stop using condoms with my boyfriend. I know he is clean, so I am not worried about STDs, but I am worried about pregnancy. Is the birth control pill enough to keep me from getting pregnant? Am I safe without condoms? I’m sorta freaking out, so any answers you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

A: Well, you know what they say- the only perfect birth control is abstinence (with one famous exception- and even that is highly contested!).  But the birth control pill, when taken daily – without fail – is extremely effective. Are you the type that forgets your pill from time to time?  Lower dose pills (ones that have 20 micrograms of estrogen, like Yaz or Lo-Estrin 1/20) are pickier pills, meaning that it’s more important that you take them at the same time every day.  But if you’re good about taking your pill every day, around the same time, you’re pretty darn close to protected (>99%). Read More »