It’s official. The little heiress is heading back to the slammer. *Hahahahaha* (evil sounding laugh). I just hate her. And I’m happy that she’s behind bars. She left the court weeping and screaming “Mom.” Guess you shouldn’t have pissed off that judge, princess.

And even though she was in there for less than three days, in court time that appears to count as five days? That seems a little off to me, but I guess she won’t be there for that much longer. I’m still getting updates from CNN who is covering the story live—which makes me slightly ill. The anchors actually look disgusted with themselves too.

All I can really say about this whole thing with Paris is—I don’t really care. I mean, I do in a way. She was drunk driving, and that officially kills people. And then she stuck her nose up at the law and decided it was OK to violate probation. I’m sorry, she didn’t know she wasn’t allowed to drive… my ass.

I was aghast that they only made her stay in there for two and a half days. Just because she’s emotionally unstable, they let her go? I imagine that anyone who has ever been to prison has a pretty rough adjustment time. I don’t think you go in there, and are happy about it. Maybe she was just going through withdrawal from sex and cocaine.

But this frenzy over her return to court today? Holy mother of God. Let’s look at the headlines from TMZ today thus far (and this isn’t even all of them because there are too many):

Paris Hilton Animal Style: She ate some In and Out Burger. I feel better now that I know that.

Big Guns Storm Paris Castle: The paparazzi is there in droves. Helicopters are swarming over head. Is there nothing else going on in the world today? How about the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs resigning? No, that’s not important….

CONFIRMED! Paris WILL Phone In: If they had actually let her do this, I would have moved to the mountains and started building up an arsenal to fight the US Government with.

Sopranos Star To Paris: Stop Whoring Around: Just about the only thing on the page I agree with. Bobby Bacala is coming to snuff you if you open those legs again, bee’otch.

And then a whole mess of minute by minute updates of her leaving the house, getting into the car, her crying, arriving at court, what she’s wearing… I am so bored I think I’m going to cry.

You read all these reports of Paris and her whore-tastic group of friends blowing lines in clubs, smoking joints in clubs in plain sight when the rest of us can’t even light up a cigarette.

So they’re making an example out of her—Good! These people act above the law, and are nasty to others to boot. Have fun in there, sister.

P.S. George Micheal—who passed out at the wheel of his car in the middle of the road—did not get any jail time at his court date. I thought they’d start throwing all of them in there now. Guess not. Be interesting to see what happens to LiLo when she gets out of rehab…