It’s coming. Get ready.

Ever have one of those weeks when you are so crazy busy you don’t even have time to realize how tired you are? Yeah, that’s how we feel right now.

We spent our week planning our Halloween costume, trying not to die from our Birth Control (not that we need it, considering how long we’ve been single), trying to understand the purpose of a threesome, avoiding scary movies, attempting to get our awful roommate to move out, and trying to find the perfect sweater dress for fall.

Ugh. Even our Hump Day was stressful with both the big presidential debate and the season finale of Project Runway on at the same time.

It’s a good thing we learned a few beauty tricks to fix those undereye circles; otherwise, we would have looked like one hot mess.

Thankfully it’s Friday, which means lots of time to r-e-l-a-x. We just aren’t sure which way is better: a few yoga classes, or a bird poop facial??

[I am a Cosmo devotee. Have been since I started stealing my mom’s when I was twelve. I am amazed monthly by the hair, the witty captions, and their never ending innovation of synonyms for the word penis. Many of my friends, acquaintances, relatives and sisters swear by Cosmo as their Bible (and for the most part I do too). But there are some times (well…many times) when Cosmo’s take on real world situations is - in a word - whack.

I will still accept their declarations of lip gloss superiority like they were handed down from the divine, but when it comes to their interpretation of all things men (or at least all things greatly generalized and stereotyped), I think I’ll be reading with a grain of salt handy.

And I’ll pass that grain onto you. With every passing month and, in turn, every new “Secret Sex Fantasy Guys Won’t Tell You!” revealed, I will be here to break it all down for you. I will find the truth buried deep between the unsafe sex positions and “things he secretly loves you for,” so you don’t end up with a stiff neck, an angry boyfriend or some seriously embarrassing sexcapades.]

This month: 75 Crazy-Hot Sex Moves. Inevitably, variations of the same “ingenious” sex moves, tips tricks, “advice from real guys” (oddly enough, 19-24 year old males speak in the exact manner of Cosmo’s writers) are published every other month. November’s issue does not disappoint, but there were a few gems that even a die-hard Cosmo Girl just ain’t down for.

#2. “Intensify his orgasm by placing two fingers an inch behind his balls and feeling for a dent…For the last 30 seconds before he comes, massage the spot in a circular motion.”

Ok, I’m all for orgasm intensification, but not at the stake of my man’s butthole. Even Cosmo shows a little uncertainty about anal relations (“It’s totally cool…but make sure it’s ok with him first.”—they don’t include a disclaimer about permish before any of their other moves…), so I’m not so ready to venture that close while my target is rapidly thrusting and moving every which way. Additionally, there are tell tale signs that a guy is about to orgasm, but I don’t know if I’m skilled enough to identify them half a minute in advance. Cosmo has this very odd way of giving hyperprecise timing instructions for many of their moves… Read More »

Tonight was a big night with big decisions: Do I watch the presidential debate, or do I watch the highly anticipated season finale of Project Runway?

It was a difficult choice, but I did both. And after almost 3 hours of TV, my ass is asleep.

The season finale of PR was the same as always: model castings, dog poop, rushed and stressed designers backstage, “OH MY GOD THIS IS MY MOMENT”s, and then the big show.

When the main event finally arrived I got a little excited (although that could have just been the effects of the obscene amounts of coffee I chugged to make it through the night). I was really pulling for Korto – she was my favorite all along – but couldn’t wait to see what Leanne marched down the super-long runway. And, maybe, I was curious about Kenley’s collection.

And for the first time all season I was not disappointed. (If you opted for the debate, you can catch the collections here.)

The collections were all really beautiful, even Kenley’s. Each designer came through in their own unique way and I actually found myself saying (out loud!), “I’d wear that!” “I’d totally wear that!” “OMG I NEED TO BUY THAT OFF OF BLUEFLY.” (The product placement worked!)

Warning: Spoiler after the jump. I repeat: spoiler after the jump!

Read More »

Last night’s episode of Project Runway was strange without Blayne. No “icious,” no hot pink sweatshirts… I felt bad that he had to leave, but I know he is happily lying in a tanning bed somewhere, soaking up the artificial rays.

We are down to six designers now, but only one of them really has any talent: Korto. The rest are just sorta coasting by with their crappy designs, poor quality and total lack of a fashion sense. And that couldn’t have been more obvious than in last night’s challenge.

The challenge was actually an interesting one that we can all connect to. The designers were to create a look for recent college graduates who were heading out into the working world. Oh, and their moms were coming to stir things up a bit.

As I watched the designers attempt to appease both mother and daughter (or in the case of Anna, drag queen and daughter…seriously, did you HEAR HER TALK!?), I tried to imagine how it would go if my mother and I were part of the episode.

“I like black, white, and gray. I like classic lines, but very trendy looks.” I would tell the designer.

“What about this bright orange and yellow swirly pattern? Or these culottes?! HOW CUTE IS THIS LEOPARD SKIRT?!” My mother would react. And then she would somehow guilt the designer into making what she wants me to wear, which she has been doing to me since I was 4. Read More »

Got something to ask Tuffy Luv? Email her at tuffy@collegecandy.com and hold onto your hat. Because it’s windy out here.

PS Tuffy’s column will now appear every other Tuesday! So write in lots!!!

Dearest Tuffy Luv,

I have been dating a gentleman, “Bob”, for well over a year now. I left my boyfriend of five years to be with Bob. In the past few months, Bob has lied on several occasions about where he is, who he’s with, etc. He deletes phone calls and text messages because he’s scared I might “get upset over nothing”. I’m leaving for college in a week and will be two hours away. This past week, I found out he kissed one of his former student athletes (he was a swim coach). He begged me to take him back and I caved. This is the second time he’s cheated on me but I can’t seem to hold him accountable. How do I just make myself cut the ties when he makes me happy outside the lies?

Sincerely,

A woman scorned

Dear Woman Scorned,

I think you just blew my mind.

Seriously. Do you honestly believe him that he’s just scared you’ll, what was the term he used, “get upset over nothing?” My guess is, you don’t. Because otherwise you wouldn’t have written in. Read More »

Everyone has that one thing they cannot stand in the opposite sex. It may not be rational (“His jeans are always an inch too short!”), but that doesn’t matter; we can’t help what turns us on (nibbling on my ear…mmmmmm) and off (man necklaces).

This week we asked our writers what made them cringe. (And, yes, everyone agreed that small undies/lots of guns/long hair/ and multiple guitars all lying out on a tarp is pretty effing gross.) Guys, if you are reading this, take note. For real.

Melanie – Northeastern University: I hate cocky attitudes with a tee shirt to match, like, “got your tickets to the gun show?” No thank you!

J – NYU: The way guys’ dirty socks smell. I swear. It could be a terrorist weapon.

Jennifer: I know it’s stupid, but honestly… bad grammar. Maybe it’s just the writer coming out in me, but people who use proper grammar sound intelligent… and I’m a sucker for boys with brains!

Suzie – George Washington University: I feel horrible for being so superficial but I cannot deal with man boobs. They freak me out like… like… *silent scream*

Conan – Columbia College: Smoking. Or fake laughter. Read More »

August 1st. Can you believe it? Where has time gone?

Perhaps it’s time to stop blacking out/macking on totally unavailable men and start enjoying the summer days. Although, with all the crazy sh*t that went down this week (earthquakes? lumps? embarassing doctor’s appointments?) can you blame me?

Alcohol seems to be the best (and only) remedy for forgetting things I wish I never saw, getting over the fact that he didn’t call and, of course, my growing credit card bill. (I guess I should be glad I didn’t fork over the cash for that cosmetic surgery.)

Usually I would turn to music to get me through the tough times, but even that has been ruined for me.

With only 4 weeks left of summer, I better get crackin’ on finding a summer fling. It has been far too long since anyone has parked their beef bus in my tuna town. Yeah, I said it. I guess that’s what the weekend is for. Well, that and movie marathons.

Some people like burgers. Some people eat a lot of burgers–after going out, the next day for lunch, for dinner on a date. Yes, some people like burgers. I’m not one of them.

I don’t eat beef. I do, however, eat turkey. Not only is it very tasty when prepared correctly, it’s also much, much leaner. And, I might add, it’s cheaper too.

So here, for your dining pleasure, is a recipe for tasty turkey burgers. Don’t be fooled: These are not the dry-ass turkey burgers of the 80s. No, this is a good recipe for good turkey burgers. So…enjoy!

Turkey Burgers That Don’t Suck

makes 4 burgers

You’ll need:

1 lb of ground turkey

1 1/2 tbsp of finely chopped onion

3 small beaten egg whites

1/3 clove of minced garlic

1/8 tsp of fresh black pepper

1 tbsp of bread crumbs

1/4 tsp of salt

1 tbsp of chopped parsley Read More »

Okay, here’s how you cook up a five course fish dish that’s cheap and easy and good for you and worthy of being drooled over by the royals of France: In. Your. Dreams.

However! Lucky for you, I have a simple, delicious and relatively healthy and inexpensive fish dish that’s perfect for summer entertaining. Add on your favorite side (asparagus? broccoli? mashed potatoes?) and an awesome dessert (chocolate covered strawberries for two? just sayin’) and you’re good to go.

Here ’tis! (Serves 2.)

Garlicky Lemon Tilapia

*Ingredientos*

2 fillets of tilapia

1 1/2 tsps of melted butter

1/2 a clove of minced garlic Read More »