Oh, to be a freshman again. I remember the days when I bought every single book for all of my classes, tried my best to finish all the reading assignments, and got the phone number of every single new person I met. I still have tons of random names in my phone. This new College Freshman meme is taking me back to those days. Here’s the best of the College Freshman meme – see anything you recognize?

BluntCards is a website that creates online greeting cards to send to all your family and friends, but these aren’t your average greeting cards. These cards, which take retro artwork from the 50s, and add captions that are blunt, rude and just plain hilarious. They’re just too dang cute to really be taken seriously. Right?

My favorite headlines are, and no I’m not joking, “Is Everything Better With a Monkey?” “We Go Camping at Occupy Wall Street!” and “Women Who Want to Use You For Sex (and Where to Meet Them).” February is also a bonus month for our favorite men’s magazine, it comes with a “Hometown Hotties” insert in Maxim Lingerie talking about their favorite things to wear during sexy time.

Halle Berry’s custody battle with ex Gabriel Aubry is getting ugly. The couple’s nanny has accused Aubry of being abusive toward his daughter Nahla, and now the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is recommending that the three-year-old go to counseling. Things sound pretty rough for Nahla, and she’s not alone.

I bought a day-by-day calendar all about being assertive and basically saying “No, thank you” more (but without the ‘thank you’ part). And by “assertive,” I mean it’s filled with hysterical quotes about how it’s okay to be super-bitchy, because we all have those day/moments/weeks/lifetimes…when we need to insert an extra NO! into one thing or another.

We wanted to wish Oprah the happiest of birthdays by showing you guys some of the best Oprah impressions. So now you too can celebrate the birth of the woman who made Tom Cruise jump on a couch and basically told us all who the President of the United States would be before any of us had a clue.

Please: just work with me. I am trying to help you; I am on your side! I guess I should start with an apology, or two. I’m sorry I burn you, cut you and tie you up. I’m sorry I color you, curl you, straighten you and harass you in countless other ways. If it’s any consolation I do it out of love.

Our friends have different personalities when they drink. You have the friend that suddenly becomes really funny, the friend that becomes a total jerk, the friend who becomes a photographer.

We thought that we would brighten up your Saturday morning if you’re browsing CollegeCandy hungover/still drunk from last night, and show you this cute and funny mashup of two fishy flicks, Jaws and Finding Nemo. Obviously these two movies are about two very different fish, but that’s what makes the combination of the two so funny!

The LA Times thinks that Michael Fassbender’s penis ruined his chance at an Oscar. Really. It’s pretty well known that the Academy is a little stuffy, and they tend to be put off by racy scenes. So they may have overlooked Fassbender’s performance because of his full frontal nude scene. Let’s face it – Michael Fassbender’s penis is a real problem.