Why do nice guys finish last and douchebags get first crack at the girls of the nice guys’ dreams? Why do all women seem to go through a phase where they are inextricably drawn to as*holes who make them miserable? These are the questions asked all throughout high school, college, and even beyond, when the real world crashes all those Saved by the Bell ingrained clichés. I think I’ve got a clue.

In light of the recent Blackberry outages, which just so happened to coincide with the day before the iPhone 4S was released (conspiracy alert!), it’s come to our attention that we are obsessed with our phones. We can’t go five minutes without checking our phones to see if we have texts, emails, tweets, or Facebook messages.

Start your weekend off right with this adorable puppy. He’s not so sure about opera, and neither am I. His quizzical expression is ten times cuter due to his chubby little legs. I am squealing and planning how to dog-nap him.

Few others have done as well as JT, which is pretty depressing. I mean, we hoped these Bieber forefathers would stick around until we were old enough to be with them. But, that dream is gone. Case-in-point: Lance Bass created a boy band called Heart2Heart that has just released a video for their song Facebook Official. Yeah, it’s not a joke.

The best part of Halloween is the duplicates – the four girls dressed like Snooki, the Lady Gaga twins – and the second best part is being able to identify every costume in the basement of a Frat House before you even ask anybody. Every year, people love to dress up like the biggest newsmakers and so, we should all prepare ourselves for the tasteless, the creepy, and the funny.

The Kardashians are everywhere. I used to watch E! every morning, but now there’s reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians instead of The Soup. I once resorted to watching Spongebob because I couldn’t take it anymore. How much can this family monopolize itself? I’m confused why they have so many shows: Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (twice!), Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Khloe and Lamar’s Wedding Special, Khloe and Lamar.

Are you ready for a little honesty? Are you prepared to hear something that will shock you? Most people aren’t. So make sure you’re sitting down, because odds are that you’ll disagree with me.

We tend to assume that celebrities aren’t the brightest crayons in the box. But they’re actually much more intellectual than we thought. I guess actors should be able to read considering they have to look at scripts, however I figured they have people for that. Much to our surprise, celebrities can read! And they don’t just read tweets. They read real books and stuff.

I’ll just go out and say what we’re all thinking here (like always…sigh), much like the year 2012- Madonna at the half time show would be apocalyptic. Not only could she rip apart both teams with one of her hulk-hands but also there would be endless advertisements for her & Lourdes’ Material Girl brand: yikes!

The October issue of Cosmopolitan is hot on the shelves, people. It’s time to talk about sex, exercising using sex, words to use during sex, shocking celebrity secrets about sex and things you should never stop doing during sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex! That’s right–if you’re looking for a recipe or a new color to paint your living room, you best move on. So let’s get started, shall we?