Woo! $1.00 off when you buy 12 cans of expired tuna!

Being an adult means making a lot of sacrifices. It’s about saying no to a dinner party because you can’t afford to bring more than stale bread ends. It’s about turning down movie offers because it costs 5 billion dollars to buy a ticket in NYC (and god forbid you want to see IMAX…bye bye, life savings!). And most unfortunately, it’s about buying store brands because you can’t justify shelling out for brand name mustard.

When I was younger (I’m referring to just a year ago) I would throw an absolute hissy fit in the grocery store if my mother even thought about buying non-organic eggs or frozen vegetables. The horror! I logically compared her buying non-free-range chicken to her murdering me in my sleep. But now I’m the one cruising the supermarket with a fistful of coupons and determination not to spend more than necessary. And if that means buying pre-opened food, cans with puncture holes, and expired meats on a discount, so be it. Like I said, it’s all about sacrifices. Like staying in on Saturday night because you have food poisoning from eating year-old salmon.

Penny pinching is one of my least favorite activities. It falls right between having to Google pregnancy symptoms and watching previews for Cougar Town. Yet the longer I’m out of school and the longer I go without finding out I inherited a fortune from a distant relative, the stingier I get. I practically fight over pennies on the street with homeless people. And that’s a new low.

Even for me. Read More »

Ew.

Be honest.

One of the biggest motivations for us college girls to get to the gym every day is the thought of all the hot guys that will be there. Yeah, we go there to burn off last night’s margaritas and nachos, but doing all that burning is so much better while ogling delicious, muscle-y coeds lifting weights, the sweat dripping off of their glistening brows.

But then there are the other guys. Those dudes that show up in attire that makes us want to throw up last night’s indulgences rather than jump their bones right up against the leg press.  Everyone knows that the bar gym is a great place to pick up guys, but these five fashion choices are definite dealbreakers.

Guys, no matter how hot you are, you don’t look good in these.

1. Spandex

I don’t care what kind of exercise you’re doing, spandex is NEVER necessary. This goes for outside the gym, too.  There’s nothing like seeing a guy jogging around campus and having a clear outline of his junk to wake you up for a 9 am lecture.  Spare me.  If you’re lucky, we’ll wanna see your man parts after a few drinks at more appropriate times (that is, unless we remember that we saw you at the gym wearing spandex).

2. Sleeveless Muscle Tees

Unless you’re Pauly D or The Situation, don’t wear muscle tees. They make you look like Pauly D and The Situation. We get it, you have huge biceps, and trust us, we love to watch you flex them. But not in an old t-shirt you tore up with arm holes that hang down to your waist. If we can see your entire upper body already, what’s the point of wearing a shirt anyway? And while we’re on the subject, let’s just make these illegal, K? Read More »

OK, I’ve got one question and one question only…

Who the F is Ke$ha??

The girl wears glitter. A lot of it.
She totally ripped off my girl Uffie.
She has a dollar sign IN HER NAME.
She has one song out…and it’s about getting wasted.

But girlfriend is everywhere. She’s all over the internet, the radio plays her song religiously and she’s even found a spot on my workout playlist. And my getting ready to go out playlist. And my walk to class playlist…

Now, I know the stars of pop music have been a little ridiculous lately (Exhibit A), but this new-found obsession with Ke$ha has me a little worried; bad romance outfits are one thing, but brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack? Come on now, girl.

I mean – really, Kesha? – you “wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy”? What does it feel like to be an angry, controlling, egotistical rap mogul with a Twitter obsession? Read More »

It’s Monday, so you know what that means: The day is gonna suck It’s time for The Weekly Ten! This week I’m going to breathe through my anger (so I don’t Ronnie someone) and take a turn to the nerdy side. I love those internet memes. Sharing an inside joke with millions of people? Yes please.

Mocking Kanye? Even better.

You don’t have to be a dork to heart these, but you do have to be open to ridiculousness. Can’t get enough of them? Check out Know Your Meme and get inspired. Read More »

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Guy, walking out of a package store with three 30-packs of beer.)

Guy: Yeah, I’ve been trying really hard on this whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing. Think I’m doing okay so far.

(Girl, talking to a guy at a bar.)

Girl: Are you related to that guy on stage?

Guy: Who?

Girl: You look a lot like him.

Guy: No, I don’t.

Woman: Okay, you’re right. I’m just trying to hit on you. Read More »

My sophomore year I lived with my best friend in an all-girls’ dorm. Needless to say, squeezing 500+ girls into one building was begging for trouble. Constantly surrounded by tampon wrappers, curling irons and vaginas (I mean, really) took its toll on my tiny, horny roomie. She met a guy in her Creative Writing class who she believed to be “the One,”even though he was an obvious tool (bleach blonde, tan, AND president of a frat). But she was starved for some lovin’, and started to see (read: have sex with) him on a regular basis.

One night in the fall, she dragged a couple of us out to one of his events, a chicken-wing eating contest at a famously tasty local bar. We went, hoping for some free grub. Unfortunately, the only one of us who got to taste anything at the contest was my roomie, who was proudly sucking face with the frat president, who, I swear, had little flecks of BBQ sauce crusting in the corners of his mouth.

So, to ease my own guilt about being single and hungry, I started to order some shots at the bar. Eventually, I was plastered, happily snapping drunk kissy-face pics with two of my other girl friends. The roomie (and toolbag) were nowhere to be found. Read More »

They dominate your Newsfeed and make you want to hurl something at the screen. Maybe they are anti-funny, maybe they are over-sharers, or maybe they don’t really understand the difference between updating a status and responding to someone else’s (that one’s for you, mom!). Whatever it is, they make your (hourly) Facebooking a nightmare.

Which is why we’re putting them in CollegeCandy’s Facebook Wall of Shame.

Each week we’re going to post the worst of the worst Facebook status updates right here. The updates that make us stare at the screen and ask “WTF?” The updates that make us question how we ever became friends with that person in the first place. You know you’ve got a few eligible Updaters on your Newsfeed, so copy those updates into an email and send them on over to FBWallOfShame@CollegeCandy.com.

Because everyone knows someone who belongs here…

Headache Holly H3 ACT LYK3 H3 KAN’T T3LL M3 WAT W3 GO!N 2 DO SO UMMA JUS DO M3..IAM NOT SAY!NG THAT ! DNT KAR3 N DAT ! DNT WANT 2 B W!T HYM BT IAM NOT GO!N 2 S!T AROUND N KRY L!F3 !S 2 GUD 4 DAT..!TS FUNNY HOW U ALWAYS HAV3 2 LET GO OFTH3 PPL YOU R3ALLY LOV3!!!SN: H3 ST!LL ON MY M!ND DO3!!

Political Penny What percentage of those who voted for Obama are actually aware of the moves he makes in office?

Girl Who Updates 800 Times a Day i know im updating my status alot!!! i have a lot going on up there today! a lot of reflection today….i realize that i let my guard down and i realize that only the strong can survive. yeah i might not live the fairy tale ending, but i will still live happily ever after by taking care of me myself and I- Read More »

Unfortunately my required outfit is less extravagant

Giving up my nights out was not something I was especially prepared to do when I started scouring my college town for a job; who wants to be folding clothes amidst an asthma-inducing Abercrombie cologne cloud late into the evening when your girls are out at $1 pitcher night? Nobody.

That’s why I became a cocktail waitress.

Well, that and I heard Tiger Woods George Clooney was fond of them.

Naturally, I see a lot of…er… interesting, for lack of a better word, things during the late night shifts. Things that I know I’ve been guilty of doing, and that all you CC ladies are probably guilty of, as well. Believe me, your signature twist+bend and snap combo dance moves do not look as sexy as you think, even if that drunk frat boy tells you they are. And as good as Journey is, “Don’t Stop Believing” is not “the best song of all effing time!!”

Because our thoughts tend to be a little muddled when we’re a few sheets to the stale bar air wind, I thought I’d help everyone see just what a typical drunken night is from a more honest (read: sober) perspective. So join me as we analyze things (hey, we’re all friends here!) from both sides of the crowded bar. Read More »

By now everyone and their mother (including my mother, who called and asked me who “this bimbo is”) has seen the photos of Heidi Montag’s latest foray into Barbie-ville published in People magazine. But no matter how many times I look at this – and I literally stared at it for 10 minutes until my eyes started to water last night – it still blows my mind.

WTF?!

Why would anyone want boobs like that?
Is she trying to look as artificial as possible?
In her quest for “perfection,” did she ever consider fixing things on the inside?
How much did this cry for attention cost her?

Seriously, if it weren’t for those long, bony fingers of hers, I’m not sure I’d even recognize her anymore. Too bad even 10 plastic surgery procedures won’t help Heidi’s music “career.”

We’ve already made our pick for this season’s winner (and token ferosh gay guy, obvi), and now it’s time to find out if either of them will even make it past the first auf Wiedersehen.

Yes, my friends, it’s finally time for Project Runway Season 7 to start!

While Project Runway’s first season on Lifetime was a bit of a bust, big changes were made to bring season 7 back to its former Bravo glory. The competition has left sunny L.A. and returned to its home at Parson’s in New York. And, thank god, Nina and Michael will return as permanent fixtures on the judging panel, as opposed to their less than consistent visits last season.

Having the team back together in addition to some pretty stiff competitors means that this season of Project Runway might just be as fierce as season 5, which produced none other than everyone’s favorite petite-designer (and hot tranny mess), Christian Siriano.

So, yes, I am more than excited to get this season started. I’ve got my fresh-baked brownies in my lap and my best friend by my side. As the beautiful Heidi Klum would say, let’s start the show!

10 PM: Yay! Welcome back to NYC. Janeane is already putting me to sleep. Snoozefest. Read More »