College Candy

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Girl, gesturing wildly to her friends.)

Girl: It’s Reverse Nursing! You suck babies in through your nipples!

(Guy, talking to his angry girlfriend on a park bench.)

Guy: What’s wrong with “Royal Buffet?” That’s where I went on my 21st birthday.

(Guy and a girl, talking in a bookstore.)

Guy: I checked it out, and it’s bigger than the girls’.

Girl: “Bigger than the girls” sounds like some terrible euphemism for something. Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I was out at a classy lounge the other night (I can legit say this now that I have entered legality), when a nice young gentleman started to make passes at me. Like any normal girl, I was wary of speaking to a stranger with a receding hairline but, thanks to a slightly humorous opener, I kept talking to him long enough to find out that he was an attorney. I practically humped his leg like an excited dog. And not because I’m a gold digger who thinks that an attorney can buy her lots of Gucci and Botox.

It’s because for the last three months I have been cooped up in my room under a hot desk lamp studying non-stop for the LSAT. And in my “drunken haze” (I had one beer, which got me tipsy…what? I’ve been studying!) it seemed that there was nothing more exciting than finding someone who had also studied for the LSAT.

Yup, that’s right – my life had been reduced to excitement over someone having filled out similar bubbles on a similar standardized test. Read More »

So many thoughts. Can’t form words. What is happening here?
Give us a caption and we’ll give you… a digital high five.

It seems that whenever the trailer for a much-anticipated movie is released (i.e. the Twilight sequel), fanboys and girls feel the need to record themselves watching it for the first time. Watching someone watching something else…why?

As you would imagine, some of these videos fall flat (booooring…it would be so much better if the kid were peeing his pants in fear). But many of them end up becoming viral hits solely because the people “reacting” to the film trailers behave like complete lunatics on camera. Just watch Exhibit A.

There can only be one reason why people make these videos: attention-whoring. I can’t think of a single benefit from recording myself screaming “OH MY GOD, EDWARD!” every five seconds other than a one-way ticket to a million hits on the Internet. The people who do this are opening the door to two things: ridicule and World Wide Infamy. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no one truly cares what your opinion of the trailer is. As long as you’re waving your arms around and squealing like a baby pig, however, you’re Internet gold. Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

In all honesty, there has been only one date marked (with a big red-Sharpie’d heart) on my calendar this summer: July 15, the release of the next Harry Potter movie. Yes, I read all the books. Yes, I realize I’m more excited for a movie about wizards than beachside cocktails. But in addition to the guaranteed magical experience of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I’m amped for the magical hotness of its star, Daniel Radcliffe.

Back in the days of the first HP movies, little Danny was, well, little. He assumed the staring role at 9 years old (at that age, I was still wearing butterfly clips and black shoes with white socks, ew).  But at some point, the British hunk blossomed into a ripped, well-groomed wizard of womanizing.

Last year, he starred in the Broadway play “Equus,” which is most famous for showcasing D.Rad in the buff, live and in person. Thank you, Broadway producers, for allowing me to look at this fine man totally nude in a perfectly cultured manner.

While I doubt “The Half-Blood Prince” will be displaying any kind of nudity, I am totally looking forward to fanning myself in the audience, dreaming of another of Daniel’s magic wands.

Either that is a typo or this town has a much different view on news-worthy stories than the rest of us.

Remember when you were 13 and everything seemed like the biggest deal ever and “OMG you are going to die because life is just so bad”? Oh, and you were wearing giant bell bottom jeans and a shirt with a condom pocket on the sleeve? Yeah, those were the days.

Don’t you wish you could hop into a DeLorean and go back and give that girl some (fashion) advice? Maybe a little nugget of wisdom to make those angsty teenage years just a little less angsty? Unfortch, we can’t go back there (or maybe it’s a good thing – I don’t like looking at pictures of myself with that perm, so interacting with it in person would be devastating), but if you could, what would you say?

This week I asked the CollegeCandy team to share their life lessons with their younger selves.
What wisdom would you impart? Read More »

Back in the 9th grade when I was forced to take Sex Ed from a 79 year old man with arthritic fingers (OMG they were all crooked and gross and I stared at my notebook for the duration of the class so I didn’t regurgitate my lunch), I took it for granted. I wasn’t having any sex (thanks to my poodle bangs), so I didn’t really pay attention to the wisdom that was  being imparted on me. Not that the information was very helpful anyway. Sure, I learned how to use a condom by rolling it onto a banana (which, looking back, was a very unrealistic guide in both size and shape) and figured out how my ovaries worked, but what about the real stuff?

After a recent debacle involving a leg cramp/involuntary spasm while on top during sex, I realized that I have a lot to learn. And not things like “279 ways to please your man” like Cosmo provides, but real tips, tricks and strategies for sex.

Basically, sex education for adults.
A required course for all college students. Read More »

I’m sure everyone remembers the sound of thousands of disappointed sighs echoing through the country the day that James Franco backed out of his commitment to make the commencement speech for the University of California – Los Angeles.  If I went to UCLA, I would definitely be a sad panda to learn that the hottie from Freaks and Geeks wouldn’t be giving my graduation speech.

The reason why he backed out?  Well, after all the bitching that UCLA did (seriously, what is wrong with you, people?), we all thought it was some lame acting gig or something.  However, a new video shows that UCLA may have rejected James’ speech instead of the other way around.

This video from The Harvard Lampoon shows James’ test speech that he sent to UCLA (har har).  I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want him! Seriously – if this was my grad speech, I think I’d be way more prepared for the “real” world (where there are secure, lucrative jobs waiting for me ’cause of my college degree).  Not that I’d be paying much attention to what what was being said if he was flying over the crowd in a jet pack.  At least I wouldn’t be falling asleep!  And….hold for applause.

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Middle-aged woman in at a grocery checkout.)

Woman: Excuse me. Sir, can I ask you a question?

Bagboy: Yes, ma’am?

Woman: Where do you keep the Snickers bars and condoms?

(Girl, approaching a guy.)

Girl: So, I have a question for you. I mean, a guy question. It’s awkward, kinda.

Guy: Yah?

Girl: What’s up with… ice cream? Read More »