College Candy

I had gone for almost a solid month without having any massive breakdowns about my future so it was only natural that I spent last Thursday sitting over my computer hysterically (and unattractively) crying about the fact that I had no idea what I was going to do with my life.

I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but after a few months in the real world I’m starting to realize all these “bad economy” rumors are not just urban legend. No one is hiring. I keep expanding my job horizons further and further out to the point where I’m filling out Starbucks applications and assuring myself that writing down orders is the same thing as writing a script.

My summer plan of living with my grandparents and moving out in the fall has turned into my life plan of living with my grandparents and learning how to play bridge with them. All I kept saying as I cried to my mom on the phone was that no one told me it was going to be this hard. I knew it wasn’t going to be college, I knew finding a job would take a while, and I even knew living with my grandparents would give me a natural mothball scent that didn’t come off in the shower.

But I didn’t know that not having college to look forward to in the fall and not having a job and not having alternatives to prune juice in the fridge was going to be so depressing. I met a college sophomore this weekend and before I could stop myself I yelled out, “don’t graduate!” I used to hate when people said that to me – as if you had the option to just not graduate (with the exemption of being a 5th year senior).

I think I’m steps away from telling incoming freshman to cherish their four years because life is all downhill after there. And then I’ll know that I’ve truly entered old age.

So you met a boy. A perfect boy. A boy who loves True Life marathons and Frosted Mini Wheats as much as you do. A boy who kissed you on the cheek after walking you home and took your number (instead of drunk-friending you on Facebook). You totally heart him.

After coming in the house and telling your roommates all about how sweet and funny and “OMG he was wearing the hottest jeans,” you lay in bed thinking about him. And make a mental note to get a bikini wax ASAP, because you will most definitely be seeing him (in the buff) sometime soon.

You spend the next day clutching your phone, willing it to ring. You take it to the library, the gym and even into the bathroom. You jump every time the phone rings and mentally prepare yourself to turn on the charm, only to realize it’s a friend or, of course, your mom. Finally, you receive a text message:

Hungover in the library. Not fun Read More »

Even if we’ve blocked out selective memories of our childhood (the dentist…I shudder at the thought), we all remember elementary school recess. Now that I’m through with my public school education, I’ve been taking the time to reminisce about my favorite memories from those days. Man, did I love that half hour of pegging younger kids in the head with kickballs (which they totally deserved, by the way, just for being there).

At the risk of sounding like a creeper with a window-less van parked 100 yards from a playground, here are some of my favorite games from recess that I wish were appropriate for eighteen year-olds to play. Note: I like the games…not the kids. Read More »

The most difficult decision that comes your way post college graduation is not where you will be living or who you will be living with – it is what the hell you are going to do with your life.

For those of you lucky enough to have a job already, congrats. You are well on your way to a fulfilling life doing what you want to be doing. For the rest of you, and right now that is a lot of you, you have some big choices to make. Some huge questions to answer. And the most pressing and difficult is:

Take a job you love or take a job that pays well?

I found myself in a similar situation post college graduation. I wanted nothing more than to pick up, move to NYC and become a writer. I had dreams of covering red carpets and touring the country with my first book, all whilst wearing the sexiest pair of Jimmy Choos. I would take pictures with fans, discuss movie deals with Paramount pictures, and wow audiences with my talents.

And then I got my first job. That paid $25,000. Read More »

There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours.  As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter).  So we have to prioritize!  We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above).  Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.

Sex sells and nobody knows that better than our generation.  We watch hours upon hours of gossip and celebrity news for the latest update on who’s bonking who.  We twitter about the Walk of Shame.  We scour Facebook for photos of last night’s hook-up.  We strut our stuff at the bar/parties/anywhere social, stalk some prey, and make the kill.  Then we share all the details with our friends over Bloody Marys and Sunday brunch.

As much as it pains it to say this, maybe we should…stop.  Seriously.  I was skeptical at first, but after some good ‘ole internet research I might have to have a little chat with my boyfriend (just kidding…maybe).

- Less Drama:  Yes, all relationships have drama, regardless of any sexual component.  However, I’ve noticed that the drama usually increases when people get naked.  Suddenly, your partner’s past becomes much more important and you become extra attached…and why wouldn’t you?  You just exchanged bodily fluids.  No sex = less drama.

- Freedom:  Sex usually involves some preparation, such as spending mucho time in the bathroom shaving, exfoliating, moisturizing, plucking, etc. and picking out matching underwear sets (unless you’re in a long term relationship, in which case most of those go out the window).  Nix the sex and feel the freedom!  Shave only if you want to, wear mismatched underwear, and let the stray hairs roam for a couple more days.  Ahhh…let freedom ring. Read More »

We all have one. Some of us have two. You know who I’m talking about – that one guy you go to for just about everything. Whether you cuddle during chick flicks or meet up to play a game of basketball, you rely on him because he’s your boy best friend. The one who advises you, entertains you and buys you drinks at the bar when no one else will. It’s kind of like having a girl BFF…except you find him kind of, well, sexy.

I love the idea of the male best friend, but its the reality that I’m torn about…

Love it:

Sometimes you just need to get away from girls. They’re catty, annoying and borrow your clothes without asking. Plus, girls are so dramatic. It’s one thing to watch it on Gossip Girl, but dealing with crazy girl drama in real life just sucks. Guys on the other hand, are pretty much drama free. They don’t PMS, have great perspective on your relationship issues and love chauffeuring you around. They’re also good for reaching things on high shelves, scaring away creepy guys when you’re hitting the bar and carrying around your stuff.

The boy best friend makes a great stand-in wedding date, and your parents probably love him, unlike the last boy you dated. Oh, and it’s really fun to bring up tampons in conversation and watch him freak. the eff. out. Read More »

Nothing is quite as satisfying as letting a good, loud curse fly after stubbing your toe or banging your shin.  It feels great to growl an obscenity when your computer decides it needs to take a break and randomly shuts down all programs…including the unsaved word document of your midterm paper.  Swearing, in short, is an easy and effective way to express pain, discontent, frustration and any number of negative feelings while, apparently, also making you feel a little better.

It turns out this is due to a physical reaction in your brain.  Who knew?

When we swear after moments of stress, it activates a part of our brain associated with the fight or flight response system, raising our heart rate and making us less sensitive to pain. In short, it’s good for us.

All I can say is f**k yeah!  Seriously, I always knew there was some power to those mother-f**king words.  I find a well-placed, three minute string of expletives is extremely cathartic during any exam week.  It works better than sleep or alcohol to calm you down on a sh*tty day! Read More »

What do you do when you’re craving delicious, spicy quesadillas? Put down your car keys — there’s no need for Taco Bell (especially when you are sober…that stuff is nasty!). This awesome dinner for two is healthy, inexpensive and easy. No drive-thru required. Read More »

Straight men spend approximately 3/4 of their day (OK, probably more) wishing that whatever they happened to be looking at involved boobs. As such, establishments that cater to straight men, like sports bars, realize that by filling their place of business with scantily clad women, they can get men to come in and buy… anything, actually. But does that make it OK to be one of those scantily clad women?

On one side of the argument are supporters of the girls who work there and like it. They say it’s just like any other waitressing gig, except that the outfits are smaller. Some girls find that they can make better tips in places like these, because the men are trying to win them over. They aren’t having sex, they’re just wearing small outfits – outfits that are quite a bit bigger than, say, what most of us wear to the beach. Some even argue that a part of what we fight for with feminism is the right to work in any profession we choose, even if that profession does pander to men, so to put a limit on what a woman can and can’t do with her own body or her own career would be anti-feminist. Read More »

I’m generally not a demanding girlfriend.  My requests are small, involving being somewhat tidy and helpful around my apartment (especially when he spends 80% of his time there) and cooperative and enthusiastic when we make plans together.  Seriously…that’s it.  However, I still run into issues.  Toilet seats get left up, hands don’t get washed (gaaaaaahhhh), crusted dishes are left out, and my man turns into a whiny mess whenever I take him shopping.

This could all be a thing of the past now that I’ve learned of a glorious new tool:  alcohol.  Apparently, some clothing stores are starting to serve alcohol to patrons while they shop.  These stores tend to be catered to the male population and focused on catering to the individual customer’s needs.  Men relax after a couple drinks, eliminating the social awkwardness that comes from shopping and actually taking time to think which color would go best with their eyes and the rest of their wardrobe. Read More »