I’m definitely aware that, in regards to getting engaged, I’m not a special snowflake. There are lots of 23-year-olds who are engaged and getting married. There is nothing really magical about my story or my engagement or my life. I’m just a chick who likes to write and happened to find a dude who likes to write. And we ended up dating and getting engaged.

I guess what makes my story different to most people was that I never planned on getting married. In fact, before I dated my fiance, I had never had an official boyfriend before. I had had little flings — imagine me telling someone, “Me and that guy had about half-a-thing,” which basically sums up my love life until the age of 22. I was non-committal and mostly uninterested. Whenever I went on dates, I secretly wished I was at home watching Disney movies and eating cookies instead.

I hated the process of dating, the amount of money spent, the tension over the check, the sitting in a dark movie theater trying not to fall asleep because I got up at 5am to work out. And, more than that, I hated the idea that I was supposed to be dependent on someone. Maybe it was my rebellious nature, but I really rejected the notion that unless I had a boyfriend, I appeared abnormal. I knew I was intelligent, attractive and generally pretty fun (I do a really great Zooey Deschanel impression). I didn’t need a dude to tell me this. I was The Girl Who Didn’t Need Reassurance.

And I guess, ultimately, that’s how it happened. My fiance is someone who I knew all four years of college. We were friends, fellow Creative Writing majors, and helped put together the school’s literary magazine. He liked me because I was independent and intimidatingly motivated.

We had our final creative writing seminar together and, two weeks before we got together, I distinctly remember saying something to the effect of, “My mother always taught me it was more important to be a good human being – successful and courageous and motivated – than someone whose only motivation was to find a good boyfriend. She felt a lot of pressure to get married young and didn’t want me to feel that way.”

That feeling you have is intense irony at my own statement.

We became official in April. There were no dates, no debating over who had to pay what. I was basically living in his house by mid-May and grinding my teeth over the fact that we were graduating, I was moving back to Oregon for grad school, and he was staying in Idaho.

He ended up proposing on a visit to Oregon in July. Part of me had expected it, but part of me still hadn’t accepted that I was in a relationship with a man who actually wanted to get married. And his proposal was like our entire relationship: plain, simple, and to the point. It was done out of love, not out of any kind of courtship ritual. He had asked me, two days before if I had a dream of how I would be proposed to. I laughed and said, “Honey, it doesn’t really matter.” We watched Harry Potter and he asked me to marry him. That was it.

The thing about being engaged at my age, with my past, is that people tend to think we’re kidding. Or that it’s not serious. It has recently become a trend for people to “get engaged” on Facebook – with no ring, nothing to show for it – and then break up. One of my friends has been “engaged” to every single one of her boyfriends. I’m not kidding. There is a tendency for some people of college age to think that every person they date is their “true love.” I guess the realist in me is what kept me from dating much before my fiance. I knew it wasn’t that easy.

Contending with that trend is one of the difficult parts of being engaged. As I plan my wedding, send out engagement announcements and try to pick a color (seriously, guys, it’s so hard), I feel like I’m constantly dealing with people giving me a “Really?” face that is rife with sarcasm.

Mostly, though, I struggle to accept that being engaged has changed a lot of my life plans. Before, I had planned to finish grad school and then move where ever I got a job. I had had my sights set on New York City or Chicago. Now, that doesn’t seem as possible. I have two careers to think about now, two passions. I need a place to live that’s big enough for two people. My previous attitude had meant that I’d always planned for one. It’s a nice change, but a change I still have to get used to.

You wake up. You reach over to your bedside table, grab your ringing phone and click the dismiss button to stop the alarm. Phone still in hand, you rub your left eye, but leave the right one open and peek at the device in your palm. Eleven new emails and four texts. You check them sleepily–texts from your mom, your sister and two from your best friend. Then move on to the emails–one from work, a few from school, some announcing sales at your favorite stores and lastly, a notification that John Smith wants to be your friend on Facebook. John Smith? Who is that?

Getting out of bed, you plop down in front of your computer and pull up the social networking site. You check out John Smith, but still don’t know who he is. Then you realize he has sent you a message. “Hey, we met at a bar the other night. It wasn’t anything big, we just introduced ourselves. How are you?” You still don’t really remember him, but you accept the friend request anyway. Then you go back to your news feed, where you see that your friend in Texas has put up new pictures. Clicking through them, you realize you haven’t talked to her in almost two years, but still know most of what’s going on in her life.

So much of our lives has been infiltrated by virtuality and technology that it’s rare that we have more actual face time in a day than virtual. We text, BBM, Facebook chat, Gchat, Skype, iChat and tweet far more often than we take the time to meet up face to face, and we don’t have a problem with that. (In fact, I just stopped and typed out a text in the middle of writing that sentence.) Often we have online friends that we have never met outside of the digital world–something that not long ago may have been considered a little strange, but has recently become a social norm. The number of online dating sites grows almost daily, and people find shared interests on all different kinds of blogs–from fashion to comics to music. But just because we like to look at the same website as someone, does that mean we should be friends?

Many people believe that virtual relationships are fake and watered down, and in a lot of instances that is true. Think about it–how much do you really know about all of your Facebook friends? Are the majority of them even your friends at all? Are they even real people? Or just fakes created by a lonely woman in the middle of nowhere like in that Catfish movie?

We may feel like we know people that we meet online because we spend such a huge portion of our lives in front of our computer screens, but who we are online can be totally different from who we are in real life. The internet provides a safety filter through which we feel we can be more outgoing, wittier and all around more impressive than we may be when approached on the street. Imagine that you start following someone on Twitter because every single one of their tweets makes you almost pee your pants, but you decide to meet them in person and discover they look a little bit like Chewbacca with even less social skills. Or, there’s always the chance he looks like Bradley Cooper and is just as funny as his 140-character one-liners. Either way, meeting people on the internet is a gamble, no matter how well you think you know them. And we’re always crossing our fingers for a jackpot.

So is it bad that so much of our personal lives and relationships are online? Maybe. But it doesn’t seem to be a trend that will go away soon.

Have you ever uttered the words “music was better back when…”? Or maybe you’ve been the one listening to a friend wax poetic about the good ol’ days of rock ‘n’ roll. In either case, you’re definitely not alone. There’s a seemingly huge divide between electronic music artists of today and, say, the organic sounds of The Doors. But guess what? Not anymore.

The folks over at the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (aka the GRAMMYs) got together with Hyundai and GreenLight Media & Marketing for the new film RE:GENERATION. Along with world-famous electronic music heavyweights Skrillex, Mark Ronson, The Crystal Method, DJ Premier and Pretty Lights, they brought the ultimate music experiment to life.

These relative new-comers were each assigned a genre of music to work with — country, jazz, classical, R&B or rock — and were then paired with legendary artists from each category to create and remix the ultimate tracks. RE:GENERATION is all about respecting classic musicians — the pioneers and revolutionaries — while ushering in a new era of sound. We were blown away by what was possible when today’s top DJs worked with amazing talents like Nas, Mos Def, Erykah Badu, LeAnn Rimes, Martha Reeves and members of The Doors, among others. Take a look through our gallery below to see and hear all the collaborations.

RE:GENERATION is hitting select theaters on February 16 and 23.

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Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Courtney Stodden. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.

[Photo Credit: Brian Nevins]

Sometimes your girls can tell you more about yourself than you’d ever realize. A few weeks ago, my friend Monie pointed out that she thinks I have the dreaded light vs. dark skin complex. “What’s that,” you ask? She thinks that I’m not comfortable and confident with my dark brown hue.

“You only crush on fair skinned guys, white guys or Hispanic guys,” she said over coffee. “You realize that it’s because you have an issue with yourself, right?”

Umm, what? At first, I was taken aback. I think I know my own issues – all 456,930 of them. But then I really took some time to think about what she noticed.

When I attended elementary school in New York, my skin color was never a problem with my peers. I was never self-conscious about it. New York City is the melting pot, after all – I had classmates that represented all corners of the world. Besides, the kids picked on plenty of other things. When I moved to the South, everything changed. I was introduced to offensive terms like “redbone” and “midnight.” The most popular girls happened to have light skin and long, “good” hair. It was a trend that stayed consistent until I graduated high school. I never realized that the preferential treatment of those girls affected me until now.

Hold on, guys. It’s about to get real.

The light skin > dark skin mentality was drilled into my brain subconsciously, starting in grade school. I’d suck my lips in to make them look smaller, pinch my nose to make it thinner, obsess over my cornrowed and beaded hair to make it appear longer and beg my mother for liquid foundation so I could be “prettier.” The guys who preferred lighter girls in school were just like the musicians I listened to or the actors I watched on television – anytime they appeared in a music video or a movie premier, a caramel-colored honey was nearby.

I’m learning that this is a global issue. My Spanish teacher, a beautiful woman from Panama, says that skin color affects her culture as well. Dark-hued people are workers and considered to be at the very bottom. Light-hued people are “better”…they have better jobs, live in better houses and drive better cars.

So maybe my friend was right, partially. I do have issues with complexion. Or did. I’m beginning to acknowledge those grade school insecurities. But looking back helps me love and appreciate the skin I’m in.

CollegeCandy, do you face any cultural hang ups when it comes to dating? How do you deal?

[Lead image via George Dolgikh/Shutterstock]

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend noticed a lump in my breast while we were fooling around. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m at school so I could go to the clinic but I’m really scared about what they’ll say. What should I do?

Scared

Dear Scared,

Go to the clinic!!!!!!!!!

Look, it’s unlikely at your age that it’s breast cancer (which is what I’m sure you’re worried about). But you MUST get it checked.

If it is breast cancer, you want to catch it early. So go. NOW.

But stay calm. Doctors are much more effective at treating breast cancer than they used to be. Only about 3% of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer die from it, even though 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer over the course of their lives. So stay cool and go get it checked — just in case.

Reading up might make you feel better, too. But don’t use any of those crazy self-diagnostic websites!!! That shoop will make you crazy.

So, step 1: Make an appointment to see a doctor ASAP.

Step 2: Read up on Sloan Kettering’s website.

Step 3: Once you’ve been reassured that it’s not breast cancer by your doctor (which I’m sure you will be), try to avoid risky behaviors. Don’t drink too much and be sure to know your family medical history. Get regular checks and do self-exams.

The truth is, many young women have lumpy breasts. Aunt Tuffy has spent many a night obsessing over a lump. But that’s why we have doctors. Even if you have healthy young lumpboobs, keeping track of those lumps is VERY important in recognizing the bad lumps, should they appear later. ALWAYS double-check with your OB/GYN if you are at ALL concerned. You should be going every year, but, if you feel something, add in an extra appointment.

Your visit won’t be too scary, either. You’ll go in. Your OB/GYN will check your breasts. If she feels something that she’s at all worried about, she’ll send you for a sonogram or a mammogram. Sonograms are totally painless and mammograms are uncomfortable but certainly not frightening.

There’s plenty to be scared about, but you can be brave. You have to be. Keep ahead of any possible problems and solving them becomes much easier.

I leave you with a final page of great, consolidated information.

Please be well. Don’t wait.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Proposition 8 was overturned, and now we have to see that lesbian comedienne Ellen Degeneres as the new face of JCPenney? Where on EARTH will I shop now? Ladies, we’ve got to do something about this. Let’s protest that crazy talk show host so that her homosexuality doesn’t taint all our kids’ back-to-school clothes and our Christmas shopping.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating the thought process of a member of One Million Moms, a conservative group that’s got their high-leg briefs in a twisted bunch because out and proud Ellen Degeneres is the new JCPenney spokesperson. The group issued a statement following the company’s announcement:

“Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful…By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JCPenney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.”

Fox News contributor Sandy Rios, who supports the One Million Moms perspective, summed up this week’s Hot Button Issue while on The O’Reilly Factor: ”The problem is that Ellen DeGeneres has chosen to act out her lesbian lifestyle and marry her partner, it’s what that represents,” she said. “And the fact that JCPenney is supposed to be middle America, the place where families shop…and people who believe that marriage is between a man and woman and children should not be exposed and propagandized in homosexuality have a moral problem with that.”

Well I’m sorry, Sandy, and the members of One Million Moms, but America—the land of opportunity, the land of the free and the home of the brave—is changing. And for the better. Thank goodness it’s been allowed to change, or else women would never be able to proudly make a buck in any workplace and we’d still stupidly have slaves everywhere who each only count as three-fifths of a person. Though the country has managed to acknowledge the basic human right of being considered an entire person to these minority groups, why can’t such a given be also applied to those who aren’t perfectly heterosexual? Those who choose to be both free AND brave?

If you’re protesting Ellen’s employment with JCPenney, you’re asking that the company discriminates based on her sexual orientation. Hm, discrimination definitely sounds like one of “the negative influences our children are forced to contend with”—you know, the part of society’s “filth” that you should be working to fight, rather than avoiding the hilarious and kindhearted Ellen Degeneres and every product she’s ever endorsed. I’m guessing you’re missing out on the greatness that is CoverGirl LashBlast Mascara and the daily dose of awesome on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Oh man, your kids must have never even seen the movie Finding Nemo! Do you tell them that they can’t go on the Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland because that funny blue fish is the voice of an evil lesbian?!

Oh, and by pushing Ellen down and calling her names, you’re being a bully. That’s right, One Million Moms, all 40,000 of you are guilty of anti-gay bullying.

Thankfully, the group’s protests and cries were no matter for the department store, as the company stood behind their decision. And yesterday, the free and brave Ellen Degeneres addressed her haters and, therefore, her motivators, on her talk show. ”I’m proud and happy to say that JCPenney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson. Which is great news for me because I also need some new crew socks.”

On a more serious notes, she continued, “I really want to thank everyone who is supporting me…Here are the values I stand for. I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you’d want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That’s what I stand for.“

To be honest, I’m surprised that One Million Moms even had the time to jumpstart a JCPenney protest. The group has also requested action against Macy’s, ABC’s Modern Family and Mattel. Don’t shop at Target for promoting the destructive program that is Degrassi, don’t watch Dancing With The Stars because the show “aired a definition of ‘transgender’” and don’t support Ben & Jerry’s because of their “tasteless” ice cream flavor names. Thank goodness—that means there’s more Schweddy Balls for me!

Watch Ellen’s full speech now. It’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, it’s all things Ellen Degeneres.

Should JCPenney be concerned about losing conservative customers? Or will they gain more respect for taking a stand?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

When you live with a roommate, sometimes things get gross. Whether it’s because your roomie has a few too many drinks and gets sick, or because she has a bad habit of waiting too long to wash the dishes, you’re going to be faced with a messy situation eventually. But what do you do if the ick is more personal than that? What do you say to your roomie if she has a B.O. problem?

You guys just about stumped Marysa with this question. She’s tackled tough issues before, but this one is just so awkward that she had to call in the experts. And by that we mean her friends on Facebook and Twitter. So listen to what she has to say, and then help her out: How do you tell your roommate she stinks without making things permanently weird between you?

If you have a question for Marysa, ask her on twitter @Marysa_Miller or by sending an email to editor [at] collegecandy [dot] com with “Ask a Roommate” in the subject line!

Great news out of California this week! Proposition 8, the voter-approved ban on same sex marriage in California, was ruled unconstitutional by a federal appeals court on Tuesday.

Prop 8 has been very controversial since 2008, when it was narrowly passed by a vote of 52 percent to 48 percent. You probably remember the Yes on Prop 8/No on Prop 8 campaigns. Even though the law only affected California, people from around the country got involved with the issue. And even though countless celebrities and big companies like Google threw their weight behind the No on Prop 8 campaign, it still managed to pass.

Ever since then, activists have been fighting Prop 8 in court, trying to get it declared unconstitutional. The recent decision by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals actually upholds the decision of a lower court from 2010. Prop 8 has now been ruled unconstitutional twice, but both sides are looking to decide the issue for good. The only way to do that is to take the case all the way to the Supreme Court, so it looks like that is probably going to be the next step.

So what exactly does that mean? It creates a lot of what-ifs. First of all, the Supreme Court could decide not to take the case at all. That would make this week’s decision final, and Prop 8 would be squashed.

But because marriage equality is such a big issue, the Supreme Court will probably take the case. And if they do, their decision could have huge long-term effects on the entire country. If the Supreme Court reversed the decision of the Ninth Circuit Court, Prop 8 would be upheld and same sex marriage would be illegal in California. But if the Supreme Court upheld the decision of the Ninth Circuit Court, Prop 8 would be gone for good.

Supreme Court decisions set precedent for other courts, and influence their verdicts. So a Supreme Court ruling on Prop 8 could set the standard for same sex marriage laws and court cases across the country.

It’s a lot to think about, and there’s no way to know what the future of Prop 8 might be. But for now, one more court has ruled it unconstitutional. And that’s one big step in the right direction.

Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also has a love for cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.

I have discovered the answer to ALL post grad problems. The post grad problems I’m talking about consist of: stress, finding jobs that make you happy, dating mature human beings, partying, being adventurous, finding yourself…you get the point. So, how are we supposed to conquer all of these grown up issues at such a young age? Be obsessed with yourself.

With every fiber in my body I know this works. When you focus on nothing but yourself, things start miraculously working out in your favor. Put a little playful selfishness into action! Of course you should care about others and do things for the community, but lets be honest — doing good things for others makes you feel good, too! And that only aids in being obsessed with your own well-being.

You will never again have an issue with dating if you focus on what makes you happy. True story: I recently cancelled a date with a guy merely because I was painting my nails Turks and Caicos by Essie and munching on banana bread. I wasn’t really feeling a date night and didn’t want to ruin it with my selfish attitude. I’d much rather go when I actually wanted to. In the end, the guy was totally fascinated by my non-apologetic drive to live my own life and things have been working out flawlessly since!

You will never again have an issue with your job if you focus on what you’ve been wanting out of the job world since the beginning. A job is essentially what you fill 80% of your life cup up with, so it might as well be something positive. If you become consumed by a job that you do not enjoy, say hello to the bumpy road of tress and eventual disheartening failure. Ask yourself, “How can I be selfish? What can I do to make my heart feel at ease?” Do you want to quit your job and start a blog or open a cupcake shop? Um, do it! Seriously. Success shines brightly in something you are passionate about.

You will never again have an issue with feeling guilty for going out too late vs. staying in and petting your cat while you read Glamour by the fire. Do you struggle with guilty-for-not-going-out syndrome? STOP. It’s a simple calculation. If you don’t feellike going out…stay home and count the sheet-rock speckles on the ceiling. If you feel like going CRAZY at a local dive bar…go out and take a red headed slut shot and wake up feeling guilty all over again in the morning. You are still young, after all, and doing what you want (since you don’t have a family, baby, puppy tying you down) is totally 20-something life decision couture.  Natural and beautiful.

You will never again baulk at spending money or time searching for happiness. Want to travel? Pin a map to the wall and throw a dart to see where it lands. Then save money and GO! If you want to by that vibrant orange lipstick because Glamour told you it was the “new red” go for it. And wear it to the grocery store, dammit!

At this age, life should be ALL about yourself. No one can stop you from doing what you want to do. As long as you’re not snorting a line of cocaine and building on fire on the coffee table, I think everything we really want for ourselves is pretty innocent.

Recently, I spontaneously flew to Los Angeles for a weekend to see some friends and ate as much fancy bakery goods, sushi and herbal lemonade as I could. I spent the extra money to buy something fringe so I fit in at The Grove in West Hollywood. In fact, I made out with a club promoter in the fancy new venue everyone was partying at on Hollywood Boulevard. Partially for the story, whole-heartedly for myself. Then, when I got home, I took a bath with eucalyptus bath salt I bought at Macy’s as a personal treat to myself. While listening to old country music on my iPod. And it was lovely.

Bottom line, do what you want for YOU. If you are a happy person, life will suddenly become so much brighter, clearer and exciting. And everyone will notice the vibrancy you’re putting off. Like a galaxy or bundle of fireworks exploding in a dark alley. You owe it to yourself to be there for no one else but the person you spend every minute with.

[Image via auremar/Shutterstock]

While I usually enjoy the classic routine of dinner and a movie after you’re officially “dating” someone, I think it’s good to put a little spin on your first date with a new prospect. A creative and unique first date says a lot about a person’s style…snag the opportunity to make a statement! When you’re  just sitting in a movie theater for two hours not talking, it’s hard to get to know someone. However, if you go on a date that gives you time to make conversation and interact in different ways, you can figure out if you like the person a lot faster. I’m sure I’m not the only one who tends to like people more when they open up to me. I love hearing about someone’s family and dreams for the future (I know it’s cheesy).

Here are seven first dates I would like to be taken on. Now I just have to find someone to go with…

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Ashley is a freshman at George Washington University and she’s majoring in Overanalyzing Situations and International Affairs. Follow her on twitter @ashleybrooks25

[Lead image via PonomarenkoNataly/Shutterstock]