"So....Emmy....where's your boyfriend?"

Like nearly every other college student on the face of the planet, Thanksgiving Break is something that I am eagerly anticipating. The dorms are always busy and fun, but everyone appreciates a little break now and then. There’s nothing quite like going home, eating my dad’s brownies, watching movies with my sister, and taking my dog along on runs.

I do love the holiday of Thanksgiving as well. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie, and my little cousins dressed up as pilgrims, all my extended family gathered into my Grandma’s kitchen to say grace. I am blessed with a crazy bizarre extended family, the best kind to have in my opinion, and they are always the highlight of my holidays.

But as much as I love them all to death, sometimes their questions can be a bit too much. While I appreciate their interest in my life, I don’t feel the need to explain the details of the break up with my long term boyfriend to my uncle while waiting in line for cranberry sauce. Similarly, having my conservative aunt question me about boys that I might marry while she calmly serves out pumpkin pie just takes away my appetite!

Now, I understand that my aunt grew up in a very different culture than I do. Yet it truly does make my stomach full of turkey turn to hear this woman I am related to tell me that the most important thing for me to do in college is to meet the man I am going to marry. I love my aunt, but this idea of success disgusts me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely picture marriage eventually in my life plan. And I have nothing against people in long term relationships. Up until recently, I was one of them myself! Read More »

I remember watching Say Anything with my sister when I was a kid and wondering if all men were as sweet as Lloyd Dobbler, standing outside a girl’s house with a boom box over his head. Obviously I had a rude awakening when I got to dating age and realized that high school guys were actually kinda jerks. I never got a big romantic gesture, Valentines, or even a cute note in class.

After meeting Matt in college and falling in love, I realized that those high school boys were still pretty eh, but I also learned that it doesn’t take some grand romantic gesture to be a sweet guy. It’s all the little things Matt does for me that really mean the most.

Last week I was in Wisconsin for my grandpa’s funeral. Since it was such short notice, my mom couldn’t afford to fly Matt up with me so he stayed at home while I was gone for a week. When I finally returned to Texas, I was coming down the elevator at the airport to meet him and he walked up the escalator just so he could give me a kiss and a hug a little bit earlier. He totally swept me off my feet, and with him just being his usual impatient self.

I’ve learned that guys don’t really like the big romantic gestures because most of the time they’re afraid they’ll either: A. screw it up somehow, B. embarrass themselves, C. get rejected, or D. all of the above. So honestly, the big romantic things are pretty rare, and while that means they should still be valued when they DO come along, you have to pay attention and enjoy the smaller things.

I for one love to get the random text at 2 in the afternoon that just says “i love you” when I’ve been having a bad day. It turns my entire day around from crappy to awesome. Or when Matt lets me have the last Dr. Pepper in the fridge. Such a gentlemen! I’ve learned not to expect amazing over-the-top romantic nights from Matt and I’m perfectly happy with that. As women we need to stop putting so much pressure on men to be romantic when just letting them be them can make us so much happier. Read More »

Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).” Read More »

Hey Dude,

I’ve done the Friends With Benefits thing, and, to say the least, I’m not cut out for it.  Now I have this amazing guy in my life who I consider my best friend, but I’m confused over how I’m supposed to know if he likes me as in a relationship sense or if he just wants to sleep with me.

He texts me quite often, even if just to say hi or to see what I’m up to, or make sure I’m feeling better when I’m sick.  We’ve gone out before with mutual friends and had a blast.  We’re both more of homebodies, so he comes over to my place now regularly and we hang out.  We’ve made out, but I end it before it goes any further because I don’t want the Friends With Benefits thing to happen.

So, how do I know?!

Thanks,
Confused Read More »

Question for our dear friend Tuffinski?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and just maybs, just maybs, get a response.

Dear Tuffy Love,

I have a major crush on my RA. I know it’s wrong and the chances of something happening are almost zero, but I can’t seem to get rid of these feelings. He is super hot and funny and sweet and sooo cool. The problem is (other than the fact that he’s my RA) that he’s a senior and I’m only a freshman. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between acting on my feelings and pretending they don’t exist.

I have a huge fear of rejection and I’m afraid of getting hurt and awkwardness. But it’s come to the point where I want to do something. I want to know if he feels the same way even a little. But I don’t even know how to go about approaching him about it. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? He does seem to give me preferential treatment over the other residents, but that could mean nothing. Help!

-Conflicted Read More »

When I broke up with my last boyfriend I was ecstatic to have my personal time back. It had been a long time since I’d had my own routine and I couldn’t wait to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. I had grand plans of daily visits to the gym, cooking my weird healthy meals and eating them on the couch while watching marathons of Say Yes To The Dress.

I gained ten pounds during that relationship and while he didn’t care – he loved seeing me in the buff despite the extra junk in my trunk – I was ready to take back the control of my life, shed the extra weight, and hit the single scene with my svelte new frame.

Only the reality was so, so different.

Not only is the single scene rather sad and over-saturated with douche bags, but being single is actually making me fatter!

There is something to be said about having someone around, and not just for the comfort and companionship that comes with a boyfriend. Passing the time with someone else keeps your mind occupied so you’re talking and cuddling and giggling instead of mentally surveying what’s in your fridge. And, not that I care about eating in front of a boy (trust me – I ate a burger and fries in front of some models once), but having anyone around forces me to check myself before I start grazing through the cupboards and housing anything I can get my hands on. Now that I’m alone I’m to my own devices, and apparently those devices involve dipping everything into peanut butter, whether I’m hungry or not.

And forget the gym. Since I don’t have anyone to look good for, I often give in to that fat little devil sitting on my shoulder and trade in Spinning time for catching-up-on-my-DVR time. I keep telling myself I’ll go tomorrow; I have so much free time, why wouldn’t I go? But then I don’t go. I put on sweats, think of things to melt cheese on and retire to the couch for the rest of the night. Read More »

Single. Free. Blissfully happy.

[Alright ladies, let's give a big CollegeCandy welcome (Read: raise those shot glasses!) to our new single lady! Her name is Emmy and she's a single gal living it up in Chi-town. She's hot, smart...and nowhere near ready to put a ring on it.]

Back in August, my mother and I were standing in Target debating exactly which organizational bins I would need for college when she turned to me and said, “Emmy, please don’t date anyone seriously at the beginning of college. I really don’t want you to get tied down too early.”

Alright, so this was a random topic of discussion for the Home Organization aisle of Target, but I still found myself taking my mom’s opinion seriously. After all, the woman knew her stuff when it came to under-bed storage, so surely she was a wise sage in all things relationship. The truth is, staying single for the beginning of college had been my plan anyway. I dated the same boy for the last three years of high school and being single is a relatively new experience for me. One that I am figuring out and not yet ready to give up. The breakup process was beyond painful, but now I am learning to really enjoy being a single girl. Read More »

Being in a relationship in college is not easy. It pretty much goes against the rules of nature. The college gods never wanted their late night cramming, pong tournament winning, vodka guzzling subjects to be holed up in their dorm rooms eating takeout and cuddling with their partner every weekend.

But that didn’t stop anyone, including me. And while all of us coupled peeps absolutely love our boyfriends, we can all admit that we feel pulled in two directions. “Our girls or our boyfriend” becomes a weekly dilemma we have to hash out, mentally listing the pros and cons of which we should pencil in to our planners.

What makes it even harder for me is that my boyfriend doesn’t go to the same school, meaning seeing him is a tad harder then walking across campus to his dorm. It means packing a duffel, getting to a train station, an hour and a half trip, and then doing it all over again Sunday afternoon to be back in time for classes. Read More »

"Ok, so I'm on top. What do I do now!?"

Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you a different description of what it’s actually going to be like.

Grandma preaches about how she waited for marriage and how the only man she ever slept with was your grandfather, which kept her from getting those dirty diseases the youngsters are getting these days. Your parents just beg you to wait for college when you’re out of their house, and protect yourself so you aren’t bringing home their grandchildren on your winter break. Then there’s your slutty friend who boasted about how great it was and had all the boys following her through the halls of high school.

But when we sit down and look back on how it actually was when we decided to lose our virginity, it isn’t easily summed up into one simple tip or anecdote. It was more like a 30-minute (if you were one of the lucky ones) progression into womanhood.

After reading The Frisky’s perspective on the stages men go through when losing their virginity, I was not only enlightened (seriously, who knew guys thought so much?!), but it got me thinking of my own first time and the stages I went through as it was all goin’ down.

Perhaps you can relate… Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.). Read More »