Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend noticed a lump in my breast while we were fooling around. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m at school so I could go to the clinic but I’m really scared about what they’ll say. What should I do?

Scared

Dear Scared,

Go to the clinic!!!!!!!!!

Look, it’s unlikely at your age that it’s breast cancer (which is what I’m sure you’re worried about). But you MUST get it checked.

If it is breast cancer, you want to catch it early. So go. NOW.

But stay calm. Doctors are much more effective at treating breast cancer than they used to be. Only about 3% of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer die from it, even though 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer over the course of their lives. So stay cool and go get it checked — just in case.

Reading up might make you feel better, too. But don’t use any of those crazy self-diagnostic websites!!! That shoop will make you crazy.

So, step 1: Make an appointment to see a doctor ASAP.

Step 2: Read up on Sloan Kettering’s website.

Step 3: Once you’ve been reassured that it’s not breast cancer by your doctor (which I’m sure you will be), try to avoid risky behaviors. Don’t drink too much and be sure to know your family medical history. Get regular checks and do self-exams.

The truth is, many young women have lumpy breasts. Aunt Tuffy has spent many a night obsessing over a lump. But that’s why we have doctors. Even if you have healthy young lumpboobs, keeping track of those lumps is VERY important in recognizing the bad lumps, should they appear later. ALWAYS double-check with your OB/GYN if you are at ALL concerned. You should be going every year, but, if you feel something, add in an extra appointment.

Your visit won’t be too scary, either. You’ll go in. Your OB/GYN will check your breasts. If she feels something that she’s at all worried about, she’ll send you for a sonogram or a mammogram. Sonograms are totally painless and mammograms are uncomfortable but certainly not frightening.

There’s plenty to be scared about, but you can be brave. You have to be. Keep ahead of any possible problems and solving them becomes much easier.

I leave you with a final page of great, consolidated information.

Please be well. Don’t wait.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Casual sex is…well, rarely casual. More times than not it ends with frustration, regret and overuse of the word ‘asshole.’ And let’s be honest, the pissed-at-the-world scale generally tips towards the ladies. How is it that men appear more successful at ‘handling’ their casual relationships?

While some may argue that men have an easier time separating sex and emotion, I don’t believe that is the defining attribute. I think men are just better at picking their casual partners. When a guy says, “Oh, I would never be serious with this girl,” it’s because he means it. He doesn’t get emotional or attached because he chooses a girl he would never get attached to. Is casual sex possible for women? Absolutely. But if we want to enter the same playing field, we have to play by the same rules. Ladies, I give you the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex.

Let me be clear, this is not the 10 Commandments of Dating, and it is definitely not the 10 Commandments of Making Your Hook Up Buddy Your Boyfriend. If you allow yourself to enter a ‘casual relationship’ with the underlying motive to make it something more, 9 times out of 10 you will be disappointed with the outcome.

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When you live with a roommate, sometimes things get gross. Whether it’s because your roomie has a few too many drinks and gets sick, or because she has a bad habit of waiting too long to wash the dishes, you’re going to be faced with a messy situation eventually. But what do you do if the ick is more personal than that? What do you say to your roomie if she has a B.O. problem?

You guys just about stumped Marysa with this question. She’s tackled tough issues before, but this one is just so awkward that she had to call in the experts. And by that we mean her friends on Facebook and Twitter. So listen to what she has to say, and then help her out: How do you tell your roommate she stinks without making things permanently weird between you?

If you have a question for Marysa, ask her on twitter @Marysa_Miller or by sending an email to editor [at] collegecandy [dot] com with “Ask a Roommate” in the subject line!

Valentine’s Day – love it or loathe it, it’s looming on the very-near horizon. Personally I’m not a fan, but perhaps that’s just my inner bitter spinster self talking — assuming someone took it upon themselves to shower me with gifts, I’d be perplexed, but I surely wouldn’t question it. (That’s not a hint, by the way — I’m about to leave the country with my worldly possessions on my back. The last thing I need is a cheap teddy bear occupying valuable space). But let’s not allow my sour-grapes attitude get us down! Instead, let’s explore the ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day in relationships of various permutations! Whether you’re in an exciting new fling or a tried and true relationship, we’ve got you covered…

The Relationship: ‘It’s Complicated’
You’re not together but you kinda are. Do you do the whole Valentine’s thing? Do you do it ironically? Ignore it altogether? Make some offhand remark about it? Oh god, what if he thinks I’m being clingy?

Potential gift: A decent shag and a wry “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

The Relationship: Two Weeks in Wonderland
You haven’t been together long, so Valentine’s Day is uncertain territory. Likes and dislikes, inside-jokes, wishes and dreams are yet to be concretely understood by either party, so anything highly personalised is out of the question.

Potential gift: At this point I’d say it’s socially acceptable to present your lover with a box of chocolates and a rose. With a cute smile, an arched eyebrow and a shrug in order to diffuse any sense of absolute earnestness.

The Relationship: The Three Month Sweet Spot
Everything is still new and exciting, but you know more about your mate now. The sex is good, you’re still all gooey-eyed around each other and others exclaim ‘Awww you guys are so cute together!’ That is, until you engage in a very elaborate and public make out session, at which point others mime vomiting and avert their eyes.

Potential gift: Dinner at a restaurant, a bottle of wine and some edible body paint.

The Relationship: The Six Month Itch
Things are potentially going a bit tits up. You’ve had at least one serious argument that involved tearful words, but had admittedly great make up sex afterwards. You’ve contemplated breaking things off, but decided to wait it out a bit longer.

Potential gift: An awkward picnic that ends in an argument.

The Relationship: One Year Down.
Things are now comfortingly predictable and boring. Congratulations!

Potential gift: Dinner at that place you always go to, a movie and maybe some routine sex.

Whatever you do for Valentine’s Day, don’t get too caught up in it. There’s no point in winding yourself in knots over a box of chocolate and a wilted rose.

What to see what He Said he’s getting for his girlfriend (or, er, hookup? friend with benefits?) this Valentine’s Day? Head on over to COEDMagazine.com and read alllll about it!

[Image via ra2 studio/Shutterstock]

Hi there, Dude!

First of all, your answer to the girl who found porn on her boyfriend’s computer was absolutely outstanding. I found out about my boyfriend’s porn a year into our beautiful relationship. I too was crushed, for I also felt as if I were “not good enough”. My boyfriend tried to explain to me that it had nothing to do with me, and of course… feeling a bit insecure, I overreacted. It took me a while, and a bunch of “Googling” to find out that guys are just complete wankers– and I am now glad to accept that fact.
I just have one underlying question and I don’t know who to ask. Here goes:

I still feel a little bit bummed about the discovery of my boyfriend’s porn for it’s not just any porn. It’s porn with Asian girls or animated Asian girls (not the crazy, female-degrading hentai though). Dude, I’m not an Asian female. Yes I have the light skin and dark hair, but I look nothing like them. I guess I feel bummed because he seems to have an “ideal” kind of girl that I feel I cannot compare to. Doesn’t that mean that sleeping with me or wanking off to the image of me is not as fulfilling as it is when he’s looking at Asian girls? I’m probably over-thinking this whole situation but can you blame me? I live in a society full of factors that could make any girl think the way she does about herself. I just used to feel so beautiful and perfect in his arms, and I do not feel that way so much any more. I love him very much and we look forward to a great future together. I just don’t want to give up on this relationship because of my silly feelings.

I’d also like to say that I have spoken to him about how I feel and he told me that he only masturbates to Asians because they are “cleaner-looking” and don’t act like wild and crazy white girls when having sex. He did tell me once before that he didn’t need to look at his porn because he had me, which did make me feel a wee bit better until I woke up once in the middle of the night to catch him masturbating to his porn. Yeah, so I was crushed even more. What can I do from here?

Always,
Feeling a bit hopeless

Dear Feeling a bit hopeless,

Thanks for the kind critique for one of my all-time favorite “Ask A Dude’s.” I’ve been hoping for a follow-up question and yours couldn’t be more perfect.
Men will OFTEN wank (great word) off to porn featuring types of women that they aren’t dating. Porn is fantasy. To men, porn is a beautiful love story…with the boring parts taken out! (RIP Richard Jenni!) For him to be wanking it to Asian women is not a reflection about how attracted to you he is or isn’t, it’s just that when we settle down, we generally say goodbye to the possibilities of living out certain fantasies and this is one of those for him.

Plus, if all he did was get off to women exactly you’re type then that could have a bit of a numbing effect on his libido. Men are creatures who love variety. Hell, don’t all of us considered people with sexual appetites love variety? Without different tastes and different moods for different kinds of kinks, sex would become pretty damn routine. In some ways, he’s keeping his sexual palette refined…okay, even to me that one sounds like BS, but you see what I’m getting at.

The ideal type for guys changes over time. As we grow and evolve as people, so do our fantasies. And believe it or not, not always do we end up falling in love and spending years of our lives committed to someone who fits our “ideal type”. Because you can’t have your feelings dependent on a checklist of “ideal mate” qualities that you carry around in your purse. That’s not how life works. So, of course, when given a chance to indulge in a fantasy, you end up falling back on an old type or discovering a new type.
Now, what bugs me about his explanation is his argument that Asian porn is cleaner than American porn. Have you seen some of it? That’s a whole kind of personal preference rationale that I’m not sure I personally agree with. I think you can find “dirty” hardcore stuff no matter the niche you’re into at the moment. I think he’s just got a thing for Asian porn and was trying to make up some reason. Bygones.

It’s good that you talked to him about it. Bad he lied and got caught lying. Although, he might have totally sincere with you when he said he didn’t need porn because he had you. A lot of guys have an attachment to porn. It’s a bit of an addiction, like cigarettes or chocolate or Chuck (WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!!!!) and, we might try to make a clean break of the habit but then relapse after a while. Not that I’m speaking from any kind of experience…

In this dude’s opinion, you don’t need to get worked up over this. Often times in life we have to re-accept things about ourselves and our partners. It sounds like you’ve got a really nice relationship and you sound like you’re headed for a future. Don’t let a minor sexual quirk impede on your ability to have that perspective. Now, if he starts going to discount Asian massage parlors, okay I’d be worried. Short of that, talk to him if you need a little reassurance or have some concerns. Hell, offer to watch it with him one time and see where that takes you. Porn is wish-fulfillment and you already fulfill a lot his wishes.

Godspeed Chuck Bartowski,
The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

While I usually enjoy the classic routine of dinner and a movie after you’re officially “dating” someone, I think it’s good to put a little spin on your first date with a new prospect. A creative and unique first date says a lot about a person’s style…snag the opportunity to make a statement! When you’re  just sitting in a movie theater for two hours not talking, it’s hard to get to know someone. However, if you go on a date that gives you time to make conversation and interact in different ways, you can figure out if you like the person a lot faster. I’m sure I’m not the only one who tends to like people more when they open up to me. I love hearing about someone’s family and dreams for the future (I know it’s cheesy).

Here are seven first dates I would like to be taken on. Now I just have to find someone to go with…

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Ashley is a freshman at George Washington University and she’s majoring in Overanalyzing Situations and International Affairs. Follow her on twitter @ashleybrooks25

[Lead image via PonomarenkoNataly/Shutterstock]

After the Patriots lost the Super Bowl this past Sunday, quarterback Tom Brady suffered from the blows of fans and media alike who said he just couldn’t make it happen. This is where his wife, professional model Gisele Bundchen, stepped in. She was quoted saying that Tom couldn’t “f—king throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”

Obviously this slam at the rest of the team turned the media into a frenzy and painted Gisele into the b*tchy wife. But is she really? She’s was obviously upset with the outcome of the game and feelt sorry for her husband who just lost the Super Bowl. Yes, they make millions of dollars and live relatively wonderful lives (I’m assuming) regardless of if  Tom’s team got the win, but she’s human. Those moments of frustration just come out sometimes. Word vomit at it’s finest! So in the spirit of standing by your man, we here at CC thought we’d come up with some do’s and don’ts when it comes to standing up for your guy.

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Do you think Gisele went too far? Or was she just being a wife and comforting Tom?

Katie is finishing up her undergrad at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois. She enjoys wasting hours on Facebook and tweeting things no one cares about. When asked the question, “Do you do marathons?” She promptly responds, “Of course! Which show?” Follow her @KatieGarrity!

Friday night, Tim Tebow and Maria Menounos were spotted Tebowing…yes Tebowing. An onlooker told Celebuzz: “they were flirting, but it was all in good fun.” After this encounter, there are rumors floating around that say the two are dating. Regardless of whether or not this is true, we think Maria should take a pass on Tim. “Why,” you ask? He may be a successful athlete with a somewhat cute face, but I can think of a few reasons why dating him would suck…

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Ashley is a freshman at George Washington University and she’s majoring in Over-analyzing Situations and International Affairs. Follow her on twitter @ashleybrooks25

Standards. Expectations. Rules. Boundaries. Ideals. We all have a variety of personal principles that we like to use to reject people that show some…interest, in us. There are tons of different excuses we come up with. The question really becomes, which ones are rational and which ones are just batsh*t crazy? Where’s the line between legitimate reasons to tell a guy to go back to the time void and when are we just being ridiculously picky? Coming at this issue from the female side, I present you with 11 of the DUMBEST reasons y’all turn down guys:

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Alright, thus concludes my tirade. Anything remind you of an incident in your life? Am I off base? Did I miss any? We all have our petty reasons to reject someone flat off. Doesn’t make it right. Doesn’t mean we’ll change. We could if we really worked hard enough, but Generation-Y kind of got skipped on the whole work ethic thing…a lot of them anyway. Next time on Dude’s List we’ll flip this coin take it from the boys’ side. Get your latex gloves ready…

On the bubble,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is from Michigan, which is where all of his family and friends are. We recently moved in with each other. He told me in the beginning that he had a lot of female friends and if I had a problem with it that we wouldn’t work out. That was fine for me because I also have male friends.

A few weeks ago his ex girlfriend of three years contacted him. He used to say that he couldn’t stand her and wanted nothing to do with her because she did him so wrong. Now every time he tries to show me something on his phone, I see a text message or the last call is from his ex. It’s not as if it’s a friend that has kept in touch with for a long time over the years, it’s an ex he couldn’t stand and now all of the sudden they have this friendship.

It really does bother me, but I feel like I can’t say anything because he said if he can’t have female friends then he and I won’t work out. He was almost engaged to this person and brags about how they never used to fight. This is making me feel very insecure. What do I do?

Thanks!

Dear…Stormageddon (When you don’t provide a pseudonym I get to make up my own!)

There’s not wanting to make him think you can’t handle the situation and then there’s not handling the situation. Right now, it sounds like you’re dangerously close to falling off the edge here.

I’ll present you with a simple choice to make: either destroy your relationship by driving yourself crazy, or run the risk of driving him crazy, which, honestly, you won’t do if you TALK TO HIM!

Everybody all together now: communication is key. It’s such a simple but essential guideline maintaining a healthy relationship or rescuing one that’s trapped in a Pandorica of emotional baggage. You’ve got to talk about what’s bothering you. And so long as you do it with clarity when you approach him, you’re not going to trip his trigger.

You being upset about him getting back on friendly terms with an ex he led you to believe he couldn’t stand isn’t the same as being upset that he has female friends. Apples and nectarines. Make that clear with him. It’s not about “women” in his life, it’s confusion and insecurity due to the contradiction of what he says and does with regards to her. That’s where it’s coming from, he looks suspicious because he says one thing but is doing another and, yeah, I’d get edgy if I were you, too. Hiding it is only going to make things worse.

Why’s he talking to an ex he claims he couldn’t stand? Because guys will do that. Sorry to sound general but, yeah, we do that. We have communication with our exes who pulverized our hearts into a million bazillion pieces. Sometimes it’s nostalgia, wanting to get some closure and not feel like we wasted our feelings on a complete bitch, that we want to come off as the bigger person, and on rare occasion because there are those lingering feelings we like to keep a bit of a tie to. Let’s face it, we’ve all got people from our past that we still have a “what if” thought about at times. And this could be that person for him. And you may have to deal with that. Or not. You won’t know until you talk to him.

Don’t drive yourself to the nunnery because you bottle up your worries. Be clear, decisive and honest. Then, listen. You may not like the answer but at the very least you’ll make him aware that you’re upset and why you’re upset. At the worst, you’ll have to deal with his behavior and deal with his insecurity. The choice is yours.

Mission Accepted,

The Dude

I’m the Dude with a blue box called the Tardis that allows me to explore the ends of time and space-wait that’s another guy with a ‘D’ sounding name isn’t it? Better than that, I’m a Dude that knows the inner workings of Dudes and I’m ready to spill all, whether you’re ready or not. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com.