As most of you know, I’m kind of a pro when it comes to dating (online, offline, coffee shop…you name it, I’ve been there and most likely done it). I’m also a professional at making mistakes. For the record, you shouldn’t email with his sister behind his back after the first date – even if she’s nice, still kind of creepy.

After re-watching ‘How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days,’ and ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ (for about the 100th time), I think I can finally say I’ve come up with the five most common mistakes we all make when first starting to date someone new. Hint: don’t start planning your wedding after date number two, no matter how cute the new Vera Wang line is.

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No mater what you read, and constantly tell yourself, you will still make common mistakes when dating someone new. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of a new relationship, and all we can do is make each other more aware and hope to learn from our mistakes.

Ever since I saw the Anchor’s Away episode on ‘Sex And The City,’ I’ve wanted to experience Fleet Week in New York City. Samantha Jones has an uncanny way of making everything sexed-up and glamorous. She didn’t have to work too hard to convince me to fantasize about a man in uniform. Especially those white Navy uniforms. Let’s just pause for a moment to appreciate those.

So how do you make that fantasy a reality? How do you actually snag yourself a Navy Seal for the week? Beyond having a vagina, I’m not sure it’s much work. However, CollegeCandy has put together a little guide in case you’re not convinced.

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Get out there and have some fun, girls! And tell us your stories in the comments below!

Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, masochistic guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

No? Just me?

Anyhoodle. You’ve caught him glancing furtively in your direction on many (many) occasions. You’re interested. He’s interested. But the two of you both know there aren’t gonna be any suave, hey-baby-what’s-your-sign moves on his part. So, short of holding up a “Hey. You’re cute. I’d say yes if you asked me out” sign, how d’ya go about meeting/cracking open the shy guy?

Approach him casually and strike up a small convo. While he prrrobably won’t be bowling you over with witty banter and charm, he won’t run away. Do most of the talking, but toss in lots of open-ended questions. Just keep it light and impersonal at first: topics like homework, professors, something on the news. Do this a few times a week to establish a bond and tear down that wall he’s got up.

Spend time as friends, without pressuring him about dating. Hang out with him alone, rather than with your other friends. Be patient. It takes the shy guy some time to become relaxed and show his true self.

Be approachably attractive. The root of shyness is insecurity, so it’s more than likely that he thinks you’re out of his league. So now isn’t the time to try out cutting edge fashion or over-the-top makeup. Try for “cute” rather than intimidatingly gorgeous (that’s a toughie, I know).

Arrange a few quiet dates if he doesn’t get up the nerve to ask you out. Keep it casual, and— again — keep it one-on-one. Clearly, the shy-guy isn’t going to do well in a large group of your girlfriends shrieking about vibrators. Choose something low key and easy like a movie, where there’s less pressure to talk.

Gauge his feelings for you. Talk about what you’re both looking for in a person, and drop hints that what you’re looking for is him.

Help him feel confident around you. Every male has an ego — find ways to boost it sincerely. Subtly compliment him. Let him help you with something, whether it’s a homework problem, fixing your computer, or finding the latest gadget. Or — and this is probably the best confidence booster–  see him when he’s in his element. He’ll be MUCH more open and charismatic when he’s somewhere he feels totally comfortable.

Once you enter the relationship zone: First of all, yay. Second of all, introduce him to your friends and family slooowly, starting with the quiet, less intimidating ones. Yeah, save loud Uncle Frank and Over-The-Top Tina for when he’s more comfortable in the relationship.

The shy guy is SO worth the effort and patience. Think of him as … a gift. A treasure to unwrap. A rare and special treat that not everyone gets to see. If you can stick out a few awkward silences in the beginning, I guarantee you’ll have landed yourself a respectful, fun and totally caring guy.

Originally posted by Sarah – Virgina Commonwealth University

[Lead image via Prezoom.nl/Shutterstock]

Dear Dude,

So I recently hooked up with one of my best guy friends. I was ridiculously drunk and he was well on his way (leaning towards being more sober, though, from what I heard). We talked about it and agreed it was a case of drunken horniness, we even joked about it! It’s been made clear that I am his best friend, telling me very private things. Problem: we hooked up again, although this time we were both pretty much sober…. he called me his ex’s name and I did the same to him! We tried to brush it off again, joking again, making it clear that there are no romantic feelings on both sides. What bothers me now is that he treats me different, we are no longer as close as we used to be, and he is very cold to me. What did I do wrong? What’s the problem?? And what can I do to make it right??

Sincerely,

Friendless and Pantiless

Dear Friendless and Pantiless,

You’re friends? You’re FRIENDS? You’re not just friends. Once you engage in the horizontal mating dance (or vertical if you’ve got the balance) you’re no longer JUST friends. You’re FWB. And if you’re FWB who didn’t necessarily mean to be, then you’re flirting with reverting to becoming even less than friends.

Hook up once? Blame it on the booze. Hook up twice? Blame it on the moods. But call out the names of your exes in the throws? A third time may never cum.

If you two did anything wrong, it was done by both of you. This isn’t a situation where you can claim the blame for his cold shoulder. That’s his choice, too. But let’s face it, you’re in an awkward spot! You both tried something and, for better or worse, it changed the nature of what you were: strictly friends. Does this always happen to every pair of pals that part with their pants and panties? No. But this is what happened in your case. And now you either reach out or hold back. Them’s two of the main options you’ve got.

One time is one time. Two times? Well, it’s more than one time, ain’t it? When you blur the lines, you got to redefine where the lines are. It’s all about communication. If you pretend it didn’t happen or minimize it, then that’s a statement. What’s the statement? It could be trying to preserve the friendship, it could be staving off possible weirdness, or it could be an attempt to deny delving deeper with something that’s developing. You’ve got to determine which it is for you. But right now, he sounds like he’s a bit freaked out by what happened and doesn’t know how to deal, so he’s distancing…which is a legit action, but he’s not telling you that that’s what he needs to do. Or he’s just trying to pull away because it got weird calling each other your exes’ names! But he’s not telling you, so you don’t know…OR he’s a bit freaked that this could lead to something he’s not ready for…but same issue: he ain’t communicatin’!

So if he won’t talk, that means you’ve got to step up. If you feel like this is something you don’t want to fester and build into something bigger, then grab it before it gets too far gone from you. Call him up or call him out and say: “This happened. Then this happened. I kind of get the first thing, but I’m not understanding why the second thing. What’s going on and how we can move past it together?” But in your own words and with more specificity.

Or you could let it play out and be passive instead of proactive. Choice is yours. But choose soon and choose wisely, because the longer you let it ride, the harder it’ll be to get back on the track you want to be on.

Your BFF,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

You’re taken. You’re in love. And you want everyone to know. That’s not a crime per se, but all we ask is that you stick CollegeCandy’s Rules for Using Social Media While Dating. It’s just a few simple guidelines to stick to while online and in that awesome relationship — you know, as requested by every Facebook friend and Twitter follower you have and don’t want to lose. It’s all common knowledge — or so we thought.

Before you go diving into our 15 don’ts for dating folks, you should know: the people who agree with this only want what’s best for you. We set these rules in virtual stone not because we actually want you two to break up, but because we want the two of you to truly enjoy your relationship. In private.

That’s right, we’re sick of your sickening PDA.

It’s not that we’re jealous of the love between you two. We’re not. In fact, your attempts to make us jealous is actually what’s so nauseating. Maybe you’re low on text messages every month or you’re trying to make sure all his female acquaintances know he’s truly taken, but there are other ways to stake your claim and express your affections for your main squeeze. That’s what Profile Pictures and Gchat are for.

But social media etiquette isn’t just about keeping your cutesy nicknames and photo recaps of your dinner dates under control for the sake of your immediate network. Messy activity online can damage your closest friendships, your future career and — gasp! — the magical romance itself. If you want to stay followed by your Friends — and in a relationship at all, for that matter — don’t get caught doing the following online, for all our sakes:

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CollegeCandy’s Rules for Using Social Media While Dating is currently taking suggestions for more annoying crap that couples flood your feeds with. Submit your rules below — your own present/future bed buddies will thank you.

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

I knew it was coming. On Saturday night, I chatted with my mom about the most random topics from family gossip to “Celebrity Apprentice.” Somehow, we got on the subject of relationships – mine.

“Any future prospects?” she innocently asked. “Anyone you want me to meet?”

I laughed it off and told her that I hadn’t had much luck yet. I’d be a fool to think that she hasn’t noticed the fact that I’ve yet to bring home a gentleman to the house. I didn’t have elementary school valentines or a high school prom date. My mom’s been delicate about my undateable status thus far. Once, I overheard her gently explaining to a friend that I’m a late bloomer. Hello, embarrassment!

Mama Undateable seemed genuinely concerned when she asked about my love life. I can understand why, though. My parents met in college. She’s told me the story of how they got together plenty of times. She was in hanging out in the caf. He stared at her through the glass window until he mustered up the courage to speak, and the rest is suburbia history. I’d love to meet and marry my college sweetheart, but I’m not banking on it. It sucks that my mother is.

Sure, I want love, but I’ve found and done so many more important things in college. I’ve developed a love for my major and the field of journalism. There’s nothing better than finding out what you really want to do in life! I just wish that I could discuss bylines rather than boos with my family!

For the most part, I do everything I’m supposed to do. I never got in trouble at school, I keep my head in the books, and I’m passionate about what I’m pursuing. Shouldn’t that be enough? I know that she’s looking forward to doting on grandkids and spoiling my future hubby. So am I! But the pressure from my mom won’t get a ring on this finger any faster.

CollegeCandy, do you deal with relationship pressure from your parents?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

You may have guessed from the title that I have a short boyfriend. He doesn’t like to be called “short,” but it can’t be denied—at 5’8”, he’s exactly the same height I am, and if I wear heels with even a little bit of height, he suddenly becomes a dwarf.

And yes, that’s OK with me. So I’m kind of perplexed as to why so many of you answered the CC poll question a few weeks back by saying that you’d never date a guy shorter than you are.

That seems awfully judgmental to me. Yeah, it’s fine to have preferences about the people you date—I do prefer taller guys, to be completely honest—but shutting a whole class of guys out of your dating pool is only doing you a disservice. Who knows? Maybe that gorgeous, funny, classy, considerate guy you’ve been secretly dreaming about all these years is actually that short guy standing over there in the corner at the bar. Maybe not… but you’ll never know unless you chat him up and find out.

Here’s my theory: short guys have had to put up with a lot of crap throughout their lives. Unless you’re a short guy living in China or somewhere else where a majority of the population is relatively diminutive, you’ve had to withstand a barrage of teasing about your size throughout your formative years. That builds a thick skin and also helps develop a healthy sense of humor. It’s unfair to a short guy when you name his size as a reason why you won’t date him—I mean, that’s just cruel.

And please don’t give me any crap about how you’d “have to lean down in order to kiss him, and that would be sooo awkward,” because how do you think tall guys kiss short girls? Yeah. If they can lean forward a little bit, so can you.

What do you think? Give short guys a chance?

[Image courtesy of russiablog.org.]

Every Most relationships start with one thing: Attraction. Attraction that often causes rose colored glasses and a delightful honeymoon phase. Eventually that initial intensity wears off and conflict arises between two people. It’s about this time that the real strength of a relationship is tested. Conflict between any two people is tough, but it is especially tough with someone you truly care about and have made yourself vulnerable to. So how do you handle conflict proactively in your relationship? YouTango takes to the issue to an expert. Get the full story here!

[lead image via Diego Cervo / Shutterstock]

Hey Dude,

So I’ve been hooking up with this guy for about two months. After about a month and a half he confronted me at a party that he needed more out of the relationship and wanted to “get to know me better.” For the next week things were great. Fast forward one week and I don’t hear from him at all. I text him a few times and don’t hear back. I asked him to talk and when he called me he got very defensive. He said that he was not a guy that will text me or call me during the week and then he couldn’t be in any sort of relationship. I then reminded him that I was not looking for a relationship and that he was the one who initiated the original conversation. He’s out of town for the next two weeks and we left it that we would see each other when he gets back. How can I salvage the hooking up part of the relationship without seeming like I want a relationship (because I don’t)? And why would he contradict himself like that?

-Confused College Girl

Dear Confused College Girl,

I’m almost as confused as you. He begs for things to get more serious and then seemingly bows out? Douchey. Not going to sugar coat it.

Guys can be total tools sometimes. Alright, a lot of times. This is a case where he’s saying one thing and doing another. Or as we like to call it, being an immature and irresponsible human being. Why is he being an immature and irresponsible human being who deserves a Sarah Walker asskicking?

There are some guys who say they want more but don’t actually have a grasp of what “more” means. They think it’s a label and an exclusive contract on you whenever they want. It’s almost more about convenience and assurance than an actual emotional commitment, or a trial period for an emotional commitment. Then there’s the school of thought that a relationship consists of rules and obligations that suddenly squeeze out all the spontaneity and dulls your sex life dramatically (which happens if you think it’ll happen, otherwise known as The Secret). And then there are those who just think “more” means “marriage”. This guy definitely isn’t coming off like a member of the latter category.

He could be scared or he could just not have a clue. My vote’s that he’s clueless. Treat him as such. He has no idea what he actually asked for involves the two of you coming together and making an effort, changes the circumstances of your relationship, and implies certain commitments you determine to make to one another. He thinks a week is enough and then he’ll be on his schedule until you fit back into his. Or he’s just NOT THINKING. Either way, when you see him next you’ve got to set the record straight about what you want.

There’s no going back to the way it was. It’s going to be something new from here on out, one way or the other. You’ve now seen and experienced this side of him. Don’t ignore it and don’t dismiss it. Keep this in mind from now on whenever you deal with him. Because if you want to just hook up, then you make it clear that that’s all there’s going to be.

Just don’t expect his answers to make sense and you’ll give yourself less grief.

“Puny god,”

The Incredible Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

The title pretty much says it all, doesn’t it? I mean, this isn’t exactly rocket science, this is common f*cking sense. Which not everyone is born with or develops. A lot of guys out there are assholes. They are. Certainly EVERYONE has the potential to ACT like an asshole every once in a while. So the question becomes, how do you know if this is who he is or how he’s acting in the moment? There are tons of ways to tell, and it doesn’t take very long to discern. George Carlin claimed you could know within 5 minutes of talking to someone. Here are 11 signs he’s an asshole…

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And there you have it, Ladies, 11 signs he’s an a-hole. I’m positive I missed a ton. What do you agree with? Disagree with? Think should have been on the list? Do you have a Top 10 Signs list as well? Fire away in the comments below…oh, and for those of you who think I’m being bias by just singling out the boys…just you wait.

Only funny things are jokes to me,

The Dude