Well boys and girls, we’ve come to the fourth and final installment of “What the hell did I get myself into?”: Online Dating Edition. It’s been a whirlwind of a month, and I am sad to say (spoiler alert) that I did not find a boyfriend. Cue the tears, cue Adele, and cue me shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down my throat. I’m okay though really. No tears for this girl. I might sound a little cocky when I say this, but the reason I didn’t find a boyfriend wasn’t because I couldn’t get a guy to look in my general direction. I got several messages from men throughout the day, everyday for four weeks. I had many guys interested in “me”, and I put “me” in quotation marks because I’m not sure how many of the guys really wanted to get to know me or just have sex with me (and I guess I’ll never know!). The reason why I didn’t come out of this challenge with the desired end result is because I realized that I don’t want a boyfriend.

I repeat: I do not want a boyfriend.

I am not saying that I don’t have those moments when all I want to do is cuddle up with someone cute and have him play with my hair while I drift off to sleep. I have a deep desire to eventually find “The One” and have a marriage and a family. I will never let go of that dream. I will always have that dream. I think what I am saying is that I do not have a desire to pursue that dream right now.

I came across several men that were sweet and sexy, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was really into Mitch for a few weeks, but I soon realized that there was no chemistry there (I know, that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true!), and he also looked way too much like my ex-boyfriend. I thought I could get over it, but I cannot. After our second date, he leaned in for a kiss. I accepted. When I opened my eyes, I saw my ex. I did not see Mitch. My sight was blurry. Once I re-focused, I knew it wasn’t going to work. Not only because Mitch was a clone of my ex but because I wasn’t putting my whole heart into it. I wasn’t fully there. I did not want a boyfriend.

Though I didn’t get my “happy ending”, being a member of OK Cupid did open my eyes to a lot of things that I had never really thought of before. One huge revelation was that there are so many men out there. And yes, there are going to be some creepers and guys you’re not attracted to, but let me tell you, there are a lot of guys on OK Cupid (and other dating sites, I’m sure!) that have attractive, sweet, educated men that are looking for the same thing that women are. You might wonder, “Why is he trying online dating? What is wrong with him?” The answer is nothing! You’re completely normal (minus the standard level of crazy that each and every girl possesses, let’s be real) and you’re searching through dating profiles on OK Cupid too! Therefore nothing wrong with him. There is nothing wrong with you.

Some people just need a little help.

I hope you guys enjoyed my small stint in the online dating world and learned a thing or two in the process.  I definitely wouldn’t steer people away from online dating after doing this one-month challenge because my mind has truly been changed about the whole process and stupid stigma that comes with dating on the internet. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not pathetic. It’s not desperate. It’s just another way to meet a person that you might build a relationship with and maybe fall in love. Now what doesn’t sound good about that?

As most of you know, I’m kind of a pro when it comes to dating (online, offline, coffee shop…you name it, I’ve been there and most likely done it). I’m also a professional at making mistakes. For the record, you shouldn’t email with his sister behind his back after the first date – even if she’s nice, still kind of creepy.

After re-watching ‘How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days,’ and ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ (for about the 100th time), I think I can finally say I’ve come up with the five most common mistakes we all make when first starting to date someone new. Hint: don’t start planning your wedding after date number two, no matter how cute the new Vera Wang line is.

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No mater what you read, and constantly tell yourself, you will still make common mistakes when dating someone new. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of a new relationship, and all we can do is make each other more aware and hope to learn from our mistakes.

Ever since I saw the Anchor’s Away episode on ‘Sex And The City,’ I’ve wanted to experience Fleet Week in New York City. Samantha Jones has an uncanny way of making everything sexed-up and glamorous. She didn’t have to work too hard to convince me to fantasize about a man in uniform. Especially those white Navy uniforms. Let’s just pause for a moment to appreciate those.

So how do you make that fantasy a reality? How do you actually snag yourself a Navy Seal for the week? Beyond having a vagina, I’m not sure it’s much work. However, CollegeCandy has put together a little guide in case you’re not convinced.

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Get out there and have some fun, girls! And tell us your stories in the comments below!

Last week, I realized that I’ve basically (and pathetically) dabbled in online dating since I had access to a laptop. You guys remember Tagged? In middle school, I talked to a high school football player for precisely one week. I was so proud of myself – I even printed out his picture to show to my friends! Eventually, he stopped answering my calls and sent a culminating email calling the whole thing off. At least they learn early, right?

In the ninth grade, I had a Myspace fauxlationship with another guy. We exchanged messages for a good two months…can you believe that I actually considered him my boyfriend?! I was number two on his Top 8…a very big deal, indeed. And now as a college junior, every single date I’ve been on – all two of them – were provided by the net.

I really should close my damn laptop and give this stuff a rest, but I have two good reasons that stop me from shutting down. Dating online is so much easier for me because I’m chronically shy. I’d probably drink unfiltered Hudson River water before approaching a guy in class or at the bar. I’m just way too afraid of rejection. In online dating I’ve learned that there’s still plenty of rejection, but it’s much easier to face in pixels than in person.

My other reason is the fact that online dating has a lot of shiny success stories that give me a glimmer of hope. My friend’s sister Shana met her fiancé on OkCupid. Last year, the sisters visited Europe for a summer trip and Shana started chatting with her man before they set sail. My friend said they met up and grew inseparable through Skype and occasional visits. A few weeks ago, an Instagram flick popped up on my feed – her hand had a glistening engagement ring attached! She did it…she found love on the wild, wild web.

Whenever I get discouraged by my lack of messages or views, I often think of Shana and all of the other happy couples that met on the net. Every time I meet a creep who wants to send me peen pics or get ignored by those cute and artsy NYU hunks, I know that somewhere in the world my fiancé awaits on his MacBook Pro. But maybe one day I’ll muster up enough courage to step away from my laptop and find him in real time.

CollegeCandy, what’s your stance on online dating?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Yuri Arcurs/Shutterstock]

Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, masochistic guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

No? Just me?

Anyhoodle. You’ve caught him glancing furtively in your direction on many (many) occasions. You’re interested. He’s interested. But the two of you both know there aren’t gonna be any suave, hey-baby-what’s-your-sign moves on his part. So, short of holding up a “Hey. You’re cute. I’d say yes if you asked me out” sign, how d’ya go about meeting/cracking open the shy guy?

Approach him casually and strike up a small convo. While he prrrobably won’t be bowling you over with witty banter and charm, he won’t run away. Do most of the talking, but toss in lots of open-ended questions. Just keep it light and impersonal at first: topics like homework, professors, something on the news. Do this a few times a week to establish a bond and tear down that wall he’s got up.

Spend time as friends, without pressuring him about dating. Hang out with him alone, rather than with your other friends. Be patient. It takes the shy guy some time to become relaxed and show his true self.

Be approachably attractive. The root of shyness is insecurity, so it’s more than likely that he thinks you’re out of his league. So now isn’t the time to try out cutting edge fashion or over-the-top makeup. Try for “cute” rather than intimidatingly gorgeous (that’s a toughie, I know).

Arrange a few quiet dates if he doesn’t get up the nerve to ask you out. Keep it casual, and— again — keep it one-on-one. Clearly, the shy-guy isn’t going to do well in a large group of your girlfriends shrieking about vibrators. Choose something low key and easy like a movie, where there’s less pressure to talk.

Gauge his feelings for you. Talk about what you’re both looking for in a person, and drop hints that what you’re looking for is him.

Help him feel confident around you. Every male has an ego — find ways to boost it sincerely. Subtly compliment him. Let him help you with something, whether it’s a homework problem, fixing your computer, or finding the latest gadget. Or — and this is probably the best confidence booster–  see him when he’s in his element. He’ll be MUCH more open and charismatic when he’s somewhere he feels totally comfortable.

Once you enter the relationship zone: First of all, yay. Second of all, introduce him to your friends and family slooowly, starting with the quiet, less intimidating ones. Yeah, save loud Uncle Frank and Over-The-Top Tina for when he’s more comfortable in the relationship.

The shy guy is SO worth the effort and patience. Think of him as … a gift. A treasure to unwrap. A rare and special treat that not everyone gets to see. If you can stick out a few awkward silences in the beginning, I guarantee you’ll have landed yourself a respectful, fun and totally caring guy.

Originally posted by Sarah – Virgina Commonwealth University

[Lead image via Prezoom.nl/Shutterstock]

Dear Guy-I’ve-Decided-I-Like-Enough-To-Introduce-to-My-Parents,

Congratulations, you’re the first boyfriend to officially make it this far. Sure, there was that one guy who met my mom by accident at a funeral and that other one who kinda ran into my dad at a tailgate, but those weren’t pre-planned situations. I was able to fake some extreme emotion — saddness and black-out-ness, respectively, in these instances — pulling myself and the guy in question away from the parentals before any serious meet-and-greet sh*t went down.

You see, the idea of having anyone meet my mother and father is one of the scariest things I can think of. As I write this I’m literally having a small panic attack, shaky hands and all. So, high fives to me for letting you cross this very real checkpoint in our relationship and a giant pat on the back to you for putting up with my crazy ass.

Just for the record, you shouldn’t be scared. It’s not that my parents are weird, it’s all me. They’re quite the opposite, actually; on the whole Richard and Phyllis are nice, normal, friendly people who will likely welcome you with open arms and homemade chocolate chip cookies. I’m the one who will be holding my breath the entire time while worst case scenarios run vividly through my mind.

To help me get through this, I’m going to need you to be calm. Like calmest you’ve ever been. Because I’m going to be a complete nervous wreck, and it’s up to you to keep me from running away. You see, I don’t just want my parents to like you. They like the mailman. They like the kid who bags our groceries at Shop Rite. “Like” is not good enough for me. I want them to be absolutely crazy about you, if simply for the fact that I’m absolutely crazy about you. Reach that lofty level of approval and any doubts I ever had about our relationship will magically vanish. Gaining their enthusiastic endorsement is your ultimate Get Out of Jail Free card.

So how do you win them over in a big way? If you can be confident and funny and charming, but also kinda humble and down-to-earth, too, that would be great. I have a really big extended family, and they’re a wild and loud bunch. Should you meet them as well, being able to engage their attention and hold your own is major. Don’t be intimidated. No one’s going to pull you into their bookshelf-lined study to grill you on your intentions, but chances are they will force-feed you more food than you’ve ever seen in your life. If you love me, you’ll be good and ask for seconds. Also, be sure to have a couple entertaining life stories up your sleeve. I’ve got an uncle who goes hunting in Alaska and Africa and far-off islands, another who is one of the country’s top surgeons, a little brother who once ran into Petey Pablo at Rite Aid. Needless to say, the men in my family are pretty cool. Be dazzling in your own right, and you’ll fit in just fine.

Above all else, relax and know it’s going to be okay. Remember, I’m freaking out more than you are, right? So let’s just get drunk and go find a spare bedroom to make out in.

Get ‘em, tiger. You’ve totally got this.

Click here to see what He Says about meeting his parents for the first time!

Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Beyonce. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.

Fantasizing is an intrinsic part of sexual development. It’s a perfectly healthy way to work out your curiosities, explore your preferences, and enhance your sex life.  It’s totally okay to think about threesomes, or public sex, role playing, or whatever turns you on… But what if you want to actually take your fantasies to the next level? Undoubtedly, opening up an intimate and private part of your thought process to someone’s assessment and possible rejection is scary, but it can be a truly liberating (and sexy) experience to share fantasies with your partner.

Generally, the best time to broach fantasies is during foreplay. You’re both getting aroused and (hopefully!) you’re starting to let go of some of your inhibitions. There are pretty much three ways this can shake out. The worst case scenario is your partner outright rejects you. If they’re worthy of your time, they won’t express disgust or make you feel self-conscious. They’ll merely convey their lack of interest and get right back into the moment. Or, if they’re a little more intrigued, they’ll start to play along. For example, if you brought up the idea of role playing, they’ll integrate that into their dirty talk while you’re in coitus. It’s amazing how much just talking about fantasies can spice up your relationship. The best case scenario is they’re just as enthusiastic as you are, and are totally down for making your fantasies a reality. Total score.

The most important thing is to be confident and don’t invalidate your own fantasies. No matter how weird or kinky you think they are, you are almost certainly not alone. At the very least, there’s very little you could say that would shock your partner, especially if they’ve spent more than 5 seconds on the internet. It is incredibly common to imagine threesomes, public play, restraints…the list goes on. Don’t ever invalidate your own sexual proclivities – as long as they’re not harmful to you or to anyone else, they are fair game. There’s nothing wrong with indulging your imagination, and *fingers crossed* you are with, or will find, someone who is open to doing the same.

Sex is supposed to be fun, am I right?  Boys brag about it, girls gossip about it.  Its one of those things that just never gets old.  But are you finding that it’s just not as exciting as you remembered or wished?  You could be committing one (or all) of three cardinal mistakes, but if that is the unfortunate case, don’t worry.  Your Tango is here to help. They’ve researched and discovered three sex mistakes you should avoid.  Lucky for you, they’re very simple and easy to change! Click here to uncover what they found and the quick fixes to have you ready for action (literally)!

[lead image via vgstudio/ Shutterstock]

Dear Dude,

So I recently hooked up with one of my best guy friends. I was ridiculously drunk and he was well on his way (leaning towards being more sober, though, from what I heard). We talked about it and agreed it was a case of drunken horniness, we even joked about it! It’s been made clear that I am his best friend, telling me very private things. Problem: we hooked up again, although this time we were both pretty much sober…. he called me his ex’s name and I did the same to him! We tried to brush it off again, joking again, making it clear that there are no romantic feelings on both sides. What bothers me now is that he treats me different, we are no longer as close as we used to be, and he is very cold to me. What did I do wrong? What’s the problem?? And what can I do to make it right??

Sincerely,

Friendless and Pantiless

Dear Friendless and Pantiless,

You’re friends? You’re FRIENDS? You’re not just friends. Once you engage in the horizontal mating dance (or vertical if you’ve got the balance) you’re no longer JUST friends. You’re FWB. And if you’re FWB who didn’t necessarily mean to be, then you’re flirting with reverting to becoming even less than friends.

Hook up once? Blame it on the booze. Hook up twice? Blame it on the moods. But call out the names of your exes in the throws? A third time may never cum.

If you two did anything wrong, it was done by both of you. This isn’t a situation where you can claim the blame for his cold shoulder. That’s his choice, too. But let’s face it, you’re in an awkward spot! You both tried something and, for better or worse, it changed the nature of what you were: strictly friends. Does this always happen to every pair of pals that part with their pants and panties? No. But this is what happened in your case. And now you either reach out or hold back. Them’s two of the main options you’ve got.

One time is one time. Two times? Well, it’s more than one time, ain’t it? When you blur the lines, you got to redefine where the lines are. It’s all about communication. If you pretend it didn’t happen or minimize it, then that’s a statement. What’s the statement? It could be trying to preserve the friendship, it could be staving off possible weirdness, or it could be an attempt to deny delving deeper with something that’s developing. You’ve got to determine which it is for you. But right now, he sounds like he’s a bit freaked out by what happened and doesn’t know how to deal, so he’s distancing…which is a legit action, but he’s not telling you that that’s what he needs to do. Or he’s just trying to pull away because it got weird calling each other your exes’ names! But he’s not telling you, so you don’t know…OR he’s a bit freaked that this could lead to something he’s not ready for…but same issue: he ain’t communicatin’!

So if he won’t talk, that means you’ve got to step up. If you feel like this is something you don’t want to fester and build into something bigger, then grab it before it gets too far gone from you. Call him up or call him out and say: “This happened. Then this happened. I kind of get the first thing, but I’m not understanding why the second thing. What’s going on and how we can move past it together?” But in your own words and with more specificity.

Or you could let it play out and be passive instead of proactive. Choice is yours. But choose soon and choose wisely, because the longer you let it ride, the harder it’ll be to get back on the track you want to be on.

Your BFF,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

You’re taken. You’re in love. And you want everyone to know. That’s not a crime per se, but all we ask is that you stick CollegeCandy’s Rules for Using Social Media While Dating. It’s just a few simple guidelines to stick to while online and in that awesome relationship — you know, as requested by every Facebook friend and Twitter follower you have and don’t want to lose. It’s all common knowledge — or so we thought.

Before you go diving into our 15 don’ts for dating folks, you should know: the people who agree with this only want what’s best for you. We set these rules in virtual stone not because we actually want you two to break up, but because we want the two of you to truly enjoy your relationship. In private.

That’s right, we’re sick of your sickening PDA.

It’s not that we’re jealous of the love between you two. We’re not. In fact, your attempts to make us jealous is actually what’s so nauseating. Maybe you’re low on text messages every month or you’re trying to make sure all his female acquaintances know he’s truly taken, but there are other ways to stake your claim and express your affections for your main squeeze. That’s what Profile Pictures and Gchat are for.

But social media etiquette isn’t just about keeping your cutesy nicknames and photo recaps of your dinner dates under control for the sake of your immediate network. Messy activity online can damage your closest friendships, your future career and — gasp! — the magical romance itself. If you want to stay followed by your Friends — and in a relationship at all, for that matter — don’t get caught doing the following online, for all our sakes:

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CollegeCandy’s Rules for Using Social Media While Dating is currently taking suggestions for more annoying crap that couples flood your feeds with. Submit your rules below — your own present/future bed buddies will thank you.

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.