Depending on your love life situation, the mention of Valentine’s Day makes you giddy or makes you groan. Many single people call this day “Singles Awareness Day,” and people in relationships are smiling all day as they are being showered with chocolate and flowers. But I don’t think Valentine’s Day should be about choosing sides.

Whether you are on the singles team or the relationship team, there are plenty of things to love about February 14. So stop dreading leaving your apartment or dorm on Tuesday if you hate seeing everyone wearing red and smiling, and if you’re in a relationship, try to appreciate these OTHER parts of V-Day along with appreciating your significant other.

initiating the gallery...

[Lead image via Dorottya Mathe/Shutterstock]

I’m definitely aware that, in regards to getting engaged, I’m not a special snowflake. There are lots of 23-year-olds who are engaged and getting married. There is nothing really magical about my story or my engagement or my life. I’m just a chick who likes to write and happened to find a dude who likes to write. And we ended up dating and getting engaged.

I guess what makes my story different to most people was that I never planned on getting married. In fact, before I dated my fiance, I had never had an official boyfriend before. I had had little flings — imagine me telling someone, “Me and that guy had about half-a-thing,” which basically sums up my love life until the age of 22. I was non-committal and mostly uninterested. Whenever I went on dates, I secretly wished I was at home watching Disney movies and eating cookies instead.

I hated the process of dating, the amount of money spent, the tension over the check, the sitting in a dark movie theater trying not to fall asleep because I got up at 5am to work out. And, more than that, I hated the idea that I was supposed to be dependent on someone. Maybe it was my rebellious nature, but I really rejected the notion that unless I had a boyfriend, I appeared abnormal. I knew I was intelligent, attractive and generally pretty fun (I do a really great Zooey Deschanel impression). I didn’t need a dude to tell me this. I was The Girl Who Didn’t Need Reassurance.

And I guess, ultimately, that’s how it happened. My fiance is someone who I knew all four years of college. We were friends, fellow Creative Writing majors, and helped put together the school’s literary magazine. He liked me because I was independent and intimidatingly motivated.

We had our final creative writing seminar together and, two weeks before we got together, I distinctly remember saying something to the effect of, “My mother always taught me it was more important to be a good human being – successful and courageous and motivated – than someone whose only motivation was to find a good boyfriend. She felt a lot of pressure to get married young and didn’t want me to feel that way.”

That feeling you have is intense irony at my own statement.

We became official in April. There were no dates, no debating over who had to pay what. I was basically living in his house by mid-May and grinding my teeth over the fact that we were graduating, I was moving back to Oregon for grad school, and he was staying in Idaho.

He ended up proposing on a visit to Oregon in July. Part of me had expected it, but part of me still hadn’t accepted that I was in a relationship with a man who actually wanted to get married. And his proposal was like our entire relationship: plain, simple, and to the point. It was done out of love, not out of any kind of courtship ritual. He had asked me, two days before if I had a dream of how I would be proposed to. I laughed and said, “Honey, it doesn’t really matter.” We watched Harry Potter and he asked me to marry him. That was it.

The thing about being engaged at my age, with my past, is that people tend to think we’re kidding. Or that it’s not serious. It has recently become a trend for people to “get engaged” on Facebook – with no ring, nothing to show for it – and then break up. One of my friends has been “engaged” to every single one of her boyfriends. I’m not kidding. There is a tendency for some people of college age to think that every person they date is their “true love.” I guess the realist in me is what kept me from dating much before my fiance. I knew it wasn’t that easy.

Contending with that trend is one of the difficult parts of being engaged. As I plan my wedding, send out engagement announcements and try to pick a color (seriously, guys, it’s so hard), I feel like I’m constantly dealing with people giving me a “Really?” face that is rife with sarcasm.

Mostly, though, I struggle to accept that being engaged has changed a lot of my life plans. Before, I had planned to finish grad school and then move where ever I got a job. I had had my sights set on New York City or Chicago. Now, that doesn’t seem as possible. I have two careers to think about now, two passions. I need a place to live that’s big enough for two people. My previous attitude had meant that I’d always planned for one. It’s a nice change, but a change I still have to get used to.

Obvious statement: Don’t get your significant other a card with someone else’s name on it. While you would assume that some Valentine’s Day gifts are obviously bad ideas, there are people who just don’t seem to get it. My mom once got a toothbrush(!) from her ex-boyfriend for V-day in high school. If I got a gift like that, I would ask myself two questions: 1. Does he not like me? and 2. What is he implying with this gift? Here are some other V-Day gifts you definitely should never get anyone…

Ashley is a freshman at George Washington University and she’s majoring in Overanalyzing Situations and International Affairs. Follow her on twitter @ashleybrooks25

[Lead image via altafulla/Shutterstock]

You wake up. You reach over to your bedside table, grab your ringing phone and click the dismiss button to stop the alarm. Phone still in hand, you rub your left eye, but leave the right one open and peek at the device in your palm. Eleven new emails and four texts. You check them sleepily–texts from your mom, your sister and two from your best friend. Then move on to the emails–one from work, a few from school, some announcing sales at your favorite stores and lastly, a notification that John Smith wants to be your friend on Facebook. John Smith? Who is that?

Getting out of bed, you plop down in front of your computer and pull up the social networking site. You check out John Smith, but still don’t know who he is. Then you realize he has sent you a message. “Hey, we met at a bar the other night. It wasn’t anything big, we just introduced ourselves. How are you?” You still don’t really remember him, but you accept the friend request anyway. Then you go back to your news feed, where you see that your friend in Texas has put up new pictures. Clicking through them, you realize you haven’t talked to her in almost two years, but still know most of what’s going on in her life.

So much of our lives has been infiltrated by virtuality and technology that it’s rare that we have more actual face time in a day than virtual. We text, BBM, Facebook chat, Gchat, Skype, iChat and tweet far more often than we take the time to meet up face to face, and we don’t have a problem with that. (In fact, I just stopped and typed out a text in the middle of writing that sentence.) Often we have online friends that we have never met outside of the digital world–something that not long ago may have been considered a little strange, but has recently become a social norm. The number of online dating sites grows almost daily, and people find shared interests on all different kinds of blogs–from fashion to comics to music. But just because we like to look at the same website as someone, does that mean we should be friends?

Many people believe that virtual relationships are fake and watered down, and in a lot of instances that is true. Think about it–how much do you really know about all of your Facebook friends? Are the majority of them even your friends at all? Are they even real people? Or just fakes created by a lonely woman in the middle of nowhere like in that Catfish movie?

We may feel like we know people that we meet online because we spend such a huge portion of our lives in front of our computer screens, but who we are online can be totally different from who we are in real life. The internet provides a safety filter through which we feel we can be more outgoing, wittier and all around more impressive than we may be when approached on the street. Imagine that you start following someone on Twitter because every single one of their tweets makes you almost pee your pants, but you decide to meet them in person and discover they look a little bit like Chewbacca with even less social skills. Or, there’s always the chance he looks like Bradley Cooper and is just as funny as his 140-character one-liners. Either way, meeting people on the internet is a gamble, no matter how well you think you know them. And we’re always crossing our fingers for a jackpot.

So is it bad that so much of our personal lives and relationships are online? Maybe. But it doesn’t seem to be a trend that will go away soon.

Valentine’s Day is in just three days and I have one question for you: do you know what you’re wearing yet? You may be thinking, I don’t have a significant other. Why does it matter what I wear? Regardless of whether you have a boyfriend, a hook up, a crush or if you’re completely single, you should still try on V-Day. I know, I know it seems like a waste of time but I can think of two reasons to dress up even if you’re not dating anyone. 1. You could find someone. And 2. It will make you feel better about yourself if you’re wearing a cute outfit instead of walking around in slouchy sweatpants. Also, you could go out with your girlfriends and make all the guys drool over how hot you all look. You know I’m right.

Now, back to the question of “what are you going to wear?” Don’t worry, College Fashion‘s got you covered!

Sometimes your girls can tell you more about yourself than you’d ever realize. A few weeks ago, my friend Monie pointed out that she thinks I have the dreaded light vs. dark skin complex. “What’s that,” you ask? She thinks that I’m not comfortable and confident with my dark brown hue.

“You only crush on fair skinned guys, white guys or Hispanic guys,” she said over coffee. “You realize that it’s because you have an issue with yourself, right?”

Umm, what? At first, I was taken aback. I think I know my own issues – all 456,930 of them. But then I really took some time to think about what she noticed.

When I attended elementary school in New York, my skin color was never a problem with my peers. I was never self-conscious about it. New York City is the melting pot, after all – I had classmates that represented all corners of the world. Besides, the kids picked on plenty of other things. When I moved to the South, everything changed. I was introduced to offensive terms like “redbone” and “midnight.” The most popular girls happened to have light skin and long, “good” hair. It was a trend that stayed consistent until I graduated high school. I never realized that the preferential treatment of those girls affected me until now.

Hold on, guys. It’s about to get real.

The light skin > dark skin mentality was drilled into my brain subconsciously, starting in grade school. I’d suck my lips in to make them look smaller, pinch my nose to make it thinner, obsess over my cornrowed and beaded hair to make it appear longer and beg my mother for liquid foundation so I could be “prettier.” The guys who preferred lighter girls in school were just like the musicians I listened to or the actors I watched on television – anytime they appeared in a music video or a movie premier, a caramel-colored honey was nearby.

I’m learning that this is a global issue. My Spanish teacher, a beautiful woman from Panama, says that skin color affects her culture as well. Dark-hued people are workers and considered to be at the very bottom. Light-hued people are “better”…they have better jobs, live in better houses and drive better cars.

So maybe my friend was right, partially. I do have issues with complexion. Or did. I’m beginning to acknowledge those grade school insecurities. But looking back helps me love and appreciate the skin I’m in.

CollegeCandy, do you face any cultural hang ups when it comes to dating? How do you deal?

[Lead image via George Dolgikh/Shutterstock]

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend noticed a lump in my breast while we were fooling around. I’m so scared. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m at school so I could go to the clinic but I’m really scared about what they’ll say. What should I do?

Scared

Dear Scared,

Go to the clinic!!!!!!!!!

Look, it’s unlikely at your age that it’s breast cancer (which is what I’m sure you’re worried about). But you MUST get it checked.

If it is breast cancer, you want to catch it early. So go. NOW.

But stay calm. Doctors are much more effective at treating breast cancer than they used to be. Only about 3% of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer die from it, even though 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer over the course of their lives. So stay cool and go get it checked — just in case.

Reading up might make you feel better, too. But don’t use any of those crazy self-diagnostic websites!!! That shoop will make you crazy.

So, step 1: Make an appointment to see a doctor ASAP.

Step 2: Read up on Sloan Kettering’s website.

Step 3: Once you’ve been reassured that it’s not breast cancer by your doctor (which I’m sure you will be), try to avoid risky behaviors. Don’t drink too much and be sure to know your family medical history. Get regular checks and do self-exams.

The truth is, many young women have lumpy breasts. Aunt Tuffy has spent many a night obsessing over a lump. But that’s why we have doctors. Even if you have healthy young lumpboobs, keeping track of those lumps is VERY important in recognizing the bad lumps, should they appear later. ALWAYS double-check with your OB/GYN if you are at ALL concerned. You should be going every year, but, if you feel something, add in an extra appointment.

Your visit won’t be too scary, either. You’ll go in. Your OB/GYN will check your breasts. If she feels something that she’s at all worried about, she’ll send you for a sonogram or a mammogram. Sonograms are totally painless and mammograms are uncomfortable but certainly not frightening.

There’s plenty to be scared about, but you can be brave. You have to be. Keep ahead of any possible problems and solving them becomes much easier.

I leave you with a final page of great, consolidated information.

Please be well. Don’t wait.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Casual sex is…well, rarely casual. More times than not it ends with frustration, regret and overuse of the word ‘asshole.’ And let’s be honest, the pissed-at-the-world scale generally tips towards the ladies. How is it that men appear more successful at ‘handling’ their casual relationships?

While some may argue that men have an easier time separating sex and emotion, I don’t believe that is the defining attribute. I think men are just better at picking their casual partners. When a guy says, “Oh, I would never be serious with this girl,” it’s because he means it. He doesn’t get emotional or attached because he chooses a girl he would never get attached to. Is casual sex possible for women? Absolutely. But if we want to enter the same playing field, we have to play by the same rules. Ladies, I give you the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex.

Let me be clear, this is not the 10 Commandments of Dating, and it is definitely not the 10 Commandments of Making Your Hook Up Buddy Your Boyfriend. If you allow yourself to enter a ‘casual relationship’ with the underlying motive to make it something more, 9 times out of 10 you will be disappointed with the outcome.

initiating the gallery...

Proposition 8 was overturned, and now we have to see that lesbian comedienne Ellen Degeneres as the new face of JCPenney? Where on EARTH will I shop now? Ladies, we’ve got to do something about this. Let’s protest that crazy talk show host so that her homosexuality doesn’t taint all our kids’ back-to-school clothes and our Christmas shopping.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating the thought process of a member of One Million Moms, a conservative group that’s got their high-leg briefs in a twisted bunch because out and proud Ellen Degeneres is the new JCPenney spokesperson. The group issued a statement following the company’s announcement:

“Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful…By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JCPenney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.”

Fox News contributor Sandy Rios, who supports the One Million Moms perspective, summed up this week’s Hot Button Issue while on The O’Reilly Factor: ”The problem is that Ellen DeGeneres has chosen to act out her lesbian lifestyle and marry her partner, it’s what that represents,” she said. “And the fact that JCPenney is supposed to be middle America, the place where families shop…and people who believe that marriage is between a man and woman and children should not be exposed and propagandized in homosexuality have a moral problem with that.”

Well I’m sorry, Sandy, and the members of One Million Moms, but America—the land of opportunity, the land of the free and the home of the brave—is changing. And for the better. Thank goodness it’s been allowed to change, or else women would never be able to proudly make a buck in any workplace and we’d still stupidly have slaves everywhere who each only count as three-fifths of a person. Though the country has managed to acknowledge the basic human right of being considered an entire person to these minority groups, why can’t such a given be also applied to those who aren’t perfectly heterosexual? Those who choose to be both free AND brave?

If you’re protesting Ellen’s employment with JCPenney, you’re asking that the company discriminates based on her sexual orientation. Hm, discrimination definitely sounds like one of “the negative influences our children are forced to contend with”—you know, the part of society’s “filth” that you should be working to fight, rather than avoiding the hilarious and kindhearted Ellen Degeneres and every product she’s ever endorsed. I’m guessing you’re missing out on the greatness that is CoverGirl LashBlast Mascara and the daily dose of awesome on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Oh man, your kids must have never even seen the movie Finding Nemo! Do you tell them that they can’t go on the Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland because that funny blue fish is the voice of an evil lesbian?!

Oh, and by pushing Ellen down and calling her names, you’re being a bully. That’s right, One Million Moms, all 40,000 of you are guilty of anti-gay bullying.

Thankfully, the group’s protests and cries were no matter for the department store, as the company stood behind their decision. And yesterday, the free and brave Ellen Degeneres addressed her haters and, therefore, her motivators, on her talk show. ”I’m proud and happy to say that JCPenney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson. Which is great news for me because I also need some new crew socks.”

On a more serious notes, she continued, “I really want to thank everyone who is supporting me…Here are the values I stand for. I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you’d want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That’s what I stand for.“

To be honest, I’m surprised that One Million Moms even had the time to jumpstart a JCPenney protest. The group has also requested action against Macy’s, ABC’s Modern Family and Mattel. Don’t shop at Target for promoting the destructive program that is Degrassi, don’t watch Dancing With The Stars because the show “aired a definition of ‘transgender’” and don’t support Ben & Jerry’s because of their “tasteless” ice cream flavor names. Thank goodness—that means there’s more Schweddy Balls for me!

Watch Ellen’s full speech now. It’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, it’s all things Ellen Degeneres.

Should JCPenney be concerned about losing conservative customers? Or will they gain more respect for taking a stand?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Occasionally, despite my generally laissez-faire, non-judgmental attitude towards sex, there are a few things that perturb me. Rape, of course. Slut shaming. Abstinence-only sex education. And ignorance about contraception. One of the most disturbing manifestations of this that I’ve encountered are ladies who take the pill and have absolutely no idea what they’re putting into their bodies and how it works. Maybe it’s because the pill has become so normalized and routine, like popping Advil, so the complexity of it isn’t apparent, but I definitely feel that once you start playing with the hormones in your body, you need to know what’s up.

1. The pill tries to keep you free of pregnancy in four different ways.

It tries to stop an egg from leaving your ovary. Then, it makes your cervix produce more mucus so neither an egg or sperm can stick. The hormones also prevent the lining of your uterus (or potential womb) from getting thick enough for a fertilized egg to be viable. Finally, the pill manipulates the movement in your Fallopian tubes to prevent an egg from meeting a sperm in the first place. So, it’s a pretty complicated process, and every once in awhile, the pill fails to execute it properly, which is why most of us know, or know of, someone who has gotten pregnant while on the pill.

2. It loses effectiveness if you don’t take it at the same time every day.

One of the reasons the Pill is so popular is because it doesn’t affect your fertility in the long run, which means that if you’re not diligent about taking your pill daily, it does start losing its pregnancy protection magic. So pick a time that is most convenient for you, set an alarm on your cell, and pop it on the regular. If you do miss a pill, here are the guidelines for how to get back on track.

3. Your side effects aren’t going to be the same as your friend’s side effects.

Everyone’s body reacts differently to changes in the hormonal structure. Your skin may clear up while your friend’s looks like she just went back in time to 7th grade, or you may experience consistent spotting while someone else’s periods become non-existent. It’s perfectly normal to have to go through multiple pills to find one that best suits your body and your needs.

4. The pill does not protect against STDs. 

I would never deny that the pill has been a major game changer for women, especially in the way that we are able to have agency over our reproductive choices, and we don’t have to rely on men using condoms in order to stay baby-free. However, if you are getting it in with someone new, and you have no idea what their STD status is, please use a condom (correctly).

5. Your birth control shouldn’t make you miserable. 

Whether your appetite has been out of control and you’ve been gaining a bunch of weight, or your cramps are unbearable, or you’re spotting a lot in between periods, you don’t have to endure it. If your body hasn’t adjusted after 3 months, it’s time to look into a different option. Whether it’s another pill or an IUD or a Nuvaring, your contraception should not make your daily life uncomfortable at all.

[Image via Calek/Shutterstock]