The Backstreet Boys said it best: “Quit playin’ games with my heart (with my heart…).” I didn’t quite understand the meaning when I first jammed out to that song back in 1996, but now I get it. And I want to get on top of a mountain and sing that to every guy who has ever effed with me….and the many more that surely will.

What the eff is up with the games? Why do guys do one thing (kiss you) and then confuse the hell out of you (not call)? Why do they play with your head so you can’t do anything but think of them, emotionally eat, then think about them some more?

Why can’t we all just say what we mean and stop making calculated moves? It’s all a big waste of time and I’m sick of it. If you like me, tell me. If you don’t, fine. But don’t purposely not call me because you want me to think about you and then, just when I’m on the brink of being over it, say something cute in a text message.

Guys make me crazy and I needed to know why they feel the need to do so. Apparently, it’s all our fault… Read More »

Last Thursday, I was craving a chicken caesar salad. I had half an hour before my lifeguarding shift started, and Sunset Groceries deli-fresh salad bar was calling my name.  I thought, “Hey, I’ll just run in, scoop up one of those pre-made containers with the Parmesan shavings already rationed out, and go to work.” At the time, it didn’t even register that I was rocking my navy blue one-piece, with GUARD embroidered across the chest. Waistband rolled Soffes? Why not, it’s not like I was going to see anyone worth impressing in the deli line. Thursday at 1:30 PM was prime time for soccer moms, not soccer players.

Weaving in and out of the deli displays, my salad search came up empty-handed. Lunchables, guacamole, pineapple chunks, but no grilled chicken-y goodness. I finished a few more unsuccessful laps before surrendering myself to the deli line. Maybe the salads were just so delicious that they hid them behind the counter, I reasoned, a treat for the persistent customers. Besides, I needed to get to work. There were lives to be guarded, flip flop tans to perfect.

“Number 96?”

I looked up. HOLY CRAP. I blinked. HOLY FREAKING HELLA CRAP. There, behind the deli counter, sporting a white apron and what appeared to be an ill-fitting hairnet, stood my Big Ex. The one I had not seen since our drawn-out, emotionally-draining, mentally-exhausting December break-up.  Read More »

Upon some recent discussion with my guy friends, I’ve come to realize that we girls may just be a little bit “too close.” I happen to be one of those people blessed with an intimate group of girlfriends, and therefore we talk about everything from the specific color name of our nail polish to the exact millisecond of how long our most recent sack session lasted.

However, upon stepping back a bit and really paying attention to what I was saying, I’ve begun to wonder if there is such thing as too much information sharing. Even if it never gets back to your guy, is it alright to share everything? Below are the key things that, looking back, I’m thinking should just remain between a lady and her man. Read More »

After undergoing a week long sex-education unit in my seventh grade health class, my creepy health teacher passed out two promise cards for us girls to sign, which stated that we promised to remain abstinent until marriage. While we were told to sign one for ourselves to keep in our purse, we were also expected to leave our John Hancock on one of the cards to turn in as an assignment – no questions asked. As my classmates complacently signed their names on the dotted lines, I remember thinking how ridiculous this task seemed – why was my stance on virginity anyone’s business? If only my feminist hero, Jessica Valenti was around then!

Feminist blogger (Feministing) and author of Full Frontal Feminism and He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know, Jessica Valenti’s latest book The Purity Myth tackles the issue of “how America’s obsession with virginity is hurting young women.”

And it truly is.

Let’s get real. Regardless if you believe in saving sex for marriage or not, it is very alarming in a disparaging way to see girls only being granted value or worth for staying sexually pure instead of for their character. Why should sexuality (in the sense of remaining abstinent) be highly coveted over a teen girl’s qualities or accomplishments that make her unique? In a society that continues to worship abstinence (with virginity programs across the nation and federally funded purity balls), Valenti points out that while virginity is acceptable, having sex is also okay because at the end of the day, a young woman’s choice should not decide her existence as being morally up to standard or not.

From the get-go in The Purity Myth, Valenti confronts the definition of “virginity” and how for such an abstract idea, the concept controls and impacts girl culture today immeasurably: “The Purity Myth is for women who are suffering every day because of the lie that virginity exists, and that is has some bearing on who we are and how good we are.” Read More »

I’ve hooked up with quite a few people in my time on this planet. I won’t share my number here, because that’s nobody’s business but mine and the unfortunate roommates who had to listen as I added more boys to the list, but let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of romps.

My “number,” however, only reflects about 75% of them.

Why? Well, because there are some that just shouldn’t count. Like the guy who couldn’t keep it up, or the one who left while I was sleeping and I wouldn’t recognize again if he was lying in my bed completely naked. Or the one who referred to my lady parts as “Taco Bell” (as in, “Yo quiero your Taco Bell”) and was immediately asked to leave.

Why should I count someone who likened my vajay to a Chalupa?

We all have those guys or hookups that just shouldn’t count. And by “count” I mean “never happened and I am going to drink heavily so I completely block it out.” I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me which guys didn’t make their list. Where do you draw the line? Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like T&A jobs!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

It’s generally frowned upon, many companies have policies against it, but the fact of the matter is when you put a bunch of people together in the same space day after day there’s a fair chance that some of them are going to start dating. But is it OK to get it on with a co-worker or are the bosses right about inter-office hanky-panky?

On the one hand, it makes sense to date someone you work with – you share the same schedule, you know the same people, you probably do a lot of the same things, and odds are you have at least a few interests in common that led you both to work there. Plus, you see them every day, you get to know them pretty well and he’s always dressed for work, so you never have to see him in the stained sweatpants your ex refused to throw out.  Read More »

Are you psychotic in relationships? Have your significant others ever called you a crazy bitch? Insane? Needy? Any of the above? Here’s some signs that you just might be:

- You love the chase. Not to mention the ongoing drama and the on and off and the fighting, but once the guy gives you the attention and affection, you’re totally bored and want out.

- You constantly pine for a guy who DOESN’T LIKE YOU or worse, doesn’t even know you exist. He’s Just Not That Into You was written for you.

- You cheat. Oh man, do you ever cheat. You just do. You sometimes don’t mean it, but sometimes you do. You lie about it. You feel awful about it sometimes, but sometimes you don’t. Sometimes it’s just making out, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s emotional, but it’s all cheating. And you do it. And sometimes you can’t stop once you start getting good at it. Read More »

Foreskin may be the only uncharted territory Americans have no desire to conquer. In our country, circumcision is common enough that a foreskin-free penis is the expectation, but elsewhere, that’s hardly the case. Though it remains the most common elective operation globally, the majority of men in the world don’t undergo it. Surprised? Dismayed? Completely alarmed that you can no longer take a European lover?

Don’t be.

The ever-proper Charlotte York may have once compared an uncut penis to a shar pei, but there’s no reason why you should be repulsed by foreskin.

Countless girlfriends of mine cringe at the thought of penises au natural, but my own varied sexual experiences have familiarized me with the lesser known peen and I’m on a mission to demystify it. Here’s some good news to start: uncut penises are pretty much the same as their counterparts. And yet, Americans and those with less colorful sexual pasts continue to treat foreskin as something of an anomaly and even a defect. I’ve isolated foreskinphobia into a few easily identifiable (and refutable) myths: Read More »

I remember when my best friend handed me a well-worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. I had been dealing with a rather strange relationship involving a boy who loved to spoon and cuddle, but had zero interest in trying to jam his tongue down my throat.

“Just read it,” she urged.

And I did. In fact, I spent the next 6 hours curled up in my papasan chair having aha moment after aha moment. I realized at long last that there are so many obvious signals guys were sending that I just refused to acknowledge. And now that I had, I was able to move on to greener pastures…or boys who liked to snuggle AND see me naked.

Four years and a film adaptation later, I sit here – still single – wondering if instead of fixing my dating ways, He’s Just Not That Into You has totally effed up my ability to find or maintain a relationship.

As we all know, the purpose of the book was to remind women that guys are simple creatures and if they are into you, they will let you know. If they aren’t introducing you to their parents, they aren’t into you. If they aren’t calling you back after you hook up, they aren’t into you. You get the gist.

And while all of that makes sense, it seems (to me, at least) a little too black and white for real life. I get that guys are really easy to read, but I have come to see that this book is just pushing women to reject men before the men reject them.

Men that probably don’t want to reject them, mind you.

The book sets the bar so high that it is almost impossible for guys to make the grade. Yes, guys should call right away when they are into you, but not all of them do. Some of them get busy, some of them don’t know if you are into them, and some of them just prefer to poke you on Facebook. Yet, when he doesn’t call or text immediately (or take you home for Thanksgiving after dating for 3 months) we freak out, hit the bottle (hard), cry a little bit (to the sounds of John Hiatt blaring from iTunes), and write that bastard off.

“I don’t need to sit around and wait for someone. He’s clearly not into me.” Read More »

This Week’s Article: 5 Lies All Women Tell by askmen.com.

This article’s tag line is: “If she’s said any of these things to you, she’s lying.” Starting off with a gross generalization is never a good thing, but let’s take a look at what lies the boys at AskMen think we’ve been telling. All of us. Every time we speak.

“I’m not mad at you.”

Askmen says: “Oh, yes she is. Don’t think you’re getting off that easily. This lie is one of the most frequently used in relationships. Typically, women who have been hurt by men in their lives — often inadvertently — use this phrase as an emotional defense. For example, if a guy forgets his girlfriend’s birthday, calls her by his ex’s name or commits any of the other minor screw ups that most men do on a daily basis, women usually can’t just let it go. They dwell on it, letting worries whittle away normal feelings of well-being like a dog gnaws on a bone.”

I say: This is true some of the time, but there are definitely times we really just aren’t mad! Really! And if we are, we don’t all let it “whittle away normal feelings of well-being”; we can get over things, you know. The best way to get around this confusion is to encourage open and honest communication from the start of a relationship. Read More »