So, you met a hottie out on the town. Against your better judgment (because you can imagine what your mom would say if she knew what you were doing), you went home with him. And it was fun. Really fun. Your clothes are strewn around the room and if you weren’t so exhausted from the marathon romp session, you would be a bit more worried about where the hell your underwear was at the moment.

You pass out as the sun begins to peek its way out from behind the tapestry haphazardly hung over the window, the gent’s arm wrapped around your waist.

Then you wake up. You turn over the boy has his back to you. He’s snoring. You run to the bathroom to pee, trying not to wake him up, but hoping at the same time that you do. After all, it’s sorta awkward; you can’t just leave without him getting up. That would be weird.

You come back into the bed (after searching frantically in the bathroom for some mouthwash/gum and fixing your hair/makeup so you still look fresh) and he stirs. You make a joke about how tired you are and throw yourself into the bed. Random conversation ensues and most likely includes discussion of hangovers, how much you drank last night and how that water you chugged before bed was just divine.

And then….what? You know what you want to do. You want to have morning sex. Who doesn’t? Morning sex is the best way to start the day. (Some people think Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, but you and this boy both know the truth.) It is pretty much a given at this point, but neither of you really know how to broach the subject, mostly because you are both sober now and things are slightly awkward.

Read More »

For those of you who follow any of my entries on here, if you know anything about me, you know this one thing: I like sex. I like it a lot and I have made the argument on here, multiple times, that a lady can still be a lady and have sex whenever SHE wants…including the first date.

But I did something this past weekend that I haven’t done in five years: I did NOT have sex when I wanted to, and could have.

A man who I’ve had a flirtatious relationship with for the last 10 months has recently been coming on more strongly. He’s been asking me out on ‘official’ dates and telling me how it drives him nuts that I hook up with other guys but I have never attempted to even touch him. (And I laughed some sort of maniacal laugh in my head at that one…I loved finding out that I was driving him crazy with desire. I’m real sick like that.)

We made some plans for Saturday night and I blew them off. I was busy with my writing and had no desire to leave my neighborhood. I kindly let him know that he was welcome to meet me in my neighborhood, but that I was on too much of an artistic kick to travel. (He’s an artist, so I didn’t expect this to be weird for him to hear at all). And apparently, it wasn’t weird for him, because he got in a car and drove over. Read More »

Society has been telling us for years that the sexiest thing to sport under just about anything is a thong. But what do guys really think? What do they really want to see when they shimmy that girl out of her newest pair of skinnies? Or, do they even really care? I mean…they got our pants off. Isn’t that enough?

He Said:
Guys don’t really know much about women’s underwear past “This type gives me a boner, that type doesn’t.” When you’re in high school (or from Long Island), thongs are the best thing this side of Steak and a Blow Job Day–mainly because the tops of thongs usually pop up above girls’ pants, drawing our eyes and attention directly to the butt part of the body, flooding our imaginations with arrest-worthy thoughts.

Still, some (adult) dudes will tell you they like the thong best–on certain girls. But nowadays, it’s all about the boy-shorts. These fantastic bottoms create a magical under-ass area that does wonders for a man’s mood–if you’re depressed, just ask your girl to throw on a pair, you’ll see what I mean. They look good on girls of all shapes and sizes, are nice to touch when we’re fooling around, and are perfect attire for the WiiFit. Ladies, if you only have one type of underwear (which you don’t), make it boy-shorts–we’ll never complain. Read More »

I have something to tell you: I am not petite. At 5’10 and not a size 4, I am what many would consider a biggish girl. And that makes it hard to date. Especially because I want to date a nice, Jewish boy…who also happens to be bigger than me. No offense to my people out there, but there are very few Jewish males who reach above 5’5. (And I have been looking for years!)

People always yell at me and tell me I am being too picky, (“What is the big deal?” “Why not someone who is at least your height??”) but I can’t help it. And trust me – I have tried.

Last weekend, I went home with a very attractive boy – my height, super hot …but really, really skinny. I was already nervous enough to strip down to my skivvies, considering my post beer belly. But, thanks to the power of that very beer, I was feelin’ frisky, so strip I did. We had our fun. When it was time to go to bed, though, I couldn’t find my undergarments in the pile of clothes on the floor, so the boy threw me a pair of his boxers to sleep in. And it was like putting in a pair of Spanx. Or plaid biker shorts.

Totally true.
Totally embarrassing. Read More »

Put this under Things You Should Not Do If You Want To Remain A Happy Person: finding out what your ex is up to now.

To preface, I’m not talking about the person you dated for a month who you kind of cared about but never enough to commit and / or introduce him to your friends. If you want to look through that guy’s Facebook or Myspace, go ahead. Seeing him with his arms wrapped around another girl will probably do nothing but make you kind of glad you’re no longer seeing someone who thinks weird neck tattoos of skulls are cool.

But look, if you loved the dude (or chick), and it kind of ripped your heart out when things ended, do yourself a favor let them remain a mystery. Don’t try to find them on Facebook if you’re not already connected, unfriend them if you are, don’t ask mutual friends about who they’re dating, and for the love of god, DON’T GOOGLE THEM.

I am a naturally nosey person, but after The Big Ex and I split up years ago, I refused to seek out information on the girl he started dating a mere few weeks after our 4 year stint ended. I knew my friends had info, I could tell by their eyes whenever they tried to jump away from the subject, but I never pressed them. And when information was accidentally spilled to me, I made a conscious effort to change the subject and told people “I really don’t care to know”. It was hard, because I did care to know, but I knew that need for knowledge was coming from a macabre place in my brain that loved to torture the rest of me. Read More »

This is not a new story, but CNN recently did a report on it and I feel the need to once again air my consternation over Purity Balls. Never heard of a Purity Ball? Well, it’s when fathers and daughters dress up and dance together and pledge to a giant cross that they will forever be linked when it comes to the daughters’ virginity.

If it sounds just a little creepy, that’s because it is. There’s nothing wrong with fathers taking an active role in their daughters lives, and I don’t even see anything wrong with fathers talking frankly to their daughters about sex and the consequences — but there’s just something inherently weird about a daughter pledging to her father that she will remain a virgin until marriage for him. Read More »

[To ask Tuffy Luv a question, email her at asktuffyluv@gmail.com and check back here for her response. No question is too big or small or weird or dumb! ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE (a response).]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

This is really embarassing, so I hope it’s not weird that I’m asking you.

So over the summer every summer for the last three years I work as a hostess at this restaurant near my house. And every year I’ve been there, there’s been this guy (I’ll call him T) who works there too. I go away to college, but he goes to the junior college nearby so he’s there all year.

Anyway, T and I always flirt all summer and nothing ever really happened (last summer we kissed once but it was at a party and not anything that went anywhere). Except this year, from the first day we saw each other again, it was like BAM–chemistry. So we hooked up a couple of times and it was great.

My problem is, last night, I went over to his place after work and I thought we were just going to hook up like usual, but then–I don’t even know how to say this without being gross, so here it is: he peed on me.

I was totally disgusted, but I was really surprised so I didn’t say anything and we just had sex anyway and then I went home.

What the hell?! Also, have I now given him permission to do it again since I didn’t say anything? Help!!!!!!!!

-I Got Peed On Read More »

Alcohol is one hell of a substance. It tastes sorta gross, costs sorta a lot and makes you do things that you obviously would have decided against sober. More often than not, a night of drinking leaves me with a hangover and a WTF moment that makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come out.

Like that time I let my best friend make his way downtown (if you get what I mean) and my other friends caught us mid sex act.

Yeah, just like that time.

My best friend is a guy who we’re going to call Dean. Once upon a time, actually right when I first started dating my now very ex-boyfriend, Dean accompanied me to a party held by another one of my friends. A casual house affair with lots of liquor because, well, that’s how we do. My new boyfriend at the time decided not to come me with me to the party because he didn’t know anyone that would be there. So Dean came with me because, he’s my best friend…and also because there would be booze.

After way too many shots the party started to die down and the guests stumbled out. I was having difficulty standing, so the party host asked me and Dean to stay over. Dean was slowly fading as well, so we took her up on the offer.

Did I mention that when I’m drunk I get pretty touchy feely? Or that I was pretty pissed off at my boyfriend for not coming? Yeah, still does not excuse what happens next. Read More »

Why (oh why) can’t some girls just let some things go?

Take my situation for instance and please, shed some light.

I am in a relationship with a very wonderful guy; we’ve been dating for a little over six months and things are great. Before we met and started dating, my now boyfriend had a semi-relationship with this girl and, to spare humiliation even though she deserves it, let’s just call her Rachel (which is NOT her real name).

Rachel and my boyfriend were “hanging out” (using this term loosely, use your imagination here) for a few months while Rachel was in a serious relationship with someone else. So, she was cheating on her current boyfriend with my now boyfriend, without any regard for anyone’s feelings but her own.

When my boyfriend and I got together, I kept light about the situation, but told him that I did not want to start things with him if things were not finished with her. He broke off whatever affair they were having because he wanted to pursue me. He let her go. She, on the other hand, held on…with a death grip. Read More »

When it comes down to love, I’m a picky jerk. Prince Charming can march his white horse right up to my doorstep with roses and I won’t answer the door because he’s not ‘challenging’ enough. Let me take a moment to recount the ‘problems’ with my most serious of lovers over the last few years.

Guy A didn’t pay enough attention to me.
Guy B paid too much attention to me.
Guy C wasn’t reliable enough but
Guy D just had his life way too planned out.
Guy E wasn’t smart enough while
Guy F wasn’t social enough.

And this is how it always works.

I know deep in my soul that if I ever wanted a relationship to really WORK, I’d have to stop expecting it to be perfect. I’d have to stop throwing in my cards whenever there’s an argument and I’d have to stop climbing up on my pedestal every time I’m offended by a guy.

And I think this is an issue that a lot of people deal with, especially women. It seems to me like guys don’t need too much from a girl to be satisfied. In fact, most of my guy friends would boil it down to: Not being a crazy b*tch, being good in bed, and…uh….not being a crazy b*tch. But for girls, I think it’s a whole different ball game.

He should be funny but not obnoxious, smart but not pretentious, strong but still sensitive, supportive but with his own life, sexy but not sex-oriented, loyal but not obsessive, stable but not predictable, outgoing but enjoy nights in…

Oh. Dear. God. Read More »