You Must Be Fat. Here, Eat These

Hmm. What can I complain about today?

I KNOW! Snacks!

100-Calorie snacks are ridiculous, and while it seems like complaining about 100-Calorie snacks is stupid, and yeah, it probably is, it’s not just about the portions-for-p*ssies-packaging that gets me – it’s what these things represent.

Nabisco has all sorts of them – chips, cookies, crackers, whatever. I went to the store one day and saw a box of 100-Calorie Cheez-Its. “Cheez-Its!” I exclaimed in the aisle. “Cheez-Its are a delicious treat, and they’re only 100 calories, right here in these little bags that have been portioned for me? Yes! I shall purchase these Cheez-Its at once, and they will be enough to satisfy my hungry stomach.”

I bought them and it was very disappointing.

There were, like, 7 and a half Cheez-Its in the teeny-tiny bag, and no, I was not satisfied. Not only that, but that feeling of disappointment when those 7 and a half Cheez-Its were in my still-hungry stomach, only made me feel worse than when I originally bought the Cheez-Its because I felt bad about myself in the first place! It made me think to myself, “Wow. This bag didn’t do a very good job in satisfying me. I must be a whale. Must. Have. More.” Read More »