(The last ‘Best of Overheard 2009‘ post wasn’t really the best things overheard in 2009. Come on! You really thought those were any good? No, these right here. These. These are the best of the best of 2009. If you think yours are better, send them in or leave them in the comments!)

(Two guys and a girl, leaving a movie theater.)

Guy: You gotta stay here, it’s dicks only.

Girl: Fine. I didn’t want to come anyway.

(Two girls, leaving an early biology class.)

Girl:  I sometimes think about how comfortable a womb would be, and then I think – hey. You don’t breathe. And that terrifies me. Even though it would be fun, you know, bouncing around.

(Student, explaining something in a study session.)

Girl: You see, to be happy, we are constantly secreting.

(Girls, watching the news in the lounge.)

Girl 1:  I bet Obama and Michelle totally did it after the stimulus vote.

Girl 2: Yeah, he was probably all, ‘stimulate this!’

(Girl and guy in a restaurant.)

Girl: I don’t want a boyfriend. Boyfriends are like avocados.

Guy: Why?

Girl: Not in season. Small, wrinkly and green.

(Two guys on a bench.)

Guy 1: You can’t just push people over because they’re poor!

Guy 2: Why not? I think that’s a great reason!

(Two guys, riding the shuttle bus.)

Guy 1: Hey, excuse me.

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: Our butts just touched. Sorry about that.

(Girl, furious.)

Girl: The state is paying to put giant boobs on my campus!

(Guy, running up to a girl.)

Guy: Hey, yo! Yo, are you the girl I saw dancing in the parking lot yesterday?

(Two kids, eating cherries outside a convenience store.)

Kid 1: Hey, I bet I can hit that guy with a pit.

Kid 2: Do it!

Guy: *stops* Excuse me?

Kid 1: No, the other guy. You know. Invisible guy.

(Two guys, relaxing in a student lobby.)

Guy: Hulk Hogan is a country.  He’s the world’s largest importer of rice paper shirts.

(Girls, watching a performance in a public park.)

Girl 1: So, you know what’s way better than all of us having sex together?

Girl 2: Playing with our fake puppies.

Girl 1: Yup.

(Girls, introducing themselves in class.)

Girl 1: I’m Brenna.

Girl 2: Hi! I’m Margaret, but you can call me Murphy.

Girl 1: Huh. How’d you get that nickname?

Girl 2: When I was born, my dad said it was Murphy’s Law.

(Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.)

Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke.

Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke?

Girl 1: Okay, yeah.

(Professor, heard from outside a chemistry lecture hall.)

Prof: Okay. Now, imagine you’re all molecules. Good. But I hate molecules! Uh-oh, really bad!

(Girl, serving herself food, looking quizzically at the pasta.)

Girl: Who stole the insides of these?

2009 was a great year for awesome products; God knows everyone had to be creative this year and recession-proof any product launch. But which products were best?

Here’s a rundown of the best stuff we got to call our own in 2009. If we were lucky. And if not, fingers crossed the prices will drop on this ish in 2010!

Snuggie
Now available in leopard! If there was any kind of product phenomenon last year it was definitely the Snuggie. I sadly did not get one and I immediately turned Christmas-tree green with envy when I saw anyone’s status onFacebook reading “Just got a zebra print Snuggie from Grandma!” A blanket, with sleeves? If that’s not bringing brilliance, laziness and amazingness to a whole new level, well, I’m just not sure how it could be anymore American. Oh yes it can. Because now? You can get a Snuggie for your pooch! My Yorkie is totally getting hooked up for her birthday.

The iPhone 3GS
iPhone upgraded, and it was good. Video functions, voice recognition and a whole slew of apps that could pair with your trendy phone made 2009 the year of the smart phone. If you aren’t into it (or actually have decent phone service and use Verizon), you’ve got the new Blackberry or the Droid to keep you constantly updated.

Twitter
Okay, is Twitter a product? Debatable, I suppose. 2009 was truly the year of the tweet. It brought celebrities, companies and information in the form of 140 characters to our fingertips. I mean, seriously, I can’t even imagine my life without knowing how Rachel Zoe is spending her vacation at all times.

The Flip
A teeny little camcorder, smaller than your cell, that records over 60 minutes of footage? Perfect for those mornings when you just can’t exactly remember what you did (or where you left your heels) last night.

Marc Jacobs Bruna Bag
In PURPLE? If heaven was a handbag, this would be it. If you can’t afford the splurge (I know I can’t), Marc by Marc Jacobs also released some of the hottest bags of the year.

Barbie Escalade
If only I was 5 again. Power Wheels with serious attitude.

Hulu
Who do you turn to when you’re alone, lost and scared on a weeknight? Everything on TV is terrible, Jersey Shore is a repeat or Snooki just isn’t delivering that night. Your DVD collection has lost it’s luster, including every episode of Arrested Development that you’ve watched at least 19 times. Well, there’s something that can help. Hulu! Where else can you catch up on SNL clips (because, really, why bother watching the entire show anymore), particularly “What Up With That” featuring Kenan, or entire episodes of “Always Sunny” that your DVR managed to accidentally eat? And did I mention the mminimal commercial interruptions and the luxury of watching it wherever your laptop goes and WiFi exists (like in your lecture hall)? I heart you Hulu, don’t ever change. Or charge.

What were your faves of ’09?

Mother Earth Says: No balloons!

As 2009 winds down and 2010 looms ahead, we all begin thinking about the important things in life.  I think most of us can agree that at the top of our list would be one of the most important things of all – throwing an epic NYE bash!

As always, I will be the one to 1) ruin your fun by saying that your party is killing the earth and 2) make it even better by replacing your old faves with your soon-to-be new ones.  Here are some of the most crucial aspects to throwing an eco-friendly, yet equally bitchin’ New Year’s shindig.

1) Choose eco-friendly champagnes.  This article on TreeHugger.com has a great list of organic sparkling wines at all price ranges.   If you’re like me and still too poor to afford a bottle of anything over $7.99 then you can still opt for the favorites as long as they’re grown and bottled as close to you as possible.  For example, if you’re a California girl, such as myself, you have the pleasure of sippin’ on BevMo’s finest.  That’s right, I’m talking about Cook’s and Andre.  You’re welcome.

2)  Use real champagne glasses. I know you are all classy ladies out there, so kick the red cup habit and get something real stylish.  If you can’t afford the cost and the injuries that result from broken glass, opt for acrylic or plastic champagne flutes.  Just be sure to recollect them at the end of the night so you can use them for your party next year (or next week).

3)  Skip the streamers and confetti. Seriously, who decorates their party with streamers past the age of 6 anyway?  If your party is not complete without the midnight confetti toss and next day incessant vacuuming, then be my guest.  But please, please, please don’t waste your money and our precious resources at an overpriced party goods store.  All you have to do is look in your recycle bin, dig out that old newspaper and start ripping it to shreds.

4)  Ditch the Fritos and get your a** in the kitchen! By whipping something up on your own, your food will be yummier, cheaper, and healthier for you than those nasty processed foods.  Plus, there’s really no way to know exactly how much the Earth died (tiny overstatement) just to get you your frozen spinach dip.  If you’re ready to get your hands dirty but you don’t know how, just follow the recipe of your favorite party foods and then substitute the ingredients for organic, fresher, and less processed alternatives.  Eat up!

5)  Spend your money on booze. And not on your NYE party dress.  Get real, you know you’re only going to wear it once anyways!  Be resourceful and utilize all your resources before heading to the mall.  Borrow clothes from your friends and match them with those shoes that you haven’t worn in a year.  (I promise, nobody will notice.)  If absolutely cannot live without a new party ‘fit, hit your local thrift and consignment stores today!  Not only will you spare the earth’s resources, but you also have a higher chance of buying a designer label that’s actually within your price range.

For me, 2009 can be broken down to Miley Cyrus at football pregames, Lady Gaga at frat parties, and my best friend who cannot rest until she creates a line of people to each take a shot during the “Shots Shots Shots” chorus. There was also a bit of studying somewhere in there (which was accompanied by the Kings of Leon), and some working out (to Kelly Clarkson). And that is how I’ll always remember my year.

Now that 2009 is almost o-v-e-r, I put together a playlist of the biggest and baddest songs of 2009. This top 20 list will take you back to the days before Kanye and Taylor Swift. Before Sully landed a plane in the Hudson River. Before we lost Michael Jackson. Even before Perez Hilton got a black eye from the Black Eye Peas. (Remember that glorious day??)

Play it as you scroll through your drunken Facebook photos from the year. Play it as you get ready for that mega NYE bash. Play it in 2011 when there are all those new tween stars being overplayed on the radio and you just wanna hear a little Party In The USA, dammit.

Just play it.
Happy New Year!

No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever or which apps rock my world.

This week, as we round out 2009, I’ve picked out our favorite media-buzz worthy events of the year. Keep in mind that this list will include a lot more cheating and Ed Hardy than Healthcare reform and economic crashes. (Sorry Madoff, I’m just not that into you).

10. Letterman Gets “Creepy” With His Staff
And somehow still comes out looking like the man for fessing up. Undesirable actions, admirable apology. Take note…

9. Tiger Woods
He’s changing his name to “Cheetah.”

8. Lady Gaga Takeover
As the year progressed, so did the world’s love for Gaga. Opening up the year with “Poker Face” and “Just Dance,” Gaga inspired many Halloween costumes, a rediscovered love for good pop music and rounded out the year with the inspired and wacky “Bad Romance.”

7. Chris Brown/Rihanna Debacle
From the horrific picture, to the Jet-skiing in Miami, to the interviews to the blue bowtie, Chris Brown is forever immortalized as an abusive, disgusting a-hole. Let’s not give this douche bag a comeback, please.

6. Swine Flu
I can’t believe I’m going to one day look back on Swine Flu as a serious “epidemic” that captivated the world and brought out those useless paper masks. Luckily, we were able to make them fashionable.

5. Jon Gosselin Gets Douchier, World Gets Dumber
Forget about Swine Flu, Gosselin was the biggest pig of the year. I am so looking forward to 2010 where hopefully the media doesn’t concern themselves with what type of menthol cigarettes this a-hole father went and bought at the local 7-11 in his spanking new bedazzled Ed Hardy shirt. Woof.

4. Obama’s Peace Prize
Seriously, why was this news? Slash, why did he get this award, again? Which brings us to another important, undeserved award…

“3. Yo, Taylor. I’m Really Happy For You, and Imma Let You Finish…”
But this had to have been the most unnecessary overplayed story OF ALL TIME. Also, cut my boy Kanye a break.

2. Balloon Boy
The most riveting moment of television this year involved watching an empty balloon fly around for two hours.

1. RIP: Everyone in Hollywood
Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Brittany Murphy, Natasha Richardson. You name ‘em, they bit it this year. Heaven got a little more Beverly Hills glamour after this year.

(Hey, readers! We sure had a good year, didn’t we? You all sat through Overheard once a week, every week, and nobody sent me any hate mail or bomb threats or horse heads! I’m impressed, readers, and as my thanks to you, I’ve collected some of my favorite Overheards from 2009. Read on! And don’t forget to share what you’ve heard lately. Leave it in the comments or send it on over!)

(Girls studying math in the library.)

Girl 1: … So you just do your FOIL and multiply out.

Girl 2: I don’t get it! I don’t know how to do math.

Girl 1: You know, first, then outer, then the inner, then last?

Girl 2: Oh! You mean making rainbows!

(Two guys in a liquor shop.)

Guy 1: What are we looking for?

Guy 2: A guy, like, four liters wide. Name is Carlo. If you punch him, he leaks wine everywhere.

(Two guys, finding seats in an auditorium.)

Guy 1: Are we just gonna use our jackets to reserve these seats?

Guy 2: I guess so. We can’t rely on Meghan to mark them with her urine.

(Woman, to her son, in a CVS.)

Mom: Look! Thanksgiving! You’re not scared of Thanksgiving, right?

Kid: Waaaah!

(Woman in a breakfast restaurant.)

Woman: Look! It’s the chronosaur! He’s a time-traveling dinosaur who fixes history’s mysteries!

(Two students in geology lab.)

Guy: Hello, Mr. T-Rex. So, you’re a dinosaur. What’s your favorite color?

Girl: … Blllluuue.

Guy: And what’s your favorite movie?

Girl: Space Jam.

(In a public bathroom)

Parent: Now wash your hands in the sink. Use soap! Now dry them.

Kid: No.

Parent: Use the drier.

Kid: No, no no no!

(Sound of drier.)

Afterward, kid:  I couldn’t even hear my screams.

(Folks in the dining hall.)

Girl: Why do you keep socks in your pocket?

Guy: My mom always yelled at me whenever my socks fell out of my pocket.

(Two guys, talking at library workstations.)

Guy: Me and my girlfriend are gonna be getting crazy this weekend. We got my mom’s van. We are gonna need to censor, like, an entire 48 hours.

(Girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Guys, what’s “galactorrhea”? Is that where you sh*t entire solar systems?

(Guys in the hallway, one with a grocery bag.)

Guy 1: They’re doing a food collection in the lobby.

Guy 2: Oh, cool. Do they take mold?

(A bunch of people sitting around a campfire.)

Girl 1: Marshmallows are kinda gross, when you think about it.

Girl 2: I think it’s a good kind of gross. Like tiny, edible fat people.

(Bookstore employees talking to each other.)

Employee 1: I had this dream… dozens of tiny cows! They were the cutest things, just running around everywhere, getting stepped on, stuck in doors. They were bite-size.

Employee 2: They were Tinybeefs!

(Guy, watching four girls move a table out of an apartment.)

Guy: Hey, uh, can I help you girls with anything?

Girl: Yeah, you can spend nine months carrying unborn humans in your belly for us.

(Two girls in a pizza restaurant.)

Girl 1: Nothing big is cute.

Girl 2: One foot toddler? Cute. One hundred foot toddler? Gross.

Girl 1: Wait, one foot toddler?

(Guy chasing a mosquito around with newspaper. Girl watching.)

Guy 1: Get back here, mosquito. You’re going to mosquito school. At mosquito school, you die.

Girl: He paid a lot of money to go to mosquito school!

(Guys turn around as another enters a party.)

Guy 1: Oh, sh*t, it’s chili schnapps guy. Don’t bring that sh*t here.

Guy 2: What are you talking about? This is peach schnapps.

Guy 1: No foolin’ me, man. That’s straight up chili .

(Girl, gesturing wildly to her friends.)

Girl: It’s Reverse Nursing! You suck babies in through your nipples!

(Girl, walking a dog in the park, meets a guy.)

Guy: Hey, I like your dog.

Girl: Thanks. He’s Arfken, dog wizard.

And here are a few ways to take advantage of its last precious moments:

1. Do something ballsy. We’re about to embark into a new decade here, ladies! Take the initiative and do something that the “2000-2009 You” would’ve been terrified of. Ask that guy you’ve been eyeing (and Fbook stalking) since last January to chill (or meet you at the bar) over break. Kiss a stranger (okay, maybe not a total stranger. There’s a lot to worry about these days!). Bust out that sexy, low-cut dress you’ve been terrified to wear in public & rock it. Just not at your boyfriend’s parents’ Christmas party.

2. Make some NY resolutions. Put it in writing that you plan to ditch the nasty social smoking habit you’ve acquired (and only recently found out about via Facebook photos). Sign up (and pay) for a weekly yoga class now so you’ll think twice about slogging down that third cranberry and vodka, since you’ll know you have to perform a downward dog in front of hot instructor in t-minus 7 hours. Vow that you’ll never again make a “walk of shame” across campus… three mornings in a row…from the same house….but different bedrooms.

Just me?

3. Use My Year In Status’. This  little ditty randomly selects status updates from the past year and creates a customizable page of your 2009 (mis)adventures. Necessary? No. A hilarious stroll down memory lane? Hell to the yes.

4. Make an end-of-2009 playlist. Let’s be honest, 2009 was full of some quality tunes (admit it, you liked “Use Somebody”… the first 200 times), so throw them all together on your very own “Now That’s What I Call Music.” But don’t just include the top songs of 2009; you should also add jams specific to your year. That way, when you’re old (25), and want to reminisce about your college days, you’ll have a collection of tunes at your disposal to take you back to that night your roommate decided that going home with her long-term crush after she had both puked and peed her pants was a good idea.

Not kidding…that sh*t made it onto FML.

5. Do at least one thing that is so 2009. Sign up for a Twitter account, even if you think “tweeting” sounds like a sexual innuendo. Force yourself to go see “Twilight: New Moon,” even though Kristen Stewart makes your skin crawl. (Okay, I guess a DVR marathon of The Vampire Diaries will suffice).  Hop on stage and interrupt someone while they make an acceptance speech, telling them they don’t deserve it. Make a sex tape (or 8). Learn the “Single Ladies” dance so you can bust it out at your NYE party when it inevitably plays. Twice.

2010 is right around the corner, people. Let’s give ’09 the send-off she deserves. And yes, that most definitely includes a few replays of Party In The USA.

For most of us, 2009 was probably not the best year – the economy was still in the toilet, we were fighting two wars, Michael Jackson (and Patrick Swayze!) died, and we couldn’t play beer pong out of fear we were going to get the Swine Flu.

But all that didn’t really matter to those peeps out in Hollywood, because somehow, despite all the odds, some people still managed to come out on top and have a freaking awesome year.

Let’s take a look at who had the best 2009:

Taylor Swift
There is no question that our favorite country cutie had the best year EVER. She won two Academy of Country Music Awards, six American Music Awards, seven Billboard Music Awards, six Country Music Association awards…and that’s just scratching the surface.  She managed to make an album that sounds like it came out of her high school diary (and probably did) into one of the top albums of the year, and she even dethroned popular King Kanye when he tried to discredit her VMA and turned the entire country against him. AND, on top of all that, she gets to run her hands over Taylor Lautner’s abs, making her the envy of every teenage girl alive. And yet they don’t hate her. Congrats, T.Swift, you’ve officially taken over the world.

Taylor Lautner/Twilight Cast
The entire cast of New Moon had a pretty amazing year. I mean, how many people can say that teenage girls faint when they walk by?  Their movie was a national sensation rivaled only by its prequel, making $26.3 million its first night and setting box office records as the biggest midnight release ever. Somehow a moody emo girl with bad posture and really boring clothes and her equally emo sparkly vampire boyfriend, who loves her so much he just had to ditch her to offer himself up to some even creepier vampires in Italy, became the poster couple for America.  But while Edward may have won Bella at the end, it’s Taylor Lautner who really came out on top.  This year he emerged from long-haired, nice-guy obscurity to become the muscled, hot-blooded werewolf of millions of girls’ (and cougars’) daydreams, forcing Bella (and Twilight fans across the country) to choose between werewolf and vampire.  Anyone who manages to compete with Edward Cullen deserves our unmitigated respect.  And – hello! – he’s dating Taylor Swift, making him one-half of 2009’s junior power couple. Watch out Beyonce and Jay-Z.

Miley Cyrus
Seriously, teenagers are ruling the world this year! In 2009, Miley expanded her empire even further, releasing the wildly popular Hannah Montana Movie and way more songs, including the ubiquitous “Party in the USA”. Who else in this world can get every single person (male or female) in a bar to stop what they’re doing and put their hands up, nod their heads like yeah, and move their hips like yeah, when they play her song? And who else can do it at the age of 16?

Lady Gaga
This pop superstar has proved to us that aliens actually can invade the earth and rule it within a year.  With her ridiculous outfits, hats, wigs, and disguises, not to mention her seriously creepy music videos (Bad Romance, anyone?), Lada Gaga has proved to us that she is not from this world, yet she totally owned music in 2009. She had multiple #1 singles, and her album The Fame Monster thumped from the speakers at every party in America all year long, featuring such hits as Just Dance, Poker Face, Paparazzi, and Bad Romance. But even more captivating than her sticky-sweet, synthesized tracks was her outrageous image, which got her noticed by America and made her into an international superstar—and the number-one Halloween costume of 2009. Congrats, Gaga, you’ve made insanity cool again.

Britney Spears
After basically the worst 2007/2008 ever, Britney FINALLY managed to pull off her comeback in 2009.  Her new album Circus was huge, rising to number one and giving her a bunch of smash singles like “Circus,” “Womanizer,” “If You Seek Amy,” and “Radar.”  Her tour sold out every single show in North America and reminded us of why we loved Britney so much back in ’01-’05.  Forbes listed her as the 13^th most powerful celebrity this year (and 2^nd most powerful young musician), and Billboard named her the second-best-selling act of the 2000’s. This year, we stopped thinking of Britney as the train wreck she has been in recent years, shaving her head and attacking cars with umbrellas, and starting thinking of her as the superstar she truly is.

New Jersey
Sure, New Jersey isn’t a person, but it definitely had a hell of a year.  New Jersey has risen from “armpit of the nation” obscurity to reality TV gold this year, with the smash success of Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” and MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”  New Jersey finally stopped wallowing in its own unpopularity, and, like any good reality star, learned to exploit its own trashiness for profit.  Now the joke’s on the other 49 states, as the Real Housewives and their “bubbies,” and Snookie and her “poof,” bring in the big bucks for the Garden State.  And that’s the situation right there.

Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian
This year, Kourtney and Khloe transformed from the annoying sisters of annoying Kim Kardashian to annoying celebrities in their own right.  They emerged from Kim’s sex-tape and Paris-Hilton’s-best-friend shadow and forced themselves into the limelight with “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami,” a reality show documenting their “single-girl” exploits in Miami last summer. Somehow, they managed to surpass all conceivable levels of fame-mongering when Kourtney got pregnant and Khloe got married within a month of each other, catapulting them into true stardom and making Kim look whiny and irrelevant in comparison. Their show may still suck, but their famous butts continue to grace the covers of our country’s esteemed tabloids practically every week.

Adam Lambert
He may not have won American Idol, but Adam Lambert’ fame has totally eclipsed that of his rival Kris Allen. His album, For Your Entertainment, debuted at #3 on the Billboard charts. He wowed us with his makeup, his style and his powerful pipes, but more than that, he became a poster child for the gay community. His American Idol loss has been viewed as a sign of homophobia in the entertainment industry, and his subsequent success shows that the underdog – and an openly gay emo singer who shoves a guy’s face into his crotch on national television – can triumph after all.

Tiger Woods’ Mistresses
Tiger Woods may have had the worst year ever, but his mistresses have him to thank for their fifteen minutes of fame.  The 15 ladies (and counting) who bedded the disgraced golf star chose the perfect time to go public. Piled on top of Tiger’s mysterious car accidents and stories of domestic abuse in his marriage, the stories of his affairs blew the scandal to astronomic proportions, making his mistresses doubly famous.  They’re all over the news, they’re getting exclusive interviews, and they have all the power while Tiger can do nothing but retreat to his $20 million yacht in shame. They may fade out in 2010 and return to their old lives as cocktail waitresses and club promoters, but for now Tiger Woods’ mistresses are on top (which, I imagine, is how Tiger liked it. BOOM!).

But I’m also really excited for 2010! And not just the super adorable outfit I have picked out for NYE. A new year (and a new freaking decade!) brings a fresh start and new adventures. It’s a chance to say “TTFN” to the bad – like Tila Tequila, my muffin top, and Hipsters with skinnier legs than me – and “Holla back at me” to the new. Like a working economy, perhaps? Gay marriage? Fat free, calorie free Dairy Queen Blizzards? A girl can dream.

As we creep dangerously close to 2010, I asked the CollegeCandy writers what they are most excited to leave behind in ’09. What about you? Share yours below!

Kim – Stanford: I cannot wait to leave behind the drama that is Tiger Woods. Why is everyone so shocked that a very rich and successful pro-athlete who travels all the time cheated on his wife? That’s just obvious.

Teresa – UCSD: My fake ID!

Megan – Penn State: Definitely the crappy boys of 2009. Hopefully 2010 brings me no heart-breakers or creepers!

Erica – Kent State: Working at the Financial Aid office in the file room at 9 a.m.–ALONE– four out of five mornings of the school week.  Pure torture.

Thu – USC: My home! I’m studying abroad!

Lauren – University of Michigan: Well, I’d like to say the extra junk in my trunk but that ish is clearly coming with me into 2010 (stuffed into some Spanx, of course), so I’ll just go with Speidi. Something’s gotta happen to them soon, right?

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: Girl drama! The only drama I want is what I’m watching on my trashy reality shows!

Sara C-Fordham: I am hoping, HOPING, that we as a society can come together and abandon the cultural practice of auto-tune in music. It’s just wrong.

Brittany – University of St.Thomas: What am I excited to leave behind in 2009? Between pictures of Michael Lohan yelling in gossip magazines everywhere and Jon Gosselin’s mysteriously sunburned face it is tough to make one decision. But if I had to choose, let us please leave Kristen Stewart behind! If I see her bite her lip or breath loudly on cinematic screen again I may self-combust.  Rest assured, I would not mind if casting replaced Stewart with a Bella that didn’t complain about how famous she is and smirk at how often she gets to stand next to Taylor Lautner. Ugh, see ya never, Kristen Stewart!

Emmy – Loyola University Chicago: CALCULUS!!! Never ever again.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: I’m excited to leave behind a year of serious health problems! Hopefully 2010 will be a year filled with good health-and yay for new health insurance!

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I’m holding out hope that this whole Twitter fad will go away in 2010.

Charlsie – Hollins University: I’m most excited to leave behind this past semester of graduate school applications, GREs, 20 page papers, and insane amounts of work.

Ricki – University of Michigan: I signed up for this class that prides itself on assigning 15 page papers.  I am so ready to leave behind teachers who don’t care that I have a life.

Kelly – Simmons College: Lindsay Lohan being a drugged-out mess. Come on girl; get it together in 2010!

Anna R. – Northeastern University: I’m so excited to leave school for 8 months! I’m doing an internship in NYC from January to June. I also can’t wait to leave behind my last year of being under 21.

Carly – Grinnell: Cannot wait to leave behind the one month of bitter cold winter we’ve had so far in the Midwest. Three more months of it is three too many!

Welcome back to The Rival Rundown! If you’ve always wanted to give props to your school on CC, now’s your chance! Shoot us an email explaining what’s awesome and unique about your school (or what stinks about Rival U) at rivalrundown@collegecandy.com!

This is it, folks, the grand daddy of all college rivalries! Noted by ESPN as the greatest North American sports rivalry today, the bad blood between the University of Michigan and the Ohio State University is unequaled. This weekend marks the one hundred and sixth meeting of the two teams, in the last regular-season football game. If you don’t happen to be one who bleeds maize and blue, or scarlet and gray, now’s your chance to catch up on the rivalry that will be on the tips of everyone’s tongues this week.

Quick Facts:
University of Michigan: Public research university in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Enrollment of over 50,000. Mascot is the Wolverine.
Ohio State University: Public research university in Columbus, Ohio. Enrollment of over 50,000. Mascot is the Buckeye.

1. Football Victories

Michigan: 52 wins, 42 losses, 3 ties
Ohio State: 42 wins, 52 losses, 3 ties

Three credits to: Michigan. The Wolverines have also won 42 Big Ten conference titles (compared to Ohio State’s 33) and 11 national titles (compared to the Buckeyes’ 7).

2. Memorable Moments

Michigan: In one of the most famous football games in history, the 1950 Wolverines fought their way to victory 9-3 in Columbus.  In what is known to history as the “Snow Bowl,” the match took place in one of the worst Ohio blizzards on record. Before its start, Ohio State had the option of forfeiting the game and retaining the Big 10 championship title. However, since they decided to play, the two teams duked it out in the cold and snow, punting 45 times, occasionally on first downs. Michigan stealing the victory, and the title, on enemy turf? How sweet it was!
Ohio State: In the 1973 match-up between the Wolverines and the Buckeyes, both teams entered the game undefeated. The match would decide the Big 10 conference champion and which team would travel to the national championship at the Rose Bowl. When the game ended in a heart-wrenching tie, athletic directors of the other Big 10 conference schools had to vote by secret ballot for their choice of a winner. Ultimately, OSU became the victor, in what was one of the most legendary games in history.

Three credits to: Ohio State. With stakes raised to the limit–a conference championship, a trip to the Rose Bowl, and a tie with your most storied rival–having the confidence of your fellow conference members is something to relish.

3. Terrific Traditions

Michigan: American composer John Philip Sousa, who made a career of writing march songs, once declared the UM march song “the greatest college fight song ever written.”  Called “The Victors,” it has not only been played on the field and at commencement, but as the entrance theme song (in lieu of Hail to the Chief) for proud alum President Gerald Ford.
Ohio State: A seemingly cliche quote by one of OSU’s coaches turned into a legendary tradition for the Buckeyes. When asked about how he he planned to approach the Wolverines, Ohio State coach Francis Schmidt said, “They put their pants on one leg at a time same as everyone else.” Since then, the “Golden Pants Club” has awarded statues of golden pants to each OSU Buckeye who has scored a victory over Michigan.

Three credits to: Ohio State, for marrying college tradition appropriately with potty humor!

4. Ass-Kicking Alumni

Michigan: James Earl Jones, Tom Brady, Lucy Liu, Arthur Miller
Ohio State: Roy Lichtenstein, Jesse Owens, Patricia Heaton, Jack Niklaus (attended)

Three credits to: Michigan– how can you argue with the voice of Darth Vader (and CNN), and Super Bowl MVP?

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

Michigan: 42.1%
Ohio State: 52.3%

Three credits to: Michigan, definitively.