Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But ABC’s 20/20 is going to broadcast a segment on a new documentary called “Orgasmic Birth,” about women who said that giving birth was one of the most ecstatic (and orgasmic) moments of their lives.

In the segment, to be broadcast on Friday, January 2nd at 10 pm, Tamra Larter says that she spent part of her labor for her second child making out with her husband! “The physical touch and the nurturing was just really comforting to me,” she said, “[The birth] was happening, and I could hardly breathe, and it was like, ‘oh, that feels good.’”

Um. Ew?

Dr. Christiane Northrup, OB-GYN, was interviewed by 20/20 and reported that it is possible to experience orgasmic childbirth, according to “basic science.” She says, “When the baby’s coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm.”

With all due respect to Dr. Northrup, I’m not buying it. And I think it’s great that Ms. Larter was able to get it on during labor (Sidenote: what’s her kid gonna think when he reads that ten years from now?), but either she has a really, really high threshold for pain, a really big va-jay-jay, or they must have slipped her the epidural without telling her. Also, if your baby gives you an orgasm, isn’t that moderately incestual? Just sayin’.

I have no children at the moment, and I have never given birth, so I guess you could say, “don’t knock it till you try it.” But I believe childbirth may be the one thing that you really don’t have to try to knock.  So, here are just a few reasons why I’m not expecting childbirth to be orgasmic:

1. An eight-pound baby is way bigger than a penis.

It’s true that the kid will be coming out the same way his daddy’s manhood went in, but even if that dad were Ron Jeremy (ew, btw), the biggest penis in the world couldn’t possibly compare to the size and weight of a healthy newborn. Read More »

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The “pregnant man” is at it again and Barbara Walters is all over it.

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The Sex and the City copycat is gone! Yes!

Everyone’s favorite celebrity train wreck is proving that she’s still chugging along on the pop star track this week. Britney Spears’ new single, “Womanizer” has already been leaked and was even featured in last week’s episode of The Hills. But this Friday, she promises a REAL comeback when the video for “Womanizer” premieres on 20/20.

20/20?!?!?

Yeah, I guess MTV was booked and VH1 wanted to squeeze in another season of The ’80s: Apparently The Greatest Decade Ever. So Brit Brit had to take her comeback vehicle over to that other prime-time music machine, 20/20.

As the world waits with bated breath for the visual celebration of “Womanizer,” let’s take a look at what we’re expecting from the video:

1) Gratuitous shots of Britney’s new-and-improved toned midsection

2) Slithering dance moves (either of the floor or pole variety)

3) Windblown hair and pouty face

4) Submissive guy candy

5) Some outrageous outfit (think “Oops I Did It Again”)

To see if our predictions come true, tune in this Friday to ABC at 10 pm.