For the stupid ‘melt the ice to get to Tila’s heart’ challenge, the best friends from home get to help. But all of this effort and the best friends being flown out are not worth it for stripper room time. Bo and his friends win – absolutely nothing. There are no strippers in the strip club. The whole thing is lame. After like 2.5 hours, the friends are out.

So I think it’s the next day and it’s final date time. Bo polishes his shoes and I wonder who’s groomed his eyebrows throughout the filming of this show. The MTV interns made a sports bar set out of the “club” for the date. Bo, aren’t you annoyed that you polished your shoes for yet another in-house date? Couldn’t they spring for cars to take this to a real sports bar?

Bo’s been wearing his hospital bracelet since his return, which I totally didn’t catch. He’s going to give it to Tila when he gets his key. Awwww. Very endearing, but she doesn’t care, Bo. I’m sorry.

Kristy’s final date follows and Tila’s puts on a terrible jailbird dress to eat dinner by the fireplace. Kristy tells Tila that while she’s sure about her feelings, she’s unsure about her lack of experience with women. Not sexually – just in the relationship sense. Tila’s got too many emotions going on in her mind to hear that Kristy’s saying, “So maybe don’t pick me.”

This whole season I was under the impression that the elimination would take place in like Costa Rica or whatever. Especially since that’s what the other ‘reality’ dating shows do.

On the last and final day, Kristy and Bo are off for spa time before the elimination. I’m curious to see what they do to Bo’s hair. I’d like to see a bo-hawk but he just gets a regular hair cut. Tres disappointing.

The backyard is decorated with fire pits and blocks of ice and I want to pretend that the theme is poetic but Robert Frost and I are sure that it’s not.

Kristy and her second thoughts are sweating in the limo on the way back to the mansion. Britanny would have eaten off her hand to be in your spot. You couldn’t question yourself before you made it to the final two?

Ah, Tila, you and the emotions in your mind. How do you manage to put on all of that purple eye shadow and deal with all of your emotions at the same time?

Bo enters the yard first and I feel badly because he totally didn’t win. I guess Tila does one on one time for the final elimination? I’ve never seen this before. Here come the tears – like that makes it better that you’re going to hurt him.

He has a plate in his jaw because of your mess of a show. I’m sure that Bo-bear is going to find plenty of tail in Ohio or where ever he ends up. I’m sorry, Bo.

Sucks that Bo’s gone and Kristy’s gonna come in and be like, “Um, so I don’t know if I can handle this even though I had like weeks and weeks of time to prepare myself for this and I could have pulled out at any time.”

Kristy looks like she’s going to slip on the Plexiglas walk to Tila. Tila in her elf-like excitement presents Kristy with her key and Kristy cries. “If I take this key, I’m not going to be true. I’m really not ready for this.”

WHAT? Dude, it’s a KEY, you don’t have to get married. Just suck it up and try. It’s not like Tila really wants to date you anyway.

Tila walks off “humiliated” and she should totally call Bo.

Best part of the episode – we get confirmation that Kristy’s wearing underwear with that upskirt shot.

There are three minutes left – she could call Bo…

But she wouldn’t. Not because of pride, but because Tila purposely chose someone who told her that they probably weren’t ready for a relationship.

So that’s it. I can’t believe that they do yet another reunion with just the Kristy and Bo aftermath. Damn them for making it look interesting enough that I’ll be watching next week.

What do you think? Was this lame or totally dramatical?

So, Tila Tequila isn’t bi? You mean, her entire existence is a total sham? There’s no way the most popular girl on MySpace would ever try to sell herself further for essentially doing nothing! No! It can’t be! Tila is a completely legitimate woman/pop singer/MySpace celebrity, right?

Sure she is! She’s as classy as a queen. Need proof? Check out the evidence:

She’s singing “Like a Virgin”! Those semi-seductive winks and all that head shaking is just for show. Not. Slutty. At all.

She’s a dancer! I’d say this video is NSFW, but she’s an artist so I’m just going to say it’s beautiful.

Tucker Carlson wants to interview her! This is when you know she’s made it. She’s on cable news and totally well-spoken and intelligent. You can’t beat sound-bytes like, “I’ve always had this thing where I wanted attention from everyone…” Lovely!

The formula is essentially the same: Six weeks, find love, contestants get eliminated, one will remain at the end, and there will be a reunion special where we discover the winner really isn’t interested. Sound familiar? The big twist in Ms. Tequila’s show is her opportunity to come out as a bisexual and have 16 lesbians square off against 16 straight dudes for her affection. This should be fun.

Tila Tequila, nee Tila Nguyen, shot to fame by becoming the most popular person on Myspace as of April 2006. She has modeled for Playboy, Stuff and Maxim. She also was the number one unsigned artist on Myspace. Through shameless self-promotion and half-naked pictures, Tila has really become internet superstar. Now with her own show, she is sure to become a reality television superstar. I have no doubt the clothing line will follow soon. Oops, there already is a clothing line.

There are some that are giving Tila the big thumbs up for breaking barriers and having a reality show that deals with alternative sexuality. While I’m sure that MTV appreciates being coined as “edgy,” the truth probably is the producers just ate up the idea of girls making out on TV. Does anything get better ratings? I don’t think so. The Christian Conservatives have bashed Tila for encouraging a gay lifestyle. They really don’t get that this kind of controversy only ups ratings even more.

I’m interested to see which way Tila ultimately swings. While I think most of the guys on the show are probably wetting themselves at the possibility of a threesome, most of the lesbians looked less than thrilled there were men in the house. I smell drama, and giant fights. Let the “ultimate battle of the sexes” begin!