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Dear “That Guy”,

Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it’s uhh… adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me. The fact that you care about your “fresh kicks getting smudged” more than your future or GPA is super sexy…?

Babe, what happened to you? Before you became “that guy” you were once “just one of the guys.” You were playing Madden instead of photoshopping your Facebook pictures. You couldn’t tell Armani from Target. Your cellphone lived in your pocket instead of clipped to your ribbon belt, and for the love of God, why are you orange-r than an Oompa Loompa?! I liked you without your bromosexuality. I’m not interested in the Brody Jenners or the Gotti wannabes!

Why does your tee shirt have more sparkles on it than Limited Too’s entire Spring Collection circa 1998? These glittery numbers are worsened by being “slim fit” to show off your “killer pecs.” Maybe they work for Hulk Hogan, but they don’t work for you and they definitely don’t work in public. Do society a favor and wear clothes that fit. And if your shirt has a collar? I don’t care if you’ve been popping it ever since you can remember. Old Yeller that nonsense. Put. It. Down.

Take out your Bluetooth headset. Kudos if you use it in your car – safety first. But, that blinking blue light glued to the side of your head while you’re out and about, especially waiting in line at stores (most likely Armani Exchange or Abercrombie and Fitch), makes you look like an ultra douchebag. I am laughing at you. The store clerks are laughing at you. Humanity as a whole is laughing at you. Leave the damn thing in the glove compartment of your car.

What the hell is on your head? First, turn your hat frontwards. Backwards hats were cool for Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. Ten years ago. Secondly, what kind of hat is it? Baseball hat? Fine. Trucker hat? Toss it out. Ashton Kutcher threw out his, and he was like the Dane Cook of the ’90s. Douche of the decade. Plus, enough with the pre-frayed brim! How do brims even get frayed in the first place? What did you do with yourself to even get a frayed brim? Walk head-on into a concrete wall multiple times? Drop it on a belt sander in shop class in high school? Jesus Christ!

Which brings me to your hair. If it’s longer than your chin, you probably need a haircut. If it’s gelled to the point where you look more like your front lawn than a dude, lose the L’Oreal. Shaggy is cute, spiky not so much. Also, quit it with the weird chin pubes. They’re itchy and freaky and especially way gross if they’re flesh colored a la Spencer Pratt.

Darling, I like you for you. Not your ill-fitting clothes and designer flip flops. Hell, I’ll let you continue to tell your stories about your drinking glory days once in a while, but please consider at least some of the previous advice, chill out, and leave the metrosexuality and manscaping where it belongs. On Bravo.

Lots of love,
Melanie

[This story was originally posted by Melanie - Northeastern.]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

When I was 16, I needed an easy job that could fund my many expenses (like the two beers that got me drunk on the weekends and movie tickets for 7pm on Fridays). The mall was an obvious choice, since I’d always have someone to hang with on breaks (the place employed my entire high school) and I’d have a sweet employee discount.

This was a bad, bad decision. Little did I know when I started at Abercrombie & Fitch that I would come home every night nursing sore legs and an achy jaw from a 5-hour shift standing at the entrance asking shoppers to “try our new sexy fleece.” (WHAT IS A SEXY FLEECE!?) Then, it took me 4 days to wash the smell of boy’s cologne out of my clothes, and don’t even get me started on the hits my self-esteem took when I was banished to the stock room on bad hair days. The place was a hell-hole and to this day I can’t walk past the shirtless girls modeling the newest bikinis the storefront without shuddering (and it has nothing to do with the overwhelming scent of cologne). So it makes me beyond joyful to find out that I’m not the only one who thinks so.

Corporate Responsibility magazine (don’t worry – I don’t have a subscription either) is in the works to publish a corporate “black list” of the worst companies in America. Not surprisingly, Abercrombie and Fitch is on the top of the list. While Corporate Responsibility’s reasons for blacklisting Abercrombie are a bit more…er…corporate than mine, I’ve got a pretty good idea of why A&F is the Taco Bell meat of retail stores.

1. They’re grossly overpriced
$200 for a pair of ripped jeans and $89 for a simple sweater? And my personal favorite – $30 for a pair of plain flip-flops. Why should I shell out big bucks just for a moose logo? It’s a moose! In this tough economy I’d much rather go next door to American Eagle or Forever21 and find the same exact things for a third of the price.

2. They’re oversexed
Okay, so the giant walls of guys with 6-packs might be nice, but Abercrombie degrades their employees and over-emphasizes physical appearance. Did you know that everyone gets hired as either a “Model” (meaning you get to work the floor, cash register, and greet), and an “Impact Team Member” (meaning you’re in the back stocking shelves and pinning clothes)? Yep, since they can’t legally discriminate in hiring, they just stick the uggos in the back. And the tan shirtless guys in the front, taking Polaroids with customers.

3. The atmosphere sucks
The place REEKS of cologne (we were required to spray “Fierce” around the store every 40 minutes!), it’s too dark to even see what you’re trying on, and you can hear the techno bumpin’ from the Food Court. Seriously, is this a respectable shopping establishment or the freakin’ Jersey Shore!? Not to mention that you often get stuck in fake trees while sifting through the racks. Seriously?

4. Seasonal confusion
Sometimes it’s winter, sometimes it’s summer, but at Abercrombie seasons don’t matter. Puffy vests with booty shorts and legwarmers? Winter jackets paired with flip flops? Flowy, flowery miniskirts with boots and hoodies!? As long as it’s got the brand name on it, it seems like anything goes. Until you step outside in the snow with your flip flops and soak the bottoms of your $200 skinnies, that is…

[Do you ever feel like you can’t pull something off? Have trendy pieces in your closet that you would never have the courage to actually wear out? Well take those pieces out, shake off the dust, and continue reading!

In this series, I will choose a different piece that can be difficult to incorporate into an outfit and give you ideas on how to wear it. If there’s anything you would like to read about in the future, please leave a comment!]

It’s really starting to get cold out there now, but you can stay warm by adding a few furry touches to your wardrobe. Models on the fall runways sported real fur, but faux fur is a more wallet- and animal – friendly option. While it may be a little unrealistic and over the top for a college girl to sport a big fur coat, here are some ways you can subtly slip this trend into your wardrobe:

1) On the hood of your coat/sweatshirt (bonus warmth if it lines the coat too!). This is a really simple way to add some faux fur to your look. Wear it with jeans and your warmest boots.

Coat, Abercrombie & Fitch $200. Jeans, Seven For All Mankind $165. Boots, EMU Australia $90. Bag, Forever 21 $26.80.

Here are some more furry hood options. Click to learn more:

2) On your collar. This look was huge this fall and looks very chic and sophisticated.

Coat, Juicy Couture $385. Jeans, Charlotte Russe $30. Bag, Old Navy $16.50. Boots, Steve Madden $100.

Some more faux fur collared coats:

3) On your legs. Boots with the fur are always cute and stylish for winter. Tuck your jeans in, or wear them with leggings to keep your feet cozy.

All I can ask is that, no matter how cold it is at your school, PLEASE don’t succumb to this trend and wear these ugly things (I’m not even telling you where they’re from!):

4. On your head. Winter accessories are another great way to add some fur without looking crazy. Here are a few great faux-fur options.

Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it’s uhh… adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me. The fact that you care about your “fresh kicks getting smudged” more than your future or GPA is super sexy…?

Babe, what happened to you? Before you became “that guy” you were once “just one of the guys.” You were playing Madden instead of photoshopping your Facebook pictures. You couldn’t tell Armani from Target. Your cellphone lived in your pocket instead of clipped to your ribbon belt, and for the love of God, why are you orange-r than an Oompa Loompa?! I liked you without your bromosexuality. I’m not interested in the Brody Jenners or the Gotti wannabes!

Why does your tee shirt have more sparkles on it than Limited Too’s entire Spring Collection circa 1998? These glittery numbers are worsened by being “slim fit” to show off your “killer pecs.” Maybe they work for Hulk Hogan, but they don’t work for you and they definitely don’t work in public. Do society a favor and wear clothes that fit. And if your shirt has a collar? I don’t care if you’ve been popping it ever since you can remember. Old Yeller that nonsense. Put. It. Down.

Take out your Bluetooth headset. Kudos if you use it in your car – safety first. But, that blinking blue light glued to the side of your head while you’re out and about, especially waiting in line at stores (most likely Armani Exchange or Abercrombie and Fitch), makes you look like an ultra douchebag. I am laughing at you. The store clerks are laughing at you. Humanity as a whole is laughing at you. Leave the damn thing in the glove compartment of your car.

What the hell is on your head? First, turn your hat frontwards. Backwards hats were cool for Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. Ten years ago. Secondly, what kind of hat is it? Baseball hat? Fine. Trucker hat? Toss it out. Ashton Kutcher threw out his, and he was like the Dane Cook of the 90′s. Douche of the decade. Plus, enough with the pre-frayed brim! How do brims even get frayed in the first place? What did you do with yourself to even get a frayed brim? Walk head-on into a concrete wall multiple times? Drop it on a belt sander in shop class in high school? Jesus Christ!

Which brings me to your hair. If it’s longer than your chin, you probably need a haircut. If it’s gelled to the point where you look more like your front lawn than a dude, lose the Loreal. Shaggy is cute, spiky not so much. Also, quit it with the weird chin pubes. They’re itchy and freaky and especially way gross if they’re flesh colored a la Spencer Pratt.

Darling, I like you for you. Not your ill-fitting clothes and designer flip flops. Hell, I’ll let you continue to tell your stories about your drinking glory days once in a while, but please consider at least some of the previous advice, chill out, and leave the metrosexuality and manscaping where it belongs. On Bravo.

Lots of love,

Melanie

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Abercrombie & Fitch “adults only” catalogue

Looking at the photo on the link as a twentysomething chick, I don’t see much that’s obscene about it, but it does piss me off for other reasons.

Abercrombie & Fitch has been pulling the same shit for years; their entire retail strategy consists of selling clothes through barely-clad models. Excuse me, but if I’m buying a piece of clothing, I don’t want somebody to be taking it off in the ad unless it’s a Victoria’s Secret bra.

Abercrombie, are you selling me a naked man? No? Then change your freaking advertisements. New York & Company was able to run a highly successful ad campaign last year featuring Patrick Dempsey, a known hot man, but there was one key difference: he was actually wearing clothes.

Don’t get me wrong here. I like to see some skin from hot guys just as much as the next straight girl, but I like my ass with some class. A shirt with a few top buttons undone can be just as sexy as some dude who’s obviously stripping, and it’s a lot more elegant as well.

As long as I’m on a roll with slamming Abercrombie, I’d like to point out that a Google search for “Abercrombie & Fitch” turns up the retailer’s Web site as a first result, which pens itself as a clothing line “for aspirational men and women.”

Am I the only one with my eyes bugging out here? Aspirational? Are you trying to tell me, Abercrombie, that if I wear duds from H&M or Target that my aspirations are not as high as someone who shells out 75% of their daily income for a logo tee made in one of your overseas sweatshops?

Try again, Abercrombie & Fitch. I’m not going to drop a hundred bucks for a pair of jeans at your elite store for cheerleaders and preps just because you show me somebody taking them off.

Jealousy is a bitch.

You can’t deny that at times your blood starts to boil when you see another guy checking out your beautiful lady. Luckily, you aren’t alone. Jealousy is a natural human emotion. Merriam-Webster likes to define it as “being threatened by and/or hostile toward a rival.”

Acting out on jealousy tendencies is often considered a bad thing. But is it really so terrible to express those feelings?

Jealousy can be harmless and even healthy, but can also take on an obsessive, dangerous dimension if you aren’t careful. Once you understand that jealousy is rooted in fear, you can deal with it. You need to communicate with your girl and let her know how you feel. But before you do, keep this in mind:

Look at your past

What were your past relationships like and how did your behavior affect them? Were you crazy-jealous then? If so, a change is in order because your behavior hasn’t worked too well for you.

Get real!

You may very well be imagining guys ogling her goodies, so focus on the reality of the situation to see if there’s any legitimate reason to be jealous. There’s no need for you to overreact at her polite ‘Thank you’ to your waiter.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

If you don’t respect yourself, then she is most certainly not going to have any for you, either ‘ not for long, anyway. Understand that she is with YOU and she chose that. Have some confidence in yourself.

A little bit of jealousy is normal ‘ it means you care about the girl you are with. If her behavior with the Abercrombie and Fitch sales guy is bugging you, tell her in a mature, calm way. Relationships depend on TRUST; if you don’t have that, then you’ve got nothing at all.

Actually, let me restate that. American Apparel’s ads make me f*cking nauseous.

Their clothes are fine—if you enjoy looking like every other “non conformist” out there—but their ads are so annoying I feel the need to scream at everyone involved in making them.

It’s no news that AA enjoys exploiting the tired, probably drugged, dead-eyed look of the ubiqutious New York Hipster, but I just can’t understand how skinny, messy haired models photographed in bad lighting is supposed to make me want to buy clothes.

I guess if I was as desperate as them to be cool, saw a bunch of sluggish girls wearing one-piece bodysuits, and thought to myself, “Wearing an American Apparel bodysuit will make me so cool I’ll be bored!” I’d be likely to buy a brightly hued shirt or two.

But other than having no sense of self, I can’t understand why jaded models who look like they’re 12 would influence me to purchase anything—let alone a pair of silver lamé work-out shorts.

Like those incredibly stupid Abercrombie and Fitch advertisements, the seedy, almost pornographic print ads for American Apparel make me think they’re more interested in selling a brand of coolness than clothes. Which is, so obviously, not cool.

Wear our stuff, the ads seem to be saying, and somehow, your sexuality will increase.

Thanks, but last time I checked, zebra-print leggings and shiny purple dresses weren’t magically inclined to make anyone sexier. Straight up uglier, yes…sexier? No.

They can, however, transform a person into a traffic hazard. Gag me.