Alright everyone. I owe you an apology. Last week's article made no sense. Is she done? What happened? Did she mess up? Why is she crying? Just be? What does that mean?? This is really not very man-free!

True on all counts. I was under, let's say, emotional duress while writing last week's article. It was drama llamas all around, and there's nothing more I hate than a drama llama. They just stand there, all high and mighty with their long necks and furry coats, staring down at you and then turning around like they're disgusted with your actions...drama llamas, who needs em?

Anyway scratch what I said last week. Let's talk about what happened this week!

Friday night my peer health internship was doing an event that we do twice each quarter called Snack Attack. It sounds a lot more fun than it actually is. Basically we (the interns) hand out little bags of animal crackers or pretzels to the drunken revelers in the streets around 1o PM on Friday night "to help them feel better in the morning if they choose to drink."

Yeah, I know...

Nonetheless, you learn many things when looking at the meat market that is Friday night through sober eyes, my young grasshoppers. First of all, yes, your skirt IS TOO SHORT! And no, pulling it down every 3.5 steps DOES NOT HELP. Also, ladies, if you choose to fall at any point during your night out, please, please, do not make it in front of your college town's uniformed finest while wearing the shortest, tightest dress and highest heels known to man. If you do, DO NOT attempt to be helped up by your drunk friend (who, in addition to her super-short dress and heels is wearing a walking boot - the kind you wear after breaking your foot!) who of course will proceed to fall ON TOP OF YOU. How you managed to not get arrested in beyond me. But I digress...

Oh yes, lessons learned. In addition to being aware of your wardrobe choices and managing not to fail epically in front of cops, here's one lesson that might actually save you from a little heartbreak, or at least The Clap: guys will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING. If you are drunk, and you are wearing a dress that screams "SEX SEX SEX," and don't look like a complete mess, guys will try to have sex with you. Sometimes they are more likely to try to have sex with you if you look like a complete mess. They will cat call/ hit on/text/ call/ chase after (no, seriously)/ get in fights for/ flirt with/ do shots with/ dance with/ make out and do a lot more with any girl whom they think will let them put their little friend in. Bonus points if you a) won't remember it or b) actually have a pulse.

That being said, I had my own fun Friday night. I wore my short-but-not-too-short skirt and top under my peer health sweatshirt so that I would be ready to hit the parties as soon as the last of the animal crackers had been forced upon given to the revelers. Like clockwork, I drank, had fun, danced, and then proceeded to get hit on. The suspect was a housemate of my friend throwing the party and was a bonafide Brody Jenner look alike. Like I was going to say no? Man-free May or not, he LOOKED LIKE BRODY JENNER. One thing let to another, and "hey, do you want to go take shots in my room?" was on the table. Now, I've been around this block more than a few times, ladies, and I know that when he says "hey, do you want to go take shots in my room" what he really means is "hey, lets go to my room and get you more drunk, talk a little bit and hopefully I'll see your boobs." The truth hurts.

And he did see my boobs. But not much else. Strangely I saw all of him... Even more strange, I just wasn't into it. I was drunk enough to be like, "Sure, I could have sex with you right now, but it would be a lot easier if we just made out and you played with my boobs." Which is basically what happened. And that's all that happened. Then I stayed at the party for a while longer before heading home, without the guy's digits. I know where to find him if I want to, but bottom line: I really didn't care enough to.

So, then, what does this little story say about my quest to be man-free? What have I learned from Man-Free May? Anything? Nothing? What was I actually avoiding? Men? Sex? Heartache? Rejection? Feeling like a dirty dirty pirate hooker?

Even though in retrospect my Man-Free May could've been a little (OK, a lot) more man-free, the lessons learned are not lost. If anything, they were supplemented through interaction with men. At the beginning of this challenge I was still the girl that basically had "LOVE ME" written across her forehead. Week one, I started off feeling free and focusing on me, which was amazing. Week two I started to miss the touch of a man. Week three was drama llama. I can say, though, that by abstaining from dating/hooking up this month I didn't form any suffocating emotional ties to any one guy. If "sex is the glue of God" as my mentor likes to say, I was glue-free for this month, and that was really reallyyyyyy nice. Now I'm not saying that being love-free or intimacy-free is the way to be, it just was for me this month.

The most valuable thing I've learned? Whether it is to be loved, to have nearly no interaction with the opposite sex, to date like a guy or to just have fun, make sure you know what you want. Take time to look at your history of love and sex and figure out when you were the happiest and the most unhappy. Ask yourself why, and what you can do to change that in the future. When you know what you want, you will be more confident and actually more attractive. And that's never a bad thing.

Going completely Man-Free is a big challenge, and I commend any woman who can. But at the end of the month, I know how I feel, what I want, and maybe even what I need.

[Come back next month to follow Jill on her journey to live outside the box and face her biggest fears.]

You learn things from your teachers, parents, friends and peers that shape who you are as a person. People tell you to do this, to do that, that this is right, this is wrong, etc. But ultimately, when it comes down to it, what you do is your personal decision and you are going to do whatever you want, regardless of what other people are telling you. Right?

Right. And that’s the way it should be.

Sex is one of those things. If you want to have to sex, you’re going to have sex even if you are taught that abstinence is just, like, the best thing ever.

That’s why it only makes sense that federal funding for abstinence-only education was cut from the budget in the House subcommittee. The study ordered by Congress from two years ago proving that “students who participated in sexual abstinence programs were just as likely to have sex as those who did not” has FINALLY been acknowledged and acted upon. Seriously, its about time.

We could have saved over a billion dollars if we had realized this before Bristol Palin got knocked up and started telling the world how terrible being a teen mother is, but what’s done is done. At least she’s helping to populate Alaska. Let’s just be happy that the decision has been made and kids in many parts of this country will not be exposed to “Keep it in your pants” lectures. Instead, these current funds once devoted to abstinence-only programs will be directed to “a new teenage pregnancy prevention initiative, with an emphasis on comprehensive sex education.” (Editor’s Note: Just show those kids an episode of 16 and Pregnant. That’ll teach them to wrap it up.)

But despite the vote on Capital Hill, some people still need a little convincing. Leslee Unruh, President of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse (sounds like a really fun place), is not so happy about the cuts. “We’ve got news for the condom worshippers, abstinence education is not going away any time soon. Taxpayers will not tolerate their money being used for ideological latex-only programs and the molestation of their children’s minds and future.”

Wow, looks like someone needs to get laid.

Abstinence and sex education was a hot-button issue in our recent election.  It was also a funny and ironic topic, considering the events that played out.  The Republican party was making grand speeches about abstinence-only education and the virtues of waiting until marriage (a la The Jonas Brothers) while Bristol Palin was out getting knocked up.  Hah.  Apparently she doesn’t watch Jon & Katie Plus 8 (or do any babysitting), ’cause that pretty much closes up shop downtown for me.

As long as people continue having sex before marriage, there will be people trying to stop them.  The best part about this (well, the only good part, actually) is the advertising.  Here are the Top 5 Funniest Abstinence Ads Ever. If these don’t make you want to change your sexy ways, I’m not sure what will:

I always knew deep down that engineers could never get laid, and now I know it’s true:

Do you think you get a thank-you note for that? (You know, besides the inability to sit for three days…)

Pretty sure abstinence isn’t a choice for the guy in the middle:

Old school, yet effective. Nothing like a little fear (and a cartoon dictator) to keep people’s legs closed.

Iowa’s abstinence mission tries so hard to be hip and with it. They get us, they really get us!