I was dating this guy for a 3 years who was really awful to me, and I don’t know why I stayed, but I did. He always called me horrible names like ‘b*tch’ and ‘whore’ for no reason - we fought all the time, and he accused me of being a horrible person. He wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends, and I was basically supporting him financially.
Last month he started getting a little physical. He pushed me during two different arguments. The final straw was when he put his hand on my throat during a fight. I got really scared and ended things.
For a month he called, texted and emailed nonstop. Until last week. He stopped all of a sudden, and I thought he had finally got the clue. I hadn’t heard from him in a week when he suddenly showed up at my 21st birthday party. He knew about it, because I had invited him prior to our falling out. Even though I told him not to come when I broke up with him, he showed up and it was really weird. He bought me a present–this is the first time he has bought me anything– and hung around staring at me. I was uncomfortable and ended up going home early.
Now he thinks I’m dating someone new (I’m not), and he told me in the past that he would really hurt me if I ever was with someone else. I’m scared, but I don’t want to make a huge deal about it in case I’m wrong. Also, it’s embarrassing. What should I do?
Freaked Out
Dear Freaked Out,
CALL THE POLICE.
I am so not kidding. You SHOULD be freaked out. I’m freaked out, too. We’re all freaked out. This guy is potentially dangerous. Don’t take any chances, you hear me? There are too many tragic stories where a woman is too ashamed to report a man who ends up taking her life. You need to go to the police station and file a report. Get a restraining order if they’ll give you one. Change your locks. Change your phone. Ask the police for advice.
But please don’t wait. This guy sounds erratic, and he’s already been physical. Tell your friends what’s going on, so they can be on the lookout too. ALWAYS have someone walk you home or to your car or wherever you’re going–you don’t want to take any chances until things have been resolved.
You need to trust your gut here. He’s making you feel unsafe. That’s because this is an unsafe situation. You need to take all the help you can get. File the report and keep the police updated with everything he does that intrudes on your personal space. Do not give this guy an inch.
You only get one life. Take care of it. You were brave to end it with him. Don’t let him intimidate you–keep being the brave, strong woman you always were.
A relationship often requires a bit of sacrifice and a lot of compromise. We all have to learn to accept and roll with aspects of our partner, or his/her life, that we don’t always understand or necessarily agree with. That’s called maturity, right? And building intimacy? I think…Now, those things aside there comes a point where you might just need to say “Hell no!” and walk off into the freedom of singledom again. Here are 11 things that no woman should ever put up with in a relationship… Read More »
Relationships can be great — always having someone to cuddle with, vent to, and share your favorite things with – but unfortunately things don’t always go as smoothly as planned. Sometimes once you get to know a person — once you spend more than a few month’s worth of sexy nights with them — you realize that maybe things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Let’s get really honest for a second — most of us have stayed in a relationship or two far past its expiration date. Sometimes we get too blinded by the bright shiny light of love to realize when a relationship has become toxic and needs to be over. Breaking up isn’t easy, I know, but sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.
If you’re having problems figuring out whether to stay or go, here are some things that scream “it’s over”… or should be.
Abuse. Under no circumstances should you be staying with a person who is emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive. You can do better, I promise. If your partner is hurting you in any way, get out — and fast. If you need some help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Lack of respect. For you, your space, your family, your friends, your dreams, the list goes on. Respect is one of the most basic of things you should be expecting from a significant other, and if that’s not there it’s time to pack your bags.
I’m a nineteen-year-old sophomore. I have been seeing this guy R for almost a year. He doesn’t go to my college but he did go to a tech school close to his hometown. I really like him and he really likes me (he tells me all the time), but he is really insecure and is under is Dad’s thumb. For as long as R can remember his dad has been telling him he’ll never amount to anything. On top of that, his dad is mentally, emotionally, verbally and physically abusive towards him, his siblings and his mom.
R tells me all the time that he will NEVER be like his father (and if he starts I’ll be LONG GONE). R’s mom doesn’t really say much but I know she thinks that I’m good for him, but his Dad has a MAJOR problem with me. I think it’s because I ‘empower’ R to stand up to his Dad, not only for himself but for his mom (he got in his Dad’s face one day when R’s dad started yelling at his mom). And he has given his Dad a black eye when he started messing with me. Soooo, I think because of this, R’s dad is trying to keep me away from him. What in the world do I do about his dad? I am very respectful and I do as I am told (my parents’ upbringing) and I know what to do on a farm. What do I do?
Last June, collegiate students nationwide were silenced by shock and sadness after news of the murder of UVA lacrosse star Yeardley Love surfaced. Article after article proceeded to litter the Internet about Love and George Huguely’s relationship, many claiming there had been telltale signs that his violent temper would lead to serious danger. However, what Love should have specifically done about those telltale signs to avoid her tragic end remained unanswered.
Love’s heartbreaking death gained immense media attention. The fact that two collegiate athletes, enrolled at a prestigious university, were involved in such a catastrophic and horrific event blew the minds of the media. However, their tumultuous relationship, soaked with alcohol-fueled fights, is far from exceptional.
In college, at least 32% of females have been involved in an abusive relationship of some kind. Although the abuse can be categorized as physical or emotional, it is equally disturbing in either form. The stories of abuse will never don the cover of People magazine or be number one on Google trends. But, they deserve just as much attention and concern as Love and Huguely’s relationship.
Abusive relationships are tricky, especially at this age. There are copious resources at universities that protect victims from terrible outcomes. But, students are often too scared to tell on their partner or friend’s partner because the social repercussions would be terrible.
For instance, a friend of mine had been dating a boy for several months. After a debaucherous night, he “accidentally” struck her across the face. At the time of the event, I was livid. I talked with her and begged her to leave him, but I did nothing beyond that. He went to AA, claiming the alcohol had caused his problems, and vowed to never hurt my friend again.
I am so sick and tired of hearing about Jesse James trying to apologize and make up excuses for why he decided to cheat on Sandra Bullock, America’s favorite sweetheart. It’s bad enough that he cheated on Sandy with multiple women, but the fact that he’s going to the media (i.e People Magazine, Nightline) and explaining what prompted him to cheat (apparently his Dad was abusive to him as a child) just proves that he needs to grow a pair and be held solely responsible for his actions.
During his Nightline interview, James explained that one of the main reasons he cheated on Sandy was because as a child, his father was emotionally and physically abusive to him, going as far as breaking his arm and beating him. Although I do think abuse is an extremely touchy subject and it would be stupid to make up stories about abuse, I don’t even know what to believe anymore. Here, the fault lies in not only James but also Nightline. By granting him an interview and allowing him to share his side of the story, the public is encouraged to sympathize with him and maybe even give him a free pass for his infidelities. It’s a win-win situation for both sides: Nightline gets the viewership and publicity of the interview and James gets more coverage and money in return.
Abuse or not, what people need to understand is that Jesse James initially made a vow to Sandra Bullock during their marriage and he was the one who chose to sleep with Bombshell McGee (the tattooed up adultress who, in desire for her 15 minutes of fame, blabbed her big mouth to the world). At the end of the day, by excusing his “transgressions” (ha!) to his father’s abuse, James is the coward copping out and not stepping up to his own responsibilities.
The same can be said for Lindsay Lohan, the actress we all love to hate. Lohan, who once used to be one of Hollywood’s most sought out actresses, is now a hot tranny mess who is shamefully wearing her SCRAM ankle bracelet. Many people blame her parents for her derailment, but honestly, she’s the one snorting all the coke and downing Vodka like it’s water. Lohan should really be taking advice from Drew Barrymore, who, after her stints in rehab and failed marriages, is now Hollywood’s Golden Girl.
Sucky parents or not, celebrities in the likes of James and Lohan need to realize that for all that they’re given in the world – a life of fame, luxury and money – they need to step up and seriously take some personal responsbilities to their action. I absolutely do not feel sorry for James and hope that he locks him and his junk away from the rest of the world and becomes eternally miserable for cheating on Miss Congeniality.
This article is nothing but a load of misogynistic crap about women being submissive to men. It open’s with: “Women like to be controlled and dominated. Don’t fool yourself into believing that they don’t. They do… Secretly all women desire to submit to the will of their man.”
Of course, he is sure to include a disclaimer: “First off, I’m not promoting any man to beat any woman. You can dominate her without putting the “smack down” on her.” That’s right boys, stick to verbally abusing your women, please.
And it only gets worse – much, much worse – from there.
How should a man respond when a women is nagging him? Because that’s all we ever do, right? Miller suggests saying the following: “WOMAN! Last time I checked I was the one with the penis in this house. You better go in that kitchen and get my dinner on the table!” Miller goes on to explain that if she tries to talk back and argue, “just shake your head no and point to the kitchen. She’ll get the message. By doing this you will subconsciously reinforce the fact that you are the dominant one in the household. You’re the man and your word is the only one that counts in the end.” I say: Is this guy for real? Does he honestly think any self-respecting woman is going to just scurry off to the kitchen because the man with the penis said so? Read More »
We haven’t heard much from Chris Brown since “the incident” before the Grammy’s, but if this new home video is anything, it’s his (shady) attempt to get back into our hearts and minds. Because he’s got a new album dropping. And a new single coming out this summer! And because he likes to bowl and is not a “monster.”
Fail.
Maybe it’s too little too late for me, or maybe it’s years of shunning the guys who ditched my girlfriends working against him, but I’m so not down with Chris Brown. (I am, however, totally down with rhyming.) I also will not be down with buying his album, downloading his single, or requesting his songs on the radio. Mostly because I haven’t done that since I was in middle school and just had to hear the Titanic song. Will I be able to avoid him completely? No, of course not. Just like you can’t avoid seeing that douchebag that screwed over your bestie freshman year strutting around campus.
Is Rihanna my bestie? No, most definitely not (but that would be pretty sweet, you gotta admit), but she’s a woman and I’m a woman, so there’s a connection there. Considering what happened, I’d say that I’m gonna take her side even though I’ve never met her (and probably never will).
Nevertheless, this is a tricky topic. Should we forgive Chris Brown and keep enjoying his music (despite that really lame video), or should his actions have an effect on his life and career foreeeeverrrr (sorry, couldn’t resist)?
It’s hard not to pay attention to all the Rihanna news that has been circulating lately. I’ve read it in the newspapers, in the tabloids, on the gossip sites, I’ve talked about it with my friends and even my professors, and still it’s hard to wrap my head around. It’s difficult to see anyone going through a hard time, but when it’s someone you have grown to admire and respect, it becomes that much more difficult.
There have been a number of issues that have been bothering me in the last few weeks that have followed the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. It bothers me that her picture was released and splashed all over the place, it bothers me that Chris Brown showed little remorse after the alleged attack, and it bothered me that Rihanna went back to her attacker. But most of all, it bothered me that people are now turning on Rihanna and blaming her for what happened. Read More »
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Last June, collegiate students nationwide were silenced by shock and sadness after news of the murder of UVA lacrosse star
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