Ok, relax, just breathe. You’ll be back at school in…30 days.

This mantra grows increasingly ineffective the longer I am forced to live under the same roof as my mother. If you are lucky enough to have left behind your home home for your school home, then God bless you, throw a kegger in your living room (on a motha effing TUESDAY!) If you, like me, have yet to escape your personal circle of hell, I’ve compiled a small guide to maintaining your sanity as well as familial relations for the remainder of this short (but dear Allah, oh so long) stint back home. Because, let’s face it, being disowned would be counterproductive if your parents still pay the majority of your tuition/rent/medical bills and whatnot.

Scenario: You come home from a bar crawl, unhappy matriarch/patriarch up and awaiting your return, toe tapping a Morse code slew of disapproving comments.

Solution: Passive Aggression. Outwardly, bow your head and accept the berating and “Not under my roof” nonsense. Avoid eye contact, showcasing your humility and apologetic demeanor, all the while making easier your inner thought process: “Haha! You are merely projecting your jealousy onto me because you can’t go out till 3 am! At school, this is an early night! Mwahaha!” Read More »

If you’re anything like me, you own one air conditioner that’s only strong enough to cool a tiny pocket of air, and you’re afraid to turn it on anyway because of that pesky electricity bill.

So basically, you’re spending these summer days dripping in sweat. And not that pretty, girlish glisten. Sweat. Sticking to your clothes, running down your back, mattering your hair down until you feel as attractive and energetic as a cat that’s been hosed with dirty water.

What’s a girl stuck in the middle of summer without AC to do? She improvises.

#1 Make a Towel-sicle: If you’re certain it’s going to be 90 degrees with a 100% chance of stuffiness tonight, wet a small washcloth or towel and put it in freezer for up to an hour. When you’re ready to go to bed, take that baby out and use it to cool yourself for a few blissful minutes. The one downside to this endeavor is the obvious melting issue, but hey, a little wetness never hurt anyone.

#2 Freeze your Head: Much like the towel-sicle, all this improvisation needs is a cloth bandana and a freezer. Moisten the bandana and stick it in the freezer up to an hour before going outside. Sure, you can buy something made specifically for this purpose, but most of them make you look like a giant tool. Read More »