J.R. speed-skated his way to my heart. OMG, did I just write that?

Half Filipino.
Half Polish.
One hundred percent heartthrob.

Let’s talk J.R. Celski.

He’s single, he’s 19-years old, and he’s an amazing short track speed skating sensation competing for Team USA in the Vancouver Olympics. And he’s officially your reason to tune in!

J.R. has been skating since he was a mere three years old when his parents gave him Playschool roller skates for his birthday (I can’t even remember what I got for my third birthday – cake, maybe?). Since then, he’s been dedicating his life to skating, but it wasn’t until he found out about speed skating on ice in 2002 that he realized this was a passion not to be joked around with. So he swapped his wheeled skates for some 17 ½ inch blades, moved from the roller rink to the ice rink, and thus began his journey to the Olympics. And boy, has it been quite an adventure.

J.R.’s hard work and focus has allowed him to win several medals, including a recent silver at the World Championships. Then, in September 2009, he finally got the opportunity he had been waiting for his whole life: a chance to compete in the Olympic trials. He was doing a phenomenal job and then, just like that, he slipped and slammed into the unforgiving wall surrounding the rink. The whole room was stunned into silence as blood gushed out of his left thigh, where his right skate blade had deeply immersed itself.

Regardless of his gruesome injury, J.R. had gained enough points to win an impressive overall silver medal in the Olympic trials. This qualified him as one of the five swift speed skaters to make the men’s short track team. Although some were doubtful of a successful recovery in time for the Olympics, J.R.’s optimism brought him weeks ahead of schedule. He is currently heavily training in Salt Lake City and is more than ready for what’s to come. What a trooper!

Anyone else might have given up after such a horrific event, but J.R. stands out from the pack. He has a clear-cut goal, a determined mindset, and an unbreakable spirit. Despite fierce competition in his short track events, the world needs to watch out for this charming cutie – he’s the next big thing! Naturally, we grew quite fond of J.R. (and not just that adorable hair), so we begged and pleaded with his people to let us talk to him. Here’s what he had to say:

5 Questions We Ask Everybody:

1. What is the most trouble you have ever gotten into?
Ummmm, wow. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever been that much in trouble before! My parents didn’t really go too hard on me when I did something wrong. I try to be a good kid.

2. What are the 5 things you cannot live without?
My family (mom, dad, 2 brothers, and sister-in-law), friends, music, skates, and my golf bag.

3. What is your motto or advice you live by?
“If you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way. And if you don’t, then you’ll find an excuse.”

4. What is your favorite song to sing while you’re in the car/in the shower/ at karaoke?
Oh man. I like so many different artists; it’s so hard to choose. Probably, “Just Friends,” by Musiq Soulchild.

5. Finish this sentence: 10 years from now, I will be…
Oooh, I don’t even know! How about, I will be a successful person!

5 Things You Probably Really Want to Know About J.R., plus a bonus question!

1. When you go into competition, what’s going through your head?
Well, it depends on what competition you’re going into. I just had my first Olympic trials, and going into that one, it was either a ‘make it or break it’ situation. That was a little bit stressful. But, going into that competition I was at the top of my game and I made sure that I had a spot on the team.

2. Tell me about your accident.
Well, I could talk about this all day because it’s been my life for the past couple of months. It was an experience because I’ve never been through anything that dramatic before. I mean, looking down at my leg cut open during Olympic trials and knowing that my family was there watching, my dreams were kind of shattered. It just wasn’t a very good situation to be in. But I had to fight. I know that most athletes that are trying to be great at what they do have some kind of accident that they have to overcome. I kind of looked at it like that and took it step by step through rehab. I told myself that I would be able to come back from this. I want to be a good athlete and in order to do that, I have to overcome obstacles. I just looked at it like it happened because it was meant to happen.

3. It’s been said that after the Olympics, you will be attending University of California-Berkeley. (His major will be Business Management or International Relations!) Do you think you’ll still be training while you’re there?
I haven’t figured that out yet. I’ll definitely be staying in shape, but I don’t know. I might compete next year. I just really wanted to take this opportunity, because I got accepted and I don’t want to throw that away. I just want to focus and do that for a little bit. I’m kind of nervous though, especially going to a school like Berkeley.

4. You start your day at 6:45 am and train until 6pm. Being such a busy person, what is your dating life like? Do you ever have time for relationships?
I mean, I’m not going to block girls out from my life. If someone came along and I was interested, then of course I’d take the opportunity. I guess I’m pretty picky – I don’t have a lot of time. Training is like a full time job, but there’s always time. It’s not different from a college kid’s schedule, in term of relationships.

5. You said you’re picky – what do you look for in a girl?
Oh, that’s a good question. I haven’t been asked that in a long time – why are you pressuring me?! Let’s see, one that is independent, open-minded, tries hard at whatever she wants to do, and has goals and dreams. I like optimism.

6. I’m optimistic. Er….I mean…moving on. Just for fun – do you think you’re a sensitive or tough guy?
I am actually a pretty emotional kind of guy; I’m not going to lie. I’ve always been. I find that holding feelings in will make you break some day. I like to be open about how I feel and I hope that whoever I’m with is the same way. I mean, I keep my head down and really bite down when I’m out training and I don’t get very emotional for skating. But, everything else, like my personal life, I’m pretty open.

Watch J.R. skate for Team USA in February during the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics! Check out his schedule to see when he’ll be competing. Good luck, J.R.!

I’ve seen a lot of drunken injuries in my day. Some are funny; some not so much. You really shouldn’t need to wear hard hats or protective armor to a party, so here’s a brief list of some potentially painful injuries, and how to avoid them.

Injury: Cigarette burns.

Avoid them by: Not drunkenly smoking your cigs all the way through the band; not giving someone with a lit cigarette your hand; not putting the wrong side of your lit cigarette into your mouth.

Injury: First, second, or third degree burns.

Avoid them by: Being conscious of where the bonfire pit is at a keg party on a cool autumn night; not attempting to walk through said pit in an effort to reunite with your friends after peeing in the woods.

Injury: Stitches on your scalp.

Avoid them by: Not jumping up and down on your lofted bed and cracking your head open on the ceiling; not falling out of a lofted bed after sloppy, drunken, sex, and cracking your head open on your f*ck buddy’s desk.

Injury: A shiner the color of an eggplant.

Avoid it by: Not chugging straight Bacardi and proceeding to faceplant your nightstand. These actions may or may not also have a negative effect on the nightstand, which may or may not break apart from the impact of your face.

Injury: Swollen, bruised kneecaps.

Avoid them by: Not attempting to do “the worm,” despite your complete lack of dance ability. Especially on concrete surfaces.

Injury: A cut-up upper lip.

Avoid it by: Not drinking from your beer bottle after all of your friends slammed their beer bottles on yours in an attempt to make the beer foam up and overflow; you never know if they chipped the bottle.

Injury: Sore [insert body part here]

Avoid them by: Not trying impossibly tricky, kinky new things while having sloppy, drunken sex. Sloppy, drunken sex can also sometimes lead to accidental penetration in places that no man has gone before.

Injury: Dislocated knee.

Avoid it by: Not dropping it like its hot with your guy friends at the bar when you already have a history of bad knees that dislocate easily.

Injury: A bruised ego and a crippled reputation.

Avoid it by: Knowing your limits and partying wisely. Once you’ve sobered up, all of the above are pretty embarrassing to have to explain to inquiring minds, and you don’t want people to think that you are the victim of domestic violence.

On a serious note, folks, alcohol-related accidents happen all the time on college campuses across the country. The National Household Survey on Drug Abuse and the Harvard College Alcohol survey reported that between 1998-2001, alcohol-related unintentional injury deaths increased about 6% among the college population, and during that period, over 500,000 students were unintentionally injured because of drinking, with over 600,000 students admitting to being hit or assaulted by another drunk student.

It’s all good to look back at last nights’ antics and laugh it off, but when weekend craziness goes too far, it can have extreme consequences. So keep yourself and your friends safe, designate a DD, and if you’re accident prone before you even crack your first beer, it may be in your best interest to invest in some protective gear.

Please, please go away.

I’m not asking much. I’m just really tired, Hogans. I’m really, really tired of seeing your creepy mugs (and arms and abs…Linda, cover it up!) all over the place, doing and saying more ridic things by the minute.

So, like, two years ago, you were happily filming VH1′s Hogan Knows Best. You seemed like a normal enough family. Hell, that was the whole premise.

And then, It Began.

First there was the separation. Linda and Hulk, I thought you guys were forever! Well, frankly, I was sorry to hear it. I felt bad for you that things had gone awry.

Then Nick got in an accident. At the tender age of 17, he had his first precious DUI.  Not only that, but he managed to take out his best friend, putting him into a lifetime coma. It is a very sad story. However, Nick didn’t seem to feel bad for his friend at all. In fact, he has been too busy whining about jail and how awful it is. Yes, jail is horrible. That’s the idea. Don’t drive drunk and ruin your friend’s life.

But, look, he’s a kid. Not only that, he’s a celeb kid. I figured maybe he just needed a little tough love.

But then – THEN – Linda, you said you had it worse than the other boy’s mom! Your son is in jail for a few months, Lin. The other boy will never recover. I can’t even believe you thought it, no less said it out loud for all the world to hear.

And then (Hulk) some remarks were made about this situation making both Nick and the other boy better people! Honey. HONEY. THE OTHER BOY WILL NEVER RECOVER. And it’s not his fault Nick was driving a bajillion miles an hour with alcohol in his system. How is he benefiting from this situation at all?

In the meantime, Hulk finds himself applying sunscreen to his daughter’s private parts, all while dating little Brookey’s doppleganger, Jennifer McDaniel. Hulky! Why are you perving on your offspring?! Haven’t you got enough trouble?

And Linda is dating a 12-year-old. Okay, fine, he’s 19. But he also happens to be a former classmate of Brooke and Nick’s, just one grade below B and one above N.

And, yes, that’s gross, but Brooke! How can you speak out against your mom like that and then add a passive-aggressive assertion of support? Brooke, you haven’t done anything that wrong. You’re certainly the least offensive of the Hogan bunch right now, and, frankly, that scares me, because, you attempted to make it as a pop star.

In conclusion, you’re all terribly frightening and I wish you’d go away.

Also, please stop with the buffed out Aryan gig. We get it already.

Love and pleas for mercy,

Sara

[Photo courtesy of http://www.hilaryshepherd.com]

Well, Nick Hogan is saying otherwise.

What? He’s trying to tell us that jail is like…bad?!

According to a report in Page Six:

“‘Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence,’ one friend said. ‘They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.’”

So there you have it; jail sucks. Well, now I guess Nick will know for the next time he decides to race his Toyota Supra while drunk, leaving his friend in a permanent coma. And shouldn’t he be thrilled he’s in a cell by himself, isolated from the other inmates? I’d count myself lucky to be roommate-less and alone in jail. It could be so, so much worse.

Dude, your friend is in a coma forever because of YOU. You’re in jail for a measly 8 months and you have the nerve to complain about it? Maybe you should take this time to quietly meditate on what you did and stop acting like you’re too good for jail. You destroyed a life and in 8 months, you’ll have your own charmed one back.

I think you’re pretty damn lucky.