So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

D&G Advertisements: More specifically, the one featured in January’s Vanity Fair (page 9). I just don’t understand; why is Claudia Schiffer orgasming on a very sandy and very hard looking dock? I can think of more comfortable places. Furthermore, if I were wearing an expensive D&G silk…romper(?) and kickass stilettos, I would not want to get them dirty on some grimy beach dock (not that I wear stilettos to the beach). Add to this the two models in tweed suits apparently mentally controlling aforementioned orgasm-girl, the uber-tanned, super muscled old women and body builder in the background, and Dolce and Gabanna have convinced me that strange things will ensue if I ever can afford to buy anything from their 2009 cruise collection.

Mall Traffic Jams. As if the people who stop abruptly in the middle of the walkway to stare at a window display weren’t bad enough, I’ve witnessed a new shopping phenomenon that is just too much to handle: the aggressive shover. Most likely to be found going the opposite way of EVERYONE ELSE, they use weapons of mass disbursement to claw through throngs of people. Watch out for strollers, immense and heavy shopping bags, pointed elbows held 90 degrees from the body and, disturbingly enough, small children. That’s right, one woman held her child at arms’ length to push through a crowd. When you’re getting smacked in the face with 18-month-olds, it’s time to find a new mall.

Being sick on big nights. Namely, New Year’s Eve, which I recently had the pleasure of spending with what I think is a bad case of Avian flu (but my boyfriend is convinced it’s a common cold). It’s not so much fun to spend hours getting dressed up with your friends in your perfect, wonderful New Year’s Eve dress when you sound like Steve Urkel and you feel like someone replaced all the bodily fluids in your head with silly putty. On the bright side, losing one’s sense of smell and taste is a mighty handy tool come time for Tequila shots (it’s always good to have girlfriends who can legitimately convince you of the medicinal properties of Patron). The not so bright side? Try coughing with a wicked hangover. I spent January first with the distinct impression that tiny men were drilling the back of my head with a jackhammer, and that’s not a side effect they warn you about on the back of the Robotussin bottle.

Awkward Run-ins. This always happens when I come home from school for any extended period of time. And it always, always happens when I’m not wearing any makeup. So no, I do not want to stop and make small talk with you, girl who I had AP American History with, like 3 years ago. No, 8th grade ex-boyfriend and 8^th grade ex-best friend (both exes for the same reason…hint hint), we should not “do lunch” nor should you use that expression without a hint of irony. And I’m very sorry, friend of a friend’s cousin, but all I want to do is order my ice cream and go back home to the privacy of my room where I can avoid people who I don’t talk to anymore…there’s a reason why we lost touch.

Ok people, what pissed you off last in ’08 and first in ’09?

[ photo courtesy of ohlalamag.com]

Some individuals think Sean Connery is a total hottie…and we think those people are wrong. And gross. And blind. But it seems Louis Vuitton’s people agree, as they just named Mr. Connery the new face of their ad campaigns.

The new ads will launch later this month, but we have a feeling the meetings behind the choice of (super) old dude went something like this:

“The economy sucks.”

“Yeah. It really sucks.”

“People don’t have the money to spend $100,000 on a suitcase! How do we make them more appealing?”

“We gotta make our leather look better. But how?”

“Oh! I know! Put it next to a really old guy. His leathery face will make our bags look like butter.”

“YES!”

Good work, LV. Your bags have never looked better!

Mariah and Diddy are going head to head. Or should I say, smell to smell.

After Puffy’s (can we call him that anymore?) new fragrance Unforgivable hit the market (along with his unforgivably raunchy and illicit ad campaign) he issued a challenge to all his lady counterparts in the fragrance biz:

“I send out a challenge…I challenge all of my female counterparts that have fragrances…that my fragrance is better than theirs. I’m a man and I know how women should smell!”

Well, Hallelujah! A man that finally knows how I should smell.

Because, god forbid, I smell anything like I do at the present moment, which would be unshowered, with a slight scent of BBQ sauce from the hours I spent working last night. Oh! AND I’m pretty gassy because I drank too much when I got off work!

How’s that for lady smells, PUFF DADDY??

Our lady of the fragrance Mariah, decided to respond to Diddy’s challenge:

“M by Mariah Carey is about being unforgettable, not unforgivable. It’s not about a ménage à trois or a one night stand, it’s for the woman who wants the man to fall in love with her immediately, stay in love, and treat her like royalty.”

Read: Mariah is in the perfume business for the ladies, not the sluts. She wants a lady to smell like a lady and not like a common whore.

And we all know what type of lady Diddy wants to smell. And I’m guessing she would smell something like this new fragrance. Maybe they should join forces?

Just a thought.