America’s Next Top Model is coming back for its 74th season!!

Okay, I’m exaggerating a little bit as Tyra ramps up for cycle 11. But there have been so many seasons that my beloved Fug Girls have chosen an all-star cast because the show seems to be less about modeling and more about being fierce and Tyra’s bowls of crazy and Miss J’s hair.

So where are these top models anyway? Adrianne Curry married a Brady. I see Jaslene Gonzalez on gossip sites where bloggers forever criticize her gaunt frame. I think that I’ve seen Danielle Evans in an ad or two. Karl Lagerfield, while obnoxious, is right – the show is never going to turn out the world’s next supermodel. If the show didn’t turn out ten supers before this, why keep it up?

Tyra, I beg you to stop after this cycle. Unless you can turn out another Jade for me or clone Nigel Barker for my bedroom, I’m worn out.

Remember when Girls Gone Wild used to shame party girls across the country who had one too many body shots on Spring Break and had the bad luck to land in front of a camera? Since when has slutty behavior turned into a profitable asset and a celebrity vehicle? Mini Me’s lover is collecting big after a sex tape “somehow” leaked, and now Eliot Spitzer’s ex-whore is getting a REALITY TV SHOW. I can’t believe that we Americans will actually tune in to the lives of nutjobs like the Lohans, the Kardashians, and now, some hooker who happened to win the jackpot.

When Tila Tequila burst on the scene, she had a great gimmick: the first bisexual reality dating show. But after the Bobby Banhart breakup-scandal, and oh-so-predictable opposite-gender-choosing finale in season 2, there’s not much buzz left in Tequilaville. Bring in the hooker! If you thought Tila’s patented, “How will your parents react when they find out I’m bisexual?” act starts to get old, imagine the “How will your parents react when they find out I’m the whore that ruined Eliot Spitzer’s career?” segment.

Yes, Handprint Entertainment, the fine folks who bring the lives of Pamela Anderson and Nicole Ritchie to the small screen, are in talks with MTV to give Ashley Dupre a shot at love. Read More »