Question? Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I was dating this guy for a 3 years who was really awful to me, and I don’t know why I stayed, but I did. He always called me horrible names like ‘b*tch’ and ‘whore’ for no reason -  we fought all the time, and he accused me of being a horrible person. He wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends, and I was basically supporting him financially.

Last month he started getting a little physical. He pushed me during two different arguments. The final straw was when he put his hand on my throat during a fight. I got really scared and ended things.

For a month he called, texted and emailed nonstop. Until last week. He stopped all of a sudden, and I thought he had finally got the clue.  I hadn’t heard from him in a week when he suddenly showed up at my 21st birthday party. He knew about it, because I had invited him prior to our falling out. Even though I told him not to come when I broke up with him, he showed up and it was really weird. He bought me a present–this is the first time he has bought me anything– and hung around staring at me. I was uncomfortable and ended up going home early.

Now he thinks I’m dating someone new (I’m not), and he told me in the past that he would really hurt me if I ever was with someone else. I’m scared, but I don’t want to make a huge deal about it in case I’m wrong. Also, it’s embarrassing. What should I do?

Freaked Out

Dear Freaked Out,

CALL THE POLICE.

I am so not kidding. You SHOULD be freaked out. I’m freaked out, too. We’re all freaked out. This guy is potentially dangerous. Don’t take any chances, you hear me? There are too many tragic stories where a woman is too ashamed to report a man who ends up taking her life. You need to go to the police station and file a report. Get a restraining order if they’ll give you one. Change your locks. Change your phone. Ask the police for advice.

But please don’t wait. This guy sounds erratic, and he’s already been physical. Tell your friends what’s going on, so they can be on the lookout too. ALWAYS have someone walk you home or to your car or wherever you’re going–you don’t want to take any chances until things have been resolved.

You need to trust your gut here. He’s making you feel unsafe. That’s because this is an unsafe situation. You need to take all the help you can get. File the report and keep the police updated with everything he does that intrudes on your personal space. Do not give this guy an inch.

You only get one life. Take care of it. You were brave to end it with him. Don’t let him intimidate you–keep being the brave, strong woman you always were.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

This is really embarrassing, so I’m just going to say it – I love porn. My boyfriend likes porn, too, but he doesn’t know that I like it. I want to tell him, because I think it would be really hot to look at it together. But I’m embarassed. I also don’t want him to think I’m a slut or anything. We’ve been together all throughout college, so it’s not like he would think that but still… How can I tell him in a way that is sexy and not slutty?

Porn Lover

Dear Porn Lover,

That is totally not slutty. How is it slutty to want to enjoy something you find sexually satisfying with the very man you find sexually satisfying?! No. Slutty, it is not. Honey, here’s my advice:

During The Sexy Times, whisper a really sexy scenario into your boyfriend’s ear. When he’s all worked up over it, tell him you got it from your favorite porn and suggest watching it together. And then, you know, actually watch it together. I’m pretty sure he’ll be super excited. And I mean flooping SUPER excited. You like something he already likes, it’s related to sex, and you’re his girlfriend!

Girl, this isn’t a problem. This is every guy’s dream!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Margarita Borodina / Shutterstock]

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m graduating with a degree in nursing. Where should I move?

Ready to start life

Dear Ready to start life,

Wow. Well, that depends. I found this nifty little site: fabulousnurse.com. According to fabulousnurse.com, the best city for a nurse is Austin, TX, followed by San Antonio, TX and Salt Lake City, UT. Seems to based on a number of factors, including basic number of job openings and salary. I also found nursinglink.monster.com, which claims based on cash per hour, California and Hawaii are the top two. Um, I think I’m going with that one.

You’re obviously looking for an adventure, since you’re willing to relocate any flooping place based on your question. So open up your options by eliminating some, yes? First you need to think about what you’re going to do with that nursing degree. Do you want to work in a hospital? Or do you want to be a psychiatric nurse? Or a nurse educator? Or a school nurse? You can search that way and find really interesting jobs in other cities that you would never have found if you just searched “nurse.”

You could also be a travel nurse or disaster nurse and help by traveling to the people who need you most. Aunt Tuffy will worry about you, because it’s dangerous and scary, but I’m sure it’s also incredibly exciting and rewarding. On the other hand, you also have to think about other things. Like?

(1) Your family. Do you want to be close to them? Far from them? Make sure you know and consider it!!

(2) Starting your own family. Do you want to do that eventually? Think about the general time-line you’d like to set and pick your location based on how steady or not steady you might want to be.

(3) Do you like cities? Rural areas? Suburbs?

Girl, you need to visit some places. Take a roadtrip and figure out what the floop you like in a place. And then find a job and move there.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[Lead image via Supri Suharjoto / Shutterstock]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My best frenemy is getting married. Ok, fine. I was happy for her. The problem is she asked me to make a speech. Tuffy, this girl is not someone I can say something nice about. We have a lot of the same friends so I can’t back out of giving the speech, but we have had a lot of problems in the past.

She dated my ex boyfriend after I broke up with him even though I told her I wasn’t ok with it. She caused a lot of drama with our mutual friends in the past. I dont want to even go in to it here, but trust me this girl is not nice.

But we have a lot of the same friends. And we have been friends since the beginning of high school.

Tuffy, I honestly do not have any thing nice to say. What should I do?

Frenemy

Dear Frenemy,

Welp, I think you’re stuck making this speech. Girl obviously doesn’t consider you a frenemy or she wouldn’t have asked you to talk. So, um, there’s that. Is this chick oblivious, or is this state of freneminity on your side only?! Whatever. It doesn’t matter. The point is, you don’t care for her, but you have to pretend you do. Except, actually, like, you HAVE been pretending you do. So, um, that’s sort of phony, isn’t it?

Girls of the Internet: STOP HAVING FRENEMIES. What the floop is the point?! If you don’t like someone, don’t hang out with them!!! If they’re friends with your friends, try to be nice but, for crying out loud, don’t act like you’re their actual FRIEND!!! Haven’t you ever heard of “acquaintances?!” You can be perfectly polite and kind to someone WITHOUT making them think you want to GIVE A SPEECH AT THEIR WEDDING.

But, bygones. Okay. So. You have to give this speech, yes?

If I were you, my little Frenemy, I would talk to all your many mutual friends. Get quotes from them about things they like. And quote them in your speech. Show her how many people love her. And tie it together by saying (I HOPE truthfully) that you hope she and her betrothed have a wonderful future together. And then stay out of it.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

[Lead image via auremar/Shutterstock]

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a friend (let’s call her D) who is always asking me when I’m going to break up with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I got together senior year of high school, and now it’s junior year of college. He’s really great, and we love each other. He’s not going anywhere.

D and I used to be really close , but she’s always been really jealous of my boyfriend. He’s always nice to her, and when we hang out in a group, we all have a good time. She says it’s nothing personal; she just thinks I’d be happier single. I think she’d just be happier if I were single. She always wants me to come out for “girls’ nights,” and then she tries to get me to hook up with random guys! I don’t know what her deal is. Every single one of my other friends loves my boyfriend. What should I do?

Friend Problems

Dear Friend Problems,

Man, this girl is jealous! D clearly wants you all to herself, and not in that fun sexual way, either. Misery loves company, and singles love wing-friends. Being single can be totally fun. But it sounds like your friend wants you to be her partner in crime, and you’re already spoken for! She’s like, “Gosh, wouldn’t it be fun if Friend Problems broke up with her awesome boyfriend, because I want to go partying in with her?”

NO, YOU SHOOPHEAD D, NO IT WOULD NOT.

Look, you have a boyfriend you obviously care a great deal about, and it sounds like he’s awesome. Your friend, however, sounds crappy. If you’re already going out with her, why does she want you to cheat on your boyfriend?! Why does she want you to break up with him?! Because she’s selfish as floop.

Don’t get caught up in this. Keep hanging out with D if you like her (although she sounds really annoying if you ask lil ol’ Aunt Tuff). But the second she brings up your boyfriend in ANY WAY, I want you to say this exact phrase EVERY SINGLE TIME: “I love him so much. I’m not going to talk about him with you.” And change the goshdarn flooping subject!

Geez. D sucks.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Piotr Marcinski, shutterstock.com] 

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend of three years just had a falling out with one of his closest friends. I don’t want to go into it here, but it was over something really stupid, neither of them will apologize and now they’re not speaking.

I want to help him mend it, but it seems like it’s just making us fight. I’ve tried talking about it with him and he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I even tried getting them together at a party, but they wouldn’t speak to each other and my boyfriend just got upset and asked me not to do that again. He says he doesn’t want to be friends with this guy anymore, but I know it’s hurting him.

What can I do to get them back together?

Worried

Dear Worried,

Back off!!!

Look, it’s sweet and all that you want your guy and his friends to get back to being BFFS. But it’s SO none of your business. You need to be available to him, in CASE he wants to talk. Stop trying to force him to talk. All that is going to do is shut him down completely. I assure you, Worried, boy will talk when he’s ready. In the meantime, be there for him. Don’t mention the friend that he’s all secretly wounded about.

Maybe they are actually done being friends. Maybe there’s something deeper and more secret going on that you don’t know about. Or maybe they’re going to get back together but just need a little time apart. Any which way, it’s not your problem to solve. The more you bug him, the more annoyed he’ll be. The more annoyed he is, the less likely he is to confide in you. The less he confides in you, the less likely he is to find a way to work it out.

Just…leave the guy alone, okay? I mean, not alone. Hang out with him. Be cute with him. Do your usual lovebug things. Just, geez, stop mentioning the thing that’s got him upset!!! Why rub salt in the wound? Let it heal, for garshsakes. And why let that friction find its way into YOUR relationship? You’re just making him feel worse. He’s an adult, you know? Trust him that he can handle it and that he’ll come to you when he’s ready.

Make love, not irritation.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

[Lead image via olly/Shutterstock]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Valentine’s Day was awesome. But now I’m sad. Why you ask? Because my boyfriend got me a really cute lingerie set.

I know, I know. I should be happy right? But the problem is that the bra is a size 36-DD. I wear a 36-F. He was shocked. And then he was excited. But still, I was bummed. It’s so difficult to find cute, sexy bras in my size. Do they even exist? Do they?? Tuffy, help a girl out!

Big Bust

Dear Big Bust,

Sho they do!!

Okay, Tuffy did some research for you, girl. And here’s what I found: There are lots of super cute bras in your super cute size.

First of all, I found THIS awesome site. Um, take a look, it’s amazing. You put in your size (and it has, like, every size) and it finds you stuff. Definitely some gorgeous options on there. Another great resource is HerRoom.com. It has a similar search option that yields great results that are both practical and sexy. Other sites worth mentioning are FigLeaves.com, BareNecessities.com.

You sexy, Girl!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Eating faces since 2008.

[Lead image via CRM/Shutterstock]

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I love my life. I’m really happy. Everything is great. I go to a good school and I’m doing well. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love. I have great friends who I hang out with all the time. The problem is my roommate. She doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve done my best to be nice with her but she just doesn’t like me.

It started about a week after we moved in together. My best friend and I were supposed to live together in the dorm we lived in last year, but she was on the waiting list for a study abroad and she got it at the last minute over the summer. So I moved in and met my new roommate, let’s call her T, and at first we got along fine. But it seems like the more we live together the more I get on her nerves. She studies a lot so I try to be quiet, but I live here too! When I come in late at night, I’m always quiet, but she says just the door opening wakes her up. She wakes me up in the morning when she gets up really early, but I’m not complaining!

She also has a problem with my boyfriend coming over, so I try to only have him over if she’s not going to be around. But we made a deal at the beginning of the first semester that he could crash at our room one day a week if it was on the weekend. I have never had him stay over more than one day of the weekend and sometimes I just crash at his place to avoid it all together. But now she wants to change it so that he can never sleep over.

She seems to think I’m some out of control party girl, but I think I’m just a regular college student. I go out at night and I have a boyfriend but I definitely have never slept around — been with the same guy for 2 years! — and I am a good student. I’ve tried to be nice to her, and I’ve even tried to hang out with her to try to get to know her better, but she just doesn’t like me and it’s making everything really uncomfortable in my own room. What should I do?

Bad Roommate

Dear Bad Roommate,

Girl, you have been more than reasonable. This bloop needs to get a clue. You are BOTH paying to live in the dorms, right? I mean, she isn’t paying for your half, right?!?!?! RIGHT?!??!!

Now, if you were being totally unreasonable and having the BF stay over constantly against her wishes, I would have told you you were being unreasonable. BUT!!! The two of you (very maturely) made an agreement at the beginning of living together that it was okay if he stayed over as long as it was only once a week on weekends. And you say that’s what you’ve been doing. So…what’s her problem?! She can’t rewrite the rules now!!!

And this business about how the door wakes her up if you come in at night — too flooping bad!!! I’m sorry, but you both live there, and, as long as you’re being quiet when you come in, I don’t see how she has the right to tell you what time you have to be home.

I do not get this girl. I do not get her at all. Well, no, that’s not true. I GET her. I just don’t LIKE her.

Seems to me she wants to be judgmental of your lifestyle because it isn’t hers. And that is never, ever cool. I think you need to sit her down and have a talk. Explain that you’re following the rules the two of you set up, and you’d like to be as considerate of her as possible without completely changing your lifestyle. Hear her out. Hopefully she’ll be reasonable and you guys can hug it out.

But, frankly, I doubt it. She’ll probably be uptight and nasty, in which case I urge you to say: “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I hope we can be civil and get along well enough to live together. If not, maybe you’d like to switch rooms.” And that’s that.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’m a college sophomore girl and I seem to have a major problem with boys — I am CLUELESS when it comes to them! I just got out of a short relationship (actually my first one) and what it made me realize was I gravitate toward guys who express their interest in me FIRST because I feel unworthy of the guys that I have a crush on (like they’re too good for me or something along that line). Now, I have my eye on a new guy right now, but these questions are mainly for any guy I’m interested in, in the future. But as for this guy, I’ve gotten his number and we’ve talked a few times, one of those times being with my roommate and his roommate, and the talks were all pretty short and “meaningless.” Now first of all, if I just simply want to get to know a guy better, how much is too much as far as texting goes and how much should I go up to his room to talk to him (we’re in the same dorm)? I’m really focused on just getting to know him better before I start to dive into something, if it’s there. BUT when/if I do get to the flirting part, HOW DO I DO THAT? How much is too much?

Sincerely,

Boy-Inept

Dear Boy-Inept,

Honey, I’m gonna be honest with you: I think you’re just chicken. Texting?! OMG. How NOT effective can you be. No! Girl!!! Go to his room once. Ask him if he wants to grab coffee. And THAT’S how it’s done. Confident. Cool. Fun. THAT’S what guys like. And you can so be those things. It’s all about working up the courage. Anyone can do it. So listen up, the rest of youse:

(1) Decide on a day and time you will make your (very casual) move.
(2) An hour before you do it, have a dance party by yourself. Put on your favorite music and dance that shoop out.
(3) A half hour before, get dressed and spray yourself with perfume. No changing.
(4) Five minutes before, look yourself in the eye in a big mirror and say eight times out loud: “I am awesome.”
(5) Go say hi to him and ask him if he wants to grab coffee.

Wow. So easy. You can totally do this.

Because, like, what’s coffee?! Chances are, he wants to hang out with you ANYWAY. But no matter what, it’s a totally tiny commitment. And once you have coffee with him, you’ll know if you’re even interested in trying again. It’s so win-win I could vom.

I’m rooting for you, girl.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. (You KNOW this.)

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I stole my best friend’s boyfriend.

I know it sounds bad but here’s the situation. She didn’t love him. They were just dating because he asked her out and she was too lazy to break up with him. She was always complaining that he wasn’t thoughtful enough or romantic enough and etc.

But I saw something really special in this guy. Let’s call him T. He is the nicest sweetest person and we always had chemistry. I actually introduced them. T and I had a lit class together and we always hung out. I took him to a party and he though my best friend was really cute so I set them up.

But then I watched how she treated him (not good — making him carry things and complaining about him to me behind his back) and I realized I had developed feelings for him.

One day we were hanging out and I don’t know why I told him — and he said he felt the same way!

Anyway, he broke up with my best friend and we started dating. We were going to keep it secret but everyone found out kind of quickly.

So now my best friend won’t speak to me. We’ve been friends since the beginning of college (we’re juniors now) and I can’t stand the idea of losing her. But I don’t think it’s fair of her to keep me from dating the guy of my dreams just because she dated him for three months.

Help!

Found Love

Dear Found Love,

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?! Why would you write to me with this?! WHYYYY?! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOW I MUST SMASH YOU?!?!?!??!??!

Okay, look. No. Bad dog. Heel. You can’t just convince this guy to stop seeing your best friend to see YOU and then expect your best friend to be fine with it. Seriously. Are you kidding me?! If you REALLLLLLLY  think this is, like, THE ONE, then here’s what you SHOULD have done: You should have gone to your best friend and TOLD HER. Is that so hard?! I mean, a little communication between besties?! SERIOUSLY.

Anyway, you should have told her, and then you should have figured out a way to handle it where no one’s feelings got hurt. Instead, you went behind her back and flirted with him and told HIM and then he dumped her for you. TOTALLY HUMILIATING for her. I’d hate you too.

Listen, um, your relationship with your best friend is probably unsalvageable. If you really care about her, you can try to go beg and plead and apologize. However, something tells me you DON’T really care about her. Because if you did, you never woulda done her this way. Look, you got your guy. What do you want?

Peace, jerkface.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv