Hey Dude,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of more than 6 months (who keeps count these days anyway?), and it’s been a rough time. Mostly, I think, neither one of us wanted to break up but we had been growing apart for sometime. New changes in his life prompted him to cut the cord, and we went our separate ways…kind of. In reality, as soon as things were officially over (I’m talking next day here), he and I went back to normal. We started texting nonstop again, calling a few times a day just “because this song reminded me of you,” or because “you’re going to die of laughter when you hear about my dinner mishap.”

Aside from the fact that we were no longer together absolutely NOTHING had changed… It’s as though all of the pressure of a formal relationship was suddenly off and we were that fun and exciting couple again…minus the couple.

I think you should know that we haven’t had to face the issue of hooking up yet because he lives in a land far far away (but really only like an hour and some change) so I don’t know how that little taboo will work out when we next see each other.

Now, I never wanted us to break up, I just wanted us to take some time to cool off and reconnect. So, as you can imagine after how well things have been going, I want us to be together again. Is this silly, is it time to start getting over him or should I continue to cling to the hope that it’s all going to work out?

-Ex-girlfriend

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Dear Dude,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. We are long distance (he’s about an hour away) and we have ridiculous amounts of fun when we are together and he means the world to me. The problem is this: the feared and revered “L” word (love) has yet to enter the mix. He’s said “I like you more than you know.” He’s said “You really don’t know how much I like you.” He’s even gone as far as to ask “What would you do if I told you that I loved you?” But there’s been no real declaration of love after 13+ months. What’s a girl to do?

Sincerely,
Itching for Action Read More »

Hi Dude,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. He was my best friend in the entire world for about 3 years before we started dating, and he means the world to me. But since I started college about 3 months ago, things have been getting really hard.

I go to a public university about an hour and a half away from my home town, and he’s in community college. And lately it seems like whenever we talk, I end up feeling guilty that I’m the one that away “living the college life” while he’s at home. And so, to make up for that, we’ve been visiting each other a lot. So much, that I see him almost every weekend, and about half of the time, that includes me going home. But as everything stands currently, I don’t feel like I’m really in college. I feel like I’m straddling two worlds and it hurts.

I love my boyfriend to death, but I don’t think I can go on seeing him with this much frequency if I am to get the most out of my four years. But every time I try to bring it up, he takes it as a sign that I’m giving up on our relationship. I don’t want to let him go, but I don’t know what to do.

Help?
– The Worst of Both Worlds Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. Four years ago he had a friend that he fooled around with but they  never dated (he wanted to, she didn’t). From what he has told me about the situation, it seems like she was emotionally toying with him (hooking up with other guys and whatnot) but they  were still friends till she transfered to another school end of freshman year.

I found out that a month or so in when we started dating that she was visiting the area and he went to have lunch with her. He told me this and all was okay. Last May (about a year after this lunch date) I unfortunately came across an IM exchange they had (my boyfriend was drunk) and through it found out that they were playing around with the idea of hooking up but ended up not because they were both in relationships. After that IM exchange, which was timestamped a few days after they went to lunch, I saw that between then and the date that I found it, they had spoken once or twice–neither time which she replied back.

I confronted him and told him what I read. Although he was angry, he fessed up to it all and reinforced that nothing physical happened (except a peck when they left). He said he needed that for closure, and since then our relationship has blossomed into something I enjoy. Which is where it gets me–our relationship is great. I trust that he has let go of her but I still have these bouts of anxiety where I remember the time that he emotionally cheated on me, and how betrayed I felt.

Anyway, after that long rant I just want to know how I can ease my worries. We have grown together a lot, and we are open with each other, but I can’t help but think how she may still be in the back of his mind or how another lunch date may occur without me knowing, or how he still may have feelings for her. Would it be too much to ask for him to not speak to her anymore just to be sure?

Thanks Dude,
Feeling Worried Read More »

Hey Dude,

I am a 21-year-old female and I have strong feelings for an instructor (24 or 25 years old) at college.  He teaches a small studio setting course of 8 students including myself so we have a lot of one on one interaction. Also, he has made himself readily available to all of his students outside of the classroom setting (like some of the other instructors at my college). As a result, I have his cell phone number and he has mine. He has been professional and there’s not even any indication that he shares any of the same feelings, however all the time I’ve spent with him has got me more and more interested.

Though I know it would be completely inappropriate to make a move at this point and I know I shouldn’t even be thinking it, do you think in the future – when I’m no longer his student –  it would it still be considered inappropriate to try and initiate something? And regardless of all that, do you have any ideas as to how I can focus more on school and less on him?

Oh god. This is bad.

-Student Read More »

Dear Dude,

My best friend came clean this summer and told me he has had feelings for me since the eighth grade (six years). There is one problem: he has had a girlfriend for a little over two and a half years. He told me he is losing interest in her, she is not his type, and he hates so many things about her; she was just the girl he needed at the time. He tells me I am beautiful and always makes me feel special. He and I have so much in common – we hung out all summer (he saw me more than his girlfriend), his mother even told him to break up with his girlfriend for me. He is the perfect guy for me he is really sweet and romantic and knows absolutely everything about me. I know him better than anyone else and he knows me just as well.

I went to visit him at school this year and I met all of his friends and they kept asking him if I was his new girlfriend. The day I had to leave to go back to my school he told me he didn’t know what he was still doing with his current girlfriend and every time his friends asked him if I was his new girlfriend he wanted to say yes. He also told me every time he sees me his feelings for me grow stronger and stronger.

I started to get sick of him telling me about all of his feelings for me and not doing anything about it. So I took some advice from my sister and told him that I couldn’t wait around for him. He broke up with his girlfriend. We didn’t talk for a few days, which is not normal at all because we talk all day and every day. I understand he needed space and time to think, but later that weekend he deleted me off of Facebook. I asked him what was going on and he told me his ex made him do it. That night he told me he might be getting back with his her because losing her for two days made him realize that everything he hated about her didn’t matter to him anymore. When he said that, it made me feel like he was telling me that I was not worth it. He made me promise to be his best friend forever because he needs me in his life.  He also told me he wishes I would have had feelings for him sooner because we would probably be together, and now he wants his feelings for me to fade because he knows they will never go away.

Is he just afraid of change? Did I mess everything up? Should I wait around for him? Would it be a bad idea to see him over Thanksgiving break? I don’t think I know how to move on from him – what should I do?

I’m in need of major advice,
Broken Hearted Girl Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and with school and work starting, it feels like the “honeymoon” period is finally over. The thing is, I don’t understand why the honeymoon period has to be over and what’s so great about the next phase. Is it supposed to be better that he doesn’t do/say cute things anymore because he doesn’t have to show or prove his feelings and he has me secured as a girlfriend? What’s the line between being taken for granted and trusting that just because the honeymoon is over doesn’t mean the feelings are gone?

What is so great about not being in the honeymoon?

I’m also worried that this is part of something bigger. We live a little farther away now that he’s graduated and working, and I understand that he doesn’t have to be giddy to talk to me all the time, but I feel like we already have not as much time to see each other or talk – shouldn’t he be more excited when we do get a chance? He still has done nice things like taking me to dinner and letting me know where he is, but I can’t seem to appreciate it the same way knowing that I’ll barely see/talk to him during the week. Also I wonder if he’s only doing it out of obligation – obviously I don’t want him to do things for me if the feeling’s not there. At times I’ve also felt like I should only talk to him when he’s not too busy or it’s a better time. I guess I’m just wondering – is this normal in the post-honeymoon phase? Does having the honeymoon over mean that I can’t expect lovey-dovey cutesy things? Am I just being totally paranoid or how do I know that this is a relationship worth keeping?

- Wanting the Honeymoon Back Read More »

Dearest Dude,

So, basically my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We met in college, and after spending the first year and a half together at the same school he (due to unfortunate circumstances) has had to relocate and go somewhere else. We get along pretty well, although it’s been pretty hard for me to be back at school this fall without him here and all of those reminders…blah blah blah..

Anyways, the thing I’m most bothered about recently is our communication from day to day. Yes, we usually talk every day, but sometimes it’s not even until night time online and/or texting or something. I wonder if girls are different than guys. Do we like to keep in touch more than guys? Do they think nothing of it if they only talk to us at night or at any given point during the day? I’ve just felt like I like to keep in touch more with the distance because my day goes by quicker with a few texts here and there, but he seems content some days just waiting all day to answer a text, or to even initiate conversation. Is this weird? Lately, I’ve been trying to wait around for him to say stuff so that he doesn’t think I’m needy or that I can’t live without him, but it’s quite frustrating to not hear anything all day and wait until I’m on AIM or something at night. Even if I’m going to class or working or whatever, I’d still do my best to talk to him, so why isn’t this the same for him as a guy?

– Seriously Confused & Agitated Read More »

Dear Dude,

So I’ve been feeling this guy for a while and last week after some serious making out we ended up hooking up at his place. No sex, just everything but, and in the morning I got my stuff and left cause I had a project to work on. I’m not naive. I understand that this was just a hookup and nothing serious, but the thing is I am friends with this guy. Or was, anyway.

I’m friends with his friends since we’re all in the same school organization and go out all the time. Before the hookup, him and I were cool and would all party together. Now that we hooked up, though, he’s acting like a total ass. Every time I see him out he barely says hi, he doesn’t text me back if I ask him where everyone’s heading out to the bars, and I feel like just saying hi to him he takes as me throwing myself on him. WTF?!

I am NOT expecting anything remotely serious out of what happened or even a regular hookup kind of a situation…I honestly would like us to stay cool and be friends. I don’t understand why he’s acting like a total tool and can’t be cool about this. If you could help me sort this all out, that’d be great!

Thanks,
Confused and Upset Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Does he like me?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hey Dude,
I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now, and I’m really crazy about him. We’re really close, his family loves me, and even better, my family likes him too. We’re total opposites, but somehow that only brings us closer together. He’s also the first serious boyfriend I’ve ever had.

Here’s the situation. He’s leaving for the Navy this fall. We haven’t really talked about how things are going to be once he leaves, but I get the impression that he wants to continue this relationship even after he’s left for the Navy. And while the hopeless romantic side of me would love to continue our relationship, the realistic part of me is aware that if we do keep this going, it isn’t going to be easy. He’ll be gone for six years, and a I’m well aware that lot can happen in between. I don’t want to jump into this with my hopes too high, only to get them crushed if things don’t work out. I just want to know what guys think about the whole long distance relationship situation, and whether or not you think it’s worth it.

Thanks,
Running the Distance Read More »