Like Katy Perry, and probably many of you, I kissed a girl. And I liked it. More than once.

Most times it was the result of inebriation and the desperate urging of one of my horny guy friends at a party. But regardless how I got there, I’m always surprised by how pleasantly different it feels to kiss a girl than a guy. I guess the whole thing just feels softer and slower, and usually tastes better (like cherry chapstick?). You get smooth, pillowy lips as compared to thin, chapped ones. There’s no stubble. And with girls, tongue action is more equal, as opposed to some guys’ tendency to overpower your mouth.

Lately I’ve been wondering if kissing a girl is so different, what would having sex with a girl be like? The thought has left me awake at night with lots of questions, confusion and curiosity. When it comes to trying out the other team, there’s just so much to consider…

First of all, what does that make me?
I’m very, totally and extremely certain that I’m not gay (just ask one of the guys I’m dating). But I’m definitely not 100% straight if I’m thinking about girls this way, right? Bi-curious would probably be the best term to describe me and that’s totally fine. Actually, I think I read somewhere that most people fall in the middle on the Kinsey Scale of sexuality. There are definitely more bi-sexuals sitting among us in lecture than we think there are and, in my opinion, they’re get the best of both worlds!

How would this work?
And what am I getting myself into, exactly? What constitutes sex with a girl? Is it just oral sex? Are there tools required? Which one of us would make the moves? I wouldn’t really know what to do if I found myself in bed with another girl (although I’m sure Captain Morgan would help me out a bit). I’m not up to speed on lesbian sexual politics, and I’m not sure how I can learn. One piece of wisdom I have acquired (from my gay male friends) is that oftentimes, lesbians don’t like to mess around with girls who are bi-curious, on the fence, experimenting, etc., because they assume that when things start to migrate down south, they’ll just chicken out, reject them, and run away to the safe familiarity of a peen. I totally get that. But if gay girls don’t want to get involved with me, how am I supposed to DO this?! Which leads me to…

Where am I supposed to find a lady?
It might be easy to find sexually open-minded people at smaller, liberal arts colleges where there is a higher population of gay students. But at my school, I don’t really know where to start looking among the thousands of undergrads. Where are all the bi-curious girls? I should probably start going to Rainbow Alliance/LGBT meetings more often and try to make friends. And I guess I’ll just have to be extra alert at parties and see if I can re-wire my Gaydar to pick up on signals from girls, too. Flirting with girls at parties will probably have to happen too, but I’m still emotionally scarred from the last time I tried to do that…

But even with all those questions, why not try it?
I just feel like the time is now to try this out. It’s practically expected for people to experiment in college, and I’m ready to go. The last thing I want is to wake up one morning in twenty years next to my snoring, scruffy husband and wish that I had explored another option when it was more socially acceptable.

If only it were as easy as it sounds.
Is anybody else going through this or know someone who is?

"I'm smiling but if she doesn't take out the garbage soon I'm going to punch her in the face."

Did you ever wake up, peer out groggily from under the sheets at your roommate who is still passed out in her bed across the room, and wonder why the eff you two are living together? Sure, it seemed like a good idea last year when you perused flea markets for cheap futons together. It even seemed to still make sense just a month ago when you were first getting used to each others’ loveable quirks. But then one day, it just hits you, like a shot of tequila.

Who is this girl that you thought you knew?
Why does she do that weird sh*t all the time?
Most importantly, how are you going to survive the year without completely snapping and throwing a beer can at her head?

I really hope none of you are going through this, but if you are, I can relate. As I type this, I am being serenaded by Lauren, my cute-as-a-teacup friend and roommate. I’m not sure what song it is, but I’m fairly certain it’s from the musical, Rent (I loathe musicals). She has a lovely voice, and who doesn’t enjoy the occasional serenade, right? Well, it happens to me probably three to five times a day on average, and it’s ALWAYS when I’m trying to actually accomplish something school-related. I don’t know why she can’t sing at me when I’m procrastinating, painting my nails, watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia online, or just sitting around, which, realistically, is 75% of the time. Why is it always when I’m busy?

Even worse, often accompanied by the song is a brief dance number. Again, I like watching a dance performance as much as the next person, but when it’s a one-on-one situation – and considering I am not a horny guy in a strip club that recently turned 18 – it just makes me really uncomfortable. Should I laugh? Does she expect me to get up and join? Am I supposed to make eye contact? I usually react by giving a quick giggle, waving my arms above my head slightly, and then returning to whatever I was in the process of doing (usually online Spanish homework).

Is this proper etiquette for receiving a song and dance from one’s roommate? I wish I knew.

While most people find her frequent song-singing to be an endearing quirk, an “Oh, that Lauren!” type of thing, they don’t have to live with the human variety show. It’s a vastly different experience and no one seems to understand. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are things about me that Lauren doesn’t like. I’m certainly not the greatest roommate to ever inhabit Panther Hall and I’m sure I do plenty to piss her off. Does it bug her when I leave half-empty water bottles strewn about the living room? When I burn my popcorn to a crisp on purpose (I just like the way it tastes, ok!?)?

Is her daily lap-dance and evil form of revenge?

If I’ve learned anything so far this year it is not some complicated formula in my 11am Stats lecture, but the fact that living with a friend changes everything. You learn way more about that person than you ever thought possible and it is those little things (like their intense devotion to all things Broadway) that make you want to pack your things and move back into that 9X5 single in the dorms. But what do you do? Call them out on it (“Stop. With. The. MUSICALS!”) and risk a fight, or just let it go?

Can friendships survive the close quarters?
Is there a safe way to approach this?
Will I make it out of here alive?
Can anybody help me?!

Question for our dear friend Tuffinski?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and just maybs, just maybs, get a response.

Dear Tuffy Love,

I have a major crush on my RA. I know it’s wrong and the chances of something happening are almost zero, but I can’t seem to get rid of these feelings. He is super hot and funny and sweet and sooo cool. The problem is (other than the fact that he’s my RA) that he’s a senior and I’m only a freshman. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between acting on my feelings and pretending they don’t exist.

I have a huge fear of rejection and I’m afraid of getting hurt and awkwardness. But it’s come to the point where I want to do something. I want to know if he feels the same way even a little. But I don’t even know how to go about approaching him about it. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? He does seem to give me preferential treatment over the other residents, but that could mean nothing. Help!

-Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

Tuffy feels for you. You know, once upon a time Aunt Tuffy was a shy little freshman with tender feelings too.

Wait, no I wasn’t. But I had some friends like that. So here goes.

So let’s say, as a freshman, you’re 18. He, as a senior, is maybe 21. No big deal. Age is so not a factor here. Maybe maturity, but maybe not.

Girl, you gotta get over that “fear of rejection.” No one likes being rejected. It’s not pleasant. But it’s far from the worst thing in the world.

Make a list for yourself: What are the worst possible scenarios that could come out of asking him to go see a movie? Tuffy bets they’re pretty minor. Okay, so maybe you’re embarrassed for a week. So what? Someone’s got to make the first move! Guys ask girls out all the time. You gotta allow yourself to have that same courage.

I would strongly advice AGAINST, however, asking him if he likes you, or anything like that. And for osh kosh b’gosh sake, don’t try to immediately make him your boyfriend. That, for sure, will get you shot down. Instead, why not say, “Hey, [name of hot RA], you wanna go grab dinner?” Or maybe, “Hey, [name of hot RA], I remember you said you liked [something he likes]–I heard there’s [event having to do with what he likes that you researched to find out about]; wanna go with me?”

Be cool and he will think you’re cool. Seriously. Just have confidence–aren’t you cool? Aren’t you fun? Aren’t you good at things? Then why is it silly to think he might want to get to know you better?

Your fear of rejection is stupid and will make you miss out on some great things if you don’t banish it now. Sorry, girl–rejection isn’t a fear that some people have, it’s a reality that everyone has to face. So face it and go make a date with your hot RA!

Best of luck!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Single. Free. Blissfully happy.

[Alright ladies, let's give a big CollegeCandy welcome (Read: raise those shot glasses!) to our new single lady! Her name is Emmy and she's a single gal living it up in Chi-town. She's hot, smart...and nowhere near ready to put a ring on it.]

Back in August, my mother and I were standing in Target debating exactly which organizational bins I would need for college when she turned to me and said, “Emmy, please don’t date anyone seriously at the beginning of college. I really don’t want you to get tied down too early.”

Alright, so this was a random topic of discussion for the Home Organization aisle of Target, but I still found myself taking my mom’s opinion seriously. After all, the woman knew her stuff when it came to under-bed storage, so surely she was a wise sage in all things relationship. The truth is, staying single for the beginning of college had been my plan anyway. I dated the same boy for the last three years of high school and being single is a relatively new experience for me. One that I am figuring out and not yet ready to give up. The breakup process was beyond painful, but now I am learning to really enjoy being a single girl.

Yes, sometimes I miss having that male shoulder perpetually there to cry on, and a standing date if there is nothing better to do on a Friday night. For the most part though, I just feel free. I am not always glued to my phone texting or talking to him. I have no one else’s opinion or schedule to take into account. I am not someone’s girlfriend, but rather a person in my own right. I don’t feel guilty when other guys ask me out. I can genuinely enjoy getting to know all the new people, boys included, that I am meeting with no qualms. Plus, it’s a lot more fun to go to parties when you are free to flirt and dance all you want. Then leave and share a large pizza with your girls.

I finally gained back the control over my own life that I didn’t even realize I’d given up. I just finished mapping out my four-year plan for college. It was so exciting, and I realized that at this point in my life, my academic ambitions are trumping my need to find a boy worth dating.  Silly as it might sound, I was reminded that I am an individual, with goals of my own.

At this point, I am not in any rush to be in a relationship. This is my time to focus on me. It might sound selfish, but I am excited! When else am I going to have the opportunity to study in a different country for a year and not feel guilty for leaving everyone behind? I know that the experiences I have on my own will help me define myself more clearly and make whatever relationships I do have in the future that much healthier.

I am having a great time in college thus far; I have a great group of friends and a perpetually full calendar. It seems like I am always meeting new boys and not immediately looking at them as potential dates makes getting to know them as actual people easier.

So for maybe the first time in my life, I am actually following my mom’s advice. I understand the importance of taking time to be single for awhile and the benefits it will have for me in the long run.

Just don’t let my mom know that I was actually listening!

Dear Dude,

So I met this guy. We hung out for about a week before he kissed me. It escalated from there and I ended up spending the night at his house. I didn’t sleep with him, but I did mess around with him. He was really sweet and in the morning he asked me what I thought we were and where I wanted this to go. I shrugged and asked him what he wanted. He said ” I don’t want to put a title on things yet. I’m going to see hot girls, and you’re going to see hot guys.” I told him that we could just let things figure themselves out.

The thing is, I’ve been the ‘booty call girl’ before and I always seem to get hurt. I don’t want to scare him off because I don’t want to rope him into a relationship at the moment, I just want to know that there is a chance it could turn to something more serious. Am I wasting my time on this, or should I let things play out?

Your advice is greatly appreciated!
–Confused Collegiate

Dear Confused Collegiate,

You are wasting your time. If he wanted you, it wouldn’t matter if there were other hot girls. Hell, it wouldn’t matter if Heidi Klum walked by.

But I think deep down you know this.
You can and will find someone better.

– Dude

[Got a question for El Dude? Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won't sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He'll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]

What is he thinking?!

Got a little question for Tuffy Luv? She’s got a little answer for you! Email questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to be featured in the Tuffster’s column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So, I have a cozy, late-night nookie friend.

We’re not overly compatible in the sobering light of day, and we’re both unusually insecure, so the unspoken rule seems to be every couple of weeks or more. Emails are sporadic and sweet, for reasons that any of you who’ve ever binged on ice cream before or heard the chorus of the Elliott Smith song “Ballad of Big Nothing” will know.

I disappeared this summer, so falling back into a routine feels like navigating the bumpy straits of first acquaintance all over again. We’ve only seen each other three times this fall, but a few weeks ago, maybe moved by birthday drinks or the card that I sent him, he sent me an email telling me to barge in whenever I felt like it.

Yesterday I favorited three of his photos on flickr after he sent me a link to them (I don’t do much favoriting or flickring), did some back-and-forthing on gmail (felt reminiscent of my lame puppy crush days), and took off on my bike for his house after he invited me to come over and continue the conversation in person. I didn’t send him any kind of confirmation message, figuring it would be a nicer surprise just to show up.

All his lights were on, but he wasn’t there.

Asleep? Passed out? Gone for a walk? I called and left a short, gloomy message lacking in the appropriate nonchalance. Then I went home.

Now I just feel kind of embarrassed. Should I be?

Yours,
Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Tuffy can’t help but be moved by the eloquence and odd self-referentialism of your letter. So, let’s do this.

Quickly, to get it out of the way: No, I don’t think you should be embarrassed. He invited you over. You showed up (albeit, unannounced). He wasn’t prepared. (Perhaps, as you say, he was asleep? Or maybe he was just nakey or something and was too flustered to get it together to come greet you at the door.) I think this was just a minor mis-communication. Sometimes surprises don’t work out that well. No big deal.

I also don’t think you should be embarrassed by the overly-enthusiastic message you say you left. He’s probably, in fact, already called you back at the time of this posting. If not, perhaps he was just too shy to return it.

Which brings me to what I actually want to say about your letter. I’m mostly worried about the idea that the two of you are “both unusually insecure.” Because, you know, that’s actually exactly what’s holding you back.

For those of you who do not have access to either the CollegeCandy Tuffy Luv email or Rachel’s computer, the subject of the email was: “overthinking my friendship with benefits?” To that end, girl, yes, you are. At least the way things are going now. You hook up every couple of weeks and that’s that.

But!

You seem to actually like each other (birthday cards, sweet emails, Flickr favoriting or whatever you crazy kids are doing these days), so I don’t see why you aren’t dating. You both seem to be clumsily attempting to move into that space, but both of your insecurities are getting in the way. It’s like college-age Woody Allens trying to date each other. And you seem like such a cool girl, so I hate to see that go down.

Unfortch, there’s no magic potion for getting over being insecure. Except, you know, getting older and ceasing to worry that people are judging you. Because usually they’re too busy judging themselves. And if they are judging you, chances are they’re too miserable to really matter.

So: cut that shiz out!!! Get over yourself and call him up and propose a hangout. If it doesn’t work out, whatever – it’s not like you’ll be losing some great friendship. But if it does work out, well, wouldn’t that be nice?

Best, Rach!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Dig?!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I cheated on my boyfriend but now I want him back. I realized that the other guy that I was cheating with wasn’t that great so I really want to get back with my guy. He said okay we can get back together but the problem is that while we weren’t together (he broke up with me when he found out I cheated) he was constantly telling me how much he loved me and everything and that he wouldn’t see anyone else because he wanted to get back together.

Well the thing is, Tuffy, I just found out that he was talking to another girl while we weren’t together. He said he wouldn’t do that so now I feel like I can’t trust him. He told me about it because he said he feels bad about it but he says nothing happened, they just went out to dinner. But I’m so mad at him. He keeps apologizing but I feel like I need something bigger. Should I just get back with him like my heart wants or should I make him show he’s sorry first?

Please post this Tuffy; this is the third time I’m emailing you.

Gina

Dear Gina,

The reason I didn’t respond to your question the first two times was to spare you from what I was going to say. But, hey, if you insist:

This is totally effed. Sorry Gina, but you’re completely in the wrong here. I mean, you have got to be kidding me. You cheat on him, but he’s the one who’s supposed to beg your forgiveness?! That’s just messed upp.

So what do I think you should do?

Well, first of all, I think you should reconsider how you treat people you supposedly care about. Cheating is not okay. Sorry. It’s such an effed up thing to do. And then to demand he apologize to YOU just because he dated a little when you weren’t even together?! Not cool, girl. So not cool.

Yeah, I agree, if he said he was waiting for you, he shouldn’t have been dating. But you had already cheated on him! And you weren’t together! I mean, on what grounds are you saying YOU can’t trust HIM?! He even came clean to you about going out to dinner (horrors!)! What the hell more do you want?!

I don’t think you should take him back, Gina. No one deserves to be treated the way you’re treating him. Take a look at yourself and how you treat the people you love and make a decision to change. The way things are going, you’re not going to find yourself in a healthy relationship anytime soon. You get what you give.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question for La Tuff?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that it answered proper!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend wants to have sex all the time. At first I was OK with it but now I just want to hang out sometimes. We still go on dates but its like he needs to have sex every single day. I’m stressed out! This is a busy semester for me – sometimes I just don’t feel like it! How can I tell him without hurting his feelings?

Thanks Tuffy!

Tired

Dear Tired,

Repeat after me: Get your goddamn hands off of me.

Okay, sorry kids. Aunt Tuffy is having a busy couple of weeks herself so the idea of some dude forcing his overactive weewee on someone who is too tired to do it right now, goddammit–well, it makes Aunt Tuffy a little tired herself.

But, back to you.

In any case, Tired, I’m sure he’s not doing it on purpose. The fact that he still wants to go on dates and everything is reassuring. If, like, he just wanted to have sex and DIDN’T want to do the whole dating this anymore, well, then I’d say the guy is cheating or just biding his time. But that doesn’t sound like the case here.

Okay, so, seriously, just say no. I know that sounds overplayed, but it really works. Tell him firmly, “baby, I’m tired, but I think you’re really hot and I can’t wait to do it tomorrow” (or whenever). The next day, when he isn’t so worked up, sit him down and explain that you’re really stressed out and you need some cuddle time (non-sex time) too.

Look, sex is a production. Whether we like it or not, it takes a lot of energy. He’s gotta understand that you’re not always in the mood just because he is.

But, to be fair, he has needs too. So if you refuse sex, make sure you give him something back: a massage or perhaps some smaller, less exhausting sexual favor.

And remember, kids, always use condoms. Or else Aunt Tuffy will eat your face.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

College is full of trial and error. And sadly we find ourselves running into a lot more error than we desire. Being stood up by that guy who we thought was really into us rings a bell. As does spending an entire night and next morning (okay and maybe the afternoon too) puking our guts out.

Eventually, we get a hang of things, but it would’ve been really nice to have some basic knowledge under our belts before we started. And since we are so caring, and so pissed off that no one did it for us, we’ve decided to let the next generation of college girls in on some scared knowledge that will save them a lot of trouble, and in some cases embarrassment, come freshman year and beyond.

1) When a boy wants to study, he does not want to study. When he wants to see a movie he does not want to watch a movie. When he wants to take you to dinner, he does not want to take you to dinner. The ultimate motive of every college guy is sex. When they ask you to do anything, replace the request with sex, if you’re okay with that proposal, then “eat,” “watch” and “study” away. If you would never dream of going there with this guy, then decline promptly, or he will make a move, and you will be caught in an awkward situation.

2) Nothing in the caf is healthy. You’ve been eating salads and sandwiches for 2 months, how could you have put on the freshman 15?! Cafeteria food is not your mother’s cooking. Everything about it is processed. That dressing you’re putting on your salad is going right to your thighs and the meat on the sandwich is far from lean. Save yourself the stress (and the stretch marks) and make your own food. If you are on a meal plan (we are very sorry for you) skip dressings, breaded meats and desserts of any kind. You. Will. Gain. Weight. End of story.

3) You don’t have to be completely wasted to have fun. It might seem like the girl who’s always drunk is sucking the most life out of college. This is where you are wrong. We aren’t saying to not drink, a buzz is always fun, and pretty much every nightlife activity is more fun tipsy (okay some daytime activities too). But drinking to the point of severe inebriation is unhealthy, unsafe and will have you kissing the toilet all night.

4) Beware of alcohol mixing. Everyone’s stomach is different. I have friends who can take a shot of vodka, have a margarita, and then down a can of Budweiser as their nightcap without having as much as a headache the next day. I also know girls who have a tequila shot and some jungle juice and start regurgitating it before they can get home. Don’t find out what your stomach can’t handle the hard way.

5) Don’t forget home. It is easy to get wrapped up in college life. It’s really exciting, we know! But don’t forget the things that have been the most important to you up until this point! Make it a habit to check in with your friends form home once every couple of weeks, the mode of communication is up to you (text, Facebook chat them, BBM…). This will save you hurt feelings and arguments come holiday breaks when you call them for the first time in 3 months. And don’t forget about your family. You parents’ hearts are already breaking now that their baby is grown up, don’t pour alcohol on the wound by never answering their calls. Plus, good children who call their mother are usually the ones receiving care packages filled with homemade cookies and extra cash.

What other tips would you guys give to the next generation of college girls to save them the hassle of figuring it out on their own?

Question for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a wonderful, sweet boyfriend who I’ve been with for over a year. We were friends at first, and I always liked him from the moment we met freshman year (I’m a junior now) when we hooked up a few times casually but then seriously got together a year later. Things have been great so far but there’s one big problem: I’m very dependent on him. I try to spend as much time as I can with him, and although I have a close group of friends and get good grades, I put him as my number one priority. He doesn’t do that. He is involved in a lot of stuff outside of me, and even his friends have expressed that they want him to spend less time with me and more with them.

But Tuffy, I get anxious when he leaves me. We sleep together every night and I have gotten upset to the point of crying when I have to say goodbye to him in the morning. If he goes on vacation with his family or is away for long periods of time, I miss him terribly. I’m seriously attached, and I know it’s unhealthy. Help!

Separation Anxiety Girl

Dear SAP,

Honey, on the one hand, I want to say this is very sweet. You obviously really love this guy (and if he’s sleeping with you every single night of college, he probably loves you too) and it’s always nice to see.

BUT! Like you said, this ain’t healthy.

The good news is, you’re very, very close to a great relationship. You guys already get along, you’re happy, you’re loving, and you’re glowing with love and all that crap. All you have to fix is this one little issue and you’re set.
So here’s what you do: Make a list of things you like to do. Cross everything that he also likes to do or that you do with him off the list. What’s left?

Take the activities that are left on your list and schedule yourself to do at least one of them every week. Set aside time (say, Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings, or whatever works with your schedule) where you do one of the activities on your list, or you go have time with friends, or you even just have some lil’ ol’ date time with yourself. Boom, you’ve found your independence again. And I promise you will soon realize how much you missed it.

But if there’s nothing on your list after you’ve crossed him off it, you got bigger problems, my friend. In this case, I would advise you to take a little time off from your relationship. It sounds harsh and awful and you would never want to do it but, honey, you have to.  It’s not worth losing yourself in someone else. That’s not love. That’s obsession.

The point is to distinguish yourself from him. See? You can have fun without him. And Tuffster bets that the time you have WITH him will be even better for it.

Best of luck, SAP! Do this for a month and I bet you guys will be better than ever.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv