Hi there, Dude!

First of all, your answer to the girl who found porn on her boyfriend’s computer was absolutely outstanding. I found out about my boyfriend’s porn a year into our beautiful relationship. I too was crushed, for I also felt as if I were “not good enough”. My boyfriend tried to explain to me that it had nothing to do with me, and of course… feeling a bit insecure, I overreacted. It took me a while, and a bunch of “Googling” to find out that guys are just complete wankers– and I am now glad to accept that fact.
I just have one underlying question and I don’t know who to ask. Here goes:

I still feel a little bit bummed about the discovery of my boyfriend’s porn for it’s not just any porn. It’s porn with Asian girls or animated Asian girls (not the crazy, female-degrading hentai though). Dude, I’m not an Asian female. Yes I have the light skin and dark hair, but I look nothing like them. I guess I feel bummed because he seems to have an “ideal” kind of girl that I feel I cannot compare to. Doesn’t that mean that sleeping with me or wanking off to the image of me is not as fulfilling as it is when he’s looking at Asian girls? I’m probably over-thinking this whole situation but can you blame me? I live in a society full of factors that could make any girl think the way she does about herself. I just used to feel so beautiful and perfect in his arms, and I do not feel that way so much any more. I love him very much and we look forward to a great future together. I just don’t want to give up on this relationship because of my silly feelings.

I’d also like to say that I have spoken to him about how I feel and he told me that he only masturbates to Asians because they are “cleaner-looking” and don’t act like wild and crazy white girls when having sex. He did tell me once before that he didn’t need to look at his porn because he had me, which did make me feel a wee bit better until I woke up once in the middle of the night to catch him masturbating to his porn. Yeah, so I was crushed even more. What can I do from here?

Always,
Feeling a bit hopeless

Dear Feeling a bit hopeless,

Thanks for the kind critique for one of my all-time favorite “Ask A Dude’s.” I’ve been hoping for a follow-up question and yours couldn’t be more perfect.
Men will OFTEN wank (great word) off to porn featuring types of women that they aren’t dating. Porn is fantasy. To men, porn is a beautiful love story…with the boring parts taken out! (RIP Richard Jenni!) For him to be wanking it to Asian women is not a reflection about how attracted to you he is or isn’t, it’s just that when we settle down, we generally say goodbye to the possibilities of living out certain fantasies and this is one of those for him.

Plus, if all he did was get off to women exactly you’re type then that could have a bit of a numbing effect on his libido. Men are creatures who love variety. Hell, don’t all of us considered people with sexual appetites love variety? Without different tastes and different moods for different kinds of kinks, sex would become pretty damn routine. In some ways, he’s keeping his sexual palette refined…okay, even to me that one sounds like BS, but you see what I’m getting at.

The ideal type for guys changes over time. As we grow and evolve as people, so do our fantasies. And believe it or not, not always do we end up falling in love and spending years of our lives committed to someone who fits our “ideal type”. Because you can’t have your feelings dependent on a checklist of “ideal mate” qualities that you carry around in your purse. That’s not how life works. So, of course, when given a chance to indulge in a fantasy, you end up falling back on an old type or discovering a new type.
Now, what bugs me about his explanation is his argument that Asian porn is cleaner than American porn. Have you seen some of it? That’s a whole kind of personal preference rationale that I’m not sure I personally agree with. I think you can find “dirty” hardcore stuff no matter the niche you’re into at the moment. I think he’s just got a thing for Asian porn and was trying to make up some reason. Bygones.

It’s good that you talked to him about it. Bad he lied and got caught lying. Although, he might have totally sincere with you when he said he didn’t need porn because he had you. A lot of guys have an attachment to porn. It’s a bit of an addiction, like cigarettes or chocolate or Chuck (WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!!!!) and, we might try to make a clean break of the habit but then relapse after a while. Not that I’m speaking from any kind of experience…

In this dude’s opinion, you don’t need to get worked up over this. Often times in life we have to re-accept things about ourselves and our partners. It sounds like you’ve got a really nice relationship and you sound like you’re headed for a future. Don’t let a minor sexual quirk impede on your ability to have that perspective. Now, if he starts going to discount Asian massage parlors, okay I’d be worried. Short of that, talk to him if you need a little reassurance or have some concerns. Hell, offer to watch it with him one time and see where that takes you. Porn is wish-fulfillment and you already fulfill a lot his wishes.

Godspeed Chuck Bartowski,
The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is from Michigan, which is where all of his family and friends are. We recently moved in with each other. He told me in the beginning that he had a lot of female friends and if I had a problem with it that we wouldn’t work out. That was fine for me because I also have male friends.

A few weeks ago his ex girlfriend of three years contacted him. He used to say that he couldn’t stand her and wanted nothing to do with her because she did him so wrong. Now every time he tries to show me something on his phone, I see a text message or the last call is from his ex. It’s not as if it’s a friend that has kept in touch with for a long time over the years, it’s an ex he couldn’t stand and now all of the sudden they have this friendship.

It really does bother me, but I feel like I can’t say anything because he said if he can’t have female friends then he and I won’t work out. He was almost engaged to this person and brags about how they never used to fight. This is making me feel very insecure. What do I do?

Thanks!

Dear…Stormageddon (When you don’t provide a pseudonym I get to make up my own!)

There’s not wanting to make him think you can’t handle the situation and then there’s not handling the situation. Right now, it sounds like you’re dangerously close to falling off the edge here.

I’ll present you with a simple choice to make: either destroy your relationship by driving yourself crazy, or run the risk of driving him crazy, which, honestly, you won’t do if you TALK TO HIM!

Everybody all together now: communication is key. It’s such a simple but essential guideline maintaining a healthy relationship or rescuing one that’s trapped in a Pandorica of emotional baggage. You’ve got to talk about what’s bothering you. And so long as you do it with clarity when you approach him, you’re not going to trip his trigger.

You being upset about him getting back on friendly terms with an ex he led you to believe he couldn’t stand isn’t the same as being upset that he has female friends. Apples and nectarines. Make that clear with him. It’s not about “women” in his life, it’s confusion and insecurity due to the contradiction of what he says and does with regards to her. That’s where it’s coming from, he looks suspicious because he says one thing but is doing another and, yeah, I’d get edgy if I were you, too. Hiding it is only going to make things worse.

Why’s he talking to an ex he claims he couldn’t stand? Because guys will do that. Sorry to sound general but, yeah, we do that. We have communication with our exes who pulverized our hearts into a million bazillion pieces. Sometimes it’s nostalgia, wanting to get some closure and not feel like we wasted our feelings on a complete bitch, that we want to come off as the bigger person, and on rare occasion because there are those lingering feelings we like to keep a bit of a tie to. Let’s face it, we’ve all got people from our past that we still have a “what if” thought about at times. And this could be that person for him. And you may have to deal with that. Or not. You won’t know until you talk to him.

Don’t drive yourself to the nunnery because you bottle up your worries. Be clear, decisive and honest. Then, listen. You may not like the answer but at the very least you’ll make him aware that you’re upset and why you’re upset. At the worst, you’ll have to deal with his behavior and deal with his insecurity. The choice is yours.

Mission Accepted,

The Dude

I’m the Dude with a blue box called the Tardis that allows me to explore the ends of time and space-wait that’s another guy with a ‘D’ sounding name isn’t it? Better than that, I’m a Dude that knows the inner workings of Dudes and I’m ready to spill all, whether you’re ready or not. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com.

Dear Dude,

Here’s the situation: about a year ago I lost my virginity to this guy, let’s call him Charlie. I had started to fall in love with him a while before that, but the problem was that he was dating my cousin, let’s call her Carla, and they had been together for about a year. We started talking and hooking up occasionally (no sex) until last December she found out. They broke up and then a few days after that I had sex with him, which Carla also found out about. Charlie and I started seeing each other on a regular basis for about a month or two until I left for a month of vacation. When I came back they had gotten back together, but we still slept together anyways. In February we finally ended our physical relationship, but still kept talking on a regular basis. He was back with Carla and I was completely devastated. In March I met my current boyfriend and decided I was going to get over Charlie and I cut him off from my life in every way for about two months, until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and texted him, which eventually led to talking and hooking up again.

Charlie and Carla had been together until very recently, when they supposedly broke up definitively. I have betrayed my cousin, with whom I don’t speak to since last year, I have betrayed my boyfriend various times (he doesn’t know), as Charlie and I speak almost every day and have sex about once every 1-2 weeks, and I have been feeling like a terrible person for the past year. I have gone to therapy, I’ve told my closest friends and even my mother about this but I still can’t get over this guy. He’s made it clear he wants no relationship from me, but when we are together he is a complete gentleman and the physical attraction between us is the greatest I have ever felt. But I love my boyfriend, too… Do I fight for Charlie like I never actually have, or try to disconnect myself from him once more and try to focus on my relationship with my loving boyfriend? Love or lust? Help!

Dear…Sal Valestra

(Seriously, ladies, please include a pseudonym or I’ll just keep making up geeky names to call you.)

If it were a movie, no one would believe you. Also, not a lot of folks might like you, but some might. There’re no two ways about it: you’ve got it bad for one boy that you’ve never really been allowed to have and have another boy that’s never really had you. Do you confess? Do you fight for the unattainable? First thing to do is look at what this whole thing’s cost you and what it has given you.

It cost you a relationship with your cousin. Of course, you might not have liked your cousin, who knows? Probably not, based on the evidence. You’ve caused yourself to constantly live a lie and live under the possibility of being found out by your current boyfriend. You’ve been playing the other woman to your cousin, who this guy is still very much not over and, additionally, he doesn’t want anything from you. So, you’ve sabotaged, used, been used, betrayed, had lots of great sex, managed to snag a nice boy, keep another guy on the side and set yourself up for a ton more drama. That’s what you’ve taken and given from the situation.

What could you possibly do to top all of that?

It sounds to me like you don’t want your boyfriend. I’m sorry, but the way you’ve treated him just doesn’t make me trust the idea that you love him. Oh, you can hurt people you love, but you can’t keep hurting them and expect your love to gain weight. At least from an outside party’s perspective. You want “Carl.” So, go for him. Dump the boyfriend.

You’ve dug a heck of a hole for yourself and there’s no way you’re coming out of it clean. Period. You can come out of it with a clear sense of what you want and what you need. You want “Carl.” You’ve wanted “Carl” and now’s the time if there was ever going to be one. The question is, does “Carl” want you? Beats me. Sounds like he might and he might not. It might take some time before he gets his head on straight, if ever.

There’s something fascinating about this kind of relationship drama we weave for ourselves. Lust can destroy trust. Lust is a powerful and addictive drug. Like most drugs you have periods where you it helps more than it hurts until it hurts more than it helps. And then you’ll take a break and come back to it. There’s no question it sounds like you’re a bit addicted to what you have with “Carl.” And why wouldn’t you be? I’m not placing blame or judgment on it. Lots of people fall into it. It’s just you betrayed several people at the expense of your drug of choice. And that you can stop right now!

End it with the boyfriend and go after the lust bunny that you really want. Will you end up alone? Maybe. But you might also just get some closure. You could also just tell you BF what you’ve been doing the whole time behind his back and ask for forgiveness. That’s if you want to keep him. Which I don’t think you really do.

I hate to go off on a bit of a rant here but let’s be honest about infidelity: it’s a betrayal and major act of disrespect to the person you’re cheating on. The lines with poly relationships are blurrier and more complex but even in such cases infidelity does still exist. Infidelity is about breaking the boundaries and trust of the relationship you’re in. Whatever those boundaries and trusts are. Violations of that kind are insulting as well as injuring. You can make all the excuses in the world, claim to be out of control, but let’s not scapegoat on hormones or social constructs. People choose to cheat. People choose to violate. People choose to give in. Rarely are you made to at knife-point or gunpoint and then we don’t call it cheating, do we? We call it a far worse act. And make no mistake you haven’t done anything against your will. Now you’ve just got to clean up your mess the best you can.

Make another choice. Move forward. End the duplicity, one way or the other. You’ll be amazed at how much less stress you might find yourself. There will probably be consequences but, hey, cause and effect. All you can do is try to make the next choice as best you can.

Choosing…wisely,

Indiana Dude

I’m the Dude with a blue box called the Tardis that allows me to explore the ends of time and space-wait that’s another guy with a ‘D’ sounding name isn’t it? Better than that, I’m a Dude that knows the inner workings of Dudes and I’m ready to spill all, whether you’re ready or not. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com.

I know, giving is just as important as receiving. Sex is about all parties involved, and I absolutely believe that no one should feel deprived of pleasure after a hook up. But everyone has their limits, their deal breakers, their things that they’re just not that into. And I think it’s just as important to acknowledge that, and to a) accept it or b) move on to the next.

I have a friend whose boyfriend is into anal. Not in an annoying, begs for it nonstop kind of way (he never even initiates it), but it is something that he enjoys doing. So she consents to it. They use lube and start slow and are generally pretty responsible about it, but it’s not her cup of tea. She finds it pretty excruciating, only derives a nominal amount of pleasure from it, and doesn’t feel great after the fact. But she has made it a resolution to get better and try to enjoy it more, for her boyfriend’s sake. Perhaps I’m more selfish than I like to think I am, but  I cannot jump on board with her resolution because it seems to me she has perfectly valid reasons to not want to engage in anal, and I fail to see the point in coercing herself into enjoying it more than she does.

While being in a relationship is a great opportunity to explore and challenge personal boundaries, I don’t think it’s okay to ignore the signals your mind or your body are sending to you. There are varying degrees of compromise, and it’s completely okay to draw a permanent line in the sand at something you don’t like. I think it’s incredibly rare that two people’s desires are going to align at every single axis, and there’s nothing wrong with this.  When I give my boyfriend blowies, he likes to ejaculate on himself so I can lick it off. I find that annoying and inefficient, so most of the time, I swallow directly and he’s content with it, but sometimes I’ll indulge him. But if I had a complete, visceral, averse reaction ejaculation, I would not make contact with his at all.

The worst case scenario with setting firm boundaries is reaching the conclusion that you are not sexually compatible with your partner, which may unfortunately result in a breakup (but that would mean finding someone better suited for you in the long run). But, if there is something one partner absolutely hates, and the other can take or leave, there is no reason that should end with any real conflict. Discomfort is not sexy, so don’t be afraid to say no.

Hey Dude!

I have known this guy for six years now and we dated for the first four. We stopped talking to each other after we broke up and we didn’t see each other for almost two years. The break up was just because we grew apart and were going in different directions in our lives (at the time). Other than that, we had a pretty good relationship.

Recently, we reconnected at a mutual friend’s party and we started dating again. The first couple of weeks were cool because all those old feelings we had for each other started coming back, and we were really passionate with each other. Then he lets me know that there’s this girl he’s been friends with for the two years we weren’t together and he has feelings for her…but also has feelings for me. However, this girl’s basically friend-zoned the sh*t out of him. She’s one of those “attention-whores.” She leads guys on and never takes them seriously. This is something he’s also realized himself.

So after this, I’ll be honest, I was kind of hurt, but I told him I was cool with it. We weren’t in a relationship or anything, so there wasn’t anything I could b*tch about.

Lately, our sex life’s been pretty much dead. I’m a very sexual person and not a selfish lover, so I basically throw myself at the guy and he makes excuses or just “isn’t all there” during sex, rendering it pointless.

I don’t know what to do. I love him. I never stopped loving him. But now, I’m feeling like he’s not reciprocating. Where do I go from here?

Thanks so much,

Beckz

Dear Beckz,

To quote Xena when she rescued Hercules from a mob that was beating him after believing he killed his wife, “the time when we could be together has past.” Devastating to fandom everywhere but unfortunately applicable to your situation.

The bottom line is that he says he cares about you, and I’m sure he does care about you, but there’s another woman. Right now you’re in a position where you’re at the whim of his choice, well, her choice in fact. If this other girl were to give him a chance, would he bail on you? That’s the question you’ve got to ask yourself. Because, to an extent, it sounds like he’s settling for you. He just doesn’t sound ready to be with you and may never be. So, what can you do?

First, you absolutely can b*tch about this. In fact, you might need to. Do you have a relationship claim? No. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and if you’re in pain you’ve got the right to express that pain (just don’t commit a felony in how you choose to unleash it).

Second, you can make a decision: fight or flight. To fight would mean to sit him down and tell him what you want. Flight involves you cutting your losses. Of course, recon is a third option…

Wait and see. You can always keep things as they are and react accordingly. That’s also a recipe for getting your heart pureed. Still, it’s an option. If you’re patient enough to see how things play out a bit then by all means go for it. The fact you’re writing in leads me to believe you’re reaching your make-it or break-it point. And why the Hell not?

He’s down in the dumps over another woman and you’re caught in the wake of his being rejected. Where he’s at emotionally and mentally is not where you’re at. You’ve either got to find a page you both can get on or start reading another book. Things have shifted in the two years you’ve been apart and you’ve got to shift with them. Don’t let his indecision and baggage bog you down into something that has the potential to lop you off at the weak knees.

Rolling with the motion of the ocean,

The Dude

I’m the Dude with a blue box called the Tardis that allows me to explore the ends of time and space-wait that’s another guy with a ‘D’ sounding name isn’t it? Better than that, I’m a Dude that knows the inner workings of Dudes and I’m ready to spill all, whether you’re ready or not. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com.

It’s that time of year again…you know, the time when we start making promises to ourselves we know we can’t keep. Like we’ll lose weight, join the gym, stop sleeping with our exes…all because this year there is going to be a new you. A better you. Oh, and you promise to get all As this semester on top of being more social and joining those pre-professional clubs you used to make fun of.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. And we all know it lasts about three weeks in. It’s not your fault, it’s hard to stick to change…especially a lot of drastic changes.

So, to put you on the path to resolution success here are ten ideas that will not only guarantee a positive outcome, but also make you feel a tad better about yourself. Plus, who can say that they actually followed through with their New Year’s Resolution?

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New Year’s Eve is seriously THE most overrated holiday of the year. Valentine’s Day is the day that all lazy boyfriends have to get up off their asses and remind their girlfriends why they should stick around, and Halloween is the night to dress up like someone else and make out with someone whose face you don’t ever really want to see. So why celebrate NYE?

People say it’s the end of a year and the beginning of another. Well thanks, Captain Obvious, excuse me while I go “celebrate” the end of one minute and the beginning of the next sixty seconds of my life! That justification only works in a game of Power Hour, and besides, we all know that NYE isn’t actually about a night at all; it’s about a ten-second countdown and how you think you’ll feel afterwards. And unless you hit the lottery when the clock strikes midnight, absolutely nothing will change in your life after you spend an entire night getting drunk and flirting with the person you’ll make out with later on. Take it from those who do it regularly: it’s fun, but it’s definitely not life-altering or magical like Harry and Sally portray it to be.

I think all our ideas about an ideal NYE are actually rooted from the media anyway. How many times have we watched Bridget Jones’ Diary and that NYE episode of The OC as a child and awaited the days when we could cover ourselves in too many sequins and kiss the loves of our life’s during the first few seconds of the New Year? How hard did we wish to be those people freezing their faces off in Times Square as they watched a giant light bulb drop a few feet – live- while we sat warm in our pajamas and saw the entire thing at a much closer view through our televisions?

Well, I’d say that true definition of NYE can also be found in the media too, like on MTV’s super exciting television special and in Garry Marshall’s latest box office name dropper: it’s completely overrated. Often it’s overhyped and a waste of money, and in a few years, you really won’t remember it anyway. “The One Night Anything Is Possible” is the most inappropriate tag line for that movie…have you ever tried to drive across town on NYE? It’s the everyday tasks that are actually IMpossible on the last day of the year!

Here’s the fact that everyone seems to forget once December 31st rolls around: it doesn’t matter how you start the year or end the year; these things have no reflection on the value of the year altogether. You know what went down during the other 364 days: all the amazing things that happened that didn’t involve wearing a exclamatory greeting on your headband or a bunch of numbers over your eyes. Times that didn’t involve counting down to anything because you were having the time of your life in the moment already. Drinks that were cheaper, weather that was warmer, and dresses that fit better than after a week of indulging in holiday meals prepared by the best chefs in the family. Seriously, who’s idea was that?!

So what’s the best way to not have an overrated NYE? Don’t take it so seriously. Realize that NYE doesn’t necessarily require overpriced cover charges, overpriced alcohol, overpriced outfits or overpriced hotel rooms. Hang out with people you actually stand rather than joining groups of acquaintances who can’t hold their liquor. And if you find yourself with no comment-worthy Facebook photos to upload afterwards, let it go, it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it’s only the beginning, right?

Here’s to a Happy New Year, everyone!

What are your NYE plans? Do you think they’ll actually pan out the way you initially planned them to?!?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

2011 will go down in the annals of Dudedom, more than anything else, for the birth of the Dude’s List. Originally meant to be a one-time post, you folks just wouldn’t let me stop churning out these zany Top 11-16 lists every two weeks. And I can’t thank you enough for it! Completely self-generated and always plunging over the cliff of controversial material, the Dude’s List has gone on to become a must-read on CollegeCandy.com and that’s got everything to do with you. Let’s take a look back and bask at 10 of the best Dude’s Lists this year.

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And there we have, IMO, the best Dude’s Lists of the year. Care to dispute? Care to bash and trash or show some love? Let me know what you want future Dude’s Lists to be about in the comments section below!

List this!

The Dude

Read all the Dude’s List right here!

“Whose Side Are You On?”

I’m not talking about Captain America vs. Iron Man. I’m talking about friends who’ve been in a relationship and now have reached their final destination: splitsville. Once the two of them go their separate ways, which one of them gets you in the proverbial divorce?

It’s not always as clear cut as saying, “well, I was her friend first” or “she was the one who cheated on him with the train conductor.” Sometimes break ups are more complicated than that. Every now and then, they’re reasonably amicable. Every once in a while there’s the exceptional parting where you empathize or sympathize with both sides. Whose friendship do you keep? Or…can you stay friends with both of them?

My answer to you all is YES. You can absolutely maintain friendships with both parties if you adhere to a little common sense and the Golden Rule. There’s no reason to lose a valuable friendship if you don’t have to. There are boundaries to every relationship in every stage. This is just another challenge to rework and redefine what those boundaries need to be, between you and them and they to each other.

It all comes down to keeping the individual trust of both people. You have to do your very best to keep your friendship with each person, with each person. They confide in you, you don’t break that trust. You keep your opinions about the other person to yourself, and you don’t pry about what happened between them. It’s a little bit like dancing: let them lead and do your darndest not to step on their toes.

Of course, there comes the inevitable moment when she discovers you’re still hanging out with him and she asks the question: “why didn’t you tell me?” And the answer’s a simple but potentially hurtful one: “because our friendship is separate from mine and his.” Now that’s a tough f*cking egg to lay on them, especially if they’re still somewhere in the process of moving on. On the other hand, that might sound a little more devious than it’s meant to be…

I’d also suggest speaking to each of them personally and letting them know: “hey, you’re my friend and that’s not going to change. But she’s also my friend and that’s not going to change, either. This doesn’t mean you can’t trust me as you always have and vice versa. This means that you need to accept the fact that while your relationship ended, mine isn’t going to, with either of you.” Then from there on out, separate corners. No updates, no heads ups, no accountability, so long as you preserve trust on both sides and stay out of their issues. Sounds tricky. And it might be. It’s also…possible.

If you’re willing to work on keeping that trust and letting it evolve, then it’s possible. If you’re willing to understand that when the big reveal comes that you’re talking to their ex that they might NOT trust you quite as much, then it’s possible. Your friendships will change. They have to. The relationship between two people affects far more than just two people. But the change for you is parallel to the change they’re going through: redefining what you have without the context of that other person.

Breaking up’s a process, for you and friends and friends of friends-let’s not leave out family, either. But if it’s amicable enough, if there’s enough willingness on all sides to move in separate directions, peacefully, the breaking of one bond doesn’t have to mean the end of three.

Watch out for that first step, it’s a doozy,

The Dude

It’s that time of the year where we all reflect on what we did and did not do, get wasted on eggnog, and then design a new set of principles to follow that will guarantee an improved New Year. However, right now, we’re still in that first part where we’re looking back. With a feeling of fondness and “awwww” I share with all of you, dear readers, my most special 10 Ask A Dude columns of 2011.

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See, after this lovely trip down memory lane don’t you just want to go “awww”? Well, maybe you do and maybe you don’t but I hope we’ve all had a lot fun today. As 2011 draws toward its inevitable end I want all of you readers to know that I am incredibly grateful to you. To those who’ve written in and to those who’ve found something they can connect to, or just get a laugh from, in these weekly columns where I do my darndest to out-Dear Abbey, Dear Abbey, I hope that we’re all learning how to communicate with each other better. I hope that you’re learning as I’m learning and that you’ll keep traveling with me on this journey of zig-zagging through the ins and outs of life’s more complicated relationships. Trust me, we’ve only just begun. Doctor Who references for all!

To the next step,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]