I’ve been in the workforce for a while now (I know this because I can no longer sleep past 8 on weekends, a sign that my body is on a real-person schedule). Long gone are the days of opting out of my responsibilities in favor of nursing a hangover and staying out late on weeknights. Instead, I am in bed by 10pm and hunched over a desk for 10 hours a day no matter how crappy I’m feeling.

Besides the paychecks I’ve been depositing for the past 3 years, I’ve taken away quite a few things from my time on the job. Namely, a few very important lessons (learned the hard way) of what is and is not acceptable in a professional environment.

You starting a new job soon? Keep these few things in mind: Read More »

If there’s one thing we all know (but often try to deny), it’s that college is basically it’s own little universe. It’s that beer-drinking, bar-hopping, Cliff Notes-reading, coffee-chugging “safe haven” between the comfort of your parent’s home and that place everybody calls “the real world.” And unfortunately, we all know that “real world” is much less exciting than MTV moguls would lead us to believe.

As a senior, I’ve finally realized one very important thing: College is awesome. And there’s quite a lot of sh*t you can get away with here that just isn’t gonna fly once you graduate. For example:

1. Mid day naps. Unless you decide to hightail your pretty bum down to Mexico or start your own company or something, midday siestas are generally not in the typical workin’ girl schedule. Oh, how I love the five hour breaks in between my classes.

2. Threesomes. Unless you want to end up like Charlotte in SATC, watching your dude getting’ frisky and feelin’ up some rando-girl while you stand awkwardly on the sidelines, I think threesomes are definitely better explored pre-graduation. I think almost everybody has at least one wild hookup story (that may or may not involve multiple partners) by the time they leave college. And that’s where those kind of explorations should probably stay. In college.

3. All nighters and Adderall binges. I’m pretty sure it’s not “adultlike” to stay up all night, downing cups of coffee and caffeine pills (or whatever your all-nighter drug of choice may be) to finish whatever crazy task your boss asks of you. Purple bruise-like bags under your eyes will never be sexy. Especially for an early morning meeting. Read More »

When I was in high school, my parents always told me that the only way I was ever going to do anything in life is if I went to college. NOT going wasn’t even discussed. You had to go to college if you wanted a job. If you wanted to work at McDonald’s or WalMart forever, then fine, you could skip out on college – but everyone knows (at least according to my parents back then) that working at WalMart wasn’t really a job as much as it was a sentence to the worst life ever.

Well, I went to college, and I even did my parents one better and went to graduate school. Armed with both a BA and MFA, I was certain I could pretty much get any job I applied for, and would get paid 35K at the minimum.

Ha. Ha. Ha. And I’m not alone. Not only have most of my friends with MFAs scrambled to find anything to pay the bills post graduation (working at Borders, in a file room…with freaking MFAs!!), but it seems like degrees in general are losing the battle to inflation.

According to this really long and slightly boring article from the Wall Street Journal, college degrees no longer carry a promise that you’ll immediately grab a job and get paid in awesome wages.

“What employers want from workers nowadays is more narrow, more abstract and less easily learned in college. Read More »

This past weekend was crazy. Well, for after-college-Lauren, that is. I went out both Friday and Saturday night and got D to the Runk (which makes drunk) both nights. My drink of choice: Rum and Diet, with a refreshing squeeze of lime. Not only delicious, but the perfect blend for a happy, fun, drunk Lauren.

Sunday morning, though, was not so great. I felt like sh*t. I crawled out of bed and right onto the couch where I spent a good portion of my day watching TV and playing online. Which only made me feel worse. It turns out that feeling like crap was only the beginning of my problems. My weekend bender had me drinking crap.

And, no, I am not referring to lovely and magical alcohol as crap. I am literally talking about poop. In my drink.

According to a study discussed in this article, the little lemon wedges that adorn the top of water/soda/alcohol cups is not quite as clean and refreshing as we once thought. In fact, of the 76 lemons tested, “a total of 25 different types of germs were found.”

Ew.

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