Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m graduating with a degree in nursing. Where should I move?

Ready to start life

Dear Ready to start life,

Wow. Well, that depends. I found this nifty little site: fabulousnurse.com. According to fabulousnurse.com, the best city for a nurse is Austin, TX, followed by San Antonio, TX and Salt Lake City, UT. Seems to based on a number of factors, including basic number of job openings and salary. I also found nursinglink.monster.com, which claims based on cash per hour, California and Hawaii are the top two. Um, I think I’m going with that one.

You’re obviously looking for an adventure, since you’re willing to relocate any flooping place based on your question. So open up your options by eliminating some, yes? First you need to think about what you’re going to do with that nursing degree. Do you want to work in a hospital? Or do you want to be a psychiatric nurse? Or a nurse educator? Or a school nurse? You can search that way and find really interesting jobs in other cities that you would never have found if you just searched “nurse.”

You could also be a travel nurse or disaster nurse and help by traveling to the people who need you most. Aunt Tuffy will worry about you, because it’s dangerous and scary, but I’m sure it’s also incredibly exciting and rewarding. On the other hand, you also have to think about other things. Like?

(1) Your family. Do you want to be close to them? Far from them? Make sure you know and consider it!!

(2) Starting your own family. Do you want to do that eventually? Think about the general time-line you’d like to set and pick your location based on how steady or not steady you might want to be.

(3) Do you like cities? Rural areas? Suburbs?

Girl, you need to visit some places. Take a roadtrip and figure out what the floop you like in a place. And then find a job and move there.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[Lead image via Supri Suharjoto / Shutterstock]

I come face to face with mistakes more than I’d like to admit.  In fact, they stalk my life worse than anything DJ Pauly D has ever encountered on The Shore. Today, I made the mistake of eating five chocolate dipped macaroons before going on an impromptu run outside. Let’s just say I haven’t felt a stomach cramp like that since, well, ever. And the other day,  I drank coffee after 3 P.M., unaware that I have the same internal workings as an 80-year-old woman.  I couldn’t fall asleep for days.  Not to mention, I had terrible heartburn.

But my mistakes don’t only involve internal bodily harm. The truth is, lately I’ve been behaving in weird, mysterious and dumb ways. I’ve partied on the occasional weekday. I went running back to a guy that didn’t deserve even the time it takes to bat an eyelash in his direction. I stopped working out because I thought eating less would make me happier.

Mistake, mistake, big (literally) mistake.

And while these self-inflicted issues continue to frolic my way, I always have that small glitter of reassurance. Reassurance in knowing that (even though I’ve learned the hard way), I’ll never do it again.  Hands on experiences and mistakes are always the best, right?  Once I learn the hard way, I learn. I learn to never make the same mistake twice. Right?

Wait, why is no one answering me?
Hello?
Bueller?
Am I right?!

I’m wrong.

And I’m not just talking about binge eating mini-macaroons before I go on a “run” around the block. As much as I’d like to believe it, Justin Bieber’s song, ‘One Time’ was NOT dedicated to the number of times I’d mess up. (It was also not dedicated to the amount of times I’d listen to Justin Bieber on repeat.) The hard truth is, I’m not an invincible superwoman that has the ability to make mistakes only once. Not at all.

Before I graduated and before I started messing up time and again, I thought I had them all figured out. I thought I’d learned my lessons. I’d had enough hung over Thursdays in college to know that drinking boxed wine at midnight on a Wednesday was not my best idea. And ever since I woke up one morning in college to a guy actually farting on my leg, I knew needed to screen potential suitors more seriously.

Yet here I am, a year later, making those same stupid mistakes again (well, the new guy isn’t farting on me, exactly, but he is acting like a piece of crap), and hating myself for it.

And it’s got to end.

Even though I am going down the wrong path yet again, I need to stop mentally beating myself up (“Why are you so stupid, Brittany? YOU ARE A COLLEGE GRAD!”) and realize that recycling mistakes might not be such a bad thing.

Remember that quote, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?”  Well, I hate it. And not just because George Bush botched it so badly in that one speech that one time. It’s just way too much pressure for one human being.  So what if I go back for more? Maybe I’m just double checking to make sure a previous mistake wasn’t going to be a future glorious experience. Maybe this time around things will be different.

We live in a society where making mistakes multiple times makes us look naive, stupid and insecure, but I’ve come to learn that it doesn’t need to be that way. I mean, I’m already fragile and emotional enough; I don’t need yet another thing to beat myself up about. At the end of the day, I am only human; there is no way I can waltz through life only messing up once.

If I did, what would I be missing out on?

If there’s one thing we all know (but often try to deny), it’s that college is basically it’s own little universe. It’s that beer-drinking, bar-hopping, Cliff Notes-reading, coffee-chugging “safe haven” between the comfort of your parents’ home and that place everybody calls “the real world.” And unfortunately, we all know that “real world” is much less exciting than MTV moguls would like us to believe.

As a senior, I’ve finally realized one very important thing: College is awesome. And there’s quite a lot of sh*t you can get away with here that just isn’t gonna fly once you graduate. For example:

1. Mid-day naps. Unless you decide to hightail your pretty bum down to Mexico or start your own company or something, mid-day siestas are generally not in the typical workin’ girl schedule. Oh, how I love the five hour breaks in between my classes.

2. Threesomes. Unless you want to end up like Charlotte in SATC, watching your dude getting’ frisky and feelin’ up some rando-girl while you stand awkwardly on the sidelines, I think threesomes are definitely better explored pre-graduation. I think almost everybody has at least one wild hookup story (that may or may not involve multiple partners) by the time they leave college. And that’s where those kind of explorations should probably stay. In college.

3. All nighters and Adderall binges. I’m pretty sure it’s not “adultlike” to stay up all night, downing cups of coffee and caffeine pills (or whatever your all-nighter drug of choice may be) to finish whatever crazy task your boss asks of you. Purple bruise-like bags under your eyes will never be sexy. Especially for an early morning meeting.

4. Pizza diets. Depending on where you live, life’s little luxuries, like one dollar slices on Monday nights, might not be at your disposal the way they are now. Nor should they be. You will be an adult and should be eating real food. Like steak or something.

5. The Uggs and North Face uniform. Or any variation, such as: Victoria’s Secret PINK collection from head-to-toe, matching college sweatshirts and sweatpants, etc. Real jobs require real clothes.

6. Tuesday bar hopping. I’ve already accepted that life is probably going to suck hardcore without one dollar cherry bombs on Tuesday night. I try to tell myself that I might be able to pull off being a member of the “Tuesday Crew” every once in awhile for the first few years after graduation. Or at least until I start to resemble my mother who gets a four day hangover after sipping half a glass of wine…spritzer.

7. Sleeping on random couches. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it. Quite a few times. …Without realizing it until the next morning. In the “real world,” I’m pretty sure people take stock of who is in their house when three a.m. rolls around. Maybe.

8. Meal plans. As much as college cafeteria food sucks, I think I’m really gonna miss late night mozzarella cheese stick feasts courtesy of Mom and Pops. In the “real world,” you can’t just go into some fancy sushi restaurant with your co-workers and hand the waiter your college ID and wave him off.

9. Making out with your best girl friends at bars and parties. In the “real world,” it’s no longer socially acceptable to grab your girlfriend’s face at the bar (..or you know, your company’s holiday party) and scream, “Let’s make out!” at the top of your lungs before proceeding to play tongue-tackle in front of a crowd. Unless you’re a total Debbie…as in, desperate. Or dumb.

10. Peeing in public places. In college, it’s normally (but not always!) kosher to pop a squat in the backyard at a party when the b-room runs of out T.P. In the “real world,” you’ll get arrested and labeled a sex offender before you can even empty your bladder.

11. Posting party photos on Facebook. This basically goes without saying. Once you graduate (hell, maybe we should all start this now?), don’t even THINK about posting that pic of you on the toilet throwing the peace sign. And, just to make sure you have all your bases covered, you’ll probably want to invest in an external hard drive so you can save all your old faves from undergrad and delete all incriminating photos off the internets forever.

Anything else you can think of that just can’t happen in the real world but is totally fine in college?

[This post is a favorite of CollegeCandy fan, Allyson...and it's one of our faves too!]

I don’t know who I want to succeed more, me or Justin Beiber.  The fact J-Beebs sold out Madison Square Garden at the ripe age of sixteen puts me in a really difficult position with my personal standards.  And the fact I’m comparing my life to a pre-pubescent child puts me in a really difficult position with my personal reputation.

All throughout my college life, I felt like I was being shoved into a giant, human cannon.  I was constantly finding ways to shove myself, my tasty thighs, my college-ego, my giant boobs, my reputation, my GPA, into a compact space.  That’s a lot of bullsh*t to squeeze inside something that is eventually going to catapult me into the real world unprepared.  Thanks a million, life cannon.

After being shot into the real world, I picked up a dirty habit. While being thrown into something I was totally unprepared for (ehem, hey real world!  It’s a pleasure!) it became nearly impossible to find any satisfaction in my life.  I was so overwhelmed with emotions and goals, I became an angry, judgmental girl. And who saw the brunt of all that negativity?

Me.

Lately, I have become increasingly hard on myself.  I never acquired this nasty habit while I was in college – I was completely self-involved with surviving day by day, enjoying every moment, and not giving a shitake mushroom about what people thought of my sexy time hair while I walked past church service on Sunday morning.  Did I just give a shitake mushroom shout-out in this post?

Regardless, since graduation I’ve been insanely hard on myself.  With everything.  Because I haven’t attained any life goals yet as I expected and hoped, I’ve had a hard-on for perfecting my every action, relationship, personal flaw and situation.  To top it off, I’ve been constantly trying to please everyone that is involved with my life; friends, family, co-workers…

A few of my girlfriends moved to Spain to teach for a year.  Although I know they will always love me, I never want to let them down by failing to communicate with them enough.  Since I’m not surrounded by my friends on campus, I pressure myself to communicate with them as much as (and probably more than) humanly possible. Still, I never feel like I’m doing enough and wake up in a cold sweat, afraid that they’re mad at me or have completely forgotten about me.

And that’s only the beginning…

I’m starting a new job and as yet another thing at which I want to excel, the thought of screwing up at all scares the pulp out of me.  I’m always nervous I’m going to trip, make a mistake or misjudge something.  I understand we all make mistakes but I can’t help thinking that during this point in my life I can’t make mistakes.  I can’t get it out of my head that even the smallest glitch in the process could screw up a friendship, a job, an opportunity…anything.  Somehow, I’m hard on myself because in order to please me, I have to please others or the goals others expect me to reach. Doesn’t that seem silly?  Why do I feel like I need to go through other outlets to find personal satisfaction?

In the whirlwind brain slosh that are my worries, I rip myself apart on a daily basis.  I have so many stress zits, and the skin on my fingernails looks like a battlefield.  I’m constantly holding my own personal evaluations, judging how well I’m doing.

I think the constant pressure to be perfect has something to do with being truly independent for the first time.  In college, I was surrounded by others.  Although I thought I was all on my own, I really had a collective group of people to help define who I was.  After college, I have myself and it’s up to me and me alone to make my now and my future happen.  That puts a lot of pressure on one young and ruthlessly determined human being.  I no longer have others to aid in accomplishing goals; I have my single self to worry about and that’s the scariest thing in the world.

I recently learned about the French tradition to celebrate what other people consider your flaws. They can be physical flaws, or even emotional flaws.  For example, if you’re short you should wear flats and embrace something others don’t necessarily view as beautiful.  When I do this and embrace my flaws, I no longer worry.  I no longer waste my time and emotional energy to consider what others think about my differences, constantly try to change them, or feel the relentless need to please others with my accomplishments and decisions.  I shouldn’t be afraid to have flaws or admit them;  they define who I am, not anyone else.

We learned this in grade school, peepsies. Take it from Alice and Wonderland:

“You cannot live life to please others, the choice must be yours; because when you step out to fight that creature, you will step out alone.”

On that note, when you’re finished reading this, run over to the nearest mirror you own (or pick up your iPhone…my personal mirror of choice) look at yourself and say this out loud: “You’re doing the best you can. Good job, b*tch!” Take it from me, if you do that often enough, eventually you’ll believe it. And that makes for a much more pleasant and stress-free existence.

Read more about the ups and downs of Brittany’s post-grad life and empathize with her here.

Get it out of your system now, ladies.

If there’s one thing we all know (but often try to deny), it’s that college is basically it’s own little universe. It’s that beer-drinking, bar-hopping, Cliff Notes-reading, coffee-chugging “safe haven” between the comfort of your parents’ home and that place everybody calls “the real world.” And unfortunately, we all know that “real world” is much less exciting than MTV moguls would like us to believe.

As a senior, I’ve finally realized one very important thing: College is awesome. And there’s quite a lot of sh*t you can get away with here that just isn’t gonna fly once you graduate. For example:

1. Mid-day naps. Unless you decide to hightail your pretty bum down to Mexico or start your own company or something, mid-day siestas are generally not in the typical workin’ girl schedule. Oh, how I love the five hour breaks in between my classes.

2. Threesomes. Unless you want to end up like Charlotte in SATC, watching your dude getting’ frisky and feelin’ up some rando-girl while you stand awkwardly on the sidelines, I think threesomes are definitely better explored pre-graduation. I think almost everybody has at least one wild hookup story (that may or may not involve multiple partners) by the time they leave college. And that’s where those kind of explorations should probably stay. In college.

3. All nighters and Adderall binges. I’m pretty sure it’s not “adultlike” to stay up all night, downing cups of coffee and caffeine pills (or whatever your all-nighter drug of choice may be) to finish whatever crazy task your boss asks of you. Purple bruise-like bags under your eyes will never be sexy. Especially for an early morning meeting.

4. Pizza diets. Depending on where you live, life’s little luxuries, like one dollar slices on Monday nights, might not be at your disposal the way they are now. Nor should they be. You will be an adult and should be eating real food. Like steak or something.

5. The Uggs and North Face uniform. Or any variation, such as: Victoria’s Secret PINK collection from head-to-toe, matching college sweatshirts and sweatpants, etc. Real jobs require real clothes.

6. Tuesday bar hopping. I’ve already accepted that life is probably going to suck hardcore without one dollar cherry bombs on Tuesday night. I try to tell myself that I might be able to pull off being a member of the “Tuesday Crew” every once in awhile for the first few years after graduation. Or at least until I start to resemble my mother who gets a four day hangover after sipping half a glass of wine…spritzer.

7. Sleeping on random couches. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it. Quite a few times. …Without realizing it until the next morning. In the “real world,” I’m pretty sure people take stock of who is in their house when three a.m. rolls around. Maybe.

8. Meal plans. As much as college cafeteria food sucks, I think I’m really gonna miss late night mozzarella cheese stick feasts courtesy of Mom and Pops. In the “real world,” you can’t just go into some fancy sushi restaurant with your co-workers and hand the waiter your college ID and wave him off.

9. Making out with your best girl friends at bars and parties. In the “real world,” it’s no longer socially acceptable to grab your girlfriend’s face at the bar (..or you know, your company’s holiday party) and scream, “Let’s make out!” at the top of your lungs before proceeding to play tongue-tackle in front of a crowd. Unless you’re a total Debbie…as in, desperate. Or dumb.

10. Peeing in public places. In college, it’s normally (but not always!) kosher to pop a squat in the backyard at a party when the b-room runs of out T.P. In the “real world,” you’ll get arrested and labeled a sex offender before you can even empty your bladder.

11. Posting party photos on Facebook. This basically goes without saying. Once you graduate (hell, maybe we should all start this now?), don’t even THINK about posting that pic of you on the toilet throwing the peace sign. And, just to make sure you have all your bases covered, you’ll probably want to invest in an external hard drive so you can save all your old faves from undergrad and delete all incriminating photos off the internets forever.

Anything else you can think of that just can’t happen in the real world but is totally fine in college?

[This story was originally posted by Erica - Kent State University.]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

I have a strong belief that this column is about being extremely honest – even if my reputation as a stable human being is on the line. So, you wanna hear a depressing story? (Note: I think the following confession may have something to do with having to listen to Fergie squak for a ten-minute halftime show on Sunday.)

I woke up this morning at a ripe 6AM to put on my face and go to work. I felt like someone had poked me in between the eyes with a two-by-four and sat on my face the entire night.  I really need to stop assuming I’ll have the energy of a type A spider monkey after going to bed at 12AM.

Anyways, I slowly slithered into the shower, let the beads of hot water run down my face and….cried. I started crying in the shower. Good. Lord. (And no, that’s not me in the pic. I didn’t invite someone in to take pictures of this most lowest of lows.)

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not depressed. Although it may seem that way since I was crying in the shower on a Monday morning, it’s nothing like that. I’m very happy with my life. I’m a very lucky person and to top it off, I’m young and have great hair.

So, where is the crying on command coming from, you ask? Allow me to put on my fake doctor hat for a moment and do a little self-diagnosis. What I have is ‘Why-am-I-Here?’ syndrome, a post-grad condition that starts with a waiting game and ends with a waste of time.

I believe ‘the syndrome’ happens to all of us (at least I hope it does for the sake of my well-being). I constantly put myself in a place where I need to know that what I am currently doing is correct. I need to know that I am in the right place, on the right path, not wasting any time. And all the while, I’m anxiously waiting for that next big thing.

In high school, it was deciding which college was going to help define me. In college, it was deciding which occupation was going to make me happy and fulfilled.  But suddenly as a post-grad, a freakish hole in the system exposes itself.  Suddenly, once school and occupation have been discovered, I’m left evaluating these choices.  Did I do the right thing?  Is this what I’m suppose to be doing with my life?  What if I did this instead?  What if I could do something else?

Options, which seemed so wonderful before, have become the enemy.  There are so many things I can do with my life and the sensory overload makes my feel somewhat alone.  Isn’t that crazy?  How, when I am finally bombarded with choices galore, do I only see the opportunity to make the wrong one?

I moved out of my parents’ house, I got myself a job that I authentically enjoy, and I can’t help wondering if I’m doing the right thing.  I’m constantly questioning myself and constantly waiting to become a person I ideally want to be.  In my head, I’m always a few steps behind of where I imagined I’d be at this point in my life.  I’m constantly questioning myself and wondering if I want something different now, something that’s easier to attain so I can fulfill my goal quicker and find that content version of myself I’ve always craved.

The most frustrating part is that I seem to be waiting to become some ideal, unrealistic version of myself.  I ask, ask, ask, ask ‘what am I doing here?‘  I wait to become, smarter, more organized, thinner, more successful…and all the while, I’m sitting in my shower alone.  Crying into my shower head.  Doing absolutely nothing about it.

I’ve come up with a mind medication (if you will) for my ‘why-am-I-here’ syndrome diagnosis.

In the end, (not to sound like a sappy mess) it is all about the moment.  Rest assured if I focus on that, I will remain happy.  I waste so much time worrying about who, where, and what I’m supposed to be.  And most of the time, it’s for other people – not even myself.  If I focused on the moment at hand and didn’t let moments flash by unnoticed, I think I would be a lot more content.

As a post-grad, I want to stop wishing moments away solely because I want my ‘waiting game’ to end.  Why do I think that who I am will be defined by others on someone else’s clock? Why can’t who I am be who I am right now? I’m ready to stop waiting and asking.  I’m ready to stop letting time pass in order to answer some stupid question.  And most importantly, I’m ready to let my post-grad life truly begin.

See what else Brittany’s been dealing with since graduation right here.

[Life after college is different for every single grad. While some might be going to grad school, others enter the real world in attempts to make their dreams come true pay off their student loans. We've been following Charlsie on her post-grad journey since September, but now it's time to check see what someone else's post-grad life brings. (But don't worry - Charlsie will still be writing!) So ladies, allow me to introduce you to Brittany and her tumultuous life after college.]

I’m having a pre-mid-life crisis.

And I can’t even buy a red Corvette and put the top down and drive to my Beverly Hills condo in complete dismay.  I can’t go to a nice cocktail bar and cheat on my fat, hairy husband.  I can’t even obtain a sugar daddy to buy me a bangin’ new set of tits. All I can do is attack my Netflix, fall back on an old high school flame, and stare at my empty PayPal account.

Twenty-somethings are not supposed to feel the way I do.

I feel like I’m at an AA group to talk about my feelings, but here it is, as honest as I can be.  I graduated a decade nine months ago.  In Hollywood years, that’s about five.  I could have popped out a set of twins with Charlie Sheen by now, or at least put myself on Teen Mom and physically abused my crack head baby daddy.

But, no.  In the past nine months of post-grad life, I’ve had five internships, lots of hot dogs (the only thing I can afford/enjoy at the same time) and many tweaked out conversations with my mother (i.e. “AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING WITH MY LIFE!??).

While I search for a glamorous job, a spicy love life, and a easy breezy life on my own, I’m constantly motorboated by reality.  And I’m suffocating.  Although I know everyone my age is rowing the same (sinking) boat, I feel like I’m completely alone.  This is the most melodramatic I’ve been in my entire life.  I don’t even remember being this ridiculous when I got my period for the first time.

After I graduated, I lived at my parents’ house for six months.  Like I said, six months in Hollywood I could have made a sex tape or texted Brett Favre. But no, six months at home while I finished my fourth internship and perfected a lagging four months of unemployment made me feel as useless as a submarine with screen portholes.

In a triumphant attempt to get another job, I landed myself another internship in January.  For being a double major graduate from a prestigious private school (that I’ll be paying for until I’m as old as Betty White) I expected a little more out of my future. Now I’m just praying for something. Anything.

I decided that while I wasn’t making my dreams come true, the least I could do was get a change of scenery so I moved out of my parents and in with some friends. And so my mid-life crisis began.  After living away from home for a month I’ve never felt so over-worked, under-appreciated and tired in my life. I’ve become addicted to high end fashion blogs and I can’t afford anything.  I want to write my own book someday, but the time and money required to do so just don’t exist.  While I don’t have time to stress out about my future, I find stress in weird and frequent circumstances. I cried when they didn’t have the hot dog buns I like at the grocery store last week.

Regardless, I’m excited to share this journey with all of the lovely CollegeCandy readers. Mostly because while I feel inhuman this way, I know I’m not the only one.  It’s easy to feel undefined, confused and incompetent at this age.  But I know I’m not alone.  While I understand the post-grad life is just a frustrating phase, I can live with knowing it’s a flexible one.  And as stubborn as I may be, I refuse to not take a lesson away from all of it.

As I navigate my life after college, I have the power to define who I am without any help from anyone else.  That alone, beats one day in Hollywood.

Cheers to being a post grad, and here’s to the journey.

College introduced me to my best friends (who ended up not being my best friends senior year, but oh well), girls that compulsively wore Uggs and North Face jackets to class, stereotypes unknown in high school (hello frat boys), frenemes, coffee buddies, and classroom peers, and a few boys I wish I never met. Being in a university setting provides students with an ongoing fodder of new people – all from different walks of life. And through these chance meetings, you will meet someone (or many ones) that will truly impact your life.

I certainly did. Looking back on the last four years of my life, a lot of specific friends stick with me, along with a few classes and certain professors. However, one person truly means the most to me and that is my boyfriend of over two years. We met our first year of college (and couldn’t stand each other…), but near the end of our sophomore year, we both realized something was there. From that point on, we were inseparable.

Until now. Now, we’re in a long distance relationship (me in California, him in St. Louis, MO). I never thought I would be one of those long distance kinda girls, but with him, I’d rather be in a long distance relationship than to not have him in my life. Not only is he my best friend, but he truly is the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. But I’m not going to lie – it’s hard going from being so close to each other to being so far apart (we’re nearly two thousand miles away from each other).

While I’m happy to be able to talk to him on the phone and on Skype (and to visit him as much as I can), I realize how special that time in college was. It was so much easier back then. And that goes across the board with all kinds of relationships whether they are romantic or not. I know I’m not the only one struggling with this. College couples are dispersed across the United States, along with college best friends, roommates, and party buddies. I read the status updates all the time ,“Wishing I was in Denver with my boyfriend,” and Twitter updates, “Drinking …wish my college girls were with me.” All of those college relationships that become so much a piece of us are for the most part changed upon graduation. We all throw our cap and gowns, and then it’s like “bye” – sometimes forever.

And I think this is just one of those things that makes being a new post-grad all the more difficult. We’re moving on from college, and in this most difficult transition the people who mean the most to us aren’t here with us. And we need them. So, not only are we adjusting to not having those special people around us, but we are adjusting to everything else – on our own. Sometimes it feels lonely and scary, and sometimes it feels bittersweet. Regardless though, it never makes you stop missing the people you spent the last four years or so with.

I know I’m not the only one feeling this loss so, I’m wondering … how are you keeping in touch with your boyfriends (or maybe even your ex-boyfriends), your best friends, your sorority sisters, your lab partner from sophomore year, and anyone else that means the world to you? What are you doing to make it work? To feel a little more connected?

But which home is home?

We’ve been following Charlsie, a 2010 grad, on her journey through the post-grad life, from the big move to the big job hunt to the major “Is this real life?!” moments. And now, with fall in full swing, she’s got something else weighing on her mind.

Whether we want to believe it or not, the holidays are approaching. I know, it feels like summer just started – even though it really just ended – but the reality is that temperatures are dropping, leaves are starting to change, and before we know it, it’ll be time for turkey, presents, and busy shopping malls. Like many people, I’m left with the question of where to spend the holidays at.

In college, it was so black and white. For the holidays, I made the seven hour drive home to my mom’s for Thanksgiving break and winter break. My dad isn’t a big fan of celebrating the holidays, so whether he spent the season with my sister and me or not – it didn’t matter to him either way. So, when the holidays started to come up in discussion with my family, I immediately figured I’d go home to Atlanta.

But I can’t help but feel like I’m leaving someone else behind, no matter what kind of holiday location choice I make. And since plane tickets nearly cost an arm and a legs these days, it makes things even more complicated. Really, it seems impossible to please everyone.

For example, my boyfriend and his family have invited me to go skiing with them in Colorado for the holiday (I have never gone skiing before, this could be disastrous). As much as I want to, I don’t have the money for a plane ticket, ski rentals, and all other miscellaneous costs. It broke my heart having to say no, but at the same time, it would have broken my heart to not spend the holidays with my family. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

It feels like no matter what I pick though, I’m screwing someone over. If I’m not with my boyfriend (who I rarely get to see – long distance relationship, thank you for that), I worry about when we’ll see each other next. When I’m with my mom and sister, I worry about not being with my dad. When I’m out here in California, I worry about Keeping Up With the Kardashians (and discussing every detail with my sister).

Right now, I know I’m going to see my mom for Christmas, but I have no clue as to what I’m doing for Thanksgiving. Should I stay here with my dad? Should I head to my grandparents’ place for a few days? Should I meet my boyfriend in St. Louis? Should I just book myself a plane ticket and head to Cancun with a bottle of tequila and forget it all?

But seriously, I feel like this is on the beginning of my “Where do I go for the holidays?” future. You see it all the time in movies and on TV, couples trying to decide where to spend the holidays. People being split up amongst their divorced, dysfunctional parents. Families debating on whether to go to grandma in Tennessee’s house or grandma in Iowa’s house. Yikes. Decisions, decisions – just another thing to look forward to as I get older.

One thing is certain, though. Just because I’m a post-grad doesn’t mean I can avoid the hustle and bustle and shopping of the holiday season. No one can. Not even in October.

Graduation feels like it was yesterday so I couldn’t believe my eyes when I received an e-mail from my alma mater’s class reporter. For the first time, the class reporter wasn’t requesting class donations (thank goodness – nothing makes me more irritated than being asked to donate a couple hundred bucks when I have a couple thousand bucks worth of student loans to think about). Instead, she was asking for the class of 2010’s first official alumnae updates for the next alumnae magazine!

Updates? UPDATES? We have been out of school for, what, a hot second and you want updates? About JOBS AND MARRIAGES?! Do people even get jobs married straight of college anymore? Seriously. It’s been 6 freaking months!

After going through the e-mail (and breathing into a brown paper bag), I couldn’t help but think of the classic 1997 girl-comedy, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. Although the girls attend their 10 year high school reunion (not just send in an update), they go to any means necessary to appear fabulous and accomplished – even making up a story about inventing Post-Its. While Romy and Michelle didn’t have too much to show after ten years out of high school, they were determined to appear like they have made something of themselves – even though the majority of their classmates were just like them and had nothing to report back either.

I totally feel for Romy and Michelle now.

There is just so much pressure on all of us to report something back. But really, what is there to say when graduation took place in May? Who wants to write that after graduating from college with honors they are working part-time at the local grocery store and paying off student loans, while they look for a “real” job? Who wants to report that they are living in their parents’ basement because, despite applying to 10 jobs a day, they can’t find anything? That their only accomplishments are watching How I Met Your Mother seasons 1-4 and the complete series of Dawson’s Creek?

No one, that’s who.

While I know the majority of my classmates (and the entire class of 2010) are in the same post-grad boat as me, I also know that human beings by nature are always in competition with each other; always wanting to be the best and get there the fastest. And this update request proves it. I know some people genuinely want to know what everyone is up to, but I think deep down, people want an update to see where they stand. To validate their post-grad lives.

And I refuse to give them that validation. The truth is, I may not have invented Post-Its and I may not even have a real, paying job, but it doesn’t mean anything…especially only six months out. Everyone has a different post-grad journey and what I’m doing now is not a sign of my abilities or success.