Ahhhh, the first episode of the season and it’s already chock full of goodies! We may not love the new judge (she’s acting all too-cool-for-school already), but last night’s episode did not disappoint.

Between that guy who was so nervous he almost passed out and you couldn’t understand a word he was singing to the bikini girl who is now all over the internet and probably loving her 15 minutes, the two-hour season premier went by way too fast. Thank God it’s on again tonight!

We usually can’t devote two straight hours to anything (class, working out….) but American Idol continues to draw us in with it’s perfect mix of talent and um, the other people. Here are a few of our faves from last night’s episode:

The Hobbit-y Dude:

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My finals are done – Organic Chem is still boring – but all just in time for Reality Show Finale time!!!

Ironically, American Idol and its cast of sellouts have been the king of their timeslot for a long time. They have been unbeatable! Alas, last night my future husband, Apolo Ono smacked down Simon Cowell, drunk Paula and the “Dog Pound” guy. Apolo beat out N-SYNC Joey, with the help of that horrifically cute and flexible blonde (damn her).

American Idol, on the other hand, was quasi-painful. I know it has made them a lot of money, but it is way TOO formulaic.

Singer sings with various arm movements and “riffing,” maybe a stroll through the audience. Singer finishes. Ryan pretends he is straight. Randy “shouts out” to his “dog pound” while “keeping it real.” Paula has a swig of whatever is in her Coke cup while kissing the singer’s ass. Simon, clad in white or black t-shirt, is honest and blunt amid a shower of boos. Back to Ryan, playing it straight. Read More »

While it seems that everyone is getting tired of American Idol (including myself—thank God it’s almost over), no one seems to get bored with Paula Abdul doing stupid stuff. Which is good because—let’s face it—everything she does is a little silly.

In latest Paula news, she has tripped “trying to avoid stepping on her Chihuahua” and broken her nose. It’s a fairly plausible story. Except that we all know Paula has a lot more than Coke in those big glasses on the judges table. I used to fall over a lot, I’m not gonna lie. And I used to blame my shoes, or all those damn cobblestones in Paris (seriously, they’re perilous), but in truth it was the mass quantity of whiskey I had consumed. I don’t drink whiskey anymore cause it makes me a little crazy. And I have managed to stay on my feet better. So… I think Paula took a drunken nose dive, and is thanking God she has a dog to blame.

If you need even more confirmation that Ms. Abdul likes to wet her palette, check out this clip. Read More »