The part I’m least excited about (besides having to turn off my CrackBerry until the flight attendants tell me I can turn it back on) is leaving David behind. Alas, he doesn’t get to accompany me on my awesome trip (it’s for business) and all week I’ve been getting ready to leave him all on his own for 5 whole days.

As he’ been so lovingly, gently reminding me all week, he is in fact a full grown man capable of taking care of himself. He did it for 20 years before he met me, and according to him he’s still got the hang of that. While I do realize that he’ll be fine while I’m gone, after living with him and taking care of our home (and his dirty laundry…) I can’t help but think (OK, hope) he’ll feel just a teeny bit lost whilst I’m gone.

After all, this will help him come to the realization that I’m totally indispensable, which has been my master plan all along. But, I don’t want to leave him high and dry, so I did fully stock our freezer full of a weekend’s worth of man-food (aka microwaveable and artery clogging). And I am leaving him a “HoneyDew” list, both because I freaking love the name of it and because it’s got all kinds of unpleasant things I’d rather not deal with on it. Hopefully, I’ll come home to a clean home with new air conditioner filters, a newly installed printer and no more laundry to do.

In all actuality though, David will be totally fine without me (and probably won’t get much on that list done). I’m seeing a lot of ESPN, absence of pants, farting, Bud Light and PS3 Bro extravaganzas in his future. So while he’s bummed he can’t go on an awesome trip, I’m pretty sure he’s looking forward to turning our house into a giant man cave for 5 days.

But seriously, when did I get so protective of him? I’m not his mother, and last semester I had to fly to a different conference or leadership convention every other weekend. I guess living with him has made me a little bit crazy, but it definitely feels weird to worry (just a smidge) about leaving him on his own for such a short amount of time. Whaddya think? Am I insane for being anxious about leaving him? Or do you know what I’m talking about?

Some childhood trends do NOT need a movie.

Lady Gaga must be cold…

Whoa there, Halle Barry!

We heart fab and cheap sunglasses.

Wow, our government is really stupid.

(Frustrated girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Who is this person? This ‘giant-nasty-rotting-vagina’ person? Wrote the thing about the giant Husky penis?

(Girl and guy, at the dining hall.)

Guy: This fish is weird. It’s like salmon, but it’s not quite there. I don’t like it.

Girl: Did you eat the skin?

Guy: Uh. Oh. Yup.

(Girl on the phone.)

Girl: I can’t get on that plane! I hate planes! I’m always afraid they’re gonna commit ritual suicide or something!

(Girl reading a paper.)

Girl: I think the world is ending. We all stopped smoking [weed], and suddenly we’re comedians.

(Guy, being snarky.)

Guy: Changing the laws of physics isn’t something you just do. It’s something I just do.

(Two guys in the hallway. One has a snazzy jacket.)

Guy 1: I like it. You look like a really… cool, gay English professor.

Guy 2: Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Well, the gay part, at least.

(Angry girl.)

Girl: The state is paying to put giant boobs on my campus!

(Two guys on a bench outside.)

Guy: They’d all say, oh, that’s horrible. Then they go jerk off. Pretty much the human response to every problem.

(Two guys standing near a crosswalk.)

Guy 1: I bet these crosswalks are, like, big video games for drivers.

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: Like Frogger.

Guy 2: I guess I was thinking like Mortal Kombat. Or Doom.

(Girls talking between rows of desks.)

Girl 1: I’m gonna get so fat on Easter.

Girl 2: Yeah, my weight loss plan goes sex, sex, sex, green beans, sex, sex.

(Guy and girl, yelling at each other.)

Guy: I’m getting my ass kicked by zombies and you’re just sitting there! What do I pay you for? Stop jerking off and help me!

(Boy, regretful, with coffee.)

Boy: I hate what the Internet’s done to me. If anyone ever asks what I’m listening to, I have to say “a Mega Man rock opera I found on YouTube.”

Fall Break may be over, but those few glorious weeks of winter vacation are so, so tantalizingly close. And while it’s nice to hang out with your family for a little while, let me guess—you want to get away. Far, far away. Preferably somewhere closer to the equator.

Am I right? Yeah, OK.

Even if a vacation isn’t in the cards right now, odds are you’ll be planning some kind of trip in the future. And at first doing all that planning by yourself (or even splitting it up with friends) can seem overwhelming. There are so many logistics to handle… booking, scheduling, packing, etc.

So why do it yourself? Let me help!

1. Booking. If you’re traveling by car or bus or train (or hitchhiking), you can count on prices for gas or tickets to stay nearly constant. Look out for special student deals or travel packages, but you shouldn’t otherwise have to worry about fluctuating fees. If you’re going by air, though, make friends with FareCast, a sweet site that compiles data on changing air prices and will make predictions for you about when are the best times to buy. And triple-check your arrival and departure dates to make SURE you don’t double-book yourself with any other activities.

2. Scheduling. Personality plays into this to a certain degree. Do you like to go with the flow and take things as they come, or are you the type of person who needs to have every hour of your trip planned out? (Hint: If you’re 100% one or the other, don’t travel with someone who’s the opposite.) Even if you’re a more casual traveler, there are still a few things you really should plan in advance of getting your tickets:

- Accommodations. It will suck if you have to spend the night in a park because your friends in the destination city are all on vacation as well and you don’t have enough cash for a hotel.

- Logistics. How are you going to get to and from the airport/station? Do you have a map? Will you need to rent a car? About how expensive is the place you’re going?

- Emergency. If you get lost, who can you call for help? If a sketchy guy starts to follow you around and tries to strike up a looong conversation, do you know someone nearby who can bail you out if needed? If your wallet gets stolen, do you have a backup form of currency?

3. Packing. There are many things you can go without, so try to stay light—you’ll be happy you did. But don’t forget clothes. Plan your outfits so you don’t overpack, and try to reuse key items. Remember the underwear and bras. Pack pads or tampons if you might need them. And medications. And SHOES. No matter where you’re going, pack at least one very comfortable pair. Even if you think you know the weather ahead of time, include one outfit for cooler weather and one outfit for warmer weather. Bring snacks, too. Finally, don’t rely on your cell phone. Make a paper list (yes, paper) of all the numbers in your address book. That way, you can still get out of a tough situation if you happen to lose your phone.

These tips should get you through the planning stages and get you onto that plane to paradise.

From all of us at CC, happy travels!

[Image courtesy of travelindiasmart.com.]

Creepy Adult Excitement Over High School Musical 3.

All the reviews are positive. Everyone’s raving over it. And grown ass women are holding in depth discussions about Zac Efron’s facial hair (or lack thereof). I understand that the kids who fell in love with HSM 3 years ago have gotten older and that the movie is “growing up” to cater to them, but that’s the point: Disney made it for seniors in high school—not the hosts of the Daily 10, not for my mom (who has already purchased tickets in advance) and not for me (although I do love me some Corbin Bleu).

The bottom line is that this movie is about high school, so high schooler’s should be the ones counting the days until its release. When Disney can find a way to wholesomely portray coed life while incorporating schnazzy dance numbers with synchronized keg stands, I’ll be the first one at the box office.

Yet Another Reason to Hate Flying.

As if there weren’t enough things to worry about when hurtling through the air in a giant chunk of metal with no easy access to (or knowledge of how to operate) a parachute, I now need to prepare for incidents that could occur pre-takeoff. In Chicago, a plane collided with a pickup truck on the runway. I think it’s safe to say that the truck driver is slightly more responsible in this situation. I mean, A) how did you miss the enormous freaking AIRPLANE blocking your path, and b) WHY were you in a pickup truck on the tarmac? This just makes no sense to me, but as bad as a backseat driver (and passenger) as I was before, you better believe I’ll be second guessing a smooth takeoff the next time I board a plane.

The economy f*cking every. single. industry.

So far I’ve come through this recession/crisis/Armageddon unscathed. Luckily, I really haven’t been hurting in any obvious ways (not that I had much money to lose, or many expenses that would take a toll on my poor college lifestyle). But I finally am starting to worry: TV has been affected. I mean, the industry is pretty resilient; they even survived running shows without anyone to write them, but the news has been announced that NBC is trimming the fat--$5 million worth of fat. Jeff Zucker, CEO, is looking for ways to cut staff and other expenses. All I know is that I need me some quality NBC sitcom to lift me out of my monetary funk…and if anything happens to The Office all hell will break loose.

John Mccain’s Apparent State of Delusion.

So, despite the fact that Obama is OWNING Mccain in the race for the white house thus far, Johnnie still thinks that “things are headed [his] way.” Really? What things might you be speaking of? A landslide loss in an historical election? A sad realization that you were simply a filler candidate for the Republican party? A HUGE increase in your taxes once your opponent is elected? Because, yeah, I can see those things headed in your direction. Maybe that SNL skit revolving around your imaginary BFF, Joe the Plumber, is spot on regarding your mental stability…

Haters.

No one likes a hata. Especially when said hata is hatin’ on someone for a ridic reason….which is most of the time. Specifically this week, though, those hatin’ on women for their body type or size is particularly whack. When the tabs aren’t blowing up bikini pics of pregnant women to circle their cellulite, they’re hurling accusations of eating disorders at stars they deem too thin. Seriously? It’s kind of common decency not to criticize real women who are “too fat,” but at what point did it become okay to label anyone under 115 lbs as anorexic? Celebs are living, breathing human beings. Yes, it is part of their job to stay in good shape (and they get paid enough to afford those pricey trainers and nutritionists), but it’s social responsibility to discontinue the degrading and emotionally scarring descriptions that are printed about famous women. Set a positive example for the way that real women are portrayed and talked about.

Whew! Venting makes me feel much better. Now it’s your turn… 

Unfortunately, my life is not very conducive to being hungover, and forces me to inevitably be anywhere but in bed on those days when I swear off drinking for good. If you’ve ever been hungover, chances are you’ve been forced to be somewhere you absolutely did not want to be at the time. I present the short list of the worst places to be while hungover.

5. Class. Ahh college. It offers us so much freedom, so much responsibility (or the option to exercise irresponsibility)! It even allows us to go out and drink on a weeknight. The consequences of this option can be felt the morning after that party that e-v-e-r-yone went to. You promised yourself you wouldn’t drink, you would just go to say hi and then get your scholastic tush home to get some shut eye for your 9 am. But alas, that cute baseball player from econ offered you a Solo of Natty and you just couldn’t refuse. Then came the beer pong tournament, the Vodka Slide race and finally, the sudden death round of Ring of Fire. Fast forward to this morning, drearily listening to your professor lecture while simultaneously cursing yourself and evaluating the quickest escape route should a wave of nausea hit. You are never drinking again! Oh wait–it’s ladies night and 2-4-1 at your favorite bar…

4. Work. This varies in degrees of miserable-ness depending on what you do. I work with children. For me, a day hungover at work (not something I’ve ever experienced or ever hope to) would consist of screaming and crying until snack time, Barney Live, Dora the Explorer and Thomas the Train episodes in rapid succession, then a very much needed nap time. I don’t even know what the kids would be doing that whole time though; they’re so on their own. If you are lucky enough to have a desk job, just zone out whilst typing. If you are unlucky enough to be a roller coaster ride tester, I suggest you avoid the weeknight festivities.

3. A Sporting Event. Being a hungover spectator is no fun; being a hungover participant is downright unbearable. If the game is an ESPN-worthy rivalry match between State U and U State, you can count on being drunk-over (resulting from last night’s massive block party induced-hangover combined with hours of painstaking tailgating). If the game is against your IM rival and you are the team’s star player, you can count on a lot of disappointed fans and angry, unforgiving teammates. Couple this with the way your body will feel after rigorous exercise, and you’ll think twice about ever going out the night before a game again.

2. Your Place of Worship. Be it synogogue, temple, mosque or church (Atheists and Agnostics, be glad this is something you need not worry about) sitting or kneeling for hours upon hours (at least it feels that way), surrounded by those attempting to absorb God’s love is not somewhere you want to be the morning after a hard night of drinking. Not only are you paranoid that the adorable child to your right can smell the tequila oozing from your pores, you’re pretty certain the little old lady to your left is privately condemning you. Of course, today’s topic of discussion will be on the evils of gluttony and drinking, leaving you to shrink into your seat, hope the sermon is not directed at you and pray the big guy (or guys, girls, etc.) upstairs is not about to smite you.

1. In Any Kind of Moving Vehicle. Obviously, this location takes the cake. It doesn’t matter if you wear your biggest, darkest sunglasses. It won’t make a difference if you lay down in the back seat or close your eyes (which I do not recommend if you are the driver). This is not something that gallons of water and any amount of carbohydratyes can cure. Your inner ear is sensing movement and it is going to punish you severely for it. Maybe you’re just running a few errands after a late night. Or perhaps you’ve just woken up after celebrating a week’s worth of studying for/acing all of your finals and are now embarking on the 9 hour drive home. Whatever your endpoint, the moment you buckle yourself into any car, van, bus, train, airplane, or– heaven forbid– boat, you will instantly regret it. All you can do now is sit next to a window or within proximity of a toilet and will yourself to your final destination.

[Thank you to the hungover girl above and Flickr.com for that hot shot]

There are so many things wrong with this.

First of all, why are nipple rings setting off the alarm? I understand that the TSA has to be thorough (and I’m glad they are, even if they always put my very semitic father in the terrorist box before boarding a plane…but that’s another issue), but my understanding of this is that they are sensitive to people having metal on or in their bodies than cannot be removed. Yes, a nipple ring is a superfluous example, but there are lots of people who had surgeries that caused their cyborgness. And they have to take planes too.

My next issue with this is that they actually made her remove it. In the airport. WITH PLIARS. So completely dangerous to this woman’s health. Removing piercings in an unsanitary place is just asking for trouble, and a nipple piercing where the skin might have grown around the piercing? It makes me squeamish just thinking about it.

And the humilation! Oh my God. Why did they need her to do such a humiliating thing in public? And according to the article, like the jerkoffs that they are, the male agents who made her do this in the first place were laughing at her. These are people who are supposed to be maintaining public safety. It sounds like they’re more interested in being sadistic assholes.

I hope she sues their asses off.

And I hope her new nipple piercings aren’t too painful.

You’re a college student (or a big fan of college-related material if you’ve found yourself reading this).To many, “college student” is synonymous with “too busy and too broke.” Even if you’re a part-time student/full-time worker it’s assumed that you’re a slacker. So instead of slacking off on ultra-cool college websites (…) how about you get off your ass and start preparing for your trip home?

Oh, you need help? Sigh…OK.

Just sit back and let CollegeCandy do the dirty work of providing simple-yet-important travel tips while you reap the benefits.

Book your flight early

It’s surprising how many people don’t follow this all-important rule. Call it being a member of the A.D.D. Generation or being too busy with schoolwork, but there’s no excuse when purchasing a ticket home is just a click away.

It’s early November – are you planning on heading home to see your family? Let’s hope you’ve already bought your ticket: holiday season is by far the most booked-up time to travel in the year. If you haven’t yet come back to this article (it’s not going anywhere) and book your flight at Orbitz, Expedia or Priceline immediately. Be sure to avoid spending ungodly amounts of time looking for the absolute cheapest rate: too much time browsing will equal too much money spent if you don’t act quick.

Pack the majority of your luggage ASAP

You know who you are – and by “you” I mean everybody. Nobody likes to pack for a week’s stay at grandma’s. Stop your sniveling and get it over with. Start packing whatever clothes, electronics and doodads as soon as you book your flight. If your suitcase is out in the open, waiting to be fully packed, you’ll be more likely to…you know…finish packing. Wait until the last minute and you are almost guaranteed to forget something.

Charge every electronic device (at least) a day ahead of time

Nothing is worse than boarding your flight, Nintendo DS in hand, ready to spend the brunt of your time in the air playing when blam – the unit shuts off. You forgot to charge it, didn’t you? Didn’t you??

All you had to do is charge it…but you didn’t. You were too busy doing nothing. Great job, kiddo: now you must rub shoulders with the annoying passenger next to you with nothing but time and boring conversation on your hands. To make matters worse your phone is dead, making an easy pickup at the airport a bigger task for your older brother who loathed picking you up to begin with. Now the trip back to mom’s is over an hour off schedule and tainted by your lack of organization.

Morale of the story: charge your electronics ahead of time. And pack a book and/or magazine as an alternative source of entertainment.

Pack a portable pillow for the flight

This one’s a given: pack a comfortable-yet-convenient pillow for the plane trip. You’ll be the envy of all uncomfortable passengers.

Bring home trinkets for the entire family

Don’t be an a**hole: your family hasn’t seen you in a while and any worthless trinket from your college will mean the world to them. An XL sweatshirt bearing your college’s name, bumper stickers, lame-o coffee mugs – however typical they may be it’s the thought that counts.

A trip home can either be a bore or a welcome change of pace, all depending. At the very least eat some non-processed food and catch up on sleep…enjoy both while you can!