Even Kim Kardashian is subjected to an airport grope sesh.

How many times have you experienced the following? You wait in line, you take your off shoes, coat and jewelry. Prance through the metal detector and then proceed to get a pat down.

If you have to fly to school, then probably dozens.

A combination of pat downs and full body scanners have gotten people in a serious tizzy. It seems everyone from students to celebrities like Khloe Kardashian have complained. The reality star even went as far as describing airport security as “being raped in public.”  I’d personally rather get pat down a bit aggressively than have to worry about non-thorough security, but the jury as a whole is really out on this one.

I thought the fuss had all died down and then I read this. Turns out a woman, unhappy with the security procedures, was hoping to give the TSA attendant a little taste of their own medicine. After grabbing the agent’s breast  she was charged with sexual assault. Yes, she deserved a punishment as grabbing someone’s boobs is totally not cool and pretty offensive, but it got me thinking nonetheless…

Our society talks about sex all day long. Even in the work place, discussions about body and sex are seriously prevalent (and I’d argue even for people who don’t work at CollegeCandy). With such frequent discussions about sexuality, I think there is a fine line between sexual harassment and otherwise. Sex has become a comfortable topic, no longer taboo.

I’ll go ahead and throw unnecessary boob fondling into the sexual harassment category. And while our angry airport goer is clearly far past the line (You can’t even see the line. The line is a dot to you!), I can’t say for sure what exactly said line is. Is commenting on a skinny employee’s weight okay? What about an unexpected hug from a coworker? Or a colleague asking another for a date more than once? I couldn’t tell you. And I’m not totally sure anyone could. Can you?

Like, I don’t know, the man who attempted to blow up a Northwest flight from Amsterdam to Detroit?

That’s right. Nine years after September 11^th we have yet another man somehow successfully sneaking an explosive past airport security.

Apparently, Umar Farouk Abdulmatullab tried to blow up the plane with a chemical compound and a syringe that he had sewn into his underwear. He ignited the explosives, effectively burning his legs and an itchy NWA blanket, and was then subdued by a passenger sitting nearby.

There are so many things wrong with this situation we really don’t know where to start.

First of all, the fact that this incident happened at all is terrible and extremely disappointing. Just when we’re finally feeling safe, some hateful, misinformed extremist goes and ruins it for the rest of us. Do I feel comfortable getting on a plane again? Hell no. Is this one man’s actions fair to the many people of Nigerian descent who will now be profiled in this country? Absolutely not.

Secondly, how the hell did this guy sneak explosive chemicals past airport security? I feel like I am being violated every time I enter an airport, and I am a little blonde girl who looks about 13-years-old.  I stand freezing my ass off on that linoleum tile in my leggings and tank, grumbling that they made me take off my Uggs. Then I get turned away by some bored TSA agent for having an extra ounce of Pantene in my carry-on and this guy (who happens to be on the terrorist watch list) waltzes right through with explosives tucked inside his tightie whities?

Good work, people.

This entire situation is a grim reminder of what we’re dealing with in the world. But even more, it’s a giant slap in the face to anyone and everyone who has to get on a plane in the near future. Now, because of this guy, traveling can be more annoying than it already is. Juuuuust great. We’re already down beverages, liquids and nail files, not to mention any dignity when those TSA agents fondle us with a wand. What’s next? Strip searches? No carry-ons at all?

I just hope this guy gets what he deserves. And what does one deserve for attempting to kill 290 innocent people on a plane and effectively ruin travel for millions of others? A life sentence. Sitting in a middle seat. By the bathroom. In the back row of a plane. During a storm. With nothing but a mini bag of pretzels.

Thank god for everyday heroes like Jasper Schurgina, who foiled Abdulmutallab’s plot and saved his fellow passengers. Without him, this story would have ended a lot differently.

Tom and Katie are still married…and happy.

Rhode Island mandates domestic violence education in schools.

Sarah Palin damns us all to hell. See ya there!

Lakisha Jones (from American Idol) got married…and everyone is really excited.

Leo can’t be anything but sexy.

No more sexy time for Brad and Angelina.

God, we wish we worked at airport security right about now.

Women don’t let this recession get in our way of beauty!

Justin Bobby and LC? NO WAY!

Happy (sorta) Birthday, Miley Cyrus!

Do you experience drunk-o-vision?

Amy Winehouse’s nose says, “I QUIT!”

Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz (fashion) emergency.

Did Joe Biden have a little work done? (We knew it!)

Last Tuesday, passengers aboard a Spirit Airlines jet flying from New York to Florida had a bit more to deal with than those impossible-to-open peanut bags.

Seems one of their fellow travelers had decided it was totally okay for him to shove a monkey into his hat and bring it aboard.

The strange, strange man, who had originally departed from Lima, Peru, somehow managed to hide the tiny creature “inside his ponytail” and underneath his cap while he boarded the plane, his cover blown only after the animal climbed out of it’s hiding place halfway through the trip.

This story obviously begs a few questions:

First, just how big was the man’s ponytail, and why did no one notice there was a monkey in it?

Second, how come I’m forced to practically strip before I board a plane, but this dude managed to smuggle a living creature onboard underneath a hat?

Thirdly, what kind of monkey is small enough to stow away inside human hair?

Sadly, there are no answers, just a nagging desire to see this hat-monkey, and the unavoidable cuteness it most likely possesses.