By now, everyone is looking forward to the summer. Thoughts of a pool, a raft and a cold beer are about the only things getting us through the hell that is finals week. But while I love me some summer sundresses and the prospect of a steamy summer fling, summer isn’t all rainbows and butterflies for me. Yes, this whiny girl with a Jew-fro has a bit of a bone to pick with summer.

Actually, I’ve got ten bones to pick. Not that I really understand what that little phrase means anyway. It’s sorta gross, right? Picking bones? All I can think about is that graveyard the hyenas hung out at in The Lion King.

Anyways, back to the list:

10. It’s really hot
Great for a day at the beach, not great for a day in New York City when you’re running late to your internship and have to stand in a 100 degree subway station (that always smells like pee) with zero breeze and you can feel the sweat start pooling on the back of your neck and between your boobs. By the time you get to work, your armpits are completely soaked through and you have to manually pull your thighs apart as they have molded into one thunder-thigh on the train. Read More »

There are famous scenes from movies depicting it. There are Facebook bumper stickers dedicated to it. There are songs that shout the praises of it. There are how to articles and, hell, it even has search results on Wikipedia. Yet for the entirety of my life, the closest I’d come to Sex on the Beach was double fisting them on Friday nights. This had to change.

With the advent of summer upon us, I decided it was high time I was no longer a sex on the beach virgin. I grabbed my manfriend (chuckle chuckle, Carrie Bradshaw) and headed to the shore.

It was a perfect night for just being at the beach, let alone hooking up. Full moon, light breeze and crashing waves. Very romance novel. So boyfriend and I wandered along the beach until we found a secluded(ish) spot.

When we got there, however, I found that I could have done with some good advice before embarking on this adventure. So for all you beach bunny virgins out there contemplating some sea-side action, here is what I wish my experienced girlfriends had told me:

Bring a Flashlight: Luckily for us, the moon was enormous and lit our way pretty well. I happen to be completely blind in the smallest amount of darkness, though, and was petrified of stepping on baby sea turtles. If it’s even semi-cloudy out, a small light should help you navigate. Read More »