Fact: These boys aren't from Alaska

You know when you meet a great guy and you really hit it off? Everything is going swimmingly and you’re starting to imagine the wedding and the kids and the white picket fence, when you reach between his legs and… womp, womp, womp… all your dreams come crashing down.

It turns out that your tube of Nars Orgasm lipstick is bigger than what that dreamboat is packing. And you had no idea.

Disappointment and shame to follow.

Well, women of the world rejoice! Manhunt Daily has offered you salvation. Now instead of asking guys their star sign to see if you’ll jive, you can learn all you need to by simply finding out where they were born.

Manhunt compiled a list of the states in order of largest to smallest average penis size. And topping the charts at a whopping 7.59 inches is Washington, D.C.!  That’s fitting; it takes some big cajones to run this country, and now it’s been confirmed that they got they’ve got the joystick to match. Read More »

Jon Gosselin’s got a new girlfriend!

Vegetarians make better lovers.

Was Michael Jackson murdered?!

Are you a suntan addict?

Vanessa Hudgens is growing up. Awww.

Boost that Wi-Fi signal yourself.

Sarah Palin really screws Alaska.

Matt Lauer has a run-in with Bambi.

Another reason it’s great not to live in Alaska.

Celebrities are really narcissitic.

Make your dreams come true.

Enough with the fluff – send an honest e-card. Read More »

So, the other infamous teen mother of 2008 – AKA not Jamie Lynn Spears – finally gave birth to a little Alaskan: Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. What a mouthfull (that’s what she said). You know what that means! No, the baby did not get his first pair of hunting boots (that we know 0f).

It means that it’s time to sell those baby pics to the highest bidder!

Looks like People magazine won the bidding war, offering the Palin-Johnston clan $300,000. That’s a lot of money, especially in Alaska where the only things you can buy are drugs, tanning beds and weapons. Maybe they’ll use the money to buy a helicoptor for some wolf hunting. Or maybe they’ll use it to bail Mama Johnston out of jail?

All I know is Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson must be feeling pretty crappy right about now. They got a big fat ZERO for pics of Bronx Mowgli.

Levi Johnston wants to set the record straight, alright?

Apparently sick and tired with what the media is doing to his image — crafting him into a stupid redneck who accidentally got Sarah Palin’s daughter preggo — Johnston decided to talk to the Associated Press about everything from his love of Bristol to what he really thinks of Barack.

“We both love each other,” Johnston told the AP about Bristol. “We both want to marry each other. And that’s what we are going to do.” When it comes to his new baby (due in December), Johnston seems just as equally “excited.”

“I’m looking forward to having [the baby], I’m going to take him hunting and fishing. He’ll be everywhere with me.”

As for that Myspace page that claimed Johnston was a proud redneck and didn’t want kids? Turns out his friends made it a year ago as a joke and he had nothing to do with it — I mean, so he says.

The author of the AP article writes that Levi is a “soft-spoken” scruffy hottie who’s also an “avid hunter” — he’s got animal skulls littering his Alaskan home. After learning that his gf was pregnant, Levi dropped out of high school and now works in the oil fields as an apprentice technician, doing all he can to make the dolla dolla bills for his new family. Read More »

[I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going gal, and try not to sweat the small stuff. But sometimes (ok, maybe slightly more often) the general cluelessness, carelessness and overall stupididty of some things and or/people really gets to me. I find that venting is the most efficient way to rid myself of the stress that idiots, wrong meal orders, lack of cell phone ettiquette and cheese flavored products (that don’t even contain any freaking cheese!) induce.

So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Did your roommate leave dirty dishes all over your kitchen? Did your 8 am professor ‘forget’ to tell you class was cancelled? Did some girl on her cell with bad high-lights and tacky bumper stickers that say “angel” and other clever things cut you off today? Let it all hang out. I feel you.] Read More »

The election is less than 4 weeks away, which, obvi, everyone knows since the campaign commercials/ mailings/ phone calls/ SNL skits are EVERYWHERE. All the time. I even hear “I am Barack Obama and I approve this message,” in my freaking SLEEP.

It’s crunch time and Barack Obama and John McCain are popping into new cities every day to tell Americans what they plan to do when they move into the Oval Office.

Which got us thinking.

We know that we could never run for president (there are waaaay too many Facebook albums that could be used as blackmail), but what if we could? So, we asked our writers to weigh in on their Presidential Plans: If they were elected president, what is the first thing they would do? Read More »

Breaking: We think we may have found the gift registry of Bristol Palin and her baby daddy.

As strange and funny as it is, we are seriously hoping this isn’t real. When your mom puts a tanning bed in the Governor’s Mansion, is it really crazy to assume you’d be registered at Pottery Barn Kids instead of JCPenny?

Not to mention the fact that this registry looks like it’s more for Bristol and Levi than it is for a baby. We can’t begin to fathom what a newborn would do with a Tin Can Alley Shooting Gallery.

Take a look at the probably fake but incredibly hil-arious registry HERE.

As I continue to try and wrap my head around Sarah Palin, the GOP’s newest Vice Presidential pick (“a woman making strides toward the white house, good!”, “a woman who thinks the government has the right to tell her what her reproductive rights are, bad!”), a few wayward comments flying around the internet and media have gotten me really confused.  According to sources, Palin is on record stating that global warming is not man made, and that polar bears aren’t endangered

…What?

“A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location.” Palin stated as early as a few weeks ago to a conservative magazine for it’s September issue. “I’m not one though who would attribute it to being man-made.”

As a moderate liberal, I can often support Republicans and Independents, as long as I believe their brain is in the right place. The thing is…denying humans have anything to do with global warming, and working to keep polar bears off the endangered list goes beyond politics and veers into …well…complete and utter wrongness. Read More »

That’s right. In a huge attempt to be relavant and completely go against his previous accusations against Obama for having little to no experience, McCain has just announced that his Vice President will be none other than Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. Palin is 44, has “former beauty queen” on her resume, has only been the governor for two years, and recently gave birth to her 5th child in April.

God knows how she’s going to be VP with 5 kids. One time I babysat 5 kids and couldn’t even pee without someone shoving a crayon in someone else’s eye, let alone help lead a country.

Perhaps Palin’s daily schedule will look a little something like this:

5:30AM: change diapers, wipe poop off of hands to read daily briefing, breast feed

6:30AM: feed and burp children, wipe baby puke off her Talbot’s dress, tell children to “stop playing with mommie’s pearls!”

10:30AM: get to office, notice wayward baby throw-up on shoe, talk to advisers Read More »